How do I deal with bad situations at work?
October 30, 2018 11:38 PM Subscribe
I am a teller at a bank and many of my co-workers act unprofessionally. Is this behavior common in these types of jobs?
Here's a few examples of some of the things that have happened.
My branch manager one day yells out to a banker across the bank "hey how would you rate (other employee) looks? She's pretty but has a bad personality so she's in the negative" Bad personality in this context meaning that she's shy and quiet not that she's a bad person.
This made me extremely uncomfortable as I am really quiet (and attractive) and there was no reason to make these comments at work.
I have also walked in on her talking about me with my other co-workers. Something to the effect of "oh no I'm not looking forward to seeing her tonight at this event, she's so awkward"
Another co-worker will give people the silent treatment on a regular basis. She will not try to work things out with people by communicating with them. She has currently moved on to me.
Another male co-worker in the past has had his hands all over another female co-worker while they were at work. He is married.
Another co-worker will make fun of another co worker for making mistakes and almost relish the opportunity to talk about them.
I have an anxiety disorder and I've overheard people talking about me in an awful way. I had a very hard time at first as a teller especially with an anxiety disorder.
It hasn't all been bad but honestly I can't stand any of these people at all. I'm wondering if it's like this in every job where people will try to bring people down all the time. There seems to always be some sort of power play in these interactions.
It's tiring and I can't wait to be out. How do I learn how to cope? Are people generally this much of an asshole everywhere?
Here's a few examples of some of the things that have happened.
My branch manager one day yells out to a banker across the bank "hey how would you rate (other employee) looks? She's pretty but has a bad personality so she's in the negative" Bad personality in this context meaning that she's shy and quiet not that she's a bad person.
This made me extremely uncomfortable as I am really quiet (and attractive) and there was no reason to make these comments at work.
I have also walked in on her talking about me with my other co-workers. Something to the effect of "oh no I'm not looking forward to seeing her tonight at this event, she's so awkward"
Another co-worker will give people the silent treatment on a regular basis. She will not try to work things out with people by communicating with them. She has currently moved on to me.
Another male co-worker in the past has had his hands all over another female co-worker while they were at work. He is married.
Another co-worker will make fun of another co worker for making mistakes and almost relish the opportunity to talk about them.
I have an anxiety disorder and I've overheard people talking about me in an awful way. I had a very hard time at first as a teller especially with an anxiety disorder.
It hasn't all been bad but honestly I can't stand any of these people at all. I'm wondering if it's like this in every job where people will try to bring people down all the time. There seems to always be some sort of power play in these interactions.
It's tiring and I can't wait to be out. How do I learn how to cope? Are people generally this much of an asshole everywhere?
I have worked in some toxic environments and still nothing to this level. Get the hell out of there, it's definitely better elsewhere. Maybe not perfect, but probably better.
posted by acidnova at 11:46 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by acidnova at 11:46 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
To add more: in particular, the branch manager's behavior is especially striking to me. No wonder everyone else is so toxic - she's leading by example. Unfortunately, you're likely to encounter some level of toxicity in the workplace, but it's much more tolerable when it's only a few people at most. However, who those people are can matter a lot. Like if it's your direct superior or someone you have to work with very closely (like on a project or something). If those toxic people group up and rule the roost together, it's pretty terrible (more opportunities for backstabbing and rumor mills).
It's not always easy to tell when starting a job what the environment is like, but you can start to develop your instincts for recognizing it. If it's apparent during an interview, you might be best not accepting the offer. A good piece of advice I've heard: employers will never treat you better than when they're trying to hire you. If it's bad at that point, it will not get better.
Don't lose heart - not every workplace is so toxic. But it really can be a case of bad management. Either they themselves are causing the toxicity or they are doing nothing to address the problem. Plenty of work places have reasonably healthy environments.
posted by acidnova at 11:56 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
It's not always easy to tell when starting a job what the environment is like, but you can start to develop your instincts for recognizing it. If it's apparent during an interview, you might be best not accepting the offer. A good piece of advice I've heard: employers will never treat you better than when they're trying to hire you. If it's bad at that point, it will not get better.
Don't lose heart - not every workplace is so toxic. But it really can be a case of bad management. Either they themselves are causing the toxicity or they are doing nothing to address the problem. Plenty of work places have reasonably healthy environments.
posted by acidnova at 11:56 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
Nope. Not normal. You work in a pretty bad place.
Can you take your experience and get a job at another bank?
posted by SLC Mom at 11:57 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
Can you take your experience and get a job at another bank?
posted by SLC Mom at 11:57 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
To add more: in particular, the branch manager's behavior is especially striking to me. No wonder everyone else is so toxic - she's leading by example.
Yep. This kind of thing trickles down hard and fast. But no, not every workplace is this bad. In your position I would be actively looking for something else.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:20 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
Yep. This kind of thing trickles down hard and fast. But no, not every workplace is this bad. In your position I would be actively looking for something else.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:20 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
Until very recently I worked in a place with a very similar vibe, though minus the actual shouting across the room about employees' looks (WTF). (I did catch senior male employees ranking intern applications by the hotness of applicants' LinkedIn profiles though, and vicious backbiting over minor errors or personality differences was par for the course.) And yes, the deeply toxic culture was unquestionably perpetuated by our equally toxic boss, and efforts to shift it were futile as long as he was there. I stayed because I do a very specific job in a relatively niche sector and needed the experience, but still don't know if it was worth the immense toll on my psychological health.
So yes, if at all feasible I would advise you to begin looking elsewhere ASAP, before the shenanigans at your current job completely drain your will to live. It was really hard to stay in the right frame of mind for job hunting while my old position was sapping all my mental and emotional energy; I recommend taking up meditation, regular workouts, therapy, anything that will help you keep a grip on your sense of self worth while you apply other places. Good luck!
posted by peakes at 2:17 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
So yes, if at all feasible I would advise you to begin looking elsewhere ASAP, before the shenanigans at your current job completely drain your will to live. It was really hard to stay in the right frame of mind for job hunting while my old position was sapping all my mental and emotional energy; I recommend taking up meditation, regular workouts, therapy, anything that will help you keep a grip on your sense of self worth while you apply other places. Good luck!
posted by peakes at 2:17 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
Dear god no that's not normal. See if you can switch branches.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:20 AM on October 31, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:20 AM on October 31, 2018 [6 favorites]
I've asked several questions about my workplace, just to tell you that my own situation is far from perfect. And even then the level of toxicity you've described seems very, very out of ordinary. Start looking for a change, stat. Good luck!
posted by Nieshka at 3:13 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Nieshka at 3:13 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
Get out. Not only will it drain your will to live, but even if by some miracle the toxic boss leaves and things quiet down it will be a long time before it stops affecting you. Some people can shrug off minor toxicity or at least get past it quickly once things are made more normal, but when it's at that kind of ridiculous frathouse level it can mess with your head in ways that will haunt you for years.
posted by wierdo at 3:49 AM on October 31, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by wierdo at 3:49 AM on October 31, 2018 [8 favorites]
This is abnormally toxic. You should look for another place to work as one of the downsides of working in toxic environments it that you start to lose a sense of what is normal. This is way way way beyond normal.
posted by like_neon at 4:19 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by like_neon at 4:19 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
This is one of those situations where the answer is FLEE. You need a new job ASAP.
(Possibility: does your bank allow branch transfers?)
posted by DarlingBri at 5:40 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
(Possibility: does your bank allow branch transfers?)
posted by DarlingBri at 5:40 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
Worse than any place I've ever been, worse than any place my wife's ever been, worse than any place my mother's been, worse than any place my father's been.
Some of the behaviors you describe are ones that come up in my employer's "Don't get us sued" workshops. E.g., the yelling comments about people's appearance (presumably not job-related and a business necessity for bank tellers), or the public physical affection (even if consensual between them).
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 6:10 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
Some of the behaviors you describe are ones that come up in my employer's "Don't get us sued" workshops. E.g., the yelling comments about people's appearance (presumably not job-related and a business necessity for bank tellers), or the public physical affection (even if consensual between them).
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 6:10 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
One thing I've noticed: jobs with a lot of churn and relatively low entry requirements can sometimes be especially toxic, because the business may be focused on getting a constant flow of new employees rather than maintaining a pool of good-quality ones. Also, the worse quality/pay/etc a job is, the more the employee pool will consist of people just starting out, people who have suffered a setback or have health challenges....and people who are too awful to get hired anywhere else.
In addition to seeking a new entry level bank/related job, think about the medium term - how can you get into a job which requires more skills and is geared to a smaller, more committed workforce? With financial experience, you might be able to get into something like billing or entry level financial work at a university, in city government, etc. Large bureaucracies like that can have their own problems, but they're often pretty decent and I've never heard of anything like what you describe even in dysfunctional situations.
(Not to say that all jobs with long-term staff/less churn/more skills are great...it's just that the worst jobs I've ever had have all been high-churn entry level ones where there is no real incentive to retain employees.)
posted by Frowner at 7:50 AM on October 31, 2018 [6 favorites]
In addition to seeking a new entry level bank/related job, think about the medium term - how can you get into a job which requires more skills and is geared to a smaller, more committed workforce? With financial experience, you might be able to get into something like billing or entry level financial work at a university, in city government, etc. Large bureaucracies like that can have their own problems, but they're often pretty decent and I've never heard of anything like what you describe even in dysfunctional situations.
(Not to say that all jobs with long-term staff/less churn/more skills are great...it's just that the worst jobs I've ever had have all been high-churn entry level ones where there is no real incentive to retain employees.)
posted by Frowner at 7:50 AM on October 31, 2018 [6 favorites]
Your manager is acting badly, but may not be a bad person. I have found that some women try to prove that they are "cool" or "one of the guys" by engaging in stereotypically bad behavior. This is reinforced by pop culture - in the movies and TV, what are called strong women respond to sexual banter with snappy comebacks and "give as good as they take". The problem is if she really is a bad person, talking with her will only make things worse. Maybe an anonymous note to her boss "If X doesn't control the behavior of her and her employees there will a lawsuit in the future", try to make it sound like non-employee observed this so it doesn't come back on you.
posted by 445supermag at 7:51 AM on October 31, 2018
posted by 445supermag at 7:51 AM on October 31, 2018
I work at a bank, (in Canada), in a number of branches, and I've never seen or heard of behaviour like you describe. It's not normal, not ok. I work on a team of people who visit lots of different branches. I've never seen any of them behave like that, or discuss witnessing behaviour like that.
You may have access to a whistleblower hotline, or an anonymous way of reporting this behaviour. I would not expect this to change any time soon, but your manager should change their ways or leave. To the extent you feel safe and comfortable, you should speak to others about this, because that's how change can happen. But these sort of workplace cultures protect themselves from change by blaming and retaliating against victims, so it's understandable to want to keep quiet, find another job and move on. That's ok. It's not your job to fix this, it's your colleagues' and senior management's.
Best of luck in your job search, if that's what you choose. Your feeling that this behaviour is not typical and not ok is the right one. This is not something you're supposed to tolerate or get used to.
posted by thenormshow at 8:06 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
You may have access to a whistleblower hotline, or an anonymous way of reporting this behaviour. I would not expect this to change any time soon, but your manager should change their ways or leave. To the extent you feel safe and comfortable, you should speak to others about this, because that's how change can happen. But these sort of workplace cultures protect themselves from change by blaming and retaliating against victims, so it's understandable to want to keep quiet, find another job and move on. That's ok. It's not your job to fix this, it's your colleagues' and senior management's.
Best of luck in your job search, if that's what you choose. Your feeling that this behaviour is not typical and not ok is the right one. This is not something you're supposed to tolerate or get used to.
posted by thenormshow at 8:06 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
There are places like this, but honestly what you describe is so bad it's quite difficult for people to act like this at length at any place that has some kind of concern about a) being sued by employees b) customers witnessing/being affected by this behavior.
It seems impossible to me, but is this bank part of a large chain? I would be documenting at least the very concrete issues - like shouting attractiveness ratings and insults across an area where customers presumably might walk in - to some kind of HR body/representative at Corporate.
Whatever you do or are able to do, please know that "it's not all bad" is useless self-gaslighting that mostly is trained into women and should be removed from your lexicon and shot into the sun. It's not like you should take abuse or allow abuse to go on for as long as there's some good thing left at all, that's not how it works. See also "poop milkshake". I mean, it's true that most people don't love their job/workplace more than puppies or baseball games, but you know what you're seeing and you know it's not okay, don't talk yourself out of seeing it.
As far as how to deal with it? Sometimes it's enough to just take on the silent expression of someone who is going to take notes and report the behavior. You don't have to say it, just appear to be taking it in like, "huh, okay, that's what you're going with here, I see" and then when you have a chance DO document it and then report it. You don't have the authority to fix it, but you might have a tiny bit of power (just as a witness) to get them in trouble and you can make that threat without ever saying anything out loud to them. In your head, you can think something like, "imagine if a customer or Corporate representative walked in right now?" And that is one reason you shouldn't try to play along or even provide them with the hurt/scared/offended reaction they're trying to get from you: because one day someone is going to walk in on this and you do not want to look like part of it. Focus on doing your job, that's what you're there for and what you're being paid to do.
Work on finding a new job, but do your best to burn the old one down in the process - it's entirely possible you could be the agent of change here, but it's not your primary responsibility. Take care of you first.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:28 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
It seems impossible to me, but is this bank part of a large chain? I would be documenting at least the very concrete issues - like shouting attractiveness ratings and insults across an area where customers presumably might walk in - to some kind of HR body/representative at Corporate.
Whatever you do or are able to do, please know that "it's not all bad" is useless self-gaslighting that mostly is trained into women and should be removed from your lexicon and shot into the sun. It's not like you should take abuse or allow abuse to go on for as long as there's some good thing left at all, that's not how it works. See also "poop milkshake". I mean, it's true that most people don't love their job/workplace more than puppies or baseball games, but you know what you're seeing and you know it's not okay, don't talk yourself out of seeing it.
As far as how to deal with it? Sometimes it's enough to just take on the silent expression of someone who is going to take notes and report the behavior. You don't have to say it, just appear to be taking it in like, "huh, okay, that's what you're going with here, I see" and then when you have a chance DO document it and then report it. You don't have the authority to fix it, but you might have a tiny bit of power (just as a witness) to get them in trouble and you can make that threat without ever saying anything out loud to them. In your head, you can think something like, "imagine if a customer or Corporate representative walked in right now?" And that is one reason you shouldn't try to play along or even provide them with the hurt/scared/offended reaction they're trying to get from you: because one day someone is going to walk in on this and you do not want to look like part of it. Focus on doing your job, that's what you're there for and what you're being paid to do.
Work on finding a new job, but do your best to burn the old one down in the process - it's entirely possible you could be the agent of change here, but it's not your primary responsibility. Take care of you first.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:28 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
I an an anxious person, and was a bank teller in high school. While we weren't entirely without interpersonal drama it was nothing at all like that. Definitely not normal.
posted by sepviva at 4:52 PM on October 31, 2018
posted by sepviva at 4:52 PM on October 31, 2018
I'm a contractor for a regional bank and I've been in over 100 different branches in the past 6 months for hours at a time. There are absolutely palpable differences from branch to branch, as one might expect from different collections of humans in close temporal and spatial proximity. I'm a bit like the Spanish Inquisition, in that they are never expecting me to show up, but when I walk in and ask for the manager I can usually tell within a minute or two of opening the door whether I'm in a "lively" bank or a "serious" bank.
I would echo what others have said above. The way the manager conducts themselves when there are no customers in the building really sets the tone for the other employees. It definitely sounds like you're in a bad branch.
posted by glonous keming at 7:17 PM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
I would echo what others have said above. The way the manager conducts themselves when there are no customers in the building really sets the tone for the other employees. It definitely sounds like you're in a bad branch.
posted by glonous keming at 7:17 PM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
This is pretty common, yeah. It's also common for jobs to NOT have this atmosphere. If you can move branches or can find a new job, I would do that as soon as you are able.
posted by josher71 at 9:27 AM on November 1, 2018
posted by josher71 at 9:27 AM on November 1, 2018
I'd also be wondering if the other employees are honest, if they are actively trying to make you uncomfortable.
posted by Baeria at 10:36 AM on November 1, 2018
posted by Baeria at 10:36 AM on November 1, 2018
My branch manager one day yells out to a banker across the bank "hey how would you rate (other employee) looks? She's pretty but has a bad personality so she's in the negative" Bad personality in this context meaning that she's shy and quiet not that she's a bad person. This is sexual harassment, possibly legally actionable. Creating a hostile environment.
I have also walked in on her talking about me with my other co-workers. Something to the effect of "oh no I'm not looking forward to seeing her tonight at this event, she's so awkward" Rude and creating a hostile environment.
Another co-worker will give people the silent treatment on a regular basis. She will not try to work things out with people by communicating with them. She has currently moved on to me. Assholery that should not be tolerated by management.
Another male co-worker in the past has had his hands all over another female co-worker while they were at work. He is married.This is sexual harassment, possibly legally actionable. Creating a hostile environment.
Another co-worker will make fun of another co worker for making mistakes and almost relish the opportunity to talk about them. Assholery that should not be tolerated by management.
Look for another job. As soon as you find one, let the people above your horrible current manager know why you're leaving. It's really not you, it's really them. It's really not okay.
Meanwhile, work on becoming a bit more assertive. The world is very unkind to people who are not assertive; bullies choose the easiest targets they can find, so if you can develop some better armor and defenses, life will be better. Please understand that this is not your fault in any way.
posted by theora55 at 9:05 AM on November 3, 2018
I have also walked in on her talking about me with my other co-workers. Something to the effect of "oh no I'm not looking forward to seeing her tonight at this event, she's so awkward" Rude and creating a hostile environment.
Another co-worker will give people the silent treatment on a regular basis. She will not try to work things out with people by communicating with them. She has currently moved on to me. Assholery that should not be tolerated by management.
Another male co-worker in the past has had his hands all over another female co-worker while they were at work. He is married.This is sexual harassment, possibly legally actionable. Creating a hostile environment.
Another co-worker will make fun of another co worker for making mistakes and almost relish the opportunity to talk about them. Assholery that should not be tolerated by management.
Look for another job. As soon as you find one, let the people above your horrible current manager know why you're leaving. It's really not you, it's really them. It's really not okay.
Meanwhile, work on becoming a bit more assertive. The world is very unkind to people who are not assertive; bullies choose the easiest targets they can find, so if you can develop some better armor and defenses, life will be better. Please understand that this is not your fault in any way.
posted by theora55 at 9:05 AM on November 3, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by AlexiaSky at 11:43 PM on October 30, 2018 [56 favorites]