How to overcome developer's block? (Or is it burnout?)
April 15, 2019 11:25 PM Subscribe
Recently, I've been getting very little work done, despite an abundance of it to be done, and flexible, reasonable working conditions. How do I escape this rut?
I work remotely as a software developer, often in a (very) different timezone from my coworkers. We don't make much contact beyond text updates in our project management app—which I like, being a pretty reserved introvert. The work is moderately challenging, but not enough to have made me feel overwhelmed in the past couple years of this job.
I know intellectually that I should work. I've reasoned with myself countless times, threatening myself with what will happen if I don't get enough done.
But... Many of the times I sit down and start looking at a ticket or think about some code, I feel this dread in my throat or my stomach.
Then I do anything to avoid working, even averting my gaze from my work laptop.
"I'm going to rest and start working once I'm less tired." (I slept in, and didn't.)
"I'll watch this YouTube video and start working at [the next half hour mark]." (I did, but then started another one.)
Even if I am working, I get frustrated and distracted more easily than before when doing something proves to be tricky.
Breaking down the project and enumerating in more detail what I have to do only helped a bit, before I started looking at the list and feeling down about how little I'd accomplished after X amount of time.
As you can imagine, this causes problems for everyone involved. You'd think that would push me into working, but I just feel more dread. Verbalizing that feeling is hard, but maybe it's something like: "I failed them. How can I possibly make up for it, even if I deliver what I was supposed to?"
I feel trapped by my own inadequacies, and I'm not sure how to free myself of this malaise.
I work remotely as a software developer, often in a (very) different timezone from my coworkers. We don't make much contact beyond text updates in our project management app—which I like, being a pretty reserved introvert. The work is moderately challenging, but not enough to have made me feel overwhelmed in the past couple years of this job.
I know intellectually that I should work. I've reasoned with myself countless times, threatening myself with what will happen if I don't get enough done.
But... Many of the times I sit down and start looking at a ticket or think about some code, I feel this dread in my throat or my stomach.
Then I do anything to avoid working, even averting my gaze from my work laptop.
"I'm going to rest and start working once I'm less tired." (I slept in, and didn't.)
"I'll watch this YouTube video and start working at [the next half hour mark]." (I did, but then started another one.)
Even if I am working, I get frustrated and distracted more easily than before when doing something proves to be tricky.
Breaking down the project and enumerating in more detail what I have to do only helped a bit, before I started looking at the list and feeling down about how little I'd accomplished after X amount of time.
As you can imagine, this causes problems for everyone involved. You'd think that would push me into working, but I just feel more dread. Verbalizing that feeling is hard, but maybe it's something like: "I failed them. How can I possibly make up for it, even if I deliver what I was supposed to?"
I feel trapped by my own inadequacies, and I'm not sure how to free myself of this malaise.
> you may already know what the root cause of this is: depression
Seconding. I had very similar symptoms last year (esp. the dread), which I ignored / minimised / rationalised for long enough to let it spiral into a whole storm of anxiety about all the stuff I wasn't getting done. So then I had to treat the anxiety as well as the depression.
Aside from medication & therapy, which were also essential because it became a crisis for me - the biggest single thing that I changed was to get into a healthier working practice. I worked a lot from home until last year, but that didn't go well for me because of distractions & lack of focus. Now, I go into an office & stay there for the whole work day. That made it way easier for me to get work done, and it also meant that I could put structure around my tasks - like, now I use an app that times my breaks, and I take proper lunchtimes, and I go for a walk outside in the fresh air to recharge (it helps that my office is in a nice semi-rural location with open outdoor spaces).
So - for me it was all about creating a dedicated space & practice around doing the work. My focus & productivity came back once I did that.
posted by rd45 at 2:15 AM on April 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
Seconding. I had very similar symptoms last year (esp. the dread), which I ignored / minimised / rationalised for long enough to let it spiral into a whole storm of anxiety about all the stuff I wasn't getting done. So then I had to treat the anxiety as well as the depression.
Aside from medication & therapy, which were also essential because it became a crisis for me - the biggest single thing that I changed was to get into a healthier working practice. I worked a lot from home until last year, but that didn't go well for me because of distractions & lack of focus. Now, I go into an office & stay there for the whole work day. That made it way easier for me to get work done, and it also meant that I could put structure around my tasks - like, now I use an app that times my breaks, and I take proper lunchtimes, and I go for a walk outside in the fresh air to recharge (it helps that my office is in a nice semi-rural location with open outdoor spaces).
So - for me it was all about creating a dedicated space & practice around doing the work. My focus & productivity came back once I did that.
posted by rd45 at 2:15 AM on April 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
Something very similar happened to me and, while it was definitely a symptom of some underlying issues about fear of failure and rejection (for which counselling helped tremendously), it was also a sign that I was no longer really motivated by the technical mastery that led me towards software development in the first place. I managed to transition to a management role and my motivation to work came back (I'm not saying you should become a manager of course).
posted by crocomancer at 4:23 AM on April 16, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by crocomancer at 4:23 AM on April 16, 2019 [3 favorites]
Finally registered for MeFi after years of lurking because this has been literally me, and I'm starting to get out of it.
What worked for me was finally being able to let go of a sense of having to achieve a certain standard of work or anything - now I'm just trying to do whatever I can and be ok with that, and not worry about how X time ago I would've done N times more or whatever. I know, easier said than done, and it took a while to actually be able to think like that.
What also helps is feeling connected with my team - I'm also remote, but for a while I kind of felt sidelined and almost felt like I had to prove myself even harder to get integrated. However my team is actually quite nice, so my own worries about not living up to my standards have gotten kind of overshadowed by knowing that they want me to contribute and aren't expecting perfection right away.
I've found the team dynamics to be really crucial for me - my problem really all started when I spent too long at a job with a bunch of tech bro startup types that actually enjoyed putting people down (with a bonus of subtle sexism) - if this is you, please just get out immediately whatever it takes. I'm going to be working on the damage from that for a long time.
posted by sleepy_fork at 9:30 AM on April 16, 2019 [5 favorites]
What worked for me was finally being able to let go of a sense of having to achieve a certain standard of work or anything - now I'm just trying to do whatever I can and be ok with that, and not worry about how X time ago I would've done N times more or whatever. I know, easier said than done, and it took a while to actually be able to think like that.
What also helps is feeling connected with my team - I'm also remote, but for a while I kind of felt sidelined and almost felt like I had to prove myself even harder to get integrated. However my team is actually quite nice, so my own worries about not living up to my standards have gotten kind of overshadowed by knowing that they want me to contribute and aren't expecting perfection right away.
I've found the team dynamics to be really crucial for me - my problem really all started when I spent too long at a job with a bunch of tech bro startup types that actually enjoyed putting people down (with a bonus of subtle sexism) - if this is you, please just get out immediately whatever it takes. I'm going to be working on the damage from that for a long time.
posted by sleepy_fork at 9:30 AM on April 16, 2019 [5 favorites]
I've had long similar spells throughout my career and found that a limited amount of extra contact with colleagues/clients can help. It's not about having someone looking over your shoulder, just a bit more structure to your week by knowing you'll be telling someone about what you've done at some point or discussing how you're going to tackle a big task. And feeling a bit more appreciated when you do a good job.
So perhaps consider whether the balance of communication is actually right for you or whether you're hiding behind the project management app in a way that's ultimately not working well.
posted by malevolent at 10:22 AM on April 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
So perhaps consider whether the balance of communication is actually right for you or whether you're hiding behind the project management app in a way that's ultimately not working well.
posted by malevolent at 10:22 AM on April 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
I can find it problematic to have lots of time to do things. I'm a sprinter more than a plodder, and I work well to deadlines. When there are no deadlines, I can slow to a crawl, which is a problem because I also hate getting to the end of the day without achieving something.
I can often get out of a "spending too much time bouncing between metafilter and facebook" by doing something small. Either a single easy chore, or setting a timer for the maximum time I think I can work (generally 5 minutes), and doing the easy stuff. Easy stuff needs to get done too, and I can be very efficient when I focus, even for only 5 minutes.
When I am slogging through something on a computer, it can help to write down what I'm doing on pad next to me, and cross it out when it's done. Then I have reminder for when I'm get off track.
The dread sounds off putting. Can you work out why you dread it? I'm not good with starting things I don't know how to do, or that might become overwhelming. But if I can convince myself do one of the easy or fast bits, I can get some momentum going.
posted by kjs4 at 11:46 PM on April 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
I can often get out of a "spending too much time bouncing between metafilter and facebook" by doing something small. Either a single easy chore, or setting a timer for the maximum time I think I can work (generally 5 minutes), and doing the easy stuff. Easy stuff needs to get done too, and I can be very efficient when I focus, even for only 5 minutes.
When I am slogging through something on a computer, it can help to write down what I'm doing on pad next to me, and cross it out when it's done. Then I have reminder for when I'm get off track.
The dread sounds off putting. Can you work out why you dread it? I'm not good with starting things I don't know how to do, or that might become overwhelming. But if I can convince myself do one of the easy or fast bits, I can get some momentum going.
posted by kjs4 at 11:46 PM on April 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
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posted by Hermione Granger at 12:05 AM on April 16, 2019 [4 favorites]