Sensitivity about being the “face of diversity”
July 31, 2019 7:30 PM Subscribe
I don’t know who else to ask objectively, but I am beyond frustrated. I was asked to be the face of diversity for an all white-identifying volunteer group. Am I being too sensitive in my reaction? POC and IBPOC perspectives especially welcome.
Today has been incredibly frustrating. On top of offensive comments made about racial and religious minorities at my work place by my own boss (which I now feel like I have to confront her about), my volunteer group has added another nail to the coffin of my emotions.
I volunteer as an advisor for a group. I am the only visible and identifying person of color. I am visibly brown. The group leader asked another volunteer to ask me to be the face of their promotional videos and materials for fundraising because “some diversity would be great, and we would like to be portrayed as diverse.” This was said in a text which was shown to me.
I am....pissed. I am all for diversity and inclusion but something doesn’t feel right about this. I don’t know if it’s a culmination of what happened at work and then this, but something about this doesn’t sit OK with me. I guess it didn’t sit OK with the other volunteer, because they told me about it and how uncomfortable they felt.
A large part of me wants to stop serving as advisor (for a subject matter that is not on diversity, I’m not their diversity teacher) for the group because of this and give the leader a piece of my mind. I didn’t really feel like I was a core piece of the group anyways. Another volunteer I was talking to about this thinks I’m being too sensitive, but I also think they don’t understand being treated as a token. My question partly is this something I’m being too heated and sensitive about? Another part of me just wants permission to stop advising in this manner and just help out here and there. What would be a good next action?
Today has been incredibly frustrating. On top of offensive comments made about racial and religious minorities at my work place by my own boss (which I now feel like I have to confront her about), my volunteer group has added another nail to the coffin of my emotions.
I volunteer as an advisor for a group. I am the only visible and identifying person of color. I am visibly brown. The group leader asked another volunteer to ask me to be the face of their promotional videos and materials for fundraising because “some diversity would be great, and we would like to be portrayed as diverse.” This was said in a text which was shown to me.
I am....pissed. I am all for diversity and inclusion but something doesn’t feel right about this. I don’t know if it’s a culmination of what happened at work and then this, but something about this doesn’t sit OK with me. I guess it didn’t sit OK with the other volunteer, because they told me about it and how uncomfortable they felt.
A large part of me wants to stop serving as advisor (for a subject matter that is not on diversity, I’m not their diversity teacher) for the group because of this and give the leader a piece of my mind. I didn’t really feel like I was a core piece of the group anyways. Another volunteer I was talking to about this thinks I’m being too sensitive, but I also think they don’t understand being treated as a token. My question partly is this something I’m being too heated and sensitive about? Another part of me just wants permission to stop advising in this manner and just help out here and there. What would be a good next action?
No one needs to be a token. Ever. And if the group would like to be seen as more diverse then they can do the leg work required to actually be more diverse.
"I didn't really feel like I was a core piece of the group anyways.
If this is pretty representative of how you feel then, oh my, you are under no obligation to put up with aaaaany of this. Especially the part about being treated as a (misrepresentative no less) token. It is not your job to make anyone else feel better about failing to treat you with basic respect and dignity.
If you are somewhat attached to the work maybe you find a way to push through. Blech, lots of us do. But there's absolutely no responsibility to do so.
You don't owe any bigot the opportunity to feel better.
posted by mce at 7:41 PM on July 31, 2019 [7 favorites]
"I didn't really feel like I was a core piece of the group anyways.
If this is pretty representative of how you feel then, oh my, you are under no obligation to put up with aaaaany of this. Especially the part about being treated as a (misrepresentative no less) token. It is not your job to make anyone else feel better about failing to treat you with basic respect and dignity.
If you are somewhat attached to the work maybe you find a way to push through. Blech, lots of us do. But there's absolutely no responsibility to do so.
You don't owe any bigot the opportunity to feel better.
posted by mce at 7:41 PM on July 31, 2019 [7 favorites]
You are not being too sensitive.
What will be the consequences if you refuse?
If the fallout would be acceptable, I'd say something like, "I'm sorry. That's not what I'm here for. You should ask someone else."
And if they reply that they don't have anyone else, I'd probably suggest hiring a model. (But I do dumb things, so that's not necessarily a recommendation.)
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 7:49 PM on July 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
What will be the consequences if you refuse?
If the fallout would be acceptable, I'd say something like, "I'm sorry. That's not what I'm here for. You should ask someone else."
And if they reply that they don't have anyone else, I'd probably suggest hiring a model. (But I do dumb things, so that's not necessarily a recommendation.)
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 7:49 PM on July 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
It sounds like the crappy racisim at your job is making it harder to swallow the tokenistic diversity attempts at your volunteer group. I* have friends who are still the "face" of their college admissions catalog, years after they graduated, because they are clearly brown, but a nicely ambiguous mixed ethnicity kind of brown. College students of color have also been famously photoshopped into "the big football game" photos to make schools look more inclusive. If I was in your place, I would ask the organization what they are DOING to increase diversity and support those volunteers who are not white. Could they hire someone to do diversity trainings, maybe on microaggressions? How are they living out their desire to be portrayed as a diverse org, or is perception all they want. I think you can challenge them a bit on this, and see how they respond. Your face would be used to represent the org, you want to make sure that your values are also represented by the org.
*I'm Asian American and currently working in higher education, so I'm generally "over-represented" at least visually in many academic settings (though not in tenured faculty!)
posted by spamandkimchi at 7:51 PM on July 31, 2019 [4 favorites]
*I'm Asian American and currently working in higher education, so I'm generally "over-represented" at least visually in many academic settings (though not in tenured faculty!)
posted by spamandkimchi at 7:51 PM on July 31, 2019 [4 favorites]
If you're thinking about leaving anyway, you're in a great position to give a (gently phrased) ultimatum: If you want to be diverse, do something like *this*. Otherwise, I'm feeling like a cosmetic token which isn't any fun for me, and I want to find a volunteer activity that helps the world and makes me feel good.
posted by amtho at 7:54 PM on July 31, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by amtho at 7:54 PM on July 31, 2019 [9 favorites]
It would be a 100% valid choice to tell the person who asked you "I am uncomfortable being the dace of diversity when this org is so un-diverse I'm the only non-white person in it. Sorry*, but absolutely not."
*Sorry-not-sorry.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:13 PM on July 31, 2019 [18 favorites]
*Sorry-not-sorry.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:13 PM on July 31, 2019 [18 favorites]
Nope. This is using your face to intentionally lie to the public about their diversity. The intentionality of it would make me wonder if I should stay in the group. "No, that isn't appropriate" is about as polite as I would be, and I would be more than ready to get ruder if pushed.
I've been the "token women" in the photograph, as I work in a field that is historically male. But a photo with one woman and three men in it is a fairly accurate representation of my working groups, so I'm not misleading anyone with my token-ness.
posted by kjs4 at 10:17 PM on July 31, 2019 [4 favorites]
I've been the "token women" in the photograph, as I work in a field that is historically male. But a photo with one woman and three men in it is a fairly accurate representation of my working groups, so I'm not misleading anyone with my token-ness.
posted by kjs4 at 10:17 PM on July 31, 2019 [4 favorites]
What a crappy thing to do to someone!
Depending on how you feel, you can decline to the colleague that was tasked to approach you or have a more direct conversation with the mastermind of this idea.
You are the one with the power—don’t forget that.
Is the group leader the only one with this attitude towards you? It is something to consider while you think about staying or leaving.
posted by calgirl at 12:31 AM on August 1, 2019
Depending on how you feel, you can decline to the colleague that was tasked to approach you or have a more direct conversation with the mastermind of this idea.
You are the one with the power—don’t forget that.
Is the group leader the only one with this attitude towards you? It is something to consider while you think about staying or leaving.
posted by calgirl at 12:31 AM on August 1, 2019
This group sounds pretty messed up, to be honest.
It sounds like a very draining volunteer gig even without any "face of diversity" nonsense. It would be okay to quit, and if you do quit, I think it would be okay (if it didn't burn a lot of career bridges) to write an open letter to the group about your experience and how this isn't "diversity". The director sounds like a lost cause, but some of the other members might take in what you're saying. Obviously don't if it's too much, but since you're thinking of giving the director a piece of your mind, and it seems like it might be wasted on the director.
posted by Frowner at 4:16 AM on August 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
It sounds like a very draining volunteer gig even without any "face of diversity" nonsense. It would be okay to quit, and if you do quit, I think it would be okay (if it didn't burn a lot of career bridges) to write an open letter to the group about your experience and how this isn't "diversity". The director sounds like a lost cause, but some of the other members might take in what you're saying. Obviously don't if it's too much, but since you're thinking of giving the director a piece of your mind, and it seems like it might be wasted on the director.
posted by Frowner at 4:16 AM on August 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
Decline, and tell them that if they want to be portrayed as diverse, then they should work to actually be diverse.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:26 AM on August 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:26 AM on August 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
My question partly is this something I’m being too heated and sensitive about?
Oh my gods no. This is some straight-up bullshit. As mentioned, they are trying to use you to lie. If this was a truly diverse organization, they would have no need for a "face" of diversity - they could just use candid shots from workshops or events, showing happy diverse workers, for publicity. They can't do that because they have never put the work in, so they want to use you to fake it.
I think you have a few possible next steps. These range from:
*"just help out here and there" - a totally valid option. It sounds like these people aren't paying you? Then you get to decide the terms of engagement.
*work to help them genuinely increase the organization's diversity. This is like, the opposite of just helping out, but if you want to point your anger in that direction you're free to do so (though it might be more of the same bullshit, sometimes people are willing to work with that).
*confront them about the lie they're asking you to do. They probably are clueless about what they have really said, you could enlighten them if you choose.
*don't confront them, just turn them down with a little white lie. Sorry, you're busy. You're not obligated to clue them in if you don't want to.
All of these are valid, IMO, depends on what you feel like you want out of the situation. But yeah, you are right to feel pissed. I'd be pissed too.
posted by epanalepsis at 5:51 AM on August 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
Oh my gods no. This is some straight-up bullshit. As mentioned, they are trying to use you to lie. If this was a truly diverse organization, they would have no need for a "face" of diversity - they could just use candid shots from workshops or events, showing happy diverse workers, for publicity. They can't do that because they have never put the work in, so they want to use you to fake it.
I think you have a few possible next steps. These range from:
*"just help out here and there" - a totally valid option. It sounds like these people aren't paying you? Then you get to decide the terms of engagement.
*work to help them genuinely increase the organization's diversity. This is like, the opposite of just helping out, but if you want to point your anger in that direction you're free to do so (though it might be more of the same bullshit, sometimes people are willing to work with that).
*confront them about the lie they're asking you to do. They probably are clueless about what they have really said, you could enlighten them if you choose.
*don't confront them, just turn them down with a little white lie. Sorry, you're busy. You're not obligated to clue them in if you don't want to.
All of these are valid, IMO, depends on what you feel like you want out of the situation. But yeah, you are right to feel pissed. I'd be pissed too.
posted by epanalepsis at 5:51 AM on August 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
Goddam. How racist. And also, how crass, and how complacent. I think you should tell the volunteer group exactly what you think about their proposal - take time to write it all down before you speak to anyone, use temperate language but make your points precisely and accurately. Follow up with email or a letter. And challenge these doofuses by asking what skills and qualities you bring to the organisation, apart from being their token person of colour.
Of course, it may not suit you to do this, it's up to you. But if you don't, I think it will be very hard to let go of all the anger, and the sense of hurt, and the shock that they are so unaware of themselves. Source: some fucker once asked me if I would take part in their art project otherwise they were unlikely to get funding due to not being able to show diversity (in a very diverse city.) But that was thirty years ago! And I still regret that I didn't have the skills (confrontation) or the vocabulary, or the experience, to tell them what for.
posted by glasseyes at 6:25 AM on August 1, 2019
Of course, it may not suit you to do this, it's up to you. But if you don't, I think it will be very hard to let go of all the anger, and the sense of hurt, and the shock that they are so unaware of themselves. Source: some fucker once asked me if I would take part in their art project otherwise they were unlikely to get funding due to not being able to show diversity (in a very diverse city.) But that was thirty years ago! And I still regret that I didn't have the skills (confrontation) or the vocabulary, or the experience, to tell them what for.
posted by glasseyes at 6:25 AM on August 1, 2019
I mean, volunteering is a conscious and ethical action you decided to do. What they have asked you to do is consent to being portrayed in public as the object of their oh-so-gracious condescension and inclusion, you being a brown person and all. It erases your self-determination, your personhood and your principles. It's appalling.
In my comment above, the experience I didn't have was the experience of racism, as I was new in England. I knew there was some weird things happening around me socially but I didn't have a framework to put them in. And I certainly didn't have the vocabulary to understand, far less describe, the structural dynamic of racism and the fact that the request itself illustrates how uninclusive the organisation is, as people have been discussing above. And it still stings.
posted by glasseyes at 6:42 AM on August 1, 2019
In my comment above, the experience I didn't have was the experience of racism, as I was new in England. I knew there was some weird things happening around me socially but I didn't have a framework to put them in. And I certainly didn't have the vocabulary to understand, far less describe, the structural dynamic of racism and the fact that the request itself illustrates how uninclusive the organisation is, as people have been discussing above. And it still stings.
posted by glasseyes at 6:42 AM on August 1, 2019
The only context I can see that request being intended in good faith (but to be clear still a terribly tokenistic request by the group leader and absolutely not an obligation for you) is if there is, say, a scholarship offered by this organization that is perceived as not being available to students of color due to the perception of the organization. In that case, at least changing the perception might be beneficial to potential applicants.
Otherwise, it's just a self-serving request to have you do all of the heavy lifting of changing the perception of the organization. Arguably, doing it is even potentially causing harm to others who might view it as an actually inclusive organization (if participating actually potentially subjects them to this kind of behavior). Ug. I'm sorry.
posted by past unusual at 6:56 AM on August 1, 2019
Otherwise, it's just a self-serving request to have you do all of the heavy lifting of changing the perception of the organization. Arguably, doing it is even potentially causing harm to others who might view it as an actually inclusive organization (if participating actually potentially subjects them to this kind of behavior). Ug. I'm sorry.
posted by past unusual at 6:56 AM on August 1, 2019
What they did to you was racist, shitty, rude, and puts you on the spot with no graceful way to say no. I have no doubt they THINK they're making a reasonable request and that you "probably won't mind" because whiteness is a hell of a drug.
You do not have any obligation to turn this into a teachable moment, but if you are going to continue to work with them - which, obviously, this work means something to you or at least has up until now, they may have ruined it for you - you're stuck either saying something or contorting yourself to give a non-confrontational no and they will do something like this again to you in a few weeks when their short-term memory recycles. And they may be even shittier next time, emboldened by you not "seeming" to take offense, because the bar gets set at what they get away with, not what they internally sense is not appropriate.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:42 AM on August 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
You do not have any obligation to turn this into a teachable moment, but if you are going to continue to work with them - which, obviously, this work means something to you or at least has up until now, they may have ruined it for you - you're stuck either saying something or contorting yourself to give a non-confrontational no and they will do something like this again to you in a few weeks when their short-term memory recycles. And they may be even shittier next time, emboldened by you not "seeming" to take offense, because the bar gets set at what they get away with, not what they internally sense is not appropriate.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:42 AM on August 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
“some diversity would be great, and we would like to be portrayed as diverse.”
I'm a white person, and if I became aware of this sort of request at an organization I was volunteering (or otherwise associated) with, I would demand immediate change. If they want to do the hard work of changing their operations to attract and retain diverse participants, great, but that work does not include lying about already having done it and hoping that anyone who volunteers based on that lie just doesn't notice.
posted by solotoro at 9:13 AM on August 1, 2019
I'm a white person, and if I became aware of this sort of request at an organization I was volunteering (or otherwise associated) with, I would demand immediate change. If they want to do the hard work of changing their operations to attract and retain diverse participants, great, but that work does not include lying about already having done it and hoping that anyone who volunteers based on that lie just doesn't notice.
posted by solotoro at 9:13 AM on August 1, 2019
I'm an old white guy, and even I can see that you have every right to be pissed. They are so far out of line with this request and the way they framed it. It's not my place to offer you advice about what to do, and I would not second-guess whatever you do. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:26 AM on August 1, 2019
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:26 AM on August 1, 2019
You are not being too sensitive. It breaks my heart a little to read how much you are doubting yourself here. The answer to their request is, of course, no. The reason is that it is an offensive request. It is objectively offensive, and it also offended you personally.
Look, there are aspects of societal and institutional racism that really can be challenging for white people* to wrap their heads around unless they really work on it with a willingness to tolerate discomfort. This situation is not an example of that. This was not some sort of subconscious nuanced microaggression. Your fellow volunteer who showed you the text could readily see how inappropriate it is to single out the only visible POC and use you for your skin color to win some shallow PR points. (I am not suggesting that your fellow volunteer's discomfort is "proof" that validates the legitimacy of your frustration. Quite the opposite. The other volunteer who thinks that you are being oversensitive is wrong. You are right. This request is gross.)
If you feel like you want to step back from the organization, I think that's a perfectly understandable decision and not an overreaction.
* I am a white person who is female and queer. So, I've been the dolt who didn't always notice racial prejudice and also the "oversensitive" one "whining" about sexism or "political correctness."
posted by desuetude at 10:13 AM on August 1, 2019
Look, there are aspects of societal and institutional racism that really can be challenging for white people* to wrap their heads around unless they really work on it with a willingness to tolerate discomfort. This situation is not an example of that. This was not some sort of subconscious nuanced microaggression. Your fellow volunteer who showed you the text could readily see how inappropriate it is to single out the only visible POC and use you for your skin color to win some shallow PR points. (I am not suggesting that your fellow volunteer's discomfort is "proof" that validates the legitimacy of your frustration. Quite the opposite. The other volunteer who thinks that you are being oversensitive is wrong. You are right. This request is gross.)
If you feel like you want to step back from the organization, I think that's a perfectly understandable decision and not an overreaction.
* I am a white person who is female and queer. So, I've been the dolt who didn't always notice racial prejudice and also the "oversensitive" one "whining" about sexism or "political correctness."
posted by desuetude at 10:13 AM on August 1, 2019
Not too sensitive! Yikes. It sounds like you have a valuable skill set to offer as a volunteer and while I don't know where you're living, there are probably options to volunteer for a different org that has made an actual commitment to diversity and anti-racism. I'd try to go and get involved there. Dealing with racism and microaggressions in the workplace is already bad enough, but to also have to deal with it in your volunteer life? No, that's no good. If you leave and you feel up to it, I'd write a letter to the board or organization heads with an honest review of why you're leaving (lack of meaningful commitment to diversity, tokenization, and not making anti-racism a core value among all volunteers and members). Then, I'd make it clear that I'm not there to hand-hold them through doing better. There are resources out there if they bother to look.
posted by quince at 1:20 PM on August 1, 2019
posted by quince at 1:20 PM on August 1, 2019
Came in to say something similar to past unusual. If the purpose of appearing more diverse is to try to make the group actually more diverse, I think it is okay to have asked you.
I actually did something like with a few of my staff who are POC. I told everyone straight up that it's my goal to have a more diverse staff, and that I want our web site and other publicity to show that we employ people of colour so that other POC will know they are welcome here. I asked for volunteers to appear in our publicity materials. Three years later, we have doubled POC on staff (from 15% to 30%). (We did other things too, not just photos of POC.)
In your case, it was handled in such a clumsy and cavalier way that my guess it they just want to appear diverse without actually being diverse. From what you've written, I can't tell what their motives are, but they are probably shitty. I don't think you're being too sensitive, but if you're unsure about their motives, it might be worth a conversation to find out.
(I am cis white woman.)
posted by Frenchy67 at 10:03 AM on August 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
I actually did something like with a few of my staff who are POC. I told everyone straight up that it's my goal to have a more diverse staff, and that I want our web site and other publicity to show that we employ people of colour so that other POC will know they are welcome here. I asked for volunteers to appear in our publicity materials. Three years later, we have doubled POC on staff (from 15% to 30%). (We did other things too, not just photos of POC.)
In your case, it was handled in such a clumsy and cavalier way that my guess it they just want to appear diverse without actually being diverse. From what you've written, I can't tell what their motives are, but they are probably shitty. I don't think you're being too sensitive, but if you're unsure about their motives, it might be worth a conversation to find out.
(I am cis white woman.)
posted by Frenchy67 at 10:03 AM on August 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm not a POC, but I use a wheelchair. If I worked somewhere who asked me to be the face of diversity and made sure to position me so the wheels were showing, I wouldn't worry if I was overreacting. I would worry if it was underreacting.
If I were to be in such a situation, I would first explain to the leader of the volunteer group exactly, in no uncertain terms, why their ask was incredibly unacceptable, unprofessional, offensive, insulting, immoral, and any other similar words that happened to spew forth from my furious mouth.
I would then proceed to my boss' office, explain to them why their offensive statements had been offensive, unprofessional, unacceptable, immoral, insulting, and had opened him and the company to one mother of a lawsuit I would be speaking with my lawyer about in less than 15 minutes. And on my way out the door, I wouldn't even bother turning my chair back around to tell them I quit.
TL;DR - Burn. It. Down.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 1:23 PM on August 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
If I were to be in such a situation, I would first explain to the leader of the volunteer group exactly, in no uncertain terms, why their ask was incredibly unacceptable, unprofessional, offensive, insulting, immoral, and any other similar words that happened to spew forth from my furious mouth.
I would then proceed to my boss' office, explain to them why their offensive statements had been offensive, unprofessional, unacceptable, immoral, insulting, and had opened him and the company to one mother of a lawsuit I would be speaking with my lawyer about in less than 15 minutes. And on my way out the door, I wouldn't even bother turning my chair back around to tell them I quit.
TL;DR - Burn. It. Down.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 1:23 PM on August 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by windykites at 7:41 PM on July 31, 2019 [41 favorites]