How do you maintain your weak ties as your network grows?
June 19, 2018 5:11 AM Subscribe
As my career progresses, I've been investing more time in networking and building relationships in my field. However, I have a hard time remembering information about people, and as my network grows I'm struggling to keep my weak ties alive. I'm looking for practical advice on how to maintain my network—especially from others who are not naturally people-oriented.
I'm open to the whole range of advice, from how often you reach out in order to keep the relationship warm to how you remember what people are working on so you aren't starting each conversation from scratch. I'm particularly interested in techniques and practices that those of you who are not naturally people-oriented or don't have a gift for remembering personal details use to compensate for your natural inclinations.
I'm open to the whole range of advice, from how often you reach out in order to keep the relationship warm to how you remember what people are working on so you aren't starting each conversation from scratch. I'm particularly interested in techniques and practices that those of you who are not naturally people-oriented or don't have a gift for remembering personal details use to compensate for your natural inclinations.
I've tried taking physical notes about others, like a contact book but with notes like - works at X, is interested in Y, likes to consume Z and B, it's not perfect and I fall off a lot but it can help for a while. It may seem a little absurd, and I'd be petrified if the people its about stumbled upon it, but it can really help me remember things about people and have records for when I can't remember.
My biggest problem though is I'm terrible with faces, and therefore remembering that I've met someone before and to match a name to them. That I can't really help with.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 5:23 AM on June 19, 2018
My biggest problem though is I'm terrible with faces, and therefore remembering that I've met someone before and to match a name to them. That I can't really help with.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 5:23 AM on June 19, 2018
I have to write everything down, but I use an excel spreadsheet instead of a notebook. I don’t update it as often as I’d like, but it helps me out a lot when remembering personal details. Linked in is also a great tool. Honestly Facebook also helps, if used in a business friendly way. I am friends with a lot of the people I used to work with and it keeps everyone in the loop. I also don’t post anything that’s super controversial or vulgar since I know there’s a good chance my boss might see it.
posted by shesaysgo at 5:26 AM on June 19, 2018
posted by shesaysgo at 5:26 AM on June 19, 2018
I use the notes section of my Outlook contacts for this. Kids+approximate year born, business details, and then whatever little things stick out ("is REALLY excited about his clean diesel car and the good mileage it gets").
Then if they call me or if I am going to see them at a lunch I do a quick review and work in details if it's natural.
People really appreciate when you know their kids' names. Even if you are cheating.
posted by AgentRocket at 6:28 AM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
Then if they call me or if I am going to see them at a lunch I do a quick review and work in details if it's natural.
People really appreciate when you know their kids' names. Even if you are cheating.
posted by AgentRocket at 6:28 AM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
When people do this to me -- "remember" details from my life when I know they should know hundreds of people like me, or send me a congratulatory note on my birthday -- I _know_ they're using some kind of reminder system and it bothers me. It makes me feel like they're trying to simulate a closer connection than we really have, since people don't realistically remember that much detail for hundreds of acquaintances/friends.
HOWEVER, I'm not assuming this is true for everyone. I would hope other people from the receiving end of this kind of transaction have opinions to share.
posted by amtho at 7:57 AM on June 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
HOWEVER, I'm not assuming this is true for everyone. I would hope other people from the receiving end of this kind of transaction have opinions to share.
posted by amtho at 7:57 AM on June 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
Take notes. Any notes app that you can search will do. Search it before you go to any networking events. If you can include some key search terms (where you know them from, connections) that helps pull up the right people if you're going to a large event.
A while back I worked in development and my boss, who met constantly around the world with prospects, would dump her notes on me to make "contact reports." Met with so-and-so, aunt died last week, interest in xyz topic, discussion of potential gift in 2022 for abc purposes, etc etc. On the flight, she'd pull up that person's record and review before the meeting. It was a requirement of her job and I think her notes were used by her boss or others in her team as well. You can do the same in Outlook or Google Keep or whatever.
posted by epanalepsis at 8:18 AM on June 19, 2018
A while back I worked in development and my boss, who met constantly around the world with prospects, would dump her notes on me to make "contact reports." Met with so-and-so, aunt died last week, interest in xyz topic, discussion of potential gift in 2022 for abc purposes, etc etc. On the flight, she'd pull up that person's record and review before the meeting. It was a requirement of her job and I think her notes were used by her boss or others in her team as well. You can do the same in Outlook or Google Keep or whatever.
posted by epanalepsis at 8:18 AM on June 19, 2018
I'm with amtho above on this. I notice it often and find it creepy and insincere, but I recognize it is fairly normal in the professional world. When I encounter someone who obviously does this, I conclude that they don't really give a fuck about me, and just want to stay in my favor because it may benefit them in the future. I put them in my own mental category of "this is a person who might be a good connection for work in the future, but is just as likely to steal my work and take the credit for it, or otherwise step on my to get up another rung on the ladder."
As for how to go about retaining all these personal profiles, I remember seeing a short documentary on Bill Clinton, and that starting in college he had a box of index cards with people's pictures and names and personal details on them, which he would review every night in bed before he went to sleep. I'm sure you could do the same with software today.
There is a great flashcard program called "mnemosyne" that helps you keep information in your long term memory, by showing you the digital flashcards you have not seen in a while and need to review to remember.
posted by ethical_caligula at 9:27 AM on June 19, 2018
As for how to go about retaining all these personal profiles, I remember seeing a short documentary on Bill Clinton, and that starting in college he had a box of index cards with people's pictures and names and personal details on them, which he would review every night in bed before he went to sleep. I'm sure you could do the same with software today.
There is a great flashcard program called "mnemosyne" that helps you keep information in your long term memory, by showing you the digital flashcards you have not seen in a while and need to review to remember.
posted by ethical_caligula at 9:27 AM on June 19, 2018
I use Insightly (US$30mo) but it saves me heaps of time and I can check while mobile - I normally set up a list of events which is quick to read off my phone.
Whenever I can I get photos of my contacts - Insightly automates this - which is a bit weird but it works. I also have a folder of faces, specially for folk I don't see often - I tend to look at those for specific areas just before a trip in case I see someone on the street I haven't yet met - it's paid off enough times to be worthwhile. Record the name of your contact's PA/receptionist etc., it seems to smooth paths.
I do a lot of physical face-to-face calling and usually contact people this way first - it certainly makes it more memorable! It also reduces the number of contacts as some things fail early and that is fine - business is as much about relationship as it is about money. I carry as little stuff as possible when I do this otherwise one fumbles around and it creates a barrier when you least want one.
I normally write notes by hand first, directly after a meeting - it's distracting to do in-meeting and I have good recall for a few hours.
I don't bother with notes about contacts' personal lives, UNLESS I do know them personally. Increasingly I'm putting my leads in contact with one-another; this is great for cementing working relationships - and making real friends, especially when it works out well, which it has so far.
Re weak-links, I'm increasingly finding I can drop some of these but you do need to rank them in some way - what I do is consider how likely knowing them will lead to contacts, if they don't get a $ next to their name and it stays that way for a while - say three years in my case - they get crossed off. Don't delete tho' as you don't want to waste time with them again.
I deleted Linkedin - creepy effing thing.
Thanks ethical_caligula - mnemosyne looks useful
posted by unearthed at 1:56 PM on June 19, 2018
Whenever I can I get photos of my contacts - Insightly automates this - which is a bit weird but it works. I also have a folder of faces, specially for folk I don't see often - I tend to look at those for specific areas just before a trip in case I see someone on the street I haven't yet met - it's paid off enough times to be worthwhile. Record the name of your contact's PA/receptionist etc., it seems to smooth paths.
I do a lot of physical face-to-face calling and usually contact people this way first - it certainly makes it more memorable! It also reduces the number of contacts as some things fail early and that is fine - business is as much about relationship as it is about money. I carry as little stuff as possible when I do this otherwise one fumbles around and it creates a barrier when you least want one.
I normally write notes by hand first, directly after a meeting - it's distracting to do in-meeting and I have good recall for a few hours.
I don't bother with notes about contacts' personal lives, UNLESS I do know them personally. Increasingly I'm putting my leads in contact with one-another; this is great for cementing working relationships - and making real friends, especially when it works out well, which it has so far.
Re weak-links, I'm increasingly finding I can drop some of these but you do need to rank them in some way - what I do is consider how likely knowing them will lead to contacts, if they don't get a $ next to their name and it stays that way for a while - say three years in my case - they get crossed off. Don't delete tho' as you don't want to waste time with them again.
I deleted Linkedin - creepy effing thing.
Thanks ethical_caligula - mnemosyne looks useful
posted by unearthed at 1:56 PM on June 19, 2018
The professional term is a "customer relationship management" software. You can mock up a pretty good one with any number of free bug-tracking tools. One bug per person.
I do this for friends and family, and I'm pretty open about it. By the time people hear about it, they usually know me well enough to understand that this is what I need to do to have any memory of people other than, like, my parents.
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 7:26 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
I do this for friends and family, and I'm pretty open about it. By the time people hear about it, they usually know me well enough to understand that this is what I need to do to have any memory of people other than, like, my parents.
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 7:26 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
I have an excel sheet with the weak/middling contacts (ranging from colleagues to interesting people I met at conference but might not meet again regularly). I put a target date to next contact and then each month look at the sheet. Often I decide not to contact or delay, but it's useful to make sure people don't fall through the net.
When I contact I will update on what I've been doing and ask them about what they're up to, trying to tie both into strands from before. I see our email history to see the things we talked about before and there's often an old email to reply for.
Roughly it's every 6-12 months for people that I am not very in contact with.
posted by squishles at 10:35 AM on June 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
When I contact I will update on what I've been doing and ask them about what they're up to, trying to tie both into strands from before. I see our email history to see the things we talked about before and there's often an old email to reply for.
Roughly it's every 6-12 months for people that I am not very in contact with.
posted by squishles at 10:35 AM on June 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
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You don't have to remember personal details but can remark on their career achievements and mentions and the number of people who do this is very low (I have about 3,000 connections on LinkedIn and got about 50 notes from people on my last job change - each one was memorable and one led indirectly to a reference ask that got someone else a job.)
posted by notorious medium at 5:16 AM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]