Help me take more care with my appearance
October 25, 2018 1:34 PM Subscribe
I'm an almost-30 cis, straight female. I like to be comfortable and have a low-maintenance lifestyle but I've drifted too far in this direction. How can I put more effort into my appearance and look more feminine without giving up too much comfort or adding too much maintenance to daily life?
Some examples of my current comfortable, low-maintenance lifestyle that may or may not need to change:
- I opt for clothes with legs and pockets (i.e. pants, shorts) pretty much always
- I carry everything I need in my pockets or a backpack if it's a lot of stuff; I don't ever carry any type of purse
- I cut my nails ~weekly and never file, shape, or polish them
- I have a very minimal wardrobe: one pair of jeans, one coat, one scarf, two pairs of shoes, one pair of boots, etc. I often wear workout clothes or technical clothes for extra comfort. I prefer buying fewer high-quality items that will last me a long time
- I never wear heels, because they're less comfortable and I never really got the hang of them
- I never wear make-up. Once a year at the absolute most. Partly because I don't know how to do it well, partly because of the time and money required for lots of products, even for so-called "minimal" looks
- I spend zero effort on my hair daily. I have wavy hair and don't know how to make it look nice, so I don't bother trying (right now is very short but I'm growing it out)
- I've had my ears pierced a few times but kept leaving the earrings out until the holes closed up (I honestly can't remember why I kept doing this, but I don't think it was on purpose). I haven't had them pierced for a long time now, and I worry a bit about earrings getting caught on things so haven't had them done again
- I wear no jewellery except a watch 24/7 except showering
- I put on hand cream when my hands feel dry but otherwise don't do any skin maintenance
I'd like to take some more care with my appearance and perhaps focus on looking a little more feminine. I used to do some of these things (wore jewellery, dresses and skirts, carried a purse) but have fallen out of those habits. Perhaps partly because I started working from home a few years ago so I leave the house less often. Some of these things (hair and make-up) I've pretty much never done.
Also, I'm short, with an hourglass figure, and quite a big bust. I hate all of these things because the styles I like best suit flat, straight body shapes. I've always felt that styles suited to my body shape aren't things I like, so I'd feel uncomfortable wearing them even if they fit (but perhaps I didn't try this approach enough to be sure).
In the past year I've stepped up the maintenance required in other parts of my life (eg. regular dentist appointments, flossing twice daily, gym at 5am every weekday, prepping healthy snacks) so I know I can get used to some extra maintenance if I feel it's worthwhile. And though I don't have the disposable income for it now, I'm happy to entertain ideas that involve paying professionals regularly, in case I'm able to do so in the future.
Thanks for any ideas!
Some examples of my current comfortable, low-maintenance lifestyle that may or may not need to change:
- I opt for clothes with legs and pockets (i.e. pants, shorts) pretty much always
- I carry everything I need in my pockets or a backpack if it's a lot of stuff; I don't ever carry any type of purse
- I cut my nails ~weekly and never file, shape, or polish them
- I have a very minimal wardrobe: one pair of jeans, one coat, one scarf, two pairs of shoes, one pair of boots, etc. I often wear workout clothes or technical clothes for extra comfort. I prefer buying fewer high-quality items that will last me a long time
- I never wear heels, because they're less comfortable and I never really got the hang of them
- I never wear make-up. Once a year at the absolute most. Partly because I don't know how to do it well, partly because of the time and money required for lots of products, even for so-called "minimal" looks
- I spend zero effort on my hair daily. I have wavy hair and don't know how to make it look nice, so I don't bother trying (right now is very short but I'm growing it out)
- I've had my ears pierced a few times but kept leaving the earrings out until the holes closed up (I honestly can't remember why I kept doing this, but I don't think it was on purpose). I haven't had them pierced for a long time now, and I worry a bit about earrings getting caught on things so haven't had them done again
- I wear no jewellery except a watch 24/7 except showering
- I put on hand cream when my hands feel dry but otherwise don't do any skin maintenance
I'd like to take some more care with my appearance and perhaps focus on looking a little more feminine. I used to do some of these things (wore jewellery, dresses and skirts, carried a purse) but have fallen out of those habits. Perhaps partly because I started working from home a few years ago so I leave the house less often. Some of these things (hair and make-up) I've pretty much never done.
Also, I'm short, with an hourglass figure, and quite a big bust. I hate all of these things because the styles I like best suit flat, straight body shapes. I've always felt that styles suited to my body shape aren't things I like, so I'd feel uncomfortable wearing them even if they fit (but perhaps I didn't try this approach enough to be sure).
In the past year I've stepped up the maintenance required in other parts of my life (eg. regular dentist appointments, flossing twice daily, gym at 5am every weekday, prepping healthy snacks) so I know I can get used to some extra maintenance if I feel it's worthwhile. And though I don't have the disposable income for it now, I'm happy to entertain ideas that involve paying professionals regularly, in case I'm able to do so in the future.
Thanks for any ideas!
I am leaning more low-maintenance the older I get, but to me the quickest/easiest way to look more feminine while retaining comfort is to add a scarf and some sort of lightweight-but-large dangly earring. Maybe a tinted lip balm and mascara* and you're done.
*if you're naturally fair like me you can also just dye your eyebrows and eyelashes at home, it lasts ~ 4 weeks and then you don't have to worry about daily application of mascara or eyebrow product!
posted by stellaluna at 2:03 PM on October 25, 2018
*if you're naturally fair like me you can also just dye your eyebrows and eyelashes at home, it lasts ~ 4 weeks and then you don't have to worry about daily application of mascara or eyebrow product!
posted by stellaluna at 2:03 PM on October 25, 2018
Best answer: Hi! I'm sorta in the same boat age/hair/ shape (ish)
What has worked for me: make it a habit and a routine. I now moisturize and put sunscreen on my face each morning. It's not "make-up" but makes a difference.
I have short wave/curl hair- I use a microfiber towel and curl cream, which helps! There is lots of good advice on the Internet for hair.
Educate yourself on what clothes fit and look good- back in the day Trinny and Susannah helped me figure out fashion basics.
Buy clothes that you like to wear and make you think you look good- feeling confident-comfortable is as important as physical-comfortable.
Hope that helps!
posted by freethefeet at 2:03 PM on October 25, 2018
What has worked for me: make it a habit and a routine. I now moisturize and put sunscreen on my face each morning. It's not "make-up" but makes a difference.
I have short wave/curl hair- I use a microfiber towel and curl cream, which helps! There is lots of good advice on the Internet for hair.
Educate yourself on what clothes fit and look good- back in the day Trinny and Susannah helped me figure out fashion basics.
Buy clothes that you like to wear and make you think you look good- feeling confident-comfortable is as important as physical-comfortable.
Hope that helps!
posted by freethefeet at 2:03 PM on October 25, 2018
I would say if you don't know how to make your hair look nice, that would be a great place to start. Maybe you just need the right blunt cut and learn how to add the right ... mousse, gel, whatever after you wash it. Maybe you need to learn how to pull it off your face with a scarf or a headband, etc. But I would spend a little time here and do it every day, including the days you don't leave the house. Make it into muscle memory. Learn two different ways it looks good, maybe up and down, and vary between the two.
posted by clone boulevard at 2:05 PM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by clone boulevard at 2:05 PM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I am very minimalist when it comes to makeup, but on the days I want to wear it, I just use BB cream, mascara, and a little tinted lip balm. It takes less than five minutes but it does make a noticeable difference when I do.
As for clothes with legs, I find that wearing leggings provides the pants fit and coverage that I want, but then I wear them with dresses and it's insanely comfortable while looking more feminine (doesn't help with pockets though).
I also think that getting my eyebrows waxed makes me feel really put together in a subtle way, but you may not have the patience for the process.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 2:10 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
As for clothes with legs, I find that wearing leggings provides the pants fit and coverage that I want, but then I wear them with dresses and it's insanely comfortable while looking more feminine (doesn't help with pockets though).
I also think that getting my eyebrows waxed makes me feel really put together in a subtle way, but you may not have the patience for the process.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 2:10 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
I found eyebrow grooming was a good starting point for me. I used a recommendation for a good waxer and had my eyebrows nicely shaped just once and have kept up the shape by plucking only the hairs that grew outside of that outline. All kinds of eye makeup made more sense on my face after that and even with no makeup it makes an impact. My eyebrows and eyelashes are lighter in color than my hair so my most minimal makeup is dark brown eyebrow gel (I like Anastasia) and brown or black mascara, it makes a big difference in how my eyes appear.
I live in a rainy area and I have a lot of walking in my commute and have found that tall boots, leggings and a durable stretchy skirt (like the ones you can find at REI) make me feel as secure as when I'm wearing jeans, though of course there are often fewer pockets.
I prefer to keep my hair long so I can wear it up. I have wavy hair and recently had bangs cut. I let my hair air dry and then use a small flat iron just on my bangs, its very little effort but I definitely look more polished. I use dry shampoo or a little volumizing powder for texture.
posted by Miss Matheson at 2:11 PM on October 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
I live in a rainy area and I have a lot of walking in my commute and have found that tall boots, leggings and a durable stretchy skirt (like the ones you can find at REI) make me feel as secure as when I'm wearing jeans, though of course there are often fewer pockets.
I prefer to keep my hair long so I can wear it up. I have wavy hair and recently had bangs cut. I let my hair air dry and then use a small flat iron just on my bangs, its very little effort but I definitely look more polished. I use dry shampoo or a little volumizing powder for texture.
posted by Miss Matheson at 2:11 PM on October 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I'm pretty masc/butch GF whatever- but a habit I picked up like a decade ago to curb my nail biting habit was to get my nails painted every month/twice a month or so. I can't paint my own nails (small tremor) but a cheap (IE not gel) manicure makes me feel really put together no matter my overall mood every time I see my nails. I have a really nice OPI grey on my nails right now, and even though I keep my nails really short it makes me feel like a competent adult.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:20 PM on October 25, 2018
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:20 PM on October 25, 2018
Response by poster: To answer praemunir, it's mainly that I'm turning 30 next month and would like to feel more like I'm grown up and am taking care in my appearance rather than not bothering because I'm lazy or don't know any better. I'd also like to gain some self-confidence from feeling better about my appearance.
I'm definitely looking for the best bang for my buck, so I appreciate all the suggestions for the smallest changes with the biggest impact!
I used to have my eyebrows waxed regularly but stopped due to cost and hassle. I might try this again, though I also found that "professionals" don't always necessarily do a great job, and I sometimes ended up with a fairly mediocre result despite spending the time and effort to have it done for me. I've found this to be the case with hairdressers, too, and tried so many different ones that kept giving me haircuts I hated, so "get a great haircut" seems like good advice but I'm not sure how to do that! (I've paid a lot for top-tier hairdressers and still had this problem.)
posted by bellebethcooper at 2:20 PM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'm definitely looking for the best bang for my buck, so I appreciate all the suggestions for the smallest changes with the biggest impact!
I used to have my eyebrows waxed regularly but stopped due to cost and hassle. I might try this again, though I also found that "professionals" don't always necessarily do a great job, and I sometimes ended up with a fairly mediocre result despite spending the time and effort to have it done for me. I've found this to be the case with hairdressers, too, and tried so many different ones that kept giving me haircuts I hated, so "get a great haircut" seems like good advice but I'm not sure how to do that! (I've paid a lot for top-tier hairdressers and still had this problem.)
posted by bellebethcooper at 2:20 PM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
You can look more polished by skipping the workout wear if you're out and about (and not going to workout). I don't think you need earrings to look polished or feminine, but a simple pair of hoops that latch closed are easy and low maintenance. You can also find comfortable tops that are a tiny step up workout wear in appearance but are still pretty comfortable.
As for your hair: do you have a hair person that you like? Regular haircuts can go a long way, and find someone who knows you won't be using complicated styling products or techniques. (Just saw your response about this. I wonder if you might look for photos of women with hair similar to yours who have haircuts you like? Just make sure it isn't a very complicated hairstyle.)
Make-up might do this. Go to a place like Macy's or a make-up store in the mall and tell them you are looking for something pretty basic. You might consider lipstick only, to start, if you like the look. A bright lip color can go a long way towards giving you a more polished, feminine look.
Do you groom your eyebrows at all? Depending on how they look naturally, getting them tidy can make a difference in your appearance. (And I just saw your response to this, too. I have found great folks by reading reviews on Yelp. Have you tried that?)
A few simple scarves can do a lot. You can get solid colors or simple patterns (and you don't need to get floral patterns or something stereotypically feminine). Wrap them once around your neck over a solid shirt and jeans, and you have some insta-polish and -sophistication. The great thing about scarves, too, is that you don't have to spend a lot to get something that will last. A subtle, simple black or black patterned scarf over a black long-sleeved shirt or simple sweater with jeans can be a great outfit. Or, wear that scarf over a bright, plain shirt and black jeans.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:31 PM on October 25, 2018
As for your hair: do you have a hair person that you like? Regular haircuts can go a long way, and find someone who knows you won't be using complicated styling products or techniques. (Just saw your response about this. I wonder if you might look for photos of women with hair similar to yours who have haircuts you like? Just make sure it isn't a very complicated hairstyle.)
Make-up might do this. Go to a place like Macy's or a make-up store in the mall and tell them you are looking for something pretty basic. You might consider lipstick only, to start, if you like the look. A bright lip color can go a long way towards giving you a more polished, feminine look.
Do you groom your eyebrows at all? Depending on how they look naturally, getting them tidy can make a difference in your appearance. (And I just saw your response to this, too. I have found great folks by reading reviews on Yelp. Have you tried that?)
A few simple scarves can do a lot. You can get solid colors or simple patterns (and you don't need to get floral patterns or something stereotypically feminine). Wrap them once around your neck over a solid shirt and jeans, and you have some insta-polish and -sophistication. The great thing about scarves, too, is that you don't have to spend a lot to get something that will last. A subtle, simple black or black patterned scarf over a black long-sleeved shirt or simple sweater with jeans can be a great outfit. Or, wear that scarf over a bright, plain shirt and black jeans.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:31 PM on October 25, 2018
Best answer: A few more ideas: while I agree that it's great to buy higher quality things, if you are trying out new styles and approaches to dressing, sometimes it's good to go for fast fashion, cheaper things at Target, Old Navy, etc. For example, if you buy a few scarves from Target and you wear them a lot, then you know you can spend more next time. Same with something like simple hoop earrings. But if you don't ever wear them, you know not to bother spending more.
Also, what about upgrading how you carry things? Upgrade from a backpack to a comfortable crossbody bag that you can carry like a messenger bag or to a fancier backpack.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:40 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, what about upgrading how you carry things? Upgrade from a backpack to a comfortable crossbody bag that you can carry like a messenger bag or to a fancier backpack.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:40 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
You mentioned waxing brows- have you tried threading? I like it much better, personally (cheaper, faster, less painful, and I've never had a result that I didn't like). I also work at home, but find that wearing tights/leggings and a comfortable skirt or dress is actually just as comfortable as jeans. Seconding manicures, if you have the time. I feel like a nice classic red lipstick also makes me feel more polished with almost no effort.
posted by pinochiette at 2:53 PM on October 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by pinochiette at 2:53 PM on October 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
Read Anuschka Rees, she has a fantastic system for curating your own personal style that's pretty low maintenanence.
I'm pretty similar to you, although I'm 26, but I like wearing nice clothes and have a few different styles of blouses, pants, and skirts and dresses that all suit me, along with a few shoes that I love. I am also rather busty and short-waisted but prefer more androgynous femme looks. Utilitarian chic is what I personally favor (tab sleeve blouses with v necks, really nice jeans, nicely shaped joggers, and more polished sneakers and sandals, with some neutral sweaters and boots during the winter, with delicate jewelry.) I've been slowly upping my makeup game more recently, although I don't have to, but I wear a tinted mineral sunscreen and tinted lip balm/lipstick crayon (when I remember, I often don't and just have a $2 Bitzy lipstick crayon from Sally Beauty Supply that's apparently a dupe for a $35 product), although I'm thinking of switching to a lip stain. Mascara and curling my eyelashes and eye makeup is my next frontier, but I'm warming my way up to that. I like how my hair looks, so I think just having a great cut that air dries well is important.
posted by yueliang at 2:56 PM on October 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
I'm pretty similar to you, although I'm 26, but I like wearing nice clothes and have a few different styles of blouses, pants, and skirts and dresses that all suit me, along with a few shoes that I love. I am also rather busty and short-waisted but prefer more androgynous femme looks. Utilitarian chic is what I personally favor (tab sleeve blouses with v necks, really nice jeans, nicely shaped joggers, and more polished sneakers and sandals, with some neutral sweaters and boots during the winter, with delicate jewelry.) I've been slowly upping my makeup game more recently, although I don't have to, but I wear a tinted mineral sunscreen and tinted lip balm/lipstick crayon (when I remember, I often don't and just have a $2 Bitzy lipstick crayon from Sally Beauty Supply that's apparently a dupe for a $35 product), although I'm thinking of switching to a lip stain. Mascara and curling my eyelashes and eye makeup is my next frontier, but I'm warming my way up to that. I like how my hair looks, so I think just having a great cut that air dries well is important.
posted by yueliang at 2:56 PM on October 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Although I love fashion from a purely aesthetic standpoint, I honestly find wardrobe and grooming to be such a freaking hassle. But it is helpful to have a few things that are easy points towards a polished look, so here are a few of mine:
ComfyEarrings. Flat backs with screw-in posts, so you can sleep and shower in them. I bought the peridot pair; they go with everything I own and now I never have to think about it.
Moisturizing lipstain (there was a thread about this recently, which has better recs than I would) and combination brow gel and mascara. Cheap, quick, and effective. I keep a few other cosmetics around for the rare occasions when I want/need to do a bit more.
Statement scarves that have multicolor patterns, so they go with multiple things. Natural materials like wool or silk feel good enough that it's not a hassle to throw them on or unpleasant to wear them (plus, they last for years and years as long as you wash them gently once in a while and store them in an airtight container when they're out of season). Boots, jeans, a t-shirt, a cardigan and this and I feel FANCY AF.
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:08 PM on October 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
ComfyEarrings. Flat backs with screw-in posts, so you can sleep and shower in them. I bought the peridot pair; they go with everything I own and now I never have to think about it.
Moisturizing lipstain (there was a thread about this recently, which has better recs than I would) and combination brow gel and mascara. Cheap, quick, and effective. I keep a few other cosmetics around for the rare occasions when I want/need to do a bit more.
Statement scarves that have multicolor patterns, so they go with multiple things. Natural materials like wool or silk feel good enough that it's not a hassle to throw them on or unpleasant to wear them (plus, they last for years and years as long as you wash them gently once in a while and store them in an airtight container when they're out of season). Boots, jeans, a t-shirt, a cardigan and this and I feel FANCY AF.
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:08 PM on October 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Hi did I write this question while in a fugue state? All of this has been my project for the past couple of years. Pretty much everything is spot-on above but I wanted to address:
Also, I'm short, with an hourglass figure, and quite a big bust. I hate all of these things because the styles I like best suit flat, straight body shapes. I've always felt that styles suited to my body shape aren't things I like, so I'd feel uncomfortable wearing them even if they fit (but perhaps I didn't try this approach enough to be sure).
This has been my whole life since age 11. Advice from someone who isn't There, but is Getting There, with the issue:
-Buy minimizer bras. Or even look into binders, though I have found they don't generally give the line I'm looking for. A minimizer won't make you an A-cup, if you're a DD. But it will kinda...smooth things out and hold everything in a lot better, and I find that's almost as good. And it does make button-down tops a lot more plausible.
-Try on things you like, even if your instinct is "not for me." Get MANY sizes, more than you think could possibly apply to you. Sometimes a cut that seems unworkable is just unworkable in your "usual" size. For example, lately many sweaters are cut to be loose, giant sacks -- unflattering for the hourglass figure, generally. But if you size them down, the volume sometimes becomes a very nice drape. Try MANY styles, from many places. There is so much variation possible in necklines and cuts.
-Try on things "suited to your body shape", but ONLY if your initial impression of them is a strong maybe. Sometimes these things will surprise you. Maybe it turns out things like knit dresses or boob-friendly tops are OK with you if they're in dark colors or have sleek, tailored detailing. That sort of thing.
I know this is all very time consuming but once you lock down a few things you love, get a whole bunch of them and then you can go back to spending almost no effort!
You didn't necessarily ask for specific retailers but lately I have been finding Madewell and Everlane to reaaaaaaally be fitting my "polished tomboy" bill. Everlane can be tricky for the boobs but their sweaters are very curve-friendly. They're pricier but not insane and Everlane's quality in particular seems really good.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:20 PM on October 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Also, I'm short, with an hourglass figure, and quite a big bust. I hate all of these things because the styles I like best suit flat, straight body shapes. I've always felt that styles suited to my body shape aren't things I like, so I'd feel uncomfortable wearing them even if they fit (but perhaps I didn't try this approach enough to be sure).
This has been my whole life since age 11. Advice from someone who isn't There, but is Getting There, with the issue:
-Buy minimizer bras. Or even look into binders, though I have found they don't generally give the line I'm looking for. A minimizer won't make you an A-cup, if you're a DD. But it will kinda...smooth things out and hold everything in a lot better, and I find that's almost as good. And it does make button-down tops a lot more plausible.
-Try on things you like, even if your instinct is "not for me." Get MANY sizes, more than you think could possibly apply to you. Sometimes a cut that seems unworkable is just unworkable in your "usual" size. For example, lately many sweaters are cut to be loose, giant sacks -- unflattering for the hourglass figure, generally. But if you size them down, the volume sometimes becomes a very nice drape. Try MANY styles, from many places. There is so much variation possible in necklines and cuts.
-Try on things "suited to your body shape", but ONLY if your initial impression of them is a strong maybe. Sometimes these things will surprise you. Maybe it turns out things like knit dresses or boob-friendly tops are OK with you if they're in dark colors or have sleek, tailored detailing. That sort of thing.
I know this is all very time consuming but once you lock down a few things you love, get a whole bunch of them and then you can go back to spending almost no effort!
You didn't necessarily ask for specific retailers but lately I have been finding Madewell and Everlane to reaaaaaaally be fitting my "polished tomboy" bill. Everlane can be tricky for the boobs but their sweaters are very curve-friendly. They're pricier but not insane and Everlane's quality in particular seems really good.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:20 PM on October 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Over the last few years, I’ve had to make some wardrobe changes due to weight variation, a new job, trying to look more adult, etc. The thrift store near my house does a sale every Sunday where they mark down items to 50 cents each. I go in there and grab anything on sale that is close to my size and looks decent. For $20, I go home with 40 new items. A lot of these don’t fit right or end up being all wrong for me, and they get donated right back to the thrift store. Sometimes I luck out and find something high quality and amazingly cute for 50 cents. But, doing this a few times a year has helped me identify the styles, cuts, and brands that I prefer to wear. So if you’re looking to femme up your wardrobe, don’t overlook your local thrift store. It can be a cheap and easy way to make a huge difference.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 3:57 PM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by galvanized unicorn at 3:57 PM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
If your hair is long enough, braid it. Any kind of braid works - it creates a little visual interest. And depending on the style, it can cover up for laziness in washing, blowdrying, and sometimes even brushing.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:10 PM on October 25, 2018
posted by kevinbelt at 6:10 PM on October 25, 2018
Best answer: Someone mentioned a morning moisturizer with SPF, that is a great "basic maintenance" that sorta fits in with other things you are doing like flossing and the gym. It'll pay off in the long run, SPF on the face is important for everyone! There are tinted versions as well, Nars and Laura Mercier are great and popular + they have SPF though are more expensive.
Drugstore mascara is pretty good too.
posted by ataco at 7:02 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Drugstore mascara is pretty good too.
posted by ataco at 7:02 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Things tha t always make me feel as if I am taking care of myself more:
- moisturising my face, hands, body, including feet
- conditioning my hair
-getting a hair cut that works with minimal styling - I deliberately rock up at the hair dressers with air dried, unstyled hair and explain I am willing to add product to my wet hair and I may be willing to blast it with the hair drier on occasion and give me a cut that facilitates that level of styling
- spf on allllll exposed skin every day always
- clothes that fit, get stuff altered that doesn’t fit
- make-up can be as minimal as tinted spf, mascara, brow gel and lip balm
- manicures and pedicures can be nice, if you like doing them
- I wear precious metal earrings that don’t catch 24/7, including when I shower
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:31 PM on October 25, 2018
- moisturising my face, hands, body, including feet
- conditioning my hair
-getting a hair cut that works with minimal styling - I deliberately rock up at the hair dressers with air dried, unstyled hair and explain I am willing to add product to my wet hair and I may be willing to blast it with the hair drier on occasion and give me a cut that facilitates that level of styling
- spf on allllll exposed skin every day always
- clothes that fit, get stuff altered that doesn’t fit
- make-up can be as minimal as tinted spf, mascara, brow gel and lip balm
- manicures and pedicures can be nice, if you like doing them
- I wear precious metal earrings that don’t catch 24/7, including when I shower
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:31 PM on October 25, 2018
though I also found that "professionals" don't always necessarily do a great job
Ha! Hi me. I am starting to realise this is probably an early 30s rite of passage; we put our faith in aestheticians but basically they're all still just people like us - sometimes lazy, sometimes bad at their jobs, sometimes rude or ill-informed.
I am a LOT like you (naturally low-maintenance but want to appear polished) and have realised that my #1 reason for not being consistent in any routine which involves other people filing, cutting or lasering me is because it's so hard to find good people; and every time I try a new one which turns out to be disappointing I lose enthusiasm for the project.
The fact that you know that sometimes professionals suck actually is your best weapon in conquering it. Once you figure out what it is that you want to polish, it'll be trial and error to find the right person to 'polish' it for you. I find myself circling that old supply chain adage: the three key elements to satisfaction are quality, service and cost; at most, you can have any two.
Lean into the trial and error and decide what you'll sacrifice in the trifecta. Maybe you can always get an appointment at the right time (service) and the outcome always looks amazing (quality) but it's slightly more than you'd like to pay (cost). That's still a win in my system. OR maybe the cost is right and the quality is good, but the aesthetician has terrible halitosis or ignores you 100% of the session time (still a win for me!).
Then, when you find someone who fulfills your two most important trifecta requirements, stop looking. This is sufficient. Now, book appointments in advance of needing them. The #2 thing that stops me looking polished is that I wait until I am in desperate need of a haircut (or colour, or a bikini wax, or a pedicure, or a manicure, or eyelash extensions, or laser hair removal or a fake tan*) before booking it. This usually means I get out of the habit, which I don't want.
Finally, a word from my therapist: being more polished, taking care of yourself in a different way: this can be FUN! You are allowed to find enjoyment in this! See it as a kind thing you are doing for yourself, for the meat that transports you, and not a frippery. This blew my Anglican-work-ethos-mind when I heard it, so I'm saying it to you too in case it blows yours :)
*yah these are all things I think *I* need - don't feel like this needs to be YOUR list. On reflection I see that I am probably not, actually, low-maintenance.
posted by citands at 6:17 AM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
Ha! Hi me. I am starting to realise this is probably an early 30s rite of passage; we put our faith in aestheticians but basically they're all still just people like us - sometimes lazy, sometimes bad at their jobs, sometimes rude or ill-informed.
I am a LOT like you (naturally low-maintenance but want to appear polished) and have realised that my #1 reason for not being consistent in any routine which involves other people filing, cutting or lasering me is because it's so hard to find good people; and every time I try a new one which turns out to be disappointing I lose enthusiasm for the project.
The fact that you know that sometimes professionals suck actually is your best weapon in conquering it. Once you figure out what it is that you want to polish, it'll be trial and error to find the right person to 'polish' it for you. I find myself circling that old supply chain adage: the three key elements to satisfaction are quality, service and cost; at most, you can have any two.
Lean into the trial and error and decide what you'll sacrifice in the trifecta. Maybe you can always get an appointment at the right time (service) and the outcome always looks amazing (quality) but it's slightly more than you'd like to pay (cost). That's still a win in my system. OR maybe the cost is right and the quality is good, but the aesthetician has terrible halitosis or ignores you 100% of the session time (still a win for me!).
Then, when you find someone who fulfills your two most important trifecta requirements, stop looking. This is sufficient. Now, book appointments in advance of needing them. The #2 thing that stops me looking polished is that I wait until I am in desperate need of a haircut (or colour, or a bikini wax, or a pedicure, or a manicure, or eyelash extensions, or laser hair removal or a fake tan*) before booking it. This usually means I get out of the habit, which I don't want.
Finally, a word from my therapist: being more polished, taking care of yourself in a different way: this can be FUN! You are allowed to find enjoyment in this! See it as a kind thing you are doing for yourself, for the meat that transports you, and not a frippery. This blew my Anglican-work-ethos-mind when I heard it, so I'm saying it to you too in case it blows yours :)
*yah these are all things I think *I* need - don't feel like this needs to be YOUR list. On reflection I see that I am probably not, actually, low-maintenance.
posted by citands at 6:17 AM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
Agree with the above generally.
- Eyebrows: threading or if yours tend to be sparse benefit has an eyebrow pencil/eyebrow mascara for dummies that evens everything out
- post earrings you can sleep in
- I am still figuring out the hair thing - they now have hot brushes so I am experimenting there. If you decide to go with color the semi permanent or a gloss is a great low commitment
- make up - bb creams work best for me, great if uneven tone/redness is an issue
posted by typecloud at 8:06 AM on October 26, 2018
- Eyebrows: threading or if yours tend to be sparse benefit has an eyebrow pencil/eyebrow mascara for dummies that evens everything out
- post earrings you can sleep in
- I am still figuring out the hair thing - they now have hot brushes so I am experimenting there. If you decide to go with color the semi permanent or a gloss is a great low commitment
- make up - bb creams work best for me, great if uneven tone/redness is an issue
posted by typecloud at 8:06 AM on October 26, 2018
Hello, are you me? We seem the same. I am also a short hourglass-figured woman who prefers styles that look good only on a totally different body type. 32 so only marginally older than you. I spend a similar amount of time and energy on my appearance, i.e. virtually none. I'm pretty happy with that (and have no plans to start wearing makeup or "doing my hair" for more than 2 mins a day) but I do have a couple of verrrrrrrrrry easy suggestions:
scrub your face really well with a washcloth once a week or so and put on a nice moisturizer (I like the ubiquitous Neutrogena Hydro Boost) every other day or so --> smoother skin
try wearing leggings paired with a stretchy fitted tunic dress - I find it works well for the hourglass figure and can actually be flattering, but doesn't restrict my movement or the ways I can sit, which is my problem with 95% of women's clothing
clear nail polish (anything more is too cute for me, but the clear stuff looks put-together)
make sure you ALWAYS have chapstick so your lips aren't dry
braid your hair nicely - I also have long, wavy hair that I actually rather like, but getting a great haircut that is low-maintenance is apparently an impossible unicorn. I don't "style" it and I have never once had the patience to blow-dry it, but a French braid (with bobby pins for flyaways) can look pretty nice in my opinion
agree that simple post earrings are a super-easy but noticeable accessory
posted by Cygnet at 12:29 PM on October 26, 2018
scrub your face really well with a washcloth once a week or so and put on a nice moisturizer (I like the ubiquitous Neutrogena Hydro Boost) every other day or so --> smoother skin
try wearing leggings paired with a stretchy fitted tunic dress - I find it works well for the hourglass figure and can actually be flattering, but doesn't restrict my movement or the ways I can sit, which is my problem with 95% of women's clothing
clear nail polish (anything more is too cute for me, but the clear stuff looks put-together)
make sure you ALWAYS have chapstick so your lips aren't dry
braid your hair nicely - I also have long, wavy hair that I actually rather like, but getting a great haircut that is low-maintenance is apparently an impossible unicorn. I don't "style" it and I have never once had the patience to blow-dry it, but a French braid (with bobby pins for flyaways) can look pretty nice in my opinion
agree that simple post earrings are a super-easy but noticeable accessory
posted by Cygnet at 12:29 PM on October 26, 2018
Response by poster: Thanks for all the great suggestions! This has been really helpful.
Yesterday afternoon I got my ears pierced, and was able to get flat-back studs for the piercing jewellery. I also bought two lip colours (a lipstick and a tinted balm) to try, and mascara.
Once I've settled in with these changes I'll also look into a face moisturiser.
I have a haircut booked for next month, right before my birthday, but I'm struggling hard with finding any cuts I like for the length it's at. I'll keep browsing, but I think long-term I'll grow it out and try to educate myself more on how to take advantage of my natural waviness. (Although while it's short I do think the earrings help a lot with making my hair seem less bad, since it's short enough that they're easily visible.)
Fashion seems the hardest part of the equation so I'm putting that off for now, though I'm trying to hunt down some Instagram accounts with styles I like just to get some inspiration before making any changes myself. Would love any ideas about how to find these, as I'm struggling to discover any that fit my taste so far.
All your answers have been really helpful, thank you! I'm still open to suggestions so please feel free to add more comments.
posted by bellebethcooper at 1:02 PM on October 26, 2018 [2 favorites]
Yesterday afternoon I got my ears pierced, and was able to get flat-back studs for the piercing jewellery. I also bought two lip colours (a lipstick and a tinted balm) to try, and mascara.
Once I've settled in with these changes I'll also look into a face moisturiser.
I have a haircut booked for next month, right before my birthday, but I'm struggling hard with finding any cuts I like for the length it's at. I'll keep browsing, but I think long-term I'll grow it out and try to educate myself more on how to take advantage of my natural waviness. (Although while it's short I do think the earrings help a lot with making my hair seem less bad, since it's short enough that they're easily visible.)
Fashion seems the hardest part of the equation so I'm putting that off for now, though I'm trying to hunt down some Instagram accounts with styles I like just to get some inspiration before making any changes myself. Would love any ideas about how to find these, as I'm struggling to discover any that fit my taste so far.
All your answers have been really helpful, thank you! I'm still open to suggestions so please feel free to add more comments.
posted by bellebethcooper at 1:02 PM on October 26, 2018 [2 favorites]
Try http://www.un-fancy.com. Caroline is a tiny woman, but her style is classic and easy to replicate. And google "capsule wardrobe." Good luck! :)
posted by jessca84 at 6:01 PM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by jessca84 at 6:01 PM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
You are me about a year ago. I turned 30 this year and I also work in construction, so I had been looking to up my feminine game while remaining somewhat minimal. The things I've decided are worth it are:
A pedicure every month or two, I have gotten good at giving them to myself but I will go in and get a fancy one in the summer and dead of winter. It helps to see cute feet when I take my boots off at the end of the day.
I wear a tinted moisturizer with SPF on top of a cerave moisturizer, then concealer as necessary, and powder over it. If I'm feeling fancy I go with a basic light peachy eyeshadow and mascara. Sephora offers classes on makeup basics if you want to learn hands on-they're fun!
SPF and moisturizer are very important! Using them regularly will help the impending aging process. Also drinking more water. Drink enough water already? DRINK MORE! And chapstick. Tinted or not, I am not a big fan of lip products beyond the protection they bring. I also find putting on a nice smelling body lotion after a shower helps me improve my camaraderie with my body.
Getting my brows threaded every 6 to 8 weeks. I found a local woman owned shop I really like that offered a years worth of appointments at a discount, and I book my next appointment before I leave. Same with haircuts. It took me a year or two of trial and error but I've dialed in what I need to tell her to get a style that is minimal effort and upkeep, I only go maybe three times a year depending on events and weddings I have to attend. I love my bardot bangs. I brought pictures in from pinterest/tumblr/FFA that I wanted to emulate until I had my haircut vocabulary. Also a silk pillowcase and microfiber towel = I rarely style my hair but it looks and feels great, even with wearing a hard hat 40+ hours a week. I use almond and shea suave naturals and it is my holy grail hair shampoo/conditioner. Wizards must formulate it.
Have you seen FFA on reddit? I love the inspiration albums that get posted. This is where I was able to pinpoint my style as a kind of activewear/americana blend. I save any style pictures that speak to me on my pinterest or in a folder on my laptop. When it's time to update my closet I browse through them and it helps me avoid buying things impulsively that I don't end up wearing.
Also I feel your pain- I am 5'1 with a GG bust. I alternate between sports bras and a couple of boutique-fitted bras depending on my silhouette needs. If you have never gotten yourself fitted for a real nice fancy bra- do it! Properly lifting the ladies can make a big difference under clothes. I can dirtbag around in a t shirt and a flannel but with my fancy bra I feel like I look very put together.
posted by teslacoilswoah at 10:51 PM on October 26, 2018
A pedicure every month or two, I have gotten good at giving them to myself but I will go in and get a fancy one in the summer and dead of winter. It helps to see cute feet when I take my boots off at the end of the day.
I wear a tinted moisturizer with SPF on top of a cerave moisturizer, then concealer as necessary, and powder over it. If I'm feeling fancy I go with a basic light peachy eyeshadow and mascara. Sephora offers classes on makeup basics if you want to learn hands on-they're fun!
SPF and moisturizer are very important! Using them regularly will help the impending aging process. Also drinking more water. Drink enough water already? DRINK MORE! And chapstick. Tinted or not, I am not a big fan of lip products beyond the protection they bring. I also find putting on a nice smelling body lotion after a shower helps me improve my camaraderie with my body.
Getting my brows threaded every 6 to 8 weeks. I found a local woman owned shop I really like that offered a years worth of appointments at a discount, and I book my next appointment before I leave. Same with haircuts. It took me a year or two of trial and error but I've dialed in what I need to tell her to get a style that is minimal effort and upkeep, I only go maybe three times a year depending on events and weddings I have to attend. I love my bardot bangs. I brought pictures in from pinterest/tumblr/FFA that I wanted to emulate until I had my haircut vocabulary. Also a silk pillowcase and microfiber towel = I rarely style my hair but it looks and feels great, even with wearing a hard hat 40+ hours a week. I use almond and shea suave naturals and it is my holy grail hair shampoo/conditioner. Wizards must formulate it.
Have you seen FFA on reddit? I love the inspiration albums that get posted. This is where I was able to pinpoint my style as a kind of activewear/americana blend. I save any style pictures that speak to me on my pinterest or in a folder on my laptop. When it's time to update my closet I browse through them and it helps me avoid buying things impulsively that I don't end up wearing.
Also I feel your pain- I am 5'1 with a GG bust. I alternate between sports bras and a couple of boutique-fitted bras depending on my silhouette needs. If you have never gotten yourself fitted for a real nice fancy bra- do it! Properly lifting the ladies can make a big difference under clothes. I can dirtbag around in a t shirt and a flannel but with my fancy bra I feel like I look very put together.
posted by teslacoilswoah at 10:51 PM on October 26, 2018
1. get dresses with pockets from the marvelous eshakti.com
2. bb cream + good lip thing + mascara takes five minutes. find a cleanser that works for you for evenings.
3. definitely worth spending the time to learn how to deal with your hair. some basic hair knowledge and a few minutes a day can be sufficient to make a big impact. some curly hair resources can be very helpful for waves as well. eg
4. r/abrathatfits
posted by Cozybee at 7:54 AM on October 29, 2018
2. bb cream + good lip thing + mascara takes five minutes. find a cleanser that works for you for evenings.
3. definitely worth spending the time to learn how to deal with your hair. some basic hair knowledge and a few minutes a day can be sufficient to make a big impact. some curly hair resources can be very helpful for waves as well. eg
4. r/abrathatfits
posted by Cozybee at 7:54 AM on October 29, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
Start with something as simple as mascara. You can find drug store brands (I like ELF, everything is only $1 or so at walgreens) and just try to wear a product for a week straight.
I found youtubing "ELF" is a great place for motivation. Nothing is more humbling than learning how to apply mascara and curl your eyelashes from a 9 year old... but it's super easy to follow along with.
After that (IE, you feel pretty made up)... go whatever direction you are the most drawn. Maybe it's underwear. Maybe it's finding comfortable going-out shoes that feel feminine. Maybe it's straightening your hair. Maybe it's wearing skirts.
The direction you go is totally up to you - but I highly recommend you start with makeup for the low cost and low time for the biggest impact!
posted by bbqturtle at 1:41 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]