Self-therapy

November 12, 2019 1:40 PM

I can't get therapy. What's the next best option?

In terms of healing through the mechanisms at work in therapy, what is the next best alternative to therapy?

After several months of trying to see a therapist / get therapy, I just had an appointment with a woman who cried three times during our appointment, including nearly bursting into tears when I said I didn't like my body. (That was the least concerning part of our conversation! But. This visit is after scores of email and phone queries, several other first meetings, and one who I saw for a while but then scheduling made it impossible.)

So. I'm done with that, but I still want to feel better. I know that I need to eat well, sleep well, exercise, etc -- assume I have the basic self-care covered.

(I have also had, like, a fair amount of therapy, and I can recite CBT and DBT stuff without thinking. It's the doing part that's hard.)
(Please don't say keep trying; I can't. I just can't do the looking part, and the telling my whole story again to someone who turns out to cry because I am so miserable to her, or whatever.)

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (11 answers total)

This is a book used by my husband's therapist as "homework". It may be helpful to you.
posted by dpx.mfx at 1:45 PM on November 12, 2019

This book - details the feeling-thought patterns we get stuck in.

Be radically honest with yourself, judgment free. Examine your interactions with others and be radically honesty about what you felt and wanted and why you did what you did. The truth sets you free.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:50 PM on November 12, 2019 [3 favorites]

If you know what you SHOULD be doing as far as using CBT in identifying unproductive patterns but need something to prompt you to check in with yourself on a regular basis, maybe Woebot would be helpful? It's not necessarily therapy, but it can be a good tool to get you to check in on your thought patterns on a regular basis. It does start out with a lot of guided teachings but after a couple of weeks it settles into daily check-ins on your mental state. I think you can skip the teachings if you are already familiar and just use it in a kind of "problem solving" mode.
posted by Fuego at 1:57 PM on November 12, 2019 [1 favorite]

That therapist sounds like she's in the midst of a breakdown, and I just want to underline what I hope you already know: her behaviour wasn't normal. It isn't appropriate or reasonable or usual for any therapist to cry (especially multiple times!) during your appointment no matter what you said. Tearing up empathetically once in a while if something particularly surprising and raw comes up? Ok sure. But "bursting into tears", several times in a single session, after a client shares the kind of negative self-talk that's experienced by MANY people? Not Normal! I don't think it's a reflection on the depth of your problems. It really sounds abnormal and like the therapist is personally in crisis.

If you can find another therapist, that kind of fraught session is unlikely to ever happen again.

I am friends with many people who work as therapists and healthcare providers- often with clients who have absolutely devastating situations- and none of them cry during their sessions.

So please don't take her behaviour as indicative of what "therapy" is like. I know you don't want to hear "keep trying", but what if that actually is the answer? Truly, almost ANY other therapist IN THE WORLD would be able to be of more help to you than this person was at this clearly difficult time in her life!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:08 PM on November 12, 2019 [22 favorites]

Ive never had a therapist cry; wtf? I'm sorry you went through that.

I find it very therapeutic to watch videos and read forums geared toward others suffering with what I'm dealing with. I do this whether I'm in therapy or not.
posted by shaademaan at 2:15 PM on November 12, 2019 [1 favorite]

Someone once said, "Thoughts disentangle themselves as they pass over the lips and through the fingertips." You might consider journaling as a substitute for conventional therapy, either free-form or by responding to prompting questions.
posted by davcoo at 2:30 PM on November 12, 2019 [4 favorites]

For me the good part of therapy is having someone I can just tell the whole thing to and get it out of my head. Journaling at least captures that aspect of it. What's the good part of therapy for you? Do you have any fledgling friendships you can nourish? (Not so you can dump on those people but so you have an outlet for the intimacy of a therapy session).
posted by bleep at 2:43 PM on November 12, 2019

I also use an ACT workbook as a companion/adjunct to my therapy sessions. I quite like it.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 2:52 PM on November 12, 2019

Quirk is an app like woebot, that helps with putting CBT into practice.
posted by tinymegalo at 3:22 PM on November 12, 2019

What are you dealing with?
posted by salvia at 4:19 PM on November 12, 2019 [2 favorites]

I’m also not able to do therapy right now... but I would like to feel more mentally well and true to myself. So what I am doing is working my way through a checklist everyday:

Journal
Stretch
Mindfulness
Connect with someone
Read chapter of self help book
Affirmations
Eat well
Exercise
Take vitamins
Enrich myself somehow

I might try emdr at some point to clear some traumas.

I think after 3 more months of doing these things I’ll feelbetter, more confident and have clarity on some things I’m dealing with.
posted by catspajammies at 8:30 AM on November 13, 2019 [2 favorites]