How to host my first dinner party?
February 25, 2019 8:48 PM Subscribe
When I was growing up, my parents never had guests over. Now, my husband and I are hosting our first ever dinner party, and I could really use some help. I've been to 3 or 4 dinner parties as an adult, so I have a rough idea of how to manage things, but any tips would be much appreciated!
Our current plan: (We've invited 6 people, so 8 total including us.) Start with wine and nibbles while guests are still arriving, then have a sit-down dinner, and then clear off the table and play games. Does this seem like a good idea?
I feel a little lost, so I'm not sure how to verbalize exactly what my questions are, but here are a few different things that have crossed my mind:
Do people sit down or stand before dinner?
Should we play background music, and if so, the whole time, or only after dinner?
Each guest has asked what they can bring; what types of things are appropriate to request?
Do you have to have enough living room seating for everyone? This one is really baffling me. I've noticed that in house decorating pictures, there'll be a dining room table that seats 8-10 people, but in the adjacent living room, only enough seating for 5-6. Why wouldn't you need the same number of seats in the dining room and living room?
I'm feeling pretty solid concerning what foods to serve; I guess I'm just trying to figure out the flow and the unspoken rules of the evening, if that makes any sense. Any answers to the questions above, or just any tips in general? Thank you so much!
Our current plan: (We've invited 6 people, so 8 total including us.) Start with wine and nibbles while guests are still arriving, then have a sit-down dinner, and then clear off the table and play games. Does this seem like a good idea?
I feel a little lost, so I'm not sure how to verbalize exactly what my questions are, but here are a few different things that have crossed my mind:
Do people sit down or stand before dinner?
Should we play background music, and if so, the whole time, or only after dinner?
Each guest has asked what they can bring; what types of things are appropriate to request?
Do you have to have enough living room seating for everyone? This one is really baffling me. I've noticed that in house decorating pictures, there'll be a dining room table that seats 8-10 people, but in the adjacent living room, only enough seating for 5-6. Why wouldn't you need the same number of seats in the dining room and living room?
I'm feeling pretty solid concerning what foods to serve; I guess I'm just trying to figure out the flow and the unspoken rules of the evening, if that makes any sense. Any answers to the questions above, or just any tips in general? Thank you so much!
Yay dinnerparties!
The hosts aren't likely to sit down much before dinner if there aren't any servants, so a bit less livingroom seating is fine. Also a dining chair can be borrowed temporarily.
Some of your guests will be absolutely positive that they have to be in the kitchen until everyone sits down -- if this would distract you, or leave someone else abandoned in the living room, have a mild Plan. Like, make the helper in charge of drinks, or handing round the snacks, or something. Or say outright that you can handle no more than N helpers in the kitchen and try to swap helpers out. Or if you're so in control that you can sit down with a drink, wow, go you!
I often have something sprightly playing while the first guests arrive but I turn it WAY down or off for eating -- I want all the conversation.
You can ask guests to bring anything they won't feel put-upon by -- some will bring a fully boned tudurken, some can barely get there on time. For your first several parties I would try not to have them bring anything that needs heating or finishing in the oven, or the starter. But a side, cheeses, flowers, dessert, an extra giant serving spoon, all very common things for a guest to pitch in with. (*Old* formal rules said you never served a guests' gift at that party, which maybe was to keep weird donations from screwing up teh schedule.)
Opinions are mixed on this part, but I think the hosts are responsible for steering the conversation more than is usual in a group of friends. Just down-shifting the pushy and charming out the shy, making sure no-one is exhausted or left out. Paying attention to everyone else.
posted by clew at 9:28 PM on February 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
The hosts aren't likely to sit down much before dinner if there aren't any servants, so a bit less livingroom seating is fine. Also a dining chair can be borrowed temporarily.
Some of your guests will be absolutely positive that they have to be in the kitchen until everyone sits down -- if this would distract you, or leave someone else abandoned in the living room, have a mild Plan. Like, make the helper in charge of drinks, or handing round the snacks, or something. Or say outright that you can handle no more than N helpers in the kitchen and try to swap helpers out. Or if you're so in control that you can sit down with a drink, wow, go you!
I often have something sprightly playing while the first guests arrive but I turn it WAY down or off for eating -- I want all the conversation.
You can ask guests to bring anything they won't feel put-upon by -- some will bring a fully boned tudurken, some can barely get there on time. For your first several parties I would try not to have them bring anything that needs heating or finishing in the oven, or the starter. But a side, cheeses, flowers, dessert, an extra giant serving spoon, all very common things for a guest to pitch in with. (*Old* formal rules said you never served a guests' gift at that party, which maybe was to keep weird donations from screwing up teh schedule.)
Opinions are mixed on this part, but I think the hosts are responsible for steering the conversation more than is usual in a group of friends. Just down-shifting the pushy and charming out the shy, making sure no-one is exhausted or left out. Paying attention to everyone else.
posted by clew at 9:28 PM on February 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
Do people sit down or stand before dinner?
There's no set rule. People will do what they will. You may plan for everyone to sit down and talk in the dining room, and then somehow everyone (or a group) ends up in the kitchen hanging out.
Should we play background music, and if so, the whole time, or only after dinner?
It's up to you. Personally, I think music from the beginning sort of sets the mood and makes it feel like a party. But it does depend on the party. Turn it off for dinner. Maybe ask if people want music after? You can play it by ear.
Each guest has asked what they can bring; what types of things are appropriate to request?
Wine or dessert is typical. Don't ask for a specific dessert, but do let people know if someone else is bringing a specific dessert. You don't need to ask everyone to bring something. Know that someone might bring flowers, so have a vase handy.
Why wouldn't you need the same number of seats in the dining room and living room?
Because people mill around and break off into groups sometimes. So... two or three people in the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, etc. It doesn't always happen that way, but often it does. You may want to put some food on the dining room table, some on your coffee table, etc.
Other stuff:
When people arrive: Greet them, get their coat and put it somewhere, either a room with a bed or hanging in a closet. Introduce them to the others. Ask if they want something to drink (e.g. "we've got such and such wine or would you prefer a cocktail?"). Ask them if they'd like something to eat (e.g. "plates are on the dining room table. we've got chips, dip, veggies, etc. help yourself.) From there you socialize, keep on eye on dinner, play tune-master, etc.
Btw, people usually don't arrive on time. Don't sweat it and think people aren't coming. Be prepared for one or two people to come early or right on time.
Games: I like a game called Celebrity. You can look it up online. You don't need a board or anything. If some people are reluctant to play, don't feel you have to make them. Maybe they just want to hang out or watch.
Overall: Playing it by ear is the name of the game. You can plan, but the only guarantee is that not everything will happen as you think / want. Go with the flow. You're hosting and your "job" is to make your guests happy, within reason, of course. Sometimes someone will decide to look through your music and play something you hate. People go where you don't want them to go. People aren't game to play the game. That's okay. Again, within reason. Have fun!
posted by xammerboy at 9:35 PM on February 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
There's no set rule. People will do what they will. You may plan for everyone to sit down and talk in the dining room, and then somehow everyone (or a group) ends up in the kitchen hanging out.
Should we play background music, and if so, the whole time, or only after dinner?
It's up to you. Personally, I think music from the beginning sort of sets the mood and makes it feel like a party. But it does depend on the party. Turn it off for dinner. Maybe ask if people want music after? You can play it by ear.
Each guest has asked what they can bring; what types of things are appropriate to request?
Wine or dessert is typical. Don't ask for a specific dessert, but do let people know if someone else is bringing a specific dessert. You don't need to ask everyone to bring something. Know that someone might bring flowers, so have a vase handy.
Why wouldn't you need the same number of seats in the dining room and living room?
Because people mill around and break off into groups sometimes. So... two or three people in the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, etc. It doesn't always happen that way, but often it does. You may want to put some food on the dining room table, some on your coffee table, etc.
Other stuff:
When people arrive: Greet them, get their coat and put it somewhere, either a room with a bed or hanging in a closet. Introduce them to the others. Ask if they want something to drink (e.g. "we've got such and such wine or would you prefer a cocktail?"). Ask them if they'd like something to eat (e.g. "plates are on the dining room table. we've got chips, dip, veggies, etc. help yourself.) From there you socialize, keep on eye on dinner, play tune-master, etc.
Btw, people usually don't arrive on time. Don't sweat it and think people aren't coming. Be prepared for one or two people to come early or right on time.
Games: I like a game called Celebrity. You can look it up online. You don't need a board or anything. If some people are reluctant to play, don't feel you have to make them. Maybe they just want to hang out or watch.
Overall: Playing it by ear is the name of the game. You can plan, but the only guarantee is that not everything will happen as you think / want. Go with the flow. You're hosting and your "job" is to make your guests happy, within reason, of course. Sometimes someone will decide to look through your music and play something you hate. People go where you don't want them to go. People aren't game to play the game. That's okay. Again, within reason. Have fun!
posted by xammerboy at 9:35 PM on February 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
It may be that I'm of a different culture to you, and if so that is fine, please ignore this. However I'll take a stab at this in the hope that it's useful, my partner and I host a lot of people for dinner and we go to a lot of people's houses.
In my circles this level of formality would come across as stilted and reasonably odd. People both sit and stand before dinner, as they like. We tend to play music because we have music on anyway and we like it, though of course if I'm listening to something sweary at 90db I'll probably rectify that unless it's those kind of friends. People coming over bring desert or booze but I wouldn't blink if they didn't get to bringing anything. You need enough seats for everyone coming, preferably, but if you need to find an extra seat because you don't normally have enough they shouldn't mind.
A successful social gathering is a comfortable one, comfort comes from feeling you are at home and at home you can be yourself. Facilitate your guests being themselves and be yourself, erm, yourself. My attitude is put the washing away, potentially vacuum the floor and spend the rest of your energy on being warm and intimate with the people you've invited into your house rather than worrying about the practicalities obsessively.
posted by deadwax at 9:36 PM on February 25, 2019 [5 favorites]
In my circles this level of formality would come across as stilted and reasonably odd. People both sit and stand before dinner, as they like. We tend to play music because we have music on anyway and we like it, though of course if I'm listening to something sweary at 90db I'll probably rectify that unless it's those kind of friends. People coming over bring desert or booze but I wouldn't blink if they didn't get to bringing anything. You need enough seats for everyone coming, preferably, but if you need to find an extra seat because you don't normally have enough they shouldn't mind.
A successful social gathering is a comfortable one, comfort comes from feeling you are at home and at home you can be yourself. Facilitate your guests being themselves and be yourself, erm, yourself. My attitude is put the washing away, potentially vacuum the floor and spend the rest of your energy on being warm and intimate with the people you've invited into your house rather than worrying about the practicalities obsessively.
posted by deadwax at 9:36 PM on February 25, 2019 [5 favorites]
If you are still cooking in the kitchen, people will tend to congregate in or near the kitchen (assuming your layout allows it) If you have seating within view of the kitchen, it is easy to invite people to set down, especially if you have food over by the seats. If the living room space if visually separated from the kitchen, I find it less likely people will sit out there unless you (or at least your partner) are out there too. In the end, it really doesn't matter.
We usually move to the table for dinner soon after the last couple arrives so you don't need that much seating. If you are going to do an extended cocktail hour where you and everyone else will be sitting and chatting, then you have some dining chairs already in the living room and ask people to take e chair with them (not the way we entertain.)
posted by metahawk at 10:17 PM on February 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
We usually move to the table for dinner soon after the last couple arrives so you don't need that much seating. If you are going to do an extended cocktail hour where you and everyone else will be sitting and chatting, then you have some dining chairs already in the living room and ask people to take e chair with them (not the way we entertain.)
posted by metahawk at 10:17 PM on February 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
It’s nice to have little noshy things set out that people can snack on when they arrive. It doesn’t have to be some fancy hors d’oevres thing that you make (though it could be!); a little cheese board and/or a veggie tray would be fine. It gives them something to do while you’re finishing up cooking/letting stuff rest/etc.
posted by Weeping_angel at 10:34 PM on February 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Weeping_angel at 10:34 PM on February 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
Please keep in mind that your guests are there to see you because they love you as their friend, not because they expect a perfect, fancy meal! You want to be rested and happy so you can enjoy yourself, too. I also didn't grow up in a family who entertained so I understand the stress. Here are a few tips that I do:
- Clean the day before: the bathroom should be super clean but otherwise a bit of tidying and vacuuming should do the trick. Set the table, too! You don't need fancy anything but rather what you have and like. If it's cold, people will need a space to put their coats and bags.
- Start simple: When I was getting started, I'd order pizza and buy veggie trays or bagged salad. I'd focus on the stuff I enjoyed: making signature cocktails and a beautiful and tasty cake for dessert. People gave me lots of compliments on the drinks and desserts; I assume they ate the pizza or thought it was good enough. I mean, who doesn't like pizza?! You could also get a tray of something from Costco to heat, for example.
- Enlist an experienced friend: I love hosting but find it so stressful to prepare. Fortunately, I have friends who are happy to help -- it could be an in-person pal who prepares in person or a long distance friend who helps you plan on the phone. If people like hosting parties, they will likely be honored that you are asking for their advice.
- Limit options: If you are serving alcohol and you find the selection overwhelming, stick to just a few options. For example, have two brand of beer OR two types of wine, some nice sodas, and mineral water and you're set!
- Be a responsible friend: Be ready to let people crash on the couch or help get a taxi or Uber if they have a lot to drink and aren't ready to drive and/or take public transportation home yet.
- Don't sweat the small stuff: if you like sharing music, you or your husband can make a special playlist. Otherwise, play a station or album quietly in the background -- or don't have any music at all. Like candles? It's a great chance to have them! If not, no need. Love flowers? What a great chance to make an arrangement. If not, no worries. Love playing games? Set out some options for your guests to play and let that be the focus! If not, people can just chat and enjoy.
Practice makes perfect. Things will go wrong but you'll know for next time. It's going to be great!!
posted by smorgasbord at 11:04 PM on February 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
- Clean the day before: the bathroom should be super clean but otherwise a bit of tidying and vacuuming should do the trick. Set the table, too! You don't need fancy anything but rather what you have and like. If it's cold, people will need a space to put their coats and bags.
- Start simple: When I was getting started, I'd order pizza and buy veggie trays or bagged salad. I'd focus on the stuff I enjoyed: making signature cocktails and a beautiful and tasty cake for dessert. People gave me lots of compliments on the drinks and desserts; I assume they ate the pizza or thought it was good enough. I mean, who doesn't like pizza?! You could also get a tray of something from Costco to heat, for example.
- Enlist an experienced friend: I love hosting but find it so stressful to prepare. Fortunately, I have friends who are happy to help -- it could be an in-person pal who prepares in person or a long distance friend who helps you plan on the phone. If people like hosting parties, they will likely be honored that you are asking for their advice.
- Limit options: If you are serving alcohol and you find the selection overwhelming, stick to just a few options. For example, have two brand of beer OR two types of wine, some nice sodas, and mineral water and you're set!
- Be a responsible friend: Be ready to let people crash on the couch or help get a taxi or Uber if they have a lot to drink and aren't ready to drive and/or take public transportation home yet.
- Don't sweat the small stuff: if you like sharing music, you or your husband can make a special playlist. Otherwise, play a station or album quietly in the background -- or don't have any music at all. Like candles? It's a great chance to have them! If not, no need. Love flowers? What a great chance to make an arrangement. If not, no worries. Love playing games? Set out some options for your guests to play and let that be the focus! If not, people can just chat and enjoy.
Practice makes perfect. Things will go wrong but you'll know for next time. It's going to be great!!
posted by smorgasbord at 11:04 PM on February 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
Each has their own way of doing things, and I'm certain you'll be good. There are rules, but the rules are simple: make your guests comfortable. You've already managed one thing to perfection: 8 around the table is the best number for a succesfull dinner.
Our parents often held quite formal dinner parties, with drinks before dinner in the living room, three courses at a formally laid table with seating plans and all, and then back to the sofas for coffee, avecs and cigars. The thing about this format is that it works best when you have some help in the kitchen, or you get all the food delivered. Otherwise the hosts moving around all the time to manage the progress can be disturbing.
My siblings and I are generally less formal. Often the drinks will be in the kitchen, standing, maybe even with the first course served there. And then hours will be spent around the dining table. My sister even changed her dining chairs to fit longer dinners. I generally like to serve a lot of different stuff for the main course, so people with allergies or other preferences can help themselves to what they like without any special mention. Since this still needs to be simple for me, the cook, it might be two or three salads prepared in advance, a starch and one or two proteins all made in the oven. (Well, rice can be made in a pot or a rice cooker with little stress). Alternatively, ask the guests about their food preferences and find something simple they can all eat. It doesn't really matter, your guests are there to have a good time with nice people, not for a gourmet event.
For games, clear the dining table and serve tea and coffee there, or keep the wine on the table.
BTW, I have a good friend who just turned 85. Though he is young at heart, he still does entertaining in a more classic way. But he usually invites to a Sunday lunch rather than a Friday or Saturday dinner. It's delightful. He has everything prepared in advance, so the appetizers are normally charcuterie from a good shop, the main is a classic stew, and there will be cheeses and a store-bought desert. He serves the stuff really discreetly while his younger wife remains at the table as the hostess, so conversation can continue. You never remember the food, always the excellent conversation.
I love that you go home at 5 PM at something after a great afternoon.
posted by mumimor at 2:11 AM on February 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
Our parents often held quite formal dinner parties, with drinks before dinner in the living room, three courses at a formally laid table with seating plans and all, and then back to the sofas for coffee, avecs and cigars. The thing about this format is that it works best when you have some help in the kitchen, or you get all the food delivered. Otherwise the hosts moving around all the time to manage the progress can be disturbing.
My siblings and I are generally less formal. Often the drinks will be in the kitchen, standing, maybe even with the first course served there. And then hours will be spent around the dining table. My sister even changed her dining chairs to fit longer dinners. I generally like to serve a lot of different stuff for the main course, so people with allergies or other preferences can help themselves to what they like without any special mention. Since this still needs to be simple for me, the cook, it might be two or three salads prepared in advance, a starch and one or two proteins all made in the oven. (Well, rice can be made in a pot or a rice cooker with little stress). Alternatively, ask the guests about their food preferences and find something simple they can all eat. It doesn't really matter, your guests are there to have a good time with nice people, not for a gourmet event.
For games, clear the dining table and serve tea and coffee there, or keep the wine on the table.
BTW, I have a good friend who just turned 85. Though he is young at heart, he still does entertaining in a more classic way. But he usually invites to a Sunday lunch rather than a Friday or Saturday dinner. It's delightful. He has everything prepared in advance, so the appetizers are normally charcuterie from a good shop, the main is a classic stew, and there will be cheeses and a store-bought desert. He serves the stuff really discreetly while his younger wife remains at the table as the hostess, so conversation can continue. You never remember the food, always the excellent conversation.
I love that you go home at 5 PM at something after a great afternoon.
posted by mumimor at 2:11 AM on February 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
So we do a lot of dinners, here's how we do them:
People arrive whenever, some people will only get there right before dinner, sometimes a particularly close friend might be there two hours before for drinks.
Drinks before, usually wine or pre-dinner cocktails as people prefer.
We have an open kitchen / dining room combo so will usually focus entertainment there although we may start in living room if there's no cooking going on.
My number one tip is to really think hard about easy prep and minimise cooking time while you have guests there. We start with soup, bread, salads etc - things that you can easily make ahead of time. Then main is roast, or something slow-cooked, or really anything where all the hard work takes place before guests arrive. Desert ditto. Then port etc.
After dinner, depending on season we might go for a walk with guests (or one of us does while the other clears up).
Then games - yes, excellent idea.
posted by atrazine at 3:24 AM on February 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
People arrive whenever, some people will only get there right before dinner, sometimes a particularly close friend might be there two hours before for drinks.
Drinks before, usually wine or pre-dinner cocktails as people prefer.
We have an open kitchen / dining room combo so will usually focus entertainment there although we may start in living room if there's no cooking going on.
My number one tip is to really think hard about easy prep and minimise cooking time while you have guests there. We start with soup, bread, salads etc - things that you can easily make ahead of time. Then main is roast, or something slow-cooked, or really anything where all the hard work takes place before guests arrive. Desert ditto. Then port etc.
After dinner, depending on season we might go for a walk with guests (or one of us does while the other clears up).
Then games - yes, excellent idea.
posted by atrazine at 3:24 AM on February 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
You've got this! Your plan sounds great.
People often sit before dinner if there's convenient sitting nearby, but sometimes they like to stand and look at your art, books, view - or sometimes they're caught up in conversation with another guest. I've always had parties where the living area and dining area were really part of the same room, so it was easy and intuitive for guests to chill out on the couch.
Background music - your call. I usually put a playlist on low and then forget about it until the end the evening.
Guests wanting to bring things - it's totally okay to tell them no, you have it covered. But you could also ask them to bring a bottle of wine, fruit, ice cream or chocolate, a loaf of bread, ice, mixers. if my drinking options are limited I might tell them "I'll have wine and water, if there's anything else you'd like to drink feel free to bring that."
You have a solid plan. I have thrown many inexpert, disorganized, dinners - some with inadequate silverware or ersatz seating and failed recipes - and yet people continue to be my friends and show up for more. Do everything you can to plan and prep before the day and take care of yourself the day of the party - it's so much easier to be relaxed and welcoming with your guests when you weren't panicked and cleaning 2 minutes before the bell rang.
posted by bunderful at 5:29 AM on February 26, 2019 [5 favorites]
People often sit before dinner if there's convenient sitting nearby, but sometimes they like to stand and look at your art, books, view - or sometimes they're caught up in conversation with another guest. I've always had parties where the living area and dining area were really part of the same room, so it was easy and intuitive for guests to chill out on the couch.
Background music - your call. I usually put a playlist on low and then forget about it until the end the evening.
Guests wanting to bring things - it's totally okay to tell them no, you have it covered. But you could also ask them to bring a bottle of wine, fruit, ice cream or chocolate, a loaf of bread, ice, mixers. if my drinking options are limited I might tell them "I'll have wine and water, if there's anything else you'd like to drink feel free to bring that."
You have a solid plan. I have thrown many inexpert, disorganized, dinners - some with inadequate silverware or ersatz seating and failed recipes - and yet people continue to be my friends and show up for more. Do everything you can to plan and prep before the day and take care of yourself the day of the party - it's so much easier to be relaxed and welcoming with your guests when you weren't panicked and cleaning 2 minutes before the bell rang.
posted by bunderful at 5:29 AM on February 26, 2019 [5 favorites]
The more people there, the less I get to hangout and enjoy. I've learned that 8 people are too many for us. 6 is fine, but 4 is ideal. Of course, that may not be your idea of a dinner party. Just something to keep in mind. Also, something unfortunate is going to happen. No one but you will notice, so don't point it out.
posted by Pig Tail Orchestra at 5:45 AM on February 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Pig Tail Orchestra at 5:45 AM on February 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
As a guest, I kind of dread dinner parties, because people (at least in my circle) seem to have forgotten how they work in an age of potlucks and open houses. Hosts don't know how to plan a menu and time their cooking, and guests don't know to be tf on time to sit down for a together meal. Cook is stressed out and everyone's milling in the kitchen uselessly trying to make it better. I've shown up for Thanksgiving dinner and the turkey was still in a plastic grocery bag on the counter, people.
So as a host, I try to set everyone up for success from the invite. I make it clear it's not a potluck and specifically tell people NOT to bring dishes, just drinks/dessert. I make the timing explicit, like "Come for drinks at 5, dinner served at 6". When guests arrive, the food is done. I can't stress that enough! Your menu should be something that doesn't need fussing at the last minute, so you can have the components mostly ready to plate and keep everyone (including you) out of the kitchen.
Have some appetizers or a plate of veg and dip in the area where you actually want to hang out, then go there with your drink and model the party you want to have.
posted by Freyja at 6:02 AM on February 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
So as a host, I try to set everyone up for success from the invite. I make it clear it's not a potluck and specifically tell people NOT to bring dishes, just drinks/dessert. I make the timing explicit, like "Come for drinks at 5, dinner served at 6". When guests arrive, the food is done. I can't stress that enough! Your menu should be something that doesn't need fussing at the last minute, so you can have the components mostly ready to plate and keep everyone (including you) out of the kitchen.
Have some appetizers or a plate of veg and dip in the area where you actually want to hang out, then go there with your drink and model the party you want to have.
posted by Freyja at 6:02 AM on February 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
Take your own coats out of the closet and throw them on your bed, sans hangers; you'll be prepared to greet your guests graciously and everybody will be relaxed. There won't be any juggling outerwear and abandoning them on arrival and you've just set the tone for a wonderful evening. Remember--everbody is there to have fun, INCLUDING you!
posted by kate4914 at 8:31 AM on February 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by kate4914 at 8:31 AM on February 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
You got a lot of good responses, but I'll add one more thing.
The after dinner games will depends on the group of individuals. Personally, I like to just continue the discussion over a glass of wine, rather than a game. But if you have observed the group having fun doing games, in past events then go for it.
If you are not sure, just have the games available on the coffee table. That way people are not forced to play a game. Whoever that is interested can take the initiative and play with other interested parties, while rest of the group chat.
posted by WizKid at 9:18 AM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
The after dinner games will depends on the group of individuals. Personally, I like to just continue the discussion over a glass of wine, rather than a game. But if you have observed the group having fun doing games, in past events then go for it.
If you are not sure, just have the games available on the coffee table. That way people are not forced to play a game. Whoever that is interested can take the initiative and play with other interested parties, while rest of the group chat.
posted by WizKid at 9:18 AM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
A good playlist is nice; I like jazz, but any music that can be background is fine.
Have in your head a list of conversation prompts; you almost certainly won't need them, but it makes me feel better. Stuff like articles in the paper, local news, Did you know Cher and Whoopi Goldberg are 1st cousins? (not true, find your own news of the mildly interesting).
When I am cooking for others, I put a menu on the fridge, so I don't forget anything. I once had Thanksgiving dinner where the hosts forgot to heat the stuffing, which they had made, just didn't get it to the meal. It's okay to say Try this gravy I made for the curried rice or Would you like some croutons on the soup? Also, I prep decaf coffee, sugar, milk, teas, etc., so coffee after dinner is easy. If you have enough extra, clean wine glasses after dinner are nice.
If people volunteer to help, assign a task if there is one. I once conned a friend into putting lights on the Christmas tree because my cooking took all my time. He seemed happy to help, and if you arrive early at my house, that kind of thing will happen.
Alcohol tends to make people more social, if you and your friends like it. Buy enough wine for a lively evening. I always bring wine to a party, but occasionally have had dinner parties where people don't.
I have had some bossy friends who insisted on playing a different game than the one I wanted to play, brought fussy food, rearranged my table. I go with the flow and gossip about it the next day to deal with my annoyance.
Remind yourself to take time with individual guests and to have fun. Your guests will have more fun if you are engaged and not busy making that elaborate sauce.
posted by theora55 at 9:18 AM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
Have in your head a list of conversation prompts; you almost certainly won't need them, but it makes me feel better. Stuff like articles in the paper, local news, Did you know Cher and Whoopi Goldberg are 1st cousins? (not true, find your own news of the mildly interesting).
When I am cooking for others, I put a menu on the fridge, so I don't forget anything. I once had Thanksgiving dinner where the hosts forgot to heat the stuffing, which they had made, just didn't get it to the meal. It's okay to say Try this gravy I made for the curried rice or Would you like some croutons on the soup? Also, I prep decaf coffee, sugar, milk, teas, etc., so coffee after dinner is easy. If you have enough extra, clean wine glasses after dinner are nice.
If people volunteer to help, assign a task if there is one. I once conned a friend into putting lights on the Christmas tree because my cooking took all my time. He seemed happy to help, and if you arrive early at my house, that kind of thing will happen.
Alcohol tends to make people more social, if you and your friends like it. Buy enough wine for a lively evening. I always bring wine to a party, but occasionally have had dinner parties where people don't.
I have had some bossy friends who insisted on playing a different game than the one I wanted to play, brought fussy food, rearranged my table. I go with the flow and gossip about it the next day to deal with my annoyance.
Remind yourself to take time with individual guests and to have fun. Your guests will have more fun if you are engaged and not busy making that elaborate sauce.
posted by theora55 at 9:18 AM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
My number one tip for easy dinner parties is to make the kind of food that you can prep in advance, hold in the oven and serve out of the baking vessel. I default to lasagna when I want something simple (to serve, not necessarily to make) because it is impressive and while some accompaniments are helpful -- salad, bread -- they are not necessary, it is complete meal on its own.
The beauty of lasagna (and similar casseroles and stews) is that you can do all the hard work the day before and then wash all the prep dishes and put them away. On the day of, the dish can hang out in your oven for a good long time before it suffers any ill effect (and in the case of stew, it pretty much just gets better the whole time) and so once everyone has arrived and has had a drink, you can just pull it out of the oven, slap it on the table, where it will look beautiful and impressive, and dinner is served. No fuss. No muss. No visible pile of dishes.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:52 AM on February 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
The beauty of lasagna (and similar casseroles and stews) is that you can do all the hard work the day before and then wash all the prep dishes and put them away. On the day of, the dish can hang out in your oven for a good long time before it suffers any ill effect (and in the case of stew, it pretty much just gets better the whole time) and so once everyone has arrived and has had a drink, you can just pull it out of the oven, slap it on the table, where it will look beautiful and impressive, and dinner is served. No fuss. No muss. No visible pile of dishes.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:52 AM on February 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
Excellent advice upthread. A couple more suggestions.
Decide beforehand if you want help in the kitchen with meal prep or with cleanup. I don't like people helping me in the kitchen because I have a routine, so I shoo the well-meaning folks out of the kitchen into the living room to be entertained by my husband, until I am ready to join them. Likewise with the cleanup: Often, after cleaning and cooking and hostessing, I just don't have any more energy to clean up immediately after the dinner party and I would rather sit with my guests and a glass of wine; some guests don't like this and I've had to repeatedly tell them not to go into the kitchen to start washing up.
Also, if we have more guests than seating, we will pull chairs from the dining room into the living room and move them back for dinner.
posted by sarajane at 9:56 AM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
Decide beforehand if you want help in the kitchen with meal prep or with cleanup. I don't like people helping me in the kitchen because I have a routine, so I shoo the well-meaning folks out of the kitchen into the living room to be entertained by my husband, until I am ready to join them. Likewise with the cleanup: Often, after cleaning and cooking and hostessing, I just don't have any more energy to clean up immediately after the dinner party and I would rather sit with my guests and a glass of wine; some guests don't like this and I've had to repeatedly tell them not to go into the kitchen to start washing up.
Also, if we have more guests than seating, we will pull chairs from the dining room into the living room and move them back for dinner.
posted by sarajane at 9:56 AM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
I take notes after parties of various kinds to remember what I think I could have done better (usually things like coat closet management, or where to put a drinks table to steer traffic, etc).
posted by clew at 10:08 AM on February 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by clew at 10:08 AM on February 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
I just hosted my first Dinner Party a couple of weekends ago.. we had 10 guests and it went swimmingly!! I asked a question about it recently that may be of interest to you!
The Biggest, BIGGEST thing for me that ensured success was solid Menu Planning. If you're at all interested in what I cooked, PM me. But let's say I made the dessert a day in advance and assembled the appetizer in advance too. I didn't have to do too much cooking on the day which was SOO SOO important... because everything takes longer than you think it will! Seriously, it is ALL about the planning. Planning, planning, planning... and Ina Garten's fool proof recipes! ha.
Some great answers above, but I'll tell you one thing I did that was a big hit.
I bought a nice bowl and printed off about 100 random ice-breaker style questions... i.e. tell me the story of your first kiss, tell me the story of your worst poop, would you rather fly or be invisible etc etc.
I put them all in a bowl and we took turns pulling questions out. It was the highlight of the night, guests were occupied between courses, it meant I could clear the table and bring food without being missed etc. and it was a lot of fun! It worked for our group of friends who have known each other for years and it would work for people that don't know each other very well.
After the appetizer and main course, we left the formal dinner table and played games. I served Dessert in a more informal setting which was fun and by that point all the hard stuff was over and everyone was loosened up.
All in all try to enjoy yourself. I also went into the evening with the mentality that something probably would go wrong, and everything would be OK if it did. And that helped just chill me out and be less of a stresshead about things! Good luck!
posted by JenThePro at 2:44 PM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
The Biggest, BIGGEST thing for me that ensured success was solid Menu Planning. If you're at all interested in what I cooked, PM me. But let's say I made the dessert a day in advance and assembled the appetizer in advance too. I didn't have to do too much cooking on the day which was SOO SOO important... because everything takes longer than you think it will! Seriously, it is ALL about the planning. Planning, planning, planning... and Ina Garten's fool proof recipes! ha.
Some great answers above, but I'll tell you one thing I did that was a big hit.
I bought a nice bowl and printed off about 100 random ice-breaker style questions... i.e. tell me the story of your first kiss, tell me the story of your worst poop, would you rather fly or be invisible etc etc.
I put them all in a bowl and we took turns pulling questions out. It was the highlight of the night, guests were occupied between courses, it meant I could clear the table and bring food without being missed etc. and it was a lot of fun! It worked for our group of friends who have known each other for years and it would work for people that don't know each other very well.
After the appetizer and main course, we left the formal dinner table and played games. I served Dessert in a more informal setting which was fun and by that point all the hard stuff was over and everyone was loosened up.
All in all try to enjoy yourself. I also went into the evening with the mentality that something probably would go wrong, and everything would be OK if it did. And that helped just chill me out and be less of a stresshead about things! Good luck!
posted by JenThePro at 2:44 PM on February 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
If you don't have enough living room seating, you can bring some dining chairs in, or if you have beanbags or floor pillows and your guests aren't too ancient, that can work.
Things that can work for people to bring, depending on your menu: wine, other drinks, bread, a cheese or dips for before dinner, a cheese or fruit or a whole dessert for after dinner.
posted by lollusc at 9:14 PM on February 25, 2019 [1 favorite]