More basic knock-knock jokes please
August 9, 2018 3:59 PM   Subscribe

The 5-five-year-old has been telling, in various permutations, the interrupting cow knock-knock joke for a couple months. I've been trying to introduce more into their repertoire, with little success -- in part, I suspect, because mine are a little high-level and haven't really clicked as jokes. I think I need simpler examples, especially ones that don't require cultural context. Help?

Two data points for calibration: 1) Last night they made a valiant attempt at "orange you glad I didn't say banana?" -- a little mangled in performance, but still. 2) The best simple one I have right now is "Ghosts go" "Ghosts go who?" "No, ghosts go boo." That one sorta piqued their interests.

I and my sanity welcome any suggestions.
posted by Quasirandom to Grab Bag (44 answers total) 30 users marked this as a favorite
 
This answer dedicated to my mom and dad.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
Eww...that’s gross!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, it’s just a joke.
posted by Rob Rockets at 4:08 PM on August 9 [10 favorites]


Knock knock
Who’s there?
Tank
Tank who?
You’re Welcome!
posted by frumiousb at 4:09 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


Knock knock
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Gesundheit!
posted by carmicha at 4:16 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


From Pepe the Prawn:

What do you get when you cross and elephant and a rhino?
...
Elifino!



Why I gotta 'splain it to you people? God, I love this joke.

Ugh, sorry, not a knock-knock joke. Still funny!
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:17 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]


Knock Knock

Who’s There?

Hoo

Hoo who?

I think there’s an owl in here!
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:20 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwain the tub, I'm dwowning.
posted by NoraCharles at 4:20 PM on August 9 [10 favorites]


Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Kanja.
Kanja who?
Kanja tell we need some better knock-knock jokes?
posted by Nerd of the North at 4:25 PM on August 9


Knock knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Let us in it's cold outside!
posted by abeja bicicleta at 4:27 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


Two non-traditional ones:

Q: Would you still remember me in a week?
A: Yes
Q: Would you still remember me in a month?
A: Yes
Q: Would you still remember me in a year?
A: Yes
Q: Knock knock
A: Who's there
Q: Me! I thought you said you'd remember me!


And very old:

Knock knock
Who's there?
The Avon Lady, your doorbell is broken.

You could easily update that to "the Pizza Guy" and a think a kid would appreciate the twist.
posted by NoraCharles at 4:27 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]


My son was into knock knock jokes and his favourite was this one:

Knock knock.
Whos there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No YOU'RE a poo!
posted by Poldo at 4:34 PM on August 9 [14 favorites]


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

...

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
posted by kirkaracha at 5:03 PM on August 9 [7 favorites]


Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c-
MOOOOOO!!

(there's also a version with interrupting starfish, where you do a "talk to the hand" gesture as the interruption.) My kids think that's hilarious.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Atch (rhymes with "scotch")
Atch who?
Bless you!

Also this non-knock knock joke.

Why did the cow cross the street?
He was going to the MOOOO-vies.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 5:10 PM on August 9


Knock knock
Whos there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep
posted by speakeasy at 5:32 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


The punchline is a kindofa mouthful but:

Knock knock
who's there
Isabel
Isabel who?
Is a bell necessary riding on a bicycle?
posted by Hobgoblin at 5:34 PM on August 9


My personal favorite:

Hey, I know a great knock-knock joke! You start.
posted by DrGail at 5:45 PM on August 9 [11 favorites]


Why did the cow cross the street?
He was going to the MOOOO-vies.


Pedantic public service announcement: cows are all female. You could increase female representation with your knock knock jokes! (This is one of my pet peeves, like when ants in books and movies are male. The little one stops to tie her shoe!)

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Turnip
Turnip who?
Turnip the volume, it’s quiet in here.
posted by medusa at 7:02 PM on August 9 [10 favorites]


Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!

(Do kids these days know what yodeling is?)
posted by ejs at 7:04 PM on August 9 [5 favorites]


My favorite joke of all time:

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
posted by ejs at 7:06 PM on August 9 [11 favorites]


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Jamaica.
Jamaica who?
Jamaica me crazy with your knock-knock jokes!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:15 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


My son, at the age of 4 just did not get knock knock jokes.

His favorite,

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Made you look!
posted by moonlily at 8:00 PM on August 9 [10 favorites]


My kids loved this one although they totally did not get it. Must have been the delivery.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
The Who
The Who who?
Pete and Roger of course.

They would laugh and laugh for some reason.
posted by AugustWest at 9:04 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


My daughter, at that age and since (she's 7), loved having kids joke books read to her. We bought a cheap one on Amazon and would read it to her like a bedtime story, skipping over the many that had wordplay that she wouldn't get or referenced something complicated or antiquated. But over time, there were more and more that she would "get" and then she started reading it herself. She also makes up her own jokes now and I couldn't be prouder. Some of the jokes are pretty good, too! Occasionally, I'd tell her, "Hmmmm...that doesn't quite work, we might need to workshop that a bit." But it became an interesting way to talk about lots of topics. So, I recommend a joke book!
posted by amanda at 9:52 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwain the tub, I'm dwowning.


As someone who is named 'Dwayne', this is the best knock knock joke of all time, and I highly encourage you to teach it to your kid. Dwayne tested, Dwayne approved.

Added bonus - twirl your finger in a spiral, to imitate a dwayning tub.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:54 PM on August 9 [5 favorites]


Knock knock
Who’s there?
Falafel
Falafel who?
Help! I falafel my bike!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any more chocolates?
posted by defreckled at 11:14 PM on August 9


Part 1:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to Quasirandom’s house!

Part 2:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Bok bok! (Or whatever chickens say at your house.)
posted by defreckled at 11:21 PM on August 9


Ours does infinite variation on the sounds things make. These don't actually make sense (to adults) as knock-knock jokes, but she falls over laughing every time. I think it's mostly that she loves setting up the pattern.

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Cow
Cow who?
Cow moo moo

...
Dog
Dog who?
Dog woof woof

...
Chicken
Chicken who?
Chicken bawk bawk

And the ultimate one:
Door
Door who?
Door knock knock
posted by mkuhnell at 11:43 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]


I remember hearing this one here, actually, and it never fails to crack me up.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting whale
Interuppting whale wh...
OOOOOOuuuuuOoooouuuunnnnnnggggooooooooeuuuu

i.e., insert the loudest, most plangent and baleful whalesong you can muster here. REALLY commit to it.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:07 AM on August 10 [4 favorites]


1) Last night they made a valiant attempt at "orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

No no, it should be:

Knock Knock
Who's there
Orange
Orange Who
Orange you glad it's not an interrupting cow?
posted by like_neon at 1:37 AM on August 10 [4 favorites]


Knock Knock
Who's There
To
To who?
No, to WHOM.

Our kid doesn't get it as grammatical play, but extended family is full of over-educated academics who crack up every time. So, kid tells it for the reaction it gets and for the power of correcting someone else's grammar for once.
posted by arabelladragon at 4:08 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


I LOVE this thread.

When I was five, my favorite joke was

What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon-aid!

But then I tried to make one up.

What do you give a sick tomato?
Tomato-aid!

Yeah, not so much. But I still crack up every time at how bad it was.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 5:13 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Personally, I think the interrupting cow is one of the more high-level jokes around, because it plays with timing, the structure of the joke, non-verbal humor, etc. If I was enamored with that 'joke' specifically, I don't think I'd be satisfied with just verbal options. Maybe you can find something else that breaks down the joke form in a funny way. I really like the 'interrupting starfish' mentioned above, because it adds motion too! Maybe you can find some more motion-related jokes?
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 5:51 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Also, my crew loved when I combined jokes.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The Chicken
The Chicken who?
The chicken who crossed the road.

Why did he cross the road dad?
To get to the other side of course.
posted by AugustWest at 6:22 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


This is a favorite with my 5-year-old, she tells it constantly:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Woo
Woo who
Calm down, I haven't even gotten to the punchline yet!
posted by rabbitrabbit at 7:41 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]


Here’s a callback to the interrupting cow joke:

Knock knock
Who’s there
Same
Same who? (Say moo)
Moo!

AugustWest - you’re doing that bit backwards and leaving out the joke.
It’s:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot’s house.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
The chicken.
posted by w0mbat at 7:43 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Knock knock.
Whos there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No YOU'RE a poo!


Don't forget the classic:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
I'm up.
I'm up who?
Hahahaha
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:07 AM on August 10


Warning: this joke will be told again by your children in all likelihood.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
The chicken.

Substitution for idiot a recommended option. My kids just yell chicken now and laugh.
posted by typecloud at 8:23 AM on August 10 [3 favorites]


Knock knock
Who's there?
Woo
Woo who
Calm down, I haven't even gotten to the punchline yet!


We did a variation on that one:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
Yahoo! We got to the end of the joke!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:11 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Thanks, all -- there's several here with DEFINITE potential. (I have to admit, I'm most fond of Interrupting Starfish, but we'll have to see how well it plays at this stage.)

Do keep them coming, anyone who passes through!
posted by Quasirandom at 12:46 PM on August 10


I like to do a full-body interrupting starfish - jump up, arms and legs out and gently sway in the ocean current with a total goofball expression on your starfishface.
posted by amanda at 3:42 PM on August 10


Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Confused Cow!
Confused Cow Who?
I am not sure! Is this my Barn? Meow?

I'll think on this more...
posted by not_on_display at 7:42 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


I know some doorbell jokes, but they're for ding-dongs.
posted by not_on_display at 7:46 PM on August 10


[if you watch Doctor Who with him...]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doctor!
Doctor Who?
[start whistling the theme song]

~~~~~~~

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
E, I, E, I
E, I, E, I who?
♫ With a quack quack here and a moo moo there...

~~~~~~~

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana Who!
Banana you glad I didn't say Orange again?

~~~~~~~

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
R!
R who?
Is this the Wolf residence?
posted by not_on_display at 7:56 PM on August 10


OK one more

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
He!
He who?
He who laughs last, laughs best! HAW!

the end. there are lots of real knock knock joke books at your library or by other means, I bet!

Knock Knock
Who's There
Amazon Drone
Amazon Drone Who
Please sign here.

posted by not_on_display at 8:01 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


If the kid is a cow fan:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cows say.
Cows say who?
No, silly. Cows say moo. Owls say hoo.
posted by Former Congressional Representative Lenny Lemming at 8:06 PM on August 10 [3 favorites]


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