Strategies for success in a conservative, aggressive work environment

April 26, 2019 11:35 PM

I’m a 40-something white woman director in a small niche consulting firm looking for books, strategies, and advice on how to skill up to deal with a negatively changing work culture in a positive way. As leadership changes in my company create a shift toward a more aggressive culture that rewards dominance rather than cooperation, how can I respond in a productive way that enhance my reputation and effectiveness? I'm also interested in executive coaches who specialize in working with women.

The company I work for was woman-founded and used to be woman-led, but following a series of acquisitions is now led mostly by younger, less experienced, aggressive (white, obviously) men focused on their own accomplishments and careers. The last of the "old guard" of women executives has gone on what looks to be a permanent medical leave, and I feel like some negative changes I have noticed in our culture are solidifying and/or accelerating.

There is an ideal or stated culture of collaboration at the company, but in practice there ends up being a small group of men using strategies to hog airtime and keep attention on themselves. These strategies include interrupting others, answering questions that are in others' areas of expertise (e.g., literally saying, "Sansa could answer this better, but yakity yak yak yak" while Sansa is in the room), asking a lot of questions/demanding answers of others/expecting to have full information about all aspects of the business, chiming in after someone else's comment that they had the same idea and then repeating it, etc. These behaviors are coming from people who are peers - at the same organizational level as me - or occasionally a level down. Executives (the level above me) tend to be more respectful and inclusive in their communication, but this example hasn't rubbed off on my peers and executives don't enforce a more respectful communication style with directors and managers.

I think this behavior is mostly a result of inexperience rather than bad intentions. They haven't made the transition from how to behave to get noticed as individual contributors to how to behave as leaders to ensure that all team members get heard, and we don't have a lot of seasoned leaders or executives to do the kind of coaching or cultural or organizational development that would curtail those behaviors.

There's also an aspect of conservatism at work here. One of the chief offenders trained at a Southern Baptist seminary (completely unrelated to his job), and is definitely using some dominance-establishing behaviors learned there (I think he would think of them as leadership behaviors). Although we are not at all a religious or political organization, the leadership at all levels has trended more conservative over time, and I think that carries with it unspoken values about who really gets to lead and speak (men), regardless of actual titles or roles.

My boss is an executive and is supportive of me in a very hands-off way. Coaching, people management, and organizational development are all way outside his areas of comfort or expertise. He thinks my work is good and goes to bat for me in terms of reputation and resources within the organization, but I can't go to him for advice or "moral support" in dealing with these issues, and he doesn't see dealing with the organization's culture as a part of his job.

As a senior leader, I have some responsibility and ability to impact the organization's culture, so while finding another job is a possibility, there are dudes like this everywhere and I want to get a better handle on how to deal with this. I have spent most of my career in majority-women environments where there was a lot of emphasis on making sure everyone was able to contribute and be heard, so I am underskilled in dealing with this particular brand of crap and haven't dealt with it very effectively so far (mostly ignored or expected execs to address, which they have not). I'm looking for resources: books, blogs, podcasts, websites, strategies, girl gangs, executive coaches, etc. that have worked for you in dealing with similar issues.

Throwaway email: [e-mail]

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (4 answers total)

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work is a practical book about gender dynamics. It was written by a professor of linguistics at Georgetown. It's slightly dated but still very applicable. An executive coach recommended it to me when I faced a similar dynamic at work.

For strategies, there are 2 options: change the environment or adapt yourself. Both suck. You'll have to choose how far you're willing to change yourself in order to succeed.

An old boys' club values seniority. You may need to use yours. Over time I've learned to be much more direct when people (almost always men) are behaving inappropriately. If your junior colleagues continue, you can pull them aside for a private chat with you or with a male executive who gets it. I would point out that it makes them less effective at work and with clients. Some of those colleagues will resent you. That is OK. Their opinion is worth next to nothing. I'm sure your client results and competence will make that clear.

I knew a wonderful female executive who would only work with male executives who were supportive, even if she had to teach them to be. She refused to change her own style and she found a way to make it work by asking her direct supervisor to be results-focused and not style-focused. Her boss became an advocate (and was also married to an ambitious woman, which helped). You can try the same by educating your boss about culture and making it clear that this is critical to retaining you.
posted by hotchocolate at 12:52 AM on April 27, 2019 [4 favorites]

I have read probably a couple of dozen books aimed at people in roughly your situation, and here are the ones I found most useful. Some of them have kind of cringe-inducing titles/framing, but their substance is sold.

What Works for Women at Work: Four Patterns Working Women Need to Know

The Secret Handshake: Mastering the Politics of the Business Inner Circle

It's All Politics: Winning in a World Where Hard Work and Talent Aren't Enough

Political Savvy: Systematic Approaches to Leadership Behind the Scenes

Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success

Good luck!
posted by Susan PG at 8:51 AM on April 27, 2019 [6 favorites]

This night me a good question to post to /r/askwomenover30 in reddit as well. Good luck!
posted by shaademaan at 9:24 AM on April 27, 2019

I'm F, 58 y/o, been in engineering and product development my whole career. In my early career, at one point, I was one of two women engineers in a lab of about 50 people. I got promoted in that job and was the first woman engineer to be promoted on that site of over 2000 employees. I have been in engineering management for > 25 years, and I'm often the only woman in the room in high level meetings or meetingswith customers.

I've mentioned this book elsewhere on MeFi. I hate the title, and I don't follow all of the advice but it is pretty accurate in my experience: Play like a man, Win like a woman.
posted by elmay at 9:41 AM on April 27, 2019 [3 favorites]