Um, hey?

September 7, 2018 6:17 AM

I work at a small store and am around my coworkers all day. I say hi to them when I come in, but how often should I acknowledge or talk to them whenever I see them later in the day? Like if I'm going down the escalator and Jane is coming up the up the escalator should/do I have to look at her or talk to her?

I'm afraid of coming off too annoying or on the other extreme, unfriendly. Generally I usually say hi or make chit chat when they don't look busy and I happen to pass by them. Or if we end up in the same area. I have a little social anxiety so maybe that's a factor in this.

posted by starlybri to Human Relations (22 answers total)

If you don't have anything to say, you can just smile and half-nod or the equivalent.
posted by beyond_pink at 6:33 AM on September 7, 2018 [15 favorites]

In a small store? Pretty much every time you run into them, assuming you haven't seen them for an hour or something. An acknowledgement doesn't have to be more than a 'hi', or just a nod or a smile. 'Too annoying' is when you're actually stopping someone from doing their work. So it sounds like you've got this whole thing exactly right.

If in doubt, consider that you're less likely to offend someone by acknowledging them than by ignoring them. If someone consistently doesn't return a greeting, don't bother in future.
posted by pipeski at 6:33 AM on September 7, 2018 [3 favorites]

This is what the white person smile was made for.

A nod is also good.

If someone says hi to you, "what's up" (not a question) is a good response that in common parlance doesn't invite a conversation.
posted by phunniemee at 6:34 AM on September 7, 2018 [30 favorites]

There's no universal right answer. No universal wrong answer, either. Stay off the extremes (sullen refusal to make eye contact, cheery insistence on full conversations every time) and you'll be fine. Personally I go with the 'acknowledging nod and smile' approach, it's neutral. And once you sense people's styles, reflect that back to them - there are a couple of people on my floor who are the 'hello, Name' type, so I say 'hey, Name' to them (but not to anybody else).
posted by aimedwander at 6:35 AM on September 7, 2018 [3 favorites]

One more for the nod and/or smile. If it's been a while, and your duties overlap at all, maybe a "how's it going, need a hand?" (If aid is possible)

If you feel you really need to say something, or have to work in their immediate vicinity for a little bit, nothing beats commiseration. "hot day eh"
posted by AnhydrousLove at 6:42 AM on September 7, 2018

Yeah, I think you can get by with the “white person office smile“.
posted by blueberry at 6:43 AM on September 7, 2018 [3 favorites]

Small smile, slight nod, tiny "hey" or "hi". Some sign to acknowledge that you've seen and recognized them.
posted by Fig at 6:44 AM on September 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

I like the up nod for this. Just lift your chin a little, brief eye contact or ‘hey’ or similar can be worked in but are optional.
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:06 AM on September 7, 2018

You can also gesture with your hand if you want. Don't even have to raise it all the way up like a full wave. Just an "I see you." gesture. I tend to do that or nod.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 7:26 AM on September 7, 2018

I currently work from home, but when I worked in offices I would say “morning” or “how’s it going” or something like that once each day, then after that the same person would get a nod or smile.

I like how the French handle this—it’s apparently rude to say “bonjour” to the same person more then once a day (don’t ask me why) so sometimes they say “rebonjour”, which is kind of playful.
posted by Automocar at 7:31 AM on September 7, 2018 [5 favorites]

I have a set of non-verbal or slightly verbal ticks for this, including a sort of sing-song grunt, a raising of the eyebrows, nodding, an actual "heya" etc.
posted by aspersioncast at 7:50 AM on September 7, 2018

I think this is why small talk exists. Sometimes (not every time) say "Hot today, eh?" or "It's nice to have a quiet day on a Friday!" or "Two hours til close!". They will say "Sure is!" or "Can't wait!" and you both continue on the escalator.
posted by MangoNews at 7:50 AM on September 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

I basically agree with everyone else, but for your specific example: no, you don't need to talk to people on escalators at all, much less ones going the opposite direction. A brief nod or little wave if you happen to make eye contact, sure, but nobody's going to fault you if you "miss" someone in that situation. In general, I'd find it more bothersome if a given coworker seemed to continuously be making a point of greeting me just because we were changing floors at the same time, unless we were friends and they were taking the chance to pantomime something amusing.

If you've noticed that any of your coworkers are introverted, you might want to dial "chit chat" back to a nod and/or "hey" when you're just walking past them specifically.
posted by teremala at 8:13 AM on September 7, 2018 [2 favorites]

Maybe talk to them about this? It could be a topic of some good, not too deep, not too long, but still kind of real, bonding conversations.
posted by amtho at 9:06 AM on September 7, 2018

a sort of sing-song grunt

Video, please.
posted by donnagirl at 9:07 AM on September 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

Lots of advice on hi and nod. I would say don't chit-chat unless you feel like it (I'm assume you would tend not to) or they start it. The smile and nod is enough of an opening for them to start the conversation if they feel like it but you can both get on with your tasks otherwise. (This is coming from an extravert who had to learn how to not over-chat)
posted by metahawk at 10:12 AM on September 7, 2018

Agree with all the advice on hi and nod. I would say don't chit-chat unless you feel like it (I'm assume you would tend not to) or they start it. The smile and nod is enough of an opening for them to start the conversation if they feel like it but you can both get on with your tasks otherwise. (This is coming from an extravert who had to learn how to not over-chat)
posted by metahawk at 10:12 AM on September 7, 2018

White people smile is the funniest and truest thing I've ever seen. I am a white person and this is 100% my office mode of awkward greeting.
posted by greta simone at 10:27 AM on September 7, 2018 [7 favorites]

The nod is the right answer. Can also be paired with the two finger peace sign to look super-cool.

If I keep seeing the same people over and over again, I'm also a big fan of saying "long time no see". It's nice because, unlike "what's up?", there's no real obvious response. The other person could choose to respond, but there's no pressure to do so if they don't want to. Variations include "ha, you again!" and "we just keep running into each other". But "long time no see" is objectively funnier.
posted by kevinbelt at 10:41 AM on September 7, 2018 [3 favorites]

The white person smile is *exactly* the expression that came to mind when I read this question before I started scrolling down and learned that it had a name, and now I won't be able to stop laughing about it. Anyway, this is totally my default awkward "how many times have I seen this person today" greeting. (And people generally view me as friendly/approachable/not socially awkward however completely ridiculous I often feel on the inside, so presumably this dorky smile is okay, if a little weird objectively.)
posted by tiger tiger at 12:25 PM on September 7, 2018 [4 favorites]

Whatever you do, don't be the person who has a selection of wacky greetings or gestures which you inflict on your co-workers. The aim is to acknowledge people in a way that passes almost without notice; it's a social nicety, not an opportunity to win points for originality. After the first couple of times, it'll get really tired.
posted by pipeski at 2:29 PM on September 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

Are you friends or just friendly with your coworkers? It's perfectly fine to just give a smile and a nod or even a short greeting. If they're someone you're friendly with, then sure, make occasional chitchat--but not every time you see them throughout the day; for a lot of people, that would be annoying.

Also, your coworkers aren't thinking about you most of the time, so don't worry about it too much.
posted by Aleyn at 4:56 PM on September 7, 2018