Would I benefit from therapy?
October 2, 2019 2:49 AM Subscribe
So I am having a good year, things are mostly going well and I’m happy. Despite plenty of difficulties in the past I don’t have anything specific I would need to work on in therapy. Ironically I just found out about a therapy practice which does after hours in a good location in my city, and so I was wondering if it would be worth giving them a try.
I’m just not sure if I need therapy - I have my journal and AskMeFi to help me cope with my frustrations when they happen (thank you hive mind!). So given that the current status of my life is : going well, want to keep it that way, is it even worth looking at therapy? Is there a role for therapy in preventing unhappiness as opposed to solving it once it arises?
I’m just not sure if I need therapy - I have my journal and AskMeFi to help me cope with my frustrations when they happen (thank you hive mind!). So given that the current status of my life is : going well, want to keep it that way, is it even worth looking at therapy? Is there a role for therapy in preventing unhappiness as opposed to solving it once it arises?
I'm going to say yes, just based on a question you asked about learning emotional intelligence. A therapist is a great person to discuss specific experiences that you'd like to approach with an improved emotional skillset. A therapist can help you navigate the vissicitudes of life with more aplomb, if that's something you'd like to do.
posted by Thella at 3:57 AM on October 2, 2019
posted by Thella at 3:57 AM on October 2, 2019
I'm just some guy who just started going to therapy regularly a few months ago, so take this as you will...
My sense is that you should have something you want to work on in therapy. It can be big or small, easy or difficult – but you have to have a goal for the process.
Are you sure that there's nothing in your life that you want to improve? No areas of anxiety? No difficulties in your personal relationships? No areas where you feel unnecessarily limited or unable to reach your needs/desires? (Remember that we can sometimes get so used to these things that we forget they're even there.)
You mention "plenty of difficulties in the past". Now that you're doing better (congratulations!), it could be worthwhile simply to take a fresh look at your feelings, beliefs, assumptions, etc. around those past difficulties. One thing that I've discovered in therapy is that, years ago, I came to certain conclusions about myself and my place in the world. Over the years, I changed, and the world changed – but those conclusions went unexamined and unrevised. It took therapy to make me realize "huh; maybe this idea isn't true or useful anymore (or maybe it never was)". I imagine that we all have something like that.
If you're journaling, then spend some time journaling on the question: "what might I want to discuss in therapy?". That's what I would do, anyway.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 4:00 AM on October 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
My sense is that you should have something you want to work on in therapy. It can be big or small, easy or difficult – but you have to have a goal for the process.
Are you sure that there's nothing in your life that you want to improve? No areas of anxiety? No difficulties in your personal relationships? No areas where you feel unnecessarily limited or unable to reach your needs/desires? (Remember that we can sometimes get so used to these things that we forget they're even there.)
You mention "plenty of difficulties in the past". Now that you're doing better (congratulations!), it could be worthwhile simply to take a fresh look at your feelings, beliefs, assumptions, etc. around those past difficulties. One thing that I've discovered in therapy is that, years ago, I came to certain conclusions about myself and my place in the world. Over the years, I changed, and the world changed – but those conclusions went unexamined and unrevised. It took therapy to make me realize "huh; maybe this idea isn't true or useful anymore (or maybe it never was)". I imagine that we all have something like that.
If you're journaling, then spend some time journaling on the question: "what might I want to discuss in therapy?". That's what I would do, anyway.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 4:00 AM on October 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
I am a firm believer that everyone can benefit from therapy, at least at some point. Rather than preventing unhappiness, it can give you tools to work through stress in a more useful way. Unless it's an undue burden, why not give it a try and see how it goes?
There is SO much more stress in our day-to-day than we realize and our stress has only grown over years. Factors include money, jobs, work, relationships, friendships, social media, politics, economy, coworkers, domestic labor, children, health, etc.
Keep in mind, therapy is work. Some people find it helpful just as a sounding board. But in general, to make change in your life, you have to do the work. I also find it useful to really get at the core of what I'm feeling, and what my gut says, while allowing a third party to give me perspective.
posted by Crystalinne at 4:03 AM on October 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
There is SO much more stress in our day-to-day than we realize and our stress has only grown over years. Factors include money, jobs, work, relationships, friendships, social media, politics, economy, coworkers, domestic labor, children, health, etc.
Keep in mind, therapy is work. Some people find it helpful just as a sounding board. But in general, to make change in your life, you have to do the work. I also find it useful to really get at the core of what I'm feeling, and what my gut says, while allowing a third party to give me perspective.
posted by Crystalinne at 4:03 AM on October 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I think that EmpressCallipygos gives good advice above, but I'll add to this part:
But "what brings you here" is a question most therapists are going to ask you, and if your only answer is "I dunno, I just thought I'd try it" that may furrow some brows.
I have furrowed my therapist's brow thusly :) I, too, started therapy when I was doing relatively well. And it's taken me a while to figure out what I do want to work on. I've bounced around to a lot of different topics, and it's frustrated both myself and my therapist. But I've finally identified a specific, actionable concern, and (for me) the bouncing-around was a necessary part of the process. Knowing oneself is hard. Having a sounding board helps.
Like Empress says: you clearly have some interest, however vaguely defined, in attending therapy. Try to articulate the nature of that interest a bit more concretely (to yourself, for now). I think it's okay to go into therapy with only a loose idea of your goal, as long as you're willing to work to further define it.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 4:14 AM on October 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
But "what brings you here" is a question most therapists are going to ask you, and if your only answer is "I dunno, I just thought I'd try it" that may furrow some brows.
I have furrowed my therapist's brow thusly :) I, too, started therapy when I was doing relatively well. And it's taken me a while to figure out what I do want to work on. I've bounced around to a lot of different topics, and it's frustrated both myself and my therapist. But I've finally identified a specific, actionable concern, and (for me) the bouncing-around was a necessary part of the process. Knowing oneself is hard. Having a sounding board helps.
Like Empress says: you clearly have some interest, however vaguely defined, in attending therapy. Try to articulate the nature of that interest a bit more concretely (to yourself, for now). I think it's okay to go into therapy with only a loose idea of your goal, as long as you're willing to work to further define it.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 4:14 AM on October 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
What I tell people now: Until a year ago or so, I thought therapy was hooey. I was in good shape, mentally, and life was chugging along. Until it wasn't. And, hoo boy, it turns out I was very unprepared for life changes. I've been in therapy for about ten months now, and I think routinely how much better I could be handling things if I'd gone to therapy while I was still "healthy." Instead, I went to therapy out of desperation, in crisis, and I'm playing catch up. I get the impression that resiliency and other skills are much easier to integrate before circumstance decides to toss some bad times your way.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 4:57 AM on October 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 4:57 AM on October 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
The improvements from working on yourself don’t always have to be from bad to good. Sometimes they can be from good to better.
Is there a role for therapy in preventing unhappiness as opposed to solving it once it arises?
I don’t think anything can prevent occasional unhappiness, but having a good toolset can drastically reduce its length and intensity. Probably worth working on.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:30 AM on October 2, 2019
Is there a role for therapy in preventing unhappiness as opposed to solving it once it arises?
I don’t think anything can prevent occasional unhappiness, but having a good toolset can drastically reduce its length and intensity. Probably worth working on.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:30 AM on October 2, 2019
Hello there, dream client of mine! As a therapist I have never worked with someone who wasn’t in a crisis of one kind or another, because that’s what naturally drives people to seek help. But personally - IANYHypotheticalT, check with them first because yes some practitioners are more problem-and-solution-focused - I would love to work with someone who would just like to do some deeper self-discovery work, some reflection on their self-awareness, some greater existential-type personal exploration from a place of relative wellness and calm. Some people need therapy just to make it to the level of basic functioning, and it’s hugely important and rewarding work to facilitate someone on that journey. But if you’ve arrived at a place where you’re coping and managing and you have the emotional space to think “what’s the next step?” in your personal evolution then that is absolutely something you can bring to therapy. I for one would welcome that with open arms.
posted by billiebee at 6:50 AM on October 2, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by billiebee at 6:50 AM on October 2, 2019 [7 favorites]
If you have a body, you need a massage.
If you have a brain, you need therapy.
My two cents..
posted by PistachioRoux at 9:07 AM on October 2, 2019
If you have a brain, you need therapy.
My two cents..
posted by PistachioRoux at 9:07 AM on October 2, 2019
To clarify, I think it is totally fine if your ultimate reason for therapy is just "I'm actually pretty okay, but wanted a second opinion to see if I could do even better." I'm more encouraging you to articulate more of a reason for why you dropped in aside from "I was just curious".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:19 AM on October 2, 2019
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:19 AM on October 2, 2019
I've done a couple rounds of therapy in the past and lately I've been feeling like I could benefit from going back, even though I'm doing pretty well. I know that I have a hard time admitting when I have a problem until it's really obvious, and that having a kind person asking me to talk about myself will help bring up the stuff I don't want to deal with before it's a major problem. I've been depressed in the past, and I think my metric for "issue is making you unhappy and needs attention" is a little wonky from that.
It might be helpful to think about what your ideal life would be like, how your current life is different from that, and how an outside, unbiased perspective might help you get from here to there.
posted by momus_window at 9:36 AM on October 2, 2019
It might be helpful to think about what your ideal life would be like, how your current life is different from that, and how an outside, unbiased perspective might help you get from here to there.
posted by momus_window at 9:36 AM on October 2, 2019
The thing I've been picking up in my own therapies is that there are these kind of nebulous "levels" (as I refer to them), that can get deeper and deeper into your psyche as you're committed to walking down that mental staircase.
For me, I spent a lot of time at level 1 - actually in regular CBT talk therapy, talking about my day-to-day, things that are bringing me down, causing me to act in ways that maybe aren't in my best interest, etc.. Surface level stuff.
I got down to the next level of seeing a psychiatrist and getting diagnosed and on some super helpful medication thanks to the safe space I was in at level 1, and all of a sudden I was at level 2 - still doing the talk therapy but complementing it with meds that really became life changing for me.
It was easy to stay at level 2 for a while because things were *so much better* than they had been before I started any therapy at all. But in hindsight, I kind of wish my therapists had pushed me to take the next step a little faster.
Level 3 for me was making some big life decisions - cutting out some abusive nuclear family members that were toxic for my own immediate family and my life in general. Among other things. Point being I got to a place where I could start making healthy decisions for me and my own family that I wouldn't have been able to make with out the enablers of L1/2.
Being at L3 for a while got me comfortable with the idea of exploring EMDR therapy, which, from my cursory research, is an area of psychotherapy that we know from the research works, even if we're not sure how it rewires the brain. At L0-2 I probably would have balked at the idea of me even *needing* something like that, much less benefiting immensely from it. Which I happen to be, at the moment - I'm uncovering memories related to childhood traumas that I didn't even knew I had. It's insane. But it is explaining so much about my daily life and just who I am as a person in my 40's. It's enabling me to show up better as a husband, father, employee, friend, you name it.
At this point I'm excited to keep doing the work at the level that I'm at, but then begin to lean into the work and take it to another level. I haven't even explored what that would look like, but I'm very sold on the idea of "It's OK to not be OK" and that there are ways to get better, and have a better experience of life in general because of the massive perspective you've been able to give yourself.
I'm all in. It's work but the work is absolutely worth it.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:40 AM on October 2, 2019
For me, I spent a lot of time at level 1 - actually in regular CBT talk therapy, talking about my day-to-day, things that are bringing me down, causing me to act in ways that maybe aren't in my best interest, etc.. Surface level stuff.
I got down to the next level of seeing a psychiatrist and getting diagnosed and on some super helpful medication thanks to the safe space I was in at level 1, and all of a sudden I was at level 2 - still doing the talk therapy but complementing it with meds that really became life changing for me.
It was easy to stay at level 2 for a while because things were *so much better* than they had been before I started any therapy at all. But in hindsight, I kind of wish my therapists had pushed me to take the next step a little faster.
Level 3 for me was making some big life decisions - cutting out some abusive nuclear family members that were toxic for my own immediate family and my life in general. Among other things. Point being I got to a place where I could start making healthy decisions for me and my own family that I wouldn't have been able to make with out the enablers of L1/2.
Being at L3 for a while got me comfortable with the idea of exploring EMDR therapy, which, from my cursory research, is an area of psychotherapy that we know from the research works, even if we're not sure how it rewires the brain. At L0-2 I probably would have balked at the idea of me even *needing* something like that, much less benefiting immensely from it. Which I happen to be, at the moment - I'm uncovering memories related to childhood traumas that I didn't even knew I had. It's insane. But it is explaining so much about my daily life and just who I am as a person in my 40's. It's enabling me to show up better as a husband, father, employee, friend, you name it.
At this point I'm excited to keep doing the work at the level that I'm at, but then begin to lean into the work and take it to another level. I haven't even explored what that would look like, but I'm very sold on the idea of "It's OK to not be OK" and that there are ways to get better, and have a better experience of life in general because of the massive perspective you've been able to give yourself.
I'm all in. It's work but the work is absolutely worth it.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:40 AM on October 2, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
Then again, you are considering doing this, instead of just having heard about the therapy practice in your area and shrugging and saying "that's nice", you're actually considering checking them out. What I mean is: if this was, like, a cosmetic-surgery practice that had after-hours sessions, you wouldn't be contemplating a nose job just because "great, I could actually squeeze that in after work". You'd just be saying "that's nice, but not relevant to me." Here, though, you are considering it. I'd think for a bit about why you didn't shrug and say "that's nice, but not relevant to me" in this particular case; that may uncover some questions you want to explore a bit.
When you have those thoughts uncovered, then I'd try therapy.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:50 AM on October 2, 2019 [4 favorites]