My vagabond cat and his new people

July 9, 2018 6:04 AM

My best beloved cat, Malchik, (seen on the left here) was missing for a month. After giving up all hope, I espied him last week at a house just down the street, where he basked in the sun and was completely disinterested in me. Details ahoy!

Details:

-Despite my best efforts, Malchik is an indoor-outdoor cat. If I attempt to reclaim him, it would be nigh-impossible to keep him from returning to his adopted home. He is a clever and sneaky guy.

-In fact, I spotted him on their porch; he could come back whenever and is opting not to.

-I do not know these neighbors; they appear to be an older couple.

-I rather suspect their lifestyle is more enjoyable to him, as they don't have a cat-crazed four-year-old attempting to smoosh-hug him constantly. My younger cat was getting pretty uppity at him. Our blind dog has been known to sit upon him. I get it.

-He is an older fellow (~12ish)

If they're fine with adopting him, then that's fine. I want them to know a) that he is not a stray, b) that I'd take him back if they don't want to/can't care for him, c) who his vet is, and d) that I want to know when it's his time to go to the Great Catnip Patch in the Sky.

Given that I don't know them, I was thinking a postcard with my info to let them reach out if they want. Would that be too creepy? Would it be better to do the awkward thing and, like, knock on their door and speak to them with my actual voice?

posted by palindromic to Pets & Animals (21 answers total)

I had a relative in this situation. She called round in person and gave the family her blessing to keep the cat if she wanted to stay there, and they were happy to have it.
posted by greenish at 6:08 AM on July 9, 2018 [3 favorites]

I would go in person and bring a picture of your cat and explain. It is very generous of you to offer to them to keep the cat! Maybe he will come back to visit and y’all can split custody.
posted by buttonedup at 6:11 AM on July 9, 2018 [9 favorites]

Best answer: Yes, definitely go in person. If you're not comfortable talking to strangers, maybe practice what you're going to say with a loved one or in the mirror?

I think saying, "Hi, I noticed my old cat adopted you! He's a free thinker and I can't keep him away from your house, but if he's bothering you will you let me know?"

Potential issue to consider: what if they take him to the vet and generate a large bill?
posted by latkes at 6:18 AM on July 9, 2018 [15 favorites]

Best answer: I think you should go in person and make sure that they are actually caring for him, and not thinking of him as some feral cat they toss scraps to occasionally when he shows up on their porch.
posted by kimberussell at 6:22 AM on July 9, 2018 [33 favorites]

Best answer: This kind of happened to me from the other side: a sweet gray and white lady walked right in the front door, up the stairs, and into an empty cat bed. Turns out her person had adopted a rescue dog that needed a little more rescuing than planned: he was a pretty fierce cat chaser. She'd been living outside a lot, mainly to get away from the dog.

Our main problem was the initial guilt/uncertainty. Please, don't feel you need to be overly shy or deferential. Your cat has made these other people part of her family. They're now, maybe, your cat-in-laws or something.
posted by amtho at 6:39 AM on July 9, 2018 [7 favorites]

I would definitely go in person.
posted by lazuli at 6:56 AM on July 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

I haven't been adopted by another cat yet, but the neighbor's indoor-outdoor cat likes to hang out in my yard a lot. I'm really grateful that my neighbor let me know it was her cat so I know who to call in case I ever spot anything amiss. I would similarly welcome a total stranger knocking on my door with cat information, so I encourage you to do so with your cat's current hosts. I think it's sweet that you're being so understanding about all of this and I hope everyone remains happy with the current arrangements and that you can visit him on his new porch-domain.
posted by TwoStride at 6:57 AM on July 9, 2018 [2 favorites]

Yes, definitely go to make sure that he is being adopted by them. There was (sigh) an orange cat (that we creatively named Orange Cat, or The OC) who upon moving in the owners warned us was not there's but liked the house. He'd sun on our front porch, he'd try to come in when we opened doors and he'd sit by our basement windows begging for treats that we gave. As we have racoons in our area we can't leave out cat food for free range feeding, but did leave out fresh containers of water.

However with dogs, cats and kids already part of our household, and him being a very cantankerous old man we couldn't adopt him. The man that claimed to be his owner (that I met once) disappeared shortly after we moved, and OC disappeared for most of that summer and then re-appeared. He periodically will disappear for a few months (and fortunately most of the winter), but until this summer always reappeared a few months later - we assume it's people trying to adopt him as in indoor only cat (I was saw people getting clawed and bit near to death trying to get him in a large cardboard box) only for him to escape.

We had a few people ring/knock at our door suspecting we "owned" him, and wished anyone luck attempting to claim him. But he only got occasional treats from us.

Currently we have a new cat who's sometimes on our porch / frontyard (but more often our backyard). I know the neighbors who "own" him - about 8 houses down and behind us. He's too timid to take treats :/ .
posted by nobeagle at 7:05 AM on July 9, 2018

Best answer: You definitely need to go in person, photos in hand, to let them know that Malchik is not a stray. They may have other plans in the future and would want to know where he should go while they are on vacation. Ditto information about his health and vaccinations.
The home-away-from-home may be all on his side. Please don't let them take other steps to find him a permanent place when it becomes inconvenient for them to tolerate him.
posted by TrishaU at 7:09 AM on July 9, 2018 [4 favorites]

As far as I can tell, there's nothing here to indicate that your neighbors want to keep your cat. You really need to go ask, and ask in a way that makes it clear you are taking responsibility for getting your cat out of their lives if that's what they want.

There's a cat that spends a lot of time in my yard, sitting on my outdoor table (eww,) etc. and this morning I stepped in his shit. I do not like cats and would like nothing more than for my neighbors to keep him on their own property. If they came by and offered to let me adopt him, I would offer to take him to the humane society for them.
posted by juliapangolin at 7:23 AM on July 9, 2018 [14 favorites]

I would not assume they want to keep him, so I'd go there in person and explain that he's your cat and he's an escape artist and unless they really want to adopt him you're taking him home. Please don't put these people in the position of adopting an elderly cat because of your situation.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 7:28 AM on July 9, 2018 [21 favorites]

As much as I enjoy the friendly neighbor pets who come and say hello to me, I would absolutely in no way assume all-weather keeping, feeding, and veterinary care for an animal that was not explicitly mine.

You need to actually speak to them, with words.

The cat isn't an adult human able to care for himself. He's a teenager who has more fun spending the night over at a friend's place than at his own home. His friend's parents aren't going to make sure he's keeping up with his studies or applying to colleges.
posted by phunniemee at 7:30 AM on July 9, 2018 [36 favorites]

There's a cat that treats my parents' yard as part of its territory. They just call it White Cat. Most days, you can see it skulking around their yard someplace or sunning itself on the shed ramp. I think they like seeing White Cat... but it is decidedly not their cat. It's basically part of the local fauna. They definitely feel no sense of responsibility for it.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:45 AM on July 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

This happened with our cat Max when I was a kid. We were a rambunctious bunch with lots of kids and other cats and he just peaced out and moved in with a family down the street. My mom did what others are suggesting, she talked to the family and we basically all agreed we shared him, though he was more "theirs" as he liked it better over there. They called him Tuxedo and he still came to visit, and I always still called him Max.

Man. Cats are real heartbreakers sometimes.
posted by pazazygeek at 7:52 AM on July 9, 2018 [2 favorites]

He's Charlie Anderson!
posted by NoraCharles at 8:34 AM on July 9, 2018 [2 favorites]

-I rather suspect their lifestyle is more enjoyable to him, as they don't have a cat-crazed four-year-old attempting to smoosh-hug him constantly.

This also happened to my sister in law. She had three kids under five. We also have local cats that slink around the neighbourhood that are very friendly, but they tend to go back home. This seems to be very, very common in the UK.

You could go and speak to them in person, I think.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 8:40 AM on July 9, 2018

Adding to the chorus: You absolutely need to talk to them in person so that you can have an actual conversation. A postcard won't do. You want to actually hear from them that they like the cat and want to take responsibility for it. I mean, what if they just never respond to your card even if they don't want the cat? What if they want the cat, but would never pay veterinary bills? This is much more easily navigated in person.

It's also not that awkward. They're you're neighbors and whether they like the cat or not, or want the cat or not, you've got an actual issue to talk about. If anything, a postcard is a little more awkward because it's necessarily so terse.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:43 AM on July 9, 2018 [4 favorites]

Yes, even if you don't live in the kind of neighbourhood where people usually talk to each other in person, this is definitely an exception. As others have said, you need to ascertain whether they've actually taken him in, whether they want to keep him, etc.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:01 AM on July 9, 2018

Yes, you should go talk to them in person. They may be caring for him more out of concern for an animal's welfare than any actual desire to have a cat of their own.

That said, unless conditions at your home change to make him feel more like staying (and holy crap, I'd move out too if I were set upon--literally and figuratively!--from all sides), this problem will probably repeat itself. Your four-year-old can learn to rein in those cat-smooshing desires and you can make some simple changes to your home (an additional litter box, a cat tree that adds vertical space) so that both kitties can co-exist more peacefully.
posted by jesourie at 10:08 AM on July 9, 2018 [5 favorites]

Cats absolutely will up stakes and move (this is how my family acquired our first cat when I was a child, in fact). But I will nth that you need to explicitly address this with the other family, especially because your cat is a senior catizen and liable to run up extensive vet bills.
posted by thomas j wise at 11:32 AM on July 9, 2018 [6 favorites]

I might do a postcard that gives your info and also says, "I will plan to swing by later in the week, if you'd rather talk in person" in case they don't want to reach out. I would also add that I would resist any sort of "shared ownership" arrangement. You should make sure everyone is on the same page regarding:
1. Who pays vet bills?
2. What happens if the couple move?
posted by Rock Steady at 8:26 AM on July 10, 2018 [2 favorites]