Caribbean vacation with twin toddlers - help prevent a drowning incident

January 1, 2019 6:53 PM

We're very lucky to be spending a week in the Turks & Caicos with my extended family. Looking for strategies to help prevent one of our (rowdy, cagey) 2-year old twin boys from accidentally drowning.

We're staying in a private villa, which is gorgeous, but one element of the home is a 50-foot pool just steps outside the living area. (Link to pic of the pool.)

The big fear, of course, is that one of our children will sneak away and get into the pool when we're unaware.

Aside from locking them with us in our bedroom at night, being vigilant that one of us has the "eye" at all times, etc., I'm wondering if there's anything I haven't thought of that we might consider to help prevent an incident.

posted by eggman to Travel & Transportation (42 answers total)

Life jackets/puddle jumpers whenever they’re awake. It’s not overkill when the pool is that close!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:12 PM on January 1, 2019 [6 favorites]

Would it be overkill to buy one of those floating pool alarm things and take it with you?
posted by mccxxiii at 7:18 PM on January 1, 2019 [5 favorites]

Toddler leashes to physically tether them to within a short distance of you at all times?
posted by Andrhia at 7:18 PM on January 1, 2019 [5 favorites]

Safety Turtle Alarm Wristbands? (*I have not used them, but it came up in searches.)
posted by Crystalinne at 7:20 PM on January 1, 2019 [1 favorite]

Childproof door knob covers will help keep them corralled when they're indoors and can help prevent them from slipping out, but requires all the adults to be vigilant about keeping the doors closed.

Past that, there are various portable motion alarms and pool alarms that you could also look into, but it may require some fiddling while you're on vacation.
posted by Karaage at 7:21 PM on January 1, 2019

Response by poster: All excellent suggestions--thank you. I've never lived in a home with a pool so wasn't aware that most of these products existed.
posted by eggman at 7:54 PM on January 1, 2019

If the villa is affiliated with a resort they may well have a reasonably secure temporary fence they can easily install for your stay.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 7:56 PM on January 1, 2019 [3 favorites]

Seconding puddle jumpers vs life jackets. They are bulky, yes, but in my experience, life jackets make kids float on their belly, face down. Puddle jumpers have them floating upright. How about a door alarm thatbeeps when a door is opened.
posted by leslievictoria at 8:17 PM on January 1, 2019 [2 favorites]

You can get door opening chimes that you can use adhesive strips to mount temporarily on doors. Verbally confirm with other adults when you expect them to be keeping an eye on your kids. Do not trust someone to watch your kids around the pool if you have any concerns about their ability to pay attention to actually watching them.
posted by HMSSM at 8:21 PM on January 1, 2019 [1 favorite]

I don’t know how deep the pool is, or what development stage your kids are at but if you’re super concerned about it I would also consider putting some deck chair in the pool when people aren’t using it as a way for a kid to find purchase/get out of the pool. It’s an excessive maneuver but it may give you some puce of mind.
posted by raccoon409 at 8:33 PM on January 1, 2019

When are you going? Is there time before hand for swim lessons?
posted by Toddles at 8:35 PM on January 1, 2019 [2 favorites]

Nthing puddle jumpers.
posted by vignettist at 8:48 PM on January 1, 2019

Hang bells on the doors and gates
Get some kind of alarm on the kid that is LOUD when it gets wet
One parent stays sober each night so you can hear any alarms

But honestly- Do you have to stay there? You're not being paranoid to be afraid and the cost is very high if a kid sneaks out and gets into the pool. Two is too young for rationality or swimming skills to be useful in my opinion... that would make me very uncomfortable.

At the very least, try to claim a bedroom as far possible from that exit.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 8:56 PM on January 1, 2019 [3 favorites]

I am the most chill mom evah... and I would not stay at that place unless they could put up fencing (even if temporary) between the house and the front side side of the pool. With two-year-olds, you need a physical barrier because that pool is going to be tempting AF. I’d talk to the hotel and see what that can propose. It looks very nice, so I assume it’s a professionally run place and will have good suggestions.
posted by whitewall at 9:12 PM on January 1, 2019 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Leaving Saturday. No other option for accommodations.

Looks like we're going with the below in addition to the piddle jumpers. Thanks everyone!

https://www.amazon.com/Safety-Turtle-Child-Immersion-Water/product-reviews/B019CWBUS2
posted by eggman at 9:15 PM on January 1, 2019

Response by poster: This is not a hotel. It's a private home that we're renting.
posted by eggman at 9:16 PM on January 1, 2019

Nothing will beat proper supervision, and a locked door to all entrances to the pool area.
posted by Middlemarch at 9:22 PM on January 1, 2019

Even if it's a private home, I would still explore fencing or gates. A set of dog pens opened up might work, along with some zip-ties, etc. Is there a local mailing list or contact you could ask to explore that option?

Also-- NEVER assume that because there are a number of adults present near the pool that any of them is actually watching your kid/s. I've been with large gatherings where people dismiss the danger because "we'll all watch out" but that really means no one is watching out.

Also, your energy level may be more sustainable if each of you parents gets specific down time from watching out for the kids, rather than both of you always being "on." Of course you'd jump if you saw something happening, but sometimes one person managing the kids at a time is simpler than two, and allows the other to relax and gear up for the next "shift."
posted by cocoagirl at 9:57 PM on January 1, 2019 [4 favorites]

I'm a former lifeguard and mother of a 4 yr old with family working in disability.
I wouldn't go.

It is actually illegal where I am to have unfenced pools. If this were my rental I wouldn't allow kids in it for this reason. There was a thread on here a while ago about a week on a boat with toddlers and the overwhelming response was "just don't" and I'm kind of baffled you're not getting the same response. This, if anything, is worse - the water is SO close and the steps SO accessible and they're just exactly THAT age, and it's a crowd of people... If nothing else I'd spend so much time and energy watching their every move I wouldn't be able to participate or enjoy myself anyway.

Drowning is SO quick, and SO quiet, and so very very permanent. And surviving a drowning incident almost always indicates an ABI of some sort (acquired brain injury). Just...no.

Don't rely on anyone else, or on mechanisms that rely on consistant behaviour among a group of people. Have a plan for when said kids throw a tantrum about having to wear a puddle jumper all day every day, days in a row (yes really). I would also insist on some sort of not -climbable barrier between the pillars securing the deck area (extra wide baby gates, dog gates, *anything*).

Google how drowning happens, specifically with kids. It's fast. It's silent.
Google drowning stats (1. Toddlers 2. Drunk young males)
Learn as much CPR as possible.
posted by jrobin276 at 10:23 PM on January 1, 2019 [25 favorites]

If I absolutely had to go, and there was absolutely no way to physically lock the pool away behind the appropriate fencing and gating... it'd be locked doors, door alarms, pool alarms and TODDLER LEASHES.

Sure, boo me. I had 4 kids age 6 and under at once. Leashes prevented running into the road when I had a baby carrier and three kids holding hands. Leashes got us safely through parking lots.
posted by stormyteal at 11:06 PM on January 1, 2019 [4 favorites]

I would not stay there. It will not be a vacation, especially because there will be other adults around who won’t naturally think of kid safety the way you do - you are going to be constantly on guard, tracking your kids and checking that everyone has closed the doors properly. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and you could literally not pay me enough to stay in that house. The risk is very real, the son of our friends drowned in their (fenced, alarmed) pool a few years ago. I would choose to be the party-pooping vacation skipper without hesitation.
posted by yogalemon at 12:18 AM on January 2, 2019 [10 favorites]

No way would I stay there with a toddler (let alone two!). Not even one night. That house/pool set-up would be illegal here.

There is no method of making that acceptably safe. A 3-year-old Australian girl drowned at a holiday villa in Bali last year with a similar set-up, and she had grown up living by the ocean and could swim.

Nope.
posted by Salamander at 12:32 AM on January 2, 2019 [3 favorites]

I agree designate a responsible person for shifts. Hubby and I frequently vacation at homes or hotels with good pools. We discuss pool safety with the kids every morning. Due to the age difference of the kids we generally do man-to-man coverage, but when one or the other of us needs a break hubby and I make eye contact with one another and say "I am getting out of the pool for a minute, do you have both of the kids?" If you can add another willing adult into this dynamic that would be very helpful all around.

For each of my kids at toddler age they just were not allowed to take their puddle jumpers off at all when in proximity to the pool. Neither of them has been uncomfortable wearing it all day long.

For a little break you could designate one bedroom as a game room and put a baby gate across the door and let them play or watch TV in that confined area while they are not in the pool. It doesn't take away the need for supervision obviously but it will add another layer of barrier between kiddos and pool access. Even better if you can also add a baby gate to the patio door. Maybe you can get the family to agree to using one patio door only, keeping it closed, and keeping the remaining doors locked at all times.
posted by vignettist at 12:37 AM on January 2, 2019 [1 favorite]

I wouldn’t go. In fact, when my kids were that age, I rejected holiday homes with a pool setup like yours for exactly that reason - because it was impossible to 100% know they’d always be safe and the risk wasn’t worth it. You can control you. You can’t control other adults who aren’t used to being obsessively careful with things like baby safety and gates and you definitely can’t control toddlers with open doors and open pools.
posted by Jubey at 2:36 AM on January 2, 2019 [3 favorites]

Oh dear. I just want to add another vote for not going. That set-up is just not possible for toddlers. There’s no way to make it sufficiently safe. You will probably not enjoy the vacation because you’ll be on edge the entire time.

I would look for separate accommodations or just cancel.
posted by ohio at 3:54 AM on January 2, 2019 [2 favorites]

Puddle jumpers are Type III flotation devices, which means they won’t flip an unconscious child onto his back, unlike a proper Type II life jacket (back collar, strap that goes between the legs) which will. (A swim vest won’t.) for either, think about how you’ll deal with rashes if they occur, especially under the arms.

Look, I’ve lost a baby to oxygen deprivation at birth, watched her struggle for life for several days. I’m also a former lifeguard. What you’ve described- wriggly and cagey twin boys, multiple family members, unfenced pool, unfamiliar home, vacation mentality on the part of the adults - is my nightmare. I would not go. I would seriously think about how you are going to arrange sleep so the boys can’t get out but are safe, naps, meals, daytime, packing time, cooking time, etc. Also do not depend on your relatives, especially whoever picked that villa knowing you were coming. They Don’t Get It.

Those safety bracelets are neat but I see in the reviews they don’t always work. Also kids wriggle out of them. Be aware that they are/may be one line of defence but not THE line. I’d add at least a door alarm (for the bedroom if it won’t go on the exterior door) to your list.

You are still good parents if you go. But man, I would not put my adrenal glands under that stress.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:32 AM on January 2, 2019 [3 favorites]

Do you have a family member or someone who can care for the children while you take the vacation without them? This seems extremely dangerous no matter what precautions you take.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 5:13 AM on January 2, 2019 [2 favorites]

Have you checked with the villa rental company about putting up a temporary fence for the duration of your stay? I manage a Caribbean villa and have gladly done this in the past for guests. It can be tough to get supplies to an island in a timely fashion, so worst case scenario, you could bring pet fencing or deck mesh with you and the rental manager could have a contractor ready to install it the moment you arrived.
posted by kayzie at 5:14 AM on January 2, 2019 [1 favorite]

Pediatric ER doctor here-- and parent of 3 under 5.

I would not stay at a place set up that way, even with alarms, gates, etc. In nearly every case of fatal or survived drowning I've been involved in, the refrain from parents/adults is always "it was literally one second that we looked away". The risk/benefit ratio just doesn't compute. No vacation will be super enjoyable if you must have eyes on the children for Every. Single. Second...

BUT- if you are going to go: I advise back-floating life jackets designated to your children's weight (puddle jumpers likely too big for your 2 year olds unless they're on the heavier end of the growth curve for 2), pool alarm, man-to-man defense with each parent designated to one twin (colored wrist bands, hats or other matched pairs can help make sure you're looking at the right kid at the right time.) Baby gates over the room where the kid is sleeping, and alarm the doors that exit to the patio.

It's like carseats-- probably you won't crash on the way to the supermarket, but you still put your kids in a carseat every time...
posted by BundleOfHers at 5:26 AM on January 2, 2019 [6 favorites]

Response by poster: I appreciate all the answers here. We know that the risk of an incident, regardless of precautions (and we'll be taking as many of them as we can to the greatest extent possible) is not zero. However, that can be said of just about any situation any of us encounter. Without going into the backstory of why this trip is happening to begin with . . . we're going, and staying in this house (with other children, BTW).
posted by eggman at 7:20 AM on January 2, 2019 [4 favorites]

Given that you are going for sure, I would make sure that every single adult in the house knows that drowning is the third leading cause of death of children 1-4 in the US (only behind car accidents and suffocation), and knows that drowning is often silent. I would also make sure they know that the bracelets are not a failsafe (as they may think so and not be as vigilant.)

That may help them to be a support crew for you and your spouse. Statistically of course you are still likely to be fine.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:39 AM on January 2, 2019 [1 favorite]

I actually live in the TCI and know the place where the villa is-- from memory, it's an open walk to the sea since it's right on the beach, so either way you're going to need to have adult supervision while kids have outdoor access (the beach there is awesome for parents with kids, as it's an incredibly shallow bay, you'll absolutely love it!)

You've got extended family, all wanting to enjoy the sun. Agreeing that a couple of adults need to be in or over-watching the pool is not exactly a burden down here :) Of all my friends with kids born and raised here, I think one may have a small gated pool-- you just deal with it, if kids are around, we make sure an adults at, or in the pool too.

At night, lock it down and if you think your kids (or others?) may still break free from a locked house, you could grab a few of those door-alarms that's just stick on and blare loudly, and turn them on at night. They're like five bucks each from Amazon.

Oh, and rent a vehicle, don't get a taxi-- way cheaper! Drop me a mail if you have questions about where to eat etc.
posted by Static Vagabond at 9:33 AM on January 2, 2019 [3 favorites]

being vigilant that one of us has the "eye" at all times

This past summer I noticed that a lot of mini kid/baby pools and other water toys now come with a "Water Watcher" card. The idea is that when you have physical possession of the card, you are solely responsible for the child(ren). To go take a break/leave/use the bathroom/whatever, you have to then hand off the card to someone else, thus cutting down on misunderstandings on who is doing what.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 9:41 AM on January 2, 2019 [3 favorites]

If the exterior doors are French doors you can get a baby safety door lock or use rubber bands or hair rubber bands to tie the handles of the two doors together. That's an extra reminder to the adults that "these doors stay locked", as well as an extra barrier to the kids.

If its evening time try to make use of high chairs if you can get your hands on some. I would think evening / meal prep time would be a time when people get easily distracted.

Good suggestion to add a paid babysitter if you can. Or as other family members are also bringing kids, maybe work out shifts where one or two adults are entertaining the kids away from the pool or beach so that all adults get turns at some kid-free time?
posted by vignettist at 11:03 AM on January 2, 2019

If you must go, hire a nanny, or depending on the number of kids, hire two and get all the parents to chip in. All it takes is an adult or two in holiday mode with a few drinks under the belt (and let’s face it, that’s kind of the point, right, to be in holiday mode) to leave those doors open. Just once. So hire someone whose sole job it is to watch.
posted by Jubey at 3:49 PM on January 2, 2019

Maybe not a thing in that climate, but you could ask whether there's a pool cover that could be put on during your stay.
posted by lakeroon at 6:07 PM on January 2, 2019

Lots of good advice here so a favor to ask: will you update us after the trip? Reading all these really freaked me out for you. I'm sure it will be fine but now we're all really concerned! Have fun and be safe!
posted by masquesoporfavor at 11:09 PM on January 2, 2019 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: Yes! I will absolutely provide an update upon our return . . . appreciate all the concern and suggestions.
posted by eggman at 9:16 AM on January 3, 2019 [1 favorite]

I've got 4 kids. 2 10yo boys, 2 9yo girls.

I'd put a safety cover on the door knobs and call it a day. The nanny, life jacket (wear them all the time?) and other ideas are wayyyy overkill in my opinion.

Bells and other standard safety stuff you use at home to keep them in or out of things.
posted by ish__ at 3:38 PM on January 3, 2019

Response by poster: Update from my trip . . . no issues with pool. No close calls--someone always had the "eyeball."

The Safety Turtle 2.0 provided a measure of prevention/peace of mind when the twins were out of the water (especially at night) that was very helpful. We put the bracelets on when we got there and didn't take them off until we were walking out of our villa a week later.

Ironically, it was me that nearly drowned, but that's a story for another Ask . . .
posted by eggman at 1:31 PM on January 14, 2019 [4 favorites]

Ace, hope you had a wonderful time :)
posted by Static Vagabond at 7:31 AM on January 15, 2019

Glad you all survived!
posted by masquesoporfavor at 1:57 PM on January 19, 2019