How can I incorporate discipline back into my life?
May 17, 2018 9:50 AM Subscribe
I want to spend my time more wisely like I did in university
When I was in university I used to create a weekly schedule that would help me accomplish my goals. I want to try to do something like this again, except with the absence of external forces motivating me (ie: due dates, being graded, etc), I tend to just ignore any schedule that I make for myself outside of work.
I end up spending way too much time on social media and on the internet and not working on any of my personal goals. This is making me feel bored and regretful and lowering my self esteem.
My main wishes to improve my life are:
-- I want to work out (cardio and weights) 3-4 times a week
-- I want to practice music every day for 1 hour
-- I want to study javascript more and learn it faster
-- I'd like to take Spanish classes
-- I want to spend more time outside of work educating myself about the world rather than wasting time on entertainment
I think if I can get into a routine of doing these things regularly, I will feel a lot more satisfied with my life.
Issues:
- I work from home, so I have gotten into a bit of a rut of laziness
- I live alone, so I don't have anyone watching over me to keep me accountable
- Living alone also means my apartment is always a mess and I often forget to buy groceries and am too hungry to do anything (how dumb is that lol)
- My work is somewhat emotionally and mentally tiring so I often don't feel I have the brainpower to study after work, also my eyes hurt from staring at the computer
- However, i feel that since I work from home, I should be able to accomplish a lot more since I don't have the stress of a commute
- I often plan to exercise but then spend so much time cooking, cleaning, and eating that by the time it's done, it's already 9pm and there's no time to go to the gym.
- I basically waste A LOT of time on social media. Some of it is talking to friends, which I don't want to stop doing, but I do think I need to minimize it a bit.
Does anyone have tips on how I can shift back to a more fulfilling way of spending my time? I don't like apps and that type of stuff as I will ignore any alarms or notifications. How can I have more energy after work to do exercise and music and stuff like that?
When I was in university I used to create a weekly schedule that would help me accomplish my goals. I want to try to do something like this again, except with the absence of external forces motivating me (ie: due dates, being graded, etc), I tend to just ignore any schedule that I make for myself outside of work.
I end up spending way too much time on social media and on the internet and not working on any of my personal goals. This is making me feel bored and regretful and lowering my self esteem.
My main wishes to improve my life are:
-- I want to work out (cardio and weights) 3-4 times a week
-- I want to practice music every day for 1 hour
-- I want to study javascript more and learn it faster
-- I'd like to take Spanish classes
-- I want to spend more time outside of work educating myself about the world rather than wasting time on entertainment
I think if I can get into a routine of doing these things regularly, I will feel a lot more satisfied with my life.
Issues:
- I work from home, so I have gotten into a bit of a rut of laziness
- I live alone, so I don't have anyone watching over me to keep me accountable
- Living alone also means my apartment is always a mess and I often forget to buy groceries and am too hungry to do anything (how dumb is that lol)
- My work is somewhat emotionally and mentally tiring so I often don't feel I have the brainpower to study after work, also my eyes hurt from staring at the computer
- However, i feel that since I work from home, I should be able to accomplish a lot more since I don't have the stress of a commute
- I often plan to exercise but then spend so much time cooking, cleaning, and eating that by the time it's done, it's already 9pm and there's no time to go to the gym.
- I basically waste A LOT of time on social media. Some of it is talking to friends, which I don't want to stop doing, but I do think I need to minimize it a bit.
Does anyone have tips on how I can shift back to a more fulfilling way of spending my time? I don't like apps and that type of stuff as I will ignore any alarms or notifications. How can I have more energy after work to do exercise and music and stuff like that?
Start with one or two areas and choose a smaller version of your listed tasks. Instead of a Spanish class, make it a goal to do one lesson on duolingo per day. Instead of going to a gym, make it a goal to do one 7 minute at home exercise (I like a few of the 7 minute apps for variety). Instead of keeping your whole apartment sparkling, focus on one part of your kitchen and a part of your bathroom each day. Or just make it a goal for your sink to always be empty.
I made myself a paper habit tracker a few months ago and I (mostly) love it. Coloring in the boxes is fun. Seeing which habits I’m just not going to do has been illuminating.
Once you have a sense of mastery over the small bits, the you can build to more. And as you go along, if you do more, great! But if you ‘only’ do the small goal, you won’t be as inclined to be mean to yourself about it.
Don’t be mean to yourself. Give yourself a hug.
posted by bilabial at 10:34 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
I made myself a paper habit tracker a few months ago and I (mostly) love it. Coloring in the boxes is fun. Seeing which habits I’m just not going to do has been illuminating.
Once you have a sense of mastery over the small bits, the you can build to more. And as you go along, if you do more, great! But if you ‘only’ do the small goal, you won’t be as inclined to be mean to yourself about it.
Don’t be mean to yourself. Give yourself a hug.
posted by bilabial at 10:34 AM on May 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
Two thoughts--first, you'll have more energy if you can make yourself exercise. I always tell myself it's just gonna suck for the first month and then I'll have more energy, sleep better, see mood improvement, etc. and I'm always right. If you've not been in the habit of exercising it can be hard to get back in the groove but getting started again is the hardest part.
Second, try putting your phone in a box by your front door, turning it off, or leaving it in your car until it's time to go to bed. I struggle a lot with mindless scrolling in the evening and on evenings when I don't do it, I have much more energy and am much more motivated to do chores, meet my goals, etc. I think if you can minimize the amount of time you spend on social media the other bullets you list will fall into place.
posted by stellaluna at 10:51 AM on May 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
Second, try putting your phone in a box by your front door, turning it off, or leaving it in your car until it's time to go to bed. I struggle a lot with mindless scrolling in the evening and on evenings when I don't do it, I have much more energy and am much more motivated to do chores, meet my goals, etc. I think if you can minimize the amount of time you spend on social media the other bullets you list will fall into place.
posted by stellaluna at 10:51 AM on May 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
- I basically waste A LOT of time on social media. Some of it is talking to friends, which I don't want to stop doing, but I do think I need to minimize it a bit.
I struggle with everything else you mentioned but since I got the Freedom app I've been much better about this. It's really flexible so I can set up repeating sessions to block sites (e.g. Twitter, Facebook, etc) between certain hours. I block THE ENTIRE INTERNET from 11 pm to 7 am so I don't stay up late. (It blocks stuff on my phone too. You can still text people if there's an emergency.)
I also use RescueTime to track which websites I'm wasting time on. I was shocked at how much time I spent on two sites alone. That helped me decide what to block on Freedom.
posted by AFABulous at 11:27 AM on May 17, 2018 [4 favorites]
I struggle with everything else you mentioned but since I got the Freedom app I've been much better about this. It's really flexible so I can set up repeating sessions to block sites (e.g. Twitter, Facebook, etc) between certain hours. I block THE ENTIRE INTERNET from 11 pm to 7 am so I don't stay up late. (It blocks stuff on my phone too. You can still text people if there's an emergency.)
I also use RescueTime to track which websites I'm wasting time on. I was shocked at how much time I spent on two sites alone. That helped me decide what to block on Freedom.
posted by AFABulous at 11:27 AM on May 17, 2018 [4 favorites]
- I work from home, so I have gotten into a bit of a rut of laziness
I question whether this is truly laziness. Are you distracted? Bored with your job? How do you structure your days? Working from home does not equal being in a rut. I know people who work from home who are very productive because they’ve figured out what works for them. If I were you, I’d spend some time checking out some blogs from folks who work from home to see what works for them. The antidote to a rut of laziness might be some creative ideas and inspiring, solution-focused tactics from folks who have been where you are and figured out a solution.
Is telecommuting not for you? That’s something to explore as well. Maybe make a list of the pros and cons, and for all the cons, think of the antidote or solution. For example, if one con is that being at home is distracting, see if you can go to a coffee shop a couple times a week.
- I live alone, so I don't have anyone watching over me to keep me accountable
It sounds to me like you need structure, not a person there to keep you on your toes. I don’t see this as a personal failing, BTW – it’s a structure and logistics issue. You need another environment. You need structure in your day. You need a routine that you can stick to.
- Living alone also means my apartment is always a mess and I often forget to buy groceries and am too hungry to do anything (how dumb is that lol)
It doesn’t sound dumb at all; it sounds like maybe you’re overwhelmed and judging yourself for your situation. Sometimes people who work from home say they dislike it because it feels like the work is always “there.” Do you feel that way? Maybe talk to a therapist to work out some of the ongoing issues that are persistent and hard to resolve, then work on the bigger goals one at a time. A few ideas:
Buy a wall calendar, old-school style. Pick a day to buy groceries. That’s Grocery Day. Write it on the calendar. Pick a day to clean the kitchen, another to clean the living room, another to do laundry. One thing for each day, that’s it. Mark all that on the calendar. This splits up the tasks into manageable chunks, and assigns a day/time to do them. Miss a day? That’s fine – Saturdays and Sundays are “make-up” days. The incentive for doing this stuff during the week is to have your weekend free. There’s your accountability : )
Invest in an Instant Pot. Start dinner on a “break” when you’re working. Let dinner cook itself.
RE: the mess, personally, when things get out of control I resort to the KonMari method of de-cluttering. I did this a couple of years ago and it’s time for a refresh, but it’s amazing how well it’s worked for me. Keeps the mess down, and everything is in its place (as long as I put it there). Another thing that really helped me mentally and physically was investing in a robot vacuum. It works remarkably well and outsources something I hate doing that makes me feel overwhelmed.
Another thing – you should get a handle on the easier stuff – mess, groceries, cooking – before tackling the bigger goals you have. Be realistic and know your limitations, but don’t let the limitations stop you – let them guide what your solutions should be. For example: can’t get to the gym at night? Totally valid – go in the morning. Can’t clean the entire house on the weekend? Fine – clean it in chunks during the week. Can’t cook dinner each and every night? Neither can most people – this is why casseroles and lasagnas were invented. Cook once and get several meals out of it.
- My work is somewhat emotionally and mentally tiring so I often don't feel I have the brainpower to study after work, also my eyes hurt from staring at the computer
Exercise always helps me with the emotional/mental tiredness. Without time to do it after work (ha! forget it!), I’d go in the morning. Made my days much more productive, kept me focused and made me feel accomplished and confident. There’s a real difference on days I don’t make it to the gym or exercise.
RE: your eyes, maybe you need glasses. I have the tiniest prescriptions for both reading and distance, but it’s amazing how much of a difference it makes. It’s really, really hard to work through a headache. Who knows - your “rut” could be largely caused in part by your vision needing a little boost.
- However, i feel that since I work from home, I should be able to accomplish a lot more since I don't have the stress of a commute.
Working from home isn’t a panacea. In fact, in some ways it makes certain things harder. What you’re realizing is that it’s how you *use* your time that makes the difference. A person who has a 2-hour commute and listens to Spanish on the way to and from work is accomplishing a lot more than the person who works from home who isn’t using their time productively. That’s just the reality of living through a 24-hour day; it’s finite. Your judgement is not your friend here, but the acknowledgment that you’re not accomplishing what you want to is a great place to start.
- I often plan to exercise but then spend so much time cooking, cleaning, and eating that by the time it's done, it's already 9pm and there's no time to go to the gym.
Go in the morning. Become a morning person. There’s no way that you’re going to accomplish all that you have listed if you don’t add more hours to your day and allocate them for something specific. Might make your work day more productive if you start your day doing something you *enjoy* rather than waking up late, going through the motions, then feeling bad because you didn’t get X or Y done today. Sometimes all it takes is getting started on the right foot. And if you don’t succeed, well, there’s always tomorrow.
- I basically waste A LOT of time on social media. Some of it is talking to friends, which I don't want to stop doing, but I do think I need to minimize it a bit.
Social media, in my opinion, is a time sink. Allocate X number of minutes a day for that, and the rest of your day is yours, not Facebook’s.
posted by onecircleaday at 1:28 PM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]
I question whether this is truly laziness. Are you distracted? Bored with your job? How do you structure your days? Working from home does not equal being in a rut. I know people who work from home who are very productive because they’ve figured out what works for them. If I were you, I’d spend some time checking out some blogs from folks who work from home to see what works for them. The antidote to a rut of laziness might be some creative ideas and inspiring, solution-focused tactics from folks who have been where you are and figured out a solution.
Is telecommuting not for you? That’s something to explore as well. Maybe make a list of the pros and cons, and for all the cons, think of the antidote or solution. For example, if one con is that being at home is distracting, see if you can go to a coffee shop a couple times a week.
- I live alone, so I don't have anyone watching over me to keep me accountable
It sounds to me like you need structure, not a person there to keep you on your toes. I don’t see this as a personal failing, BTW – it’s a structure and logistics issue. You need another environment. You need structure in your day. You need a routine that you can stick to.
- Living alone also means my apartment is always a mess and I often forget to buy groceries and am too hungry to do anything (how dumb is that lol)
It doesn’t sound dumb at all; it sounds like maybe you’re overwhelmed and judging yourself for your situation. Sometimes people who work from home say they dislike it because it feels like the work is always “there.” Do you feel that way? Maybe talk to a therapist to work out some of the ongoing issues that are persistent and hard to resolve, then work on the bigger goals one at a time. A few ideas:
Buy a wall calendar, old-school style. Pick a day to buy groceries. That’s Grocery Day. Write it on the calendar. Pick a day to clean the kitchen, another to clean the living room, another to do laundry. One thing for each day, that’s it. Mark all that on the calendar. This splits up the tasks into manageable chunks, and assigns a day/time to do them. Miss a day? That’s fine – Saturdays and Sundays are “make-up” days. The incentive for doing this stuff during the week is to have your weekend free. There’s your accountability : )
Invest in an Instant Pot. Start dinner on a “break” when you’re working. Let dinner cook itself.
RE: the mess, personally, when things get out of control I resort to the KonMari method of de-cluttering. I did this a couple of years ago and it’s time for a refresh, but it’s amazing how well it’s worked for me. Keeps the mess down, and everything is in its place (as long as I put it there). Another thing that really helped me mentally and physically was investing in a robot vacuum. It works remarkably well and outsources something I hate doing that makes me feel overwhelmed.
Another thing – you should get a handle on the easier stuff – mess, groceries, cooking – before tackling the bigger goals you have. Be realistic and know your limitations, but don’t let the limitations stop you – let them guide what your solutions should be. For example: can’t get to the gym at night? Totally valid – go in the morning. Can’t clean the entire house on the weekend? Fine – clean it in chunks during the week. Can’t cook dinner each and every night? Neither can most people – this is why casseroles and lasagnas were invented. Cook once and get several meals out of it.
- My work is somewhat emotionally and mentally tiring so I often don't feel I have the brainpower to study after work, also my eyes hurt from staring at the computer
Exercise always helps me with the emotional/mental tiredness. Without time to do it after work (ha! forget it!), I’d go in the morning. Made my days much more productive, kept me focused and made me feel accomplished and confident. There’s a real difference on days I don’t make it to the gym or exercise.
RE: your eyes, maybe you need glasses. I have the tiniest prescriptions for both reading and distance, but it’s amazing how much of a difference it makes. It’s really, really hard to work through a headache. Who knows - your “rut” could be largely caused in part by your vision needing a little boost.
- However, i feel that since I work from home, I should be able to accomplish a lot more since I don't have the stress of a commute.
Working from home isn’t a panacea. In fact, in some ways it makes certain things harder. What you’re realizing is that it’s how you *use* your time that makes the difference. A person who has a 2-hour commute and listens to Spanish on the way to and from work is accomplishing a lot more than the person who works from home who isn’t using their time productively. That’s just the reality of living through a 24-hour day; it’s finite. Your judgement is not your friend here, but the acknowledgment that you’re not accomplishing what you want to is a great place to start.
- I often plan to exercise but then spend so much time cooking, cleaning, and eating that by the time it's done, it's already 9pm and there's no time to go to the gym.
Go in the morning. Become a morning person. There’s no way that you’re going to accomplish all that you have listed if you don’t add more hours to your day and allocate them for something specific. Might make your work day more productive if you start your day doing something you *enjoy* rather than waking up late, going through the motions, then feeling bad because you didn’t get X or Y done today. Sometimes all it takes is getting started on the right foot. And if you don’t succeed, well, there’s always tomorrow.
- I basically waste A LOT of time on social media. Some of it is talking to friends, which I don't want to stop doing, but I do think I need to minimize it a bit.
Social media, in my opinion, is a time sink. Allocate X number of minutes a day for that, and the rest of your day is yours, not Facebook’s.
posted by onecircleaday at 1:28 PM on May 17, 2018 [1 favorite]
Hi! I'm you. Except I live with caregivers, can't do much exercise, and never leave my room. But I work from home, get overwhelmed, feel like I should be doing more, and think I'm wasting a lot of time I should be doing more productive things with.
One HUGE thing that's helped me is Habitica. It's a website that gamifies your to-do lists. There's a list for Habits - tasks you want to get more consistent with. There's your To-Dos, your one-time tasks. And there's your Dailies, the things you want to make sure you get done every single day.
You have the option to join a party - even if you don't know anybody else on the site, there are always people looking to form or join parties. And the cool thing about parties is that parties go on quests. Defeat the bad guy. Collect the things. Gather the eggs. And there's an enormous amount of accountability with being in a party, because if you don't do your Dailies, you're doing damage to yourself AND TO YOUR PARTY. For me, even on my roughest days, I can't justify killing people just because I didn't feel like writing 500 words for my blog that day.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 5:32 PM on May 17, 2018
One HUGE thing that's helped me is Habitica. It's a website that gamifies your to-do lists. There's a list for Habits - tasks you want to get more consistent with. There's your To-Dos, your one-time tasks. And there's your Dailies, the things you want to make sure you get done every single day.
You have the option to join a party - even if you don't know anybody else on the site, there are always people looking to form or join parties. And the cool thing about parties is that parties go on quests. Defeat the bad guy. Collect the things. Gather the eggs. And there's an enormous amount of accountability with being in a party, because if you don't do your Dailies, you're doing damage to yourself AND TO YOUR PARTY. For me, even on my roughest days, I can't justify killing people just because I didn't feel like writing 500 words for my blog that day.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 5:32 PM on May 17, 2018
Regarding exercise, join a meetup running group, or a regular yoga class, or a weight lifting gym that keeps you in schedule, and just go on that schedule. Arranging all your all exercise and trying to arrange stuff with a buddy can be mentally tasking and it’s awesome to just have a thing to go to where all the work of what you’ll be doing with who is already arranged. Plus running groups are super social and that could be a good way to kind of meet people without so much work, and it gets you out of the house on a regular schedule.
posted by cakebatter at 5:39 PM on May 17, 2018
posted by cakebatter at 5:39 PM on May 17, 2018
Can you set your phone to play a song as an alarm? So then every morning when you hear “groove is in the heart” or whatever, you know it’s time to put all the dishes in the dishwasher, make your bed, and wipe off the counters? And then another alarm with a song you like goes off at 4:30 and that means it’s time to stop what you’re doing and put on your workout clothes and get out of the house. Picking songs is fun because you have a transition time, and if you pick the right ones, you get uplifted and excited about doing whatever task you want to accimplish.
posted by andreapandrea at 9:57 PM on May 17, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by andreapandrea at 9:57 PM on May 17, 2018 [3 favorites]
You should prioritize your main wishes, pick the top thing, and do that first. Once it's steady-state and engrained as a habit, if you've got time left over, prioritize what's left, and add one more in.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Trying to do them all at once winds up in burnout and failure for pretty much everyone.
And in general, if it's something you normally wouldn't do if it's late in the day, do it early in the day if you can.
Higher level?
- Perhaps work on a (slightly) tidier apartment where you clean as you go, and just keep it tidy.
- Then work on eating on a semi-regular schedule.
- Then work on improvements once you've got the baseline nailed.
posted by talldean at 2:36 PM on May 18, 2018
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Trying to do them all at once winds up in burnout and failure for pretty much everyone.
And in general, if it's something you normally wouldn't do if it's late in the day, do it early in the day if you can.
Higher level?
- Perhaps work on a (slightly) tidier apartment where you clean as you go, and just keep it tidy.
- Then work on eating on a semi-regular schedule.
- Then work on improvements once you've got the baseline nailed.
posted by talldean at 2:36 PM on May 18, 2018
Lots of great suggestions above.
One more:
Right now, make a list of very short tasks that tie in to any of your goals. They should ideally take less than 5 minutes and never more than 10. Things like:
* 5 minutes of flashcard practice with Anki
* write down 10 things you'd enjoy eating this week and put stars next to the 5 that sound best
* 5 minutes of push ups or jumping jacks
* 5 minutes of practicing music - just the part in the current piece you're learning that keeps tripping you up (or singing scales, or whatever)
Keep this list handy, and try to add to it regularly. When you're waiting in line or waiting for a web page to refresh, try coming up with something to add to the list.
Then, when you feel like a break, do something from this list.
I think you CAN get to a point where you're doing most or all of the projects you list, but I agree with others that trying to do all of that right away is not setting yourself up for success. But while you're moving toward those goals, tossing in 5 minutes of cardio or 5 minutes of Spanish will give you a little "I did something productive!" boost that encourages and reinforces your new habits.
posted by kristi at 1:51 PM on May 26, 2018
One more:
Right now, make a list of very short tasks that tie in to any of your goals. They should ideally take less than 5 minutes and never more than 10. Things like:
* 5 minutes of flashcard practice with Anki
* write down 10 things you'd enjoy eating this week and put stars next to the 5 that sound best
* 5 minutes of push ups or jumping jacks
* 5 minutes of practicing music - just the part in the current piece you're learning that keeps tripping you up (or singing scales, or whatever)
Keep this list handy, and try to add to it regularly. When you're waiting in line or waiting for a web page to refresh, try coming up with something to add to the list.
Then, when you feel like a break, do something from this list.
I think you CAN get to a point where you're doing most or all of the projects you list, but I agree with others that trying to do all of that right away is not setting yourself up for success. But while you're moving toward those goals, tossing in 5 minutes of cardio or 5 minutes of Spanish will give you a little "I did something productive!" boost that encourages and reinforces your new habits.
posted by kristi at 1:51 PM on May 26, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
- Don't overschedule yourself at first. Pick one thing, get into a groove with it, and then reevaluate. I really like blocking my whole schedule out into neat chunks but then I blow it immediately and it all goes to hell.
- Re: gym. One, if you can possibly arrange a gym buddy, do it. I never go more consistently than when I know someone is expecting to meet me. Two, go first thing in the morning. It'll get you up and moving and awake and you'll start work fresher and more alert - plus, you can't decide you're too tired/busy after work if you've already gone!
- Pick a Grocery Day. Go every time it comes around. (If your schedule is flexible, mid-day mid-week is often the most uncrowded.) Likewise, pick a Cooking Day (Sunday afternoon, maybe) and make a couple of things you can freeze. Also, I have made it my policy for the last many years to *always* have at least one meal that is frozen or shelf-stable that I like and can microwave if I hit that "dishes aren't done, there's no food, maybe I should just order pizza" wall. I don't get a huge stock or I'll stop eating real food, but I always have an emergency stash.
- If you want to study or do non-work computer work, get out of the house. (Assuming you have a laptop, of course.) Go to the library or a coffee shop - somewhere where you don't have all the cues for your usual habits. Establish good habits there. (For example, when I wanted to do creative writing, I would go to a coffee shop, order something, and goof around on my phone while I waited. Once the drink was made, it was Work Time for 45 minutes. Etc.)
Seriously, though, pick one or two things at most, and get those habits working. I'd go with gym and sorting out your food stuff, because it'll cascade into you feeling better and having more energy for other things.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:03 AM on May 17, 2018 [11 favorites]