New cat blues
March 3, 2019 8:55 AM   Subscribe

After much deliberation, last week we adopted Penny the cat. It’s day 4, and after 3 sleepless nights I’m having flashbacks to my old “I’ve ruined my life” post-partum depression. How do we get through this adjustment period without regretting all of our life choices?

Things we’re struggling with:
1) constant meowing at night when our bedroom doors are closed
2) keeping us awake by jumping on our heads from 4:00-6:00am if we keep our bedroom door open
3) she doesn’t eat enough food and pukes randomly

She was in a foster home for two weeks before we adopted her, and she supposedly lived in a shelter in another state for years before that. Her foster home kept her shut in the kitchen/family room at night and did not hear the nighttime yowling, and they fed her a mixture of dry cat food and random donated wet food. Now that Penny is with us, she won’t touch the (same) dry food and will only eat about 3 oz of wet food per day (spread out over 3-4 meals). She seems excited when she hears a can of food opening in the kitchen, but nothing has been a hit so far. She’s a 10 pound, 6 year old cat, and according to everything I’ve researched online, this doesn’t seem like enough food.

She is quite cuddly but isn’t interested in playing, so I haven’t been able to help her work up an appetite. I bought a pheromone infuser thing, but who knows if that’s doing anything. Also, she has zero interest in boxes, cat beds, or blankets. I know it’s early days, but we are all sleep-deprived, frustrated, and sad. Any advice or inspirational thoughts?
posted by Maarika to Pets & Animals (28 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
One thing that helped us with nighttime yowling (with a cat that was kept two doors away from our bedroom, not right at the door, but who had the lungs to make himself heard anyway) was the "hunt, eat, sleep" concept. Right when we were going to bed, we would play with him a bunch using one of those interactive toys on a string (I think the Go Cat toy called Da Bird) and then feed him his dinner.
posted by Lady Li at 9:01 AM on March 3, 2019 [9 favorites]


Re: playing - try a shoelace moving around on the floor. I find sometimes that "snake" simulation play is the most effective. If the shoelace works, then try something larger.

However - You are only on day 4. She sounds quite polite, really, considering that she's probably very freaked out generally. Her life for the past 5 weeks has been constant chaos and loss followed by 3 weeks of "can I really trust this? Really?".

She should probably be kept in just one small room for a while so she can feel she knows that space, at least, completely; that should help her relax.
posted by amtho at 9:04 AM on March 3, 2019 [19 favorites]


We had a morning meower and our vet suggested switching to one large meal at evening. This might not work with a cat who is having regurgitation problems. Your Penny has had a really messed up couple weeks, poor thing -- I wouldn't assume that this augurs poorly for her eventual adjustment. An old roommate's cat hid under the sofa for two weeks and barely ate. But then they had around fifteen happy years together, after that.

I like amtho's idea. We did try that with our first, but he's a neophile and wasn't having it; but I think it benefits most cats to have a small area to hang out in for a while. Our second needed that comfort, at least for a few days.
posted by eirias at 9:06 AM on March 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


The throwing up sounds like she could have IBD or sensitivities towards the food she's getting. You might ask her vet if there are any suggestions for different food you might try. Also this website is a good resource https://www.ibdkitties.net

Regarding the nighttime meowing hopefully she will settle into more of a routine when she gets used to her new home. It could very well be stress. We adopted a cat a couple years ago who had similar issues and continues to be sometimes disruptive but has calmed down significantly. Also ironically he experienced major gastrointestinal issues when we first brought him home, probably brought on by stress.
posted by whistle pig at 9:16 AM on March 3, 2019 [4 favorites]


Don't panic.

She's still unsure about what's going to happen next. Wait a few weeks, even a month or two before you worry too much. It's like you just adopted a teenager. They need stability and love and some time to learn their place in the world.

I wouldn't worry too much about the playing, either. Teenagers don't play with toys that much. After she's been around for a while she'll start looking for ways to interact with you.

I agree with amtho about restricting her territory at night. If she was in the shelter for a long time she won't be used to being alone in a multi-room situation. Most shelters keep cats 8-10 to a room and they all stay in the one room all the time. This is a big change for her. You're a good person for adopting her.
posted by irisclara at 9:19 AM on March 3, 2019 [7 favorites]


Definitely talk to the vet about the not eating and puking, but if other health issues are ruled out, antacids might help. Our cat had similar appetite and puke issues. She still does, but a quarter tablet of regular strength fantodimine (Pepcid) twice a day in a pill pocket has helped a lot. We also try to wear her out with play at night.

You mentioned Penny doesn't seem to be playful. She might be interested in different kinds of toys or stimulation. You don't need to spend too much to try this out - a favorite early game with our cat was just taking a piece of junk mail and moving it slowly across the floor in front of her. Recently we found out she goes bananas for a wide piece of curling ribbon (but be super careful about this, since the shredded ribbon is dangerous if she tries to eat it.) Don't discount the power if catnip, either - she might become enamoured with toys she formerly spurned if they are periodically laced with the hooch. If she's anything like my cat, she may also need someone to make it move first before she deigns to take notice.

Good luck!
posted by prewar lemonade at 9:40 AM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


It will be okay, I promise! Funny enough I adopted a cat a week ago (I already had one). Last night was my first really good night's sleep since Alice joined the family. Four days is really, really not much for a cat to get used to a household, let alone the people in it.

I would concur with everyone saying that it might help to give Penny just one room to hang out in for a couple of days so she can feel safe. I had Alice pretty much only in my bedroom for the first few days, and she still clearly runs back there as her safe space, and only recently has her brother been permitted back onto the bed. I absolutely understand the feeling of 'this will never end oh my god MISTAKE'. It will end. I read a ton of old AskMeFi questions and answers about how long it takes cats to settle in, the difference between play fighting and real fighting, etc. and so forth. It takes time, but it does happen eventually, and everyone here is giving really good advice to try for various things.

(Don't worry too much about the food. Owain stops eating if he's stressy and adjusting, but he starts up again once he's had a little time to relax. A few days of less-than-perfect caloric intake will be okay.)

Also, re: the nighttime meowing, they do settle down and stop. Owain still sometimes sings the ancestral songs of his people at less-than-great times, but I'm pretty good at mostly sleeping through it, or waking up enough to identify that it's just him performing his catly duties, and fall back asleep. (My apartment is on a corridor with two toddlers going through screaming phases right now, so it's kind of a general life theme.)
posted by kalimac at 9:42 AM on March 3, 2019 [3 favorites]


For the throwing up you might try grain free foods, some cats are very sensitive. Also introduce new foods slowly so she can adjust if needed. Avoid giving a lot of treats, they can be too rich or fatty if cats are not used to them. You may also check if there are plants or other things that she is chewing on, they can cause a range of problems from minor to very serious. Feeding at a regular time (and not first thing in the morning) may help with some of the digestive issues, too.

She is probably just overwhelmed and stressed out and she will probably calm down as she settles in. You may try some different toys or entertainment, like a scratching post, a larger kick toy, or a laser pointer. One thing that has done a lot towards keeping my cat happy is making sure that she has access to a window where she can watch the neighbors or birds or just stare at an empty street. I have no idea what she is looking at but she finds it very interesting at night.
posted by arachnidette at 9:44 AM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


if she’s a particularly social cat, maybe she needs a buddy?
posted by schadenfrau at 9:55 AM on March 3, 2019 [4 favorites]


(I am only partially encouraging moar cats for the sake of moar cats; with mine, they definitely got a lot of needs met with each other, to an extent I wasn’t fully aware of until one of them got sick and passed away. So. I would ask a vet about the food thing (that’s definitely not normal) and try to distress her as much as possible first. But some cats are weirdly social.)
posted by schadenfrau at 10:00 AM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


Where are you feeding her? I agree that that doesn't seem like enough food. Could she feel unsafe in the space you're feeding her right now? Feed her up alongside a wall, maybe place some boxes or chairs around so she can feel extra protected. Make sure it's quiet, so maybe not the kitchen which can have lots of strange noises and smells and people, maybe a bathroom?

All of my cats have been rescues and they've all started out with a least a full day of staying in one room followed by visits to gradually expanding areas of the house and evenings back in their own little space for at least a week. To me it makes sense to do this for multiple reasons. One, it keeps the cat from getting into everything it shouldn't all at once - as they explore with my supervision I can catch the things I need to cat proof or catify a bit at a time. Two, it lets the cat scent a lot of things in their small space that I can then spread throughout the house to show them it's okay for them to be there - like pillows, blankets, their food bowls and litter and toys, these can be moved out after the cat has scented them in the first few days. Three, their evening madness is relatively contained and they learn that nothing will happen regardless so they might as well be chill. (This didn't always work but it did a few times.) And four, it limits the things they have to stress about. Every cat is going to be stressed by a move and switch in guardianship, but if you give them fewer new things at once they'll get their heebyjeebies out faster and be able to take on another new thing later.

Four days is really a short amount of time. Please try to persevere for a couple weeks. She'll come around.
posted by Mizu at 10:13 AM on March 3, 2019 [4 favorites]


When we first got Hobbs "the cat" Johnson he would regularly scoff some food and then puke, but after a short while, more than a week, less than a month that had stopped. He certainly needed time to adjust, and I'd agree with the other posters about keeping Penny in one room overnight. Hobbs is still locked in the gym at night, although now he has a kitten to keep him company.
One cat, Tam, is allowed to wander the house, but she also started out in one bedroom, and although every now and then goes through a phase of running up and down the hall, very loudly for so small a beast, she makes no real noise or causes any disturbances. If she did she'd be back in one room overnight.
posted by Fence at 11:01 AM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


I just want to reassure you that every time I've ever gotten a pet in my life I'm consumed with regret and "what have I done" type feelings, and I'm about the craziest cat lady you could imagine. Hang in there for a few weeks! She needs to get used to her new home and you need to get used to having her around. I bet it will settle down.
posted by something something at 11:04 AM on March 3, 2019 [4 favorites]


I'm sure she'll be a wonderful friend, it's just going to take a while longer till she feels confident and bonds with you(weeks to months). It'll be totally worth it, sure was with my cats. Give her time, and remember this is a big stressful change. She doesn't yet really know you, and cats give out their trust judiciously.

1) You need to pick one and be consistent. She either gets to come in the bedroom or not. If you let her in occasionally, she will meow on the nights you don't. If you never, ever let her in, then she'll stop complaining after a while (could be weeks). I suggest letting her in though, best part of having cats in my opinion is snuggling at night.

2) Never, ever, ever, feed her when you get up. If she associates waking you up with getting food, even occasionally, then she has a good reason to wake you.
I always get up, have my coffee, shower, read the news, then feed my cats. They don't bug me in the morning anymore.

3) Ya, the occasional puke is just a cat thing. Not sure that will ever go away.
She'll probably eat more when her stress goes down. You could also tried freeze dried raw food, that is by far my cats' favorite.
posted by fruit sandwich at 11:06 AM on March 3, 2019 [6 favorites]


I was in a very similar situation 6 years ago when we adopted Sendak. TBH, he still yowls desperately when we close him out of the bedroom, and Penny might do that for a long time as well. But lucky for both of us, ear plugs are a thing! Seriously, get yourself the highest decibel rating you can find, make sure you put 'em in your ear correctly, and treat yourself to a good night's sleep. Once you're sleeping through the night, the guilt of ignoring her protests will fade in a way that her habit of stomping on your face probably will not.
posted by D.Billy at 11:27 AM on March 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


Lots of good advice here, so I will speak on the two things that remind me of my Toby (edited to add cat tax)

1. He's a prolific puker. Been checked out by the vet and we've determined that he eats too fast and immediately regurgitates (that's due to nerves/anxiety) or he has acid reflux, which I pop him with 1/4 pill of famotidine for a few days and it calms it down. He also has grain free food because he seems to do much better on it.
2. When I moved me and Toby in with my boyfriend, he could no longer sleep with me in the bedroom which rocked his little world. So he yelled at night. It sounded sad and lonely (and he still does it sometimes when he is play mode or when we've left to run errands...he's an extrovert for sure). I found that he doesn't like it completely silent and if I left a radio on somewhere he didn't freak out as much. You may want to try a radio or TV left on to see if that helps.

It gets better! It just takes time.
posted by MultiFaceted at 12:44 PM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


Re barfing: is Penny OK with being brushed? Spring is prime shedding season, and stress can also cause extra shedding, overgrooming and such.

If any of the barfing is caused by hairballs, you can reduce the risk by brushing her every few days. If she's not used to brushing: start with a soft brush, then a more bristly brush, then graduate to the Furminator. Choose a moment when Penny is relaxed and you have been petting her. Hold the brush up for a moment so she can see it and maybe rub her face on it. Then alternate brushstrokes with petting, and let her have a treat afterwards.

Many cats like being brushed; often it relaxes them because it reminds them of being washed by their mother. Best of luck with Penny! She looks like a sweetheart.
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:57 PM on March 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


My kitty Theo is a very social boy. When we decided to stop letting him outside, he yowled A LOT. Because he was best friends with the next door neighbor and his cat and probably others as he meandered the neighborhood. To help alleviate the yowling and loneliness, we let him sleep in our room at the foot of the bed on a blanket if he wanted. That gave him his social connection and he has reduced his yowling considerably to just out the laundry room window. (We have his sister kitty, too, but he missed his other friends.)

It sounds like Penny had a lot of cats around all the time before and may be yowling for friends she misses. If you can put up with her in your bedroom, that may help. She'll get better, but it takes a long time to mourn changes for kitties just like it does for humans.
posted by jillithd at 2:20 PM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


It just takes them forever to learn anything, not because they're not supergeniuses, but because they're naturally distrustful, being tiny and soft. Butterscotch Krimpet took a month plus to learn to use her new cat door onto the porch despite the fact that she loves the porch more than life itself. Then she could only go out onto the porch but not back inside for an additional two weeks. Maybe the catdoor to inside was different. Maybe it would hurl her into a wormhole to another galaxy. How did Krimpet know for sure? She didn't. She suffered from an abundance of caution for a long time, but now she goes in and out like a champion. At this very moment she is nestled in the waning evening sun on the glider.
posted by Don Pepino at 2:41 PM on March 3, 2019 [7 favorites]


For the nighttime issues I definitely agree with making a choice about cat in or cat out, and sticking to it. For me, it's cat out-- my sleep is too precious to allow the 4 am face stomping.

What has worked well for me in the past is setting up a small room as the cat's "bedroom" for 2-4 weeks. This gives them a safe space to call their own as they get used to you and your home. Ideally, two doors between you and the cat, and a fan in the middle. The fan noise will help cover any noise you make during the night and make the kitty less likely to yowl. Given that Penny is used to being put up at night, this might be the best course of action for now.

The other thing I'd recommend is keeping a consistent schedule -- feedings at the same time, bedtime/wake up at the same time, etc. Cats in general seem to prefer a consistent schedule, but that consistency is really important early on.

Has Penny seen a vet recently? You might want to get her checked out regarding the food issues. A Rx diet, medication and/or a specific feeding schedule might solve the barfy problems.
posted by Orrorin at 3:59 PM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


Invest in a feliway diffuser, helps calm them down.
posted by evilmonk at 4:32 PM on March 3, 2019


Response by poster: Thanks for talking me down, folks - I appreciate it. We’ve got a small house with not a lot of doors, but we’re going to put her in the basement guest room tonight and hope that her yowling doesn’t wake our kid directly above.

She saw a vet last week through the local rescue, and I have to track down those records. The foster home said there were no issues to report. She is OK with a furminator but was way more OK with it at her foster home.
posted by Maarika at 7:07 PM on March 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


Please put a radio in there, playing softly, or maybe some nature sounds or something. She sounds awfully lonely. Were there other cats in her foster home or in her previous home? Cats are really very social (see: feral cat colonies).
posted by amtho at 9:00 PM on March 3, 2019


Yes! Earplugs! And honestly, she sounds like she's doing pretty good for four days. I have had cats that I didn't see for the first week, because they were permanently camped out under/behind furniture. I bet when she warms up she's going to be an awesome cat.
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:52 AM on March 4, 2019


I gave up on keeping the cats out of the bedroom, but I read a tip online that suggested putting a vacuum cleaner just on the outside of the door and plugging it into a power strip kept on the nightstand. When Cat starts yowling, flip the switch on the power strip to turn on the vacuum, causing Cat to run away.

My main yowler is deaf, so this wouldn't work, but I thought it was interesting.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 9:14 AM on March 4, 2019


If you know your cat will recover from a scare reasonably, maybe?

In general, please don't ever intentionally frighten your animals.
posted by amtho at 9:37 AM on March 4, 2019


Chiming in with others - 4 days is still so early on. My cat didn't come out of hiding for at least a week. Within a few months, he's turned into the most loving wonderful cat. Give it time....

Here are my 2 pro tips to avoid having a cat screaming for food at the crack of dawn:

1) Invest in an automatic feeder and place it far away from your bedroom. Once my cat realized that the feeder means FOOOOOOOD at 7 AM and at 5:45 PM, he spends about an hour before feeding times stalking that thing in the kitchen instead of me asleep in bed. AM I A GENIUS OR WHAT.

Then he started batting at the automatic feeder (at least it was the feeder, not me). That noise sometimes woke me up, so I put a little bit of that double sided cat tape and now he has stopped pawing at it too. AM I A GENIUS OR WHAT.

2) Somewhere on the internet I read to only feed wet cat food at night. Since the automatic feeder provides dry food at 5:45 PM, by the time I get home past six, he is already fed, so I give him just a couple of spoonfuls of wet food then, so he isn't starving ravenous and bothering me. AM I A GENIUS OR WHAT.

Good luck. Your kitty is precious! She deserves a little time.
posted by HeyAllie at 9:57 AM on March 4, 2019 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: One month later, we’ve figured out what kinds of food our cat likes, but she continues to yowl constantly starting at 4:30 am and still regurgitates just-eaten food a couple times per week. Not even the white noise of a box fan upstairs drowns out the sound of her yowling downstairs. I wish I could wear earplugs like I did all through college, but I have to be able to hear my kid at night. She’s a very sweet cat, but I really did not expect pet ownership to involve so much sleep deprivation and puke.
posted by Maarika at 8:42 PM on April 2, 2019


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