Hiding Morning Sickness on Work Trip
April 10, 2018 8:16 AM   Subscribe

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant and have a three day retreat for work next week with our executive team. I am violently ill about 60% of the day, but fine the rest of it. I can't not go on this trip, but I'm not ready to reveal the pregnancy yet. Do you have any tips and tricks for hiding morning sickness?

TMI below -

I dry heave pretty consistently throughout the day, however will vomit bile after showers and will lose my breakfast/lunch/dinner occasionally. I cannot stomach sweets at all, and find I do better with lots of small meals.

Monday we drive 5 hours to our retreat. I will be sharing a townhouse with two to three female coworkers and will likely have my own bathroom (each room in the townhouse has an en suite bathroom, as these were purchased to be corporate housing for events like this). I will be in all day meetings from about 8am to 10pm each day, rotating between different townhouses. There will also be a midnight hike one of the nights. And then driving 5 hours back.

Only one coworker, a former boss , knows i'm pregnant and has offered to help cover for me where she can. However rooms are assigned by corporate (partially to break up cliques and help you mingle with people you might not know) so I have no idea if she and I will be rooming together.

What can i do to help reduce my nausea and hide it from coworkers?

My current plans -
always keep something in stomach and bring lots of my own snacks to help
bringing sparkling water to help settle stomach
bringing ginger tea i like

I exclusively work from home, so i haven't had to hide being sick yet. People of MetaFilter who have been pregnant while working - how did you keep it hidden?
posted by Suffocating Kitty to Work & Money (28 answers total)
 
See your doctor and get some medication!
posted by Lotto at 8:22 AM on April 10, 2018 [12 favorites]


Best answer: A friend who wasn't ready to reveal her pregnancy yet told people at work that she was taking a new medication with nausea as a side effect. Antibiotics often make people super barfy, AND they provide an excellent excuse for not drinking alcohol if drinking is likely to happen at this work event.
posted by palomar at 8:22 AM on April 10, 2018 [73 favorites]


Best answer: I would definitely see about getting medication. Also try to really double-down on sleep and taking vitamin B12 (that helped me a little). Short of that, it's probable that the people you're with will figure out on their own that you are pregnant (a baggie of crackers for a grown woman always gives it away), so you might give yourself a break and consider telling them.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:27 AM on April 10, 2018 [1 favorite]


I would suddenly get sick either just before the trip or on the drive there. Call your doc (not actually), get an antibiotic prescription (not actually) and then like like palomar said. Besides covering your barfiness, it will give you an excuse to skip any semi-optional portions of the event, especially the midnight hike (I don't know about you, but I would get out of breath from walking across the kitchen in my first trimester. I can't imagine a midnight hike).
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:27 AM on April 10, 2018 [5 favorites]


Seconding and thirding the antibiotic excuse.
Car sick from the long trip? Fake an eposide of gastroenteiesis or food poisoning?
Depending on location, elevation sickness could also apply.
posted by OnefortheLast at 8:29 AM on April 10, 2018


Is your work insane? 8 am to 10 pm each day with a midnight hike???!!! That's not inclusive at all, and not just for pregnant women. I would come down with a stomach bug of some kind. Gives you an excuse to retreat to your room from this "retreat" also. Seriously, if you get an opportunity to provide some anonymous feedback at some point, please do, for the sake of future pregnant women or others who wouldn't be able to stomach such a grueling schedule.
posted by peacheater at 8:36 AM on April 10, 2018 [48 favorites]


Best answer: I was nauseous for basically my entire pregnancy and I found sour things were super helpful. The (terribly named) Preggie Pop Drops were my friend as I could keep them around the entire time. I also ended up on Zofran as the serious nausea med of choice - It didn't totally fix the nausea but if I took it in the morning it cut it back to a dull roar. I recommend talking to your doc if you haven't yet.
posted by machine at 8:40 AM on April 10, 2018 [1 favorite]


Bring a lot of food with you: saltines, pretzels, sparkling water (Gerolsteiner has a lot of magnesium in case that helps you)

Bring candy.

Maybe don't go on the hikes.

Geez, hyperemesis is a serious thing, and I'd feel better if you were somewhere with other people taking care of you and easy access to doctors and grocery stores. It sounds like you won't have any energy anyway.

Aren't you, essentially, too sick to do this? Just say you're throwing up constantly and you can't go. Maybe you could spend time with your coworkers on conference calls and bond that way. Possibly send some photos of yourself along, too, something large they can post on the wall -- it will be funny and personal.
posted by amtho at 8:49 AM on April 10, 2018 [7 favorites]


Say you have a stomach bug and your doctor advised you were very contagious, but offer to video-conference in to all the meetings from home.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:05 AM on April 10, 2018 [2 favorites]


When I was pregnant, I told my coworkers because I was obviously sick and exhausted. The thing is you're too sick to pretend you're not and you're too sick to spend 12 hours a day doing work stuff. You're also likely too sick to go on a big trip to a strange place, especially while pretending not to be sick at all. Leaving your house all day everyday is likely to make you more sick and more tired.

I think you need to just bow out of this. Because it's stupid, even for healthy people.
posted by Kalmya at 9:13 AM on April 10, 2018 [25 favorites]


Say you do an amazing job at hiding your pregnancy from your co-workers. No-one has any idea. So what are they going to think? That you came on a work trip where you'd be in close quarters with them all for 14+ hours a day, with a type of illness that's often very contagious.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:26 AM on April 10, 2018 [13 favorites]


First, congratulations!

My midwife was very sympathetic when I called the clinic and explained I had an intense few weeks of work coming up during first trimester morning sickness, and needed to pull myself together, and she phoned in a prescription for Zofran, no problem. It took less than four hours from my phone call to having medication in hand. I also took Unisom at night, and Zantac for acid reflux (it can make nausea worse but also can be subtle at first, reflux isn't always full on heartburn).

Zofran didn't totally erase my nausea, but it did allow me to eat a lot more than I had been, and that helped me get my feet under me because my nausea & energy level was much better when I was able to eat actual food that day, instead of just nibbling on chips. I also carried a massive bag of snacks and drinks with me, to and from work. Maybe bring the largest purse you own and fill it with snacks, since you'll be moving from townhouse to townhouse. Will you have a refrigerator in your room? I did well with protein-rich snacks like Greek yogurt. Storing a cooling face mask or cold washcloths in the refrigerator might also help with nausea. If smells set you off, carry something nice to smell, maybe a small bottle of essential oil or a few peppermints or even a strongly scented citrus lip balm, whatever works.

I will chime in that this proposed 'retreat' schedule sounds absolutely bonkers, pregnant or not. With the level of face-to-face time it sounds like you'll have at this retreat, I think you may need to be mentally prepared to let the cat out of the bag, especially if you're audibly vomiting from the other room, repeatedly bolting out of the meetings, or suddenly gagging and dry heaving in front of others. If you absolutely can't skip this event and absolutely don't want to tell anyone, then a prescription for Zofran is probably the way to go here. Try to use it for a couple days before you leave so you can have a better idea of how it'll work for you. I'd use the antibiotics excuse as well, so you don't have your coworkers worrying they're going to get the awful norovirus you brought with you. Drive separately if at all possible, so you can go on snack-finding missions or leave early if things are getting really bad.

Also, please go easy on yourself. It looks like this is your second pregnancy? I'm 20 weeks into my 2nd and am finding this one is much harder on my body than my first, only three years later. I was able to just power through a lot of unpleasant stuff during the first time, but it's become clear that's really not possible with my second.
posted by castlebravo at 9:39 AM on April 10, 2018 [3 favorites]


I think this is a time that you need to accept that pregnancy disallows us from doing lots of stuff. And it sounds like pregnancy is going to not allow you to participate in this event at the high level of engagement that it requires.

While you say you must attend, I would counter that you can't. I just don't think that this is fair to you or anyone else there. Lying to say you have the flu or whatever is unfair to your coworkers.

I think you should talk to HR. You are experiencing a health problem that will not allow you to perform your job as you are being asked. You need to get modifications to your hours and expectations to match your abilities that you have right now, or you need to go on disability.

If you can't talk to HR, you have to talk to the one boss that knows and get out of this.

And yes, while pregnancy discrimination is illegal, yes, this will likely affect your career. There's no way around that. Sorry. And that is why I think if you officially go on disability and skip the retreat all together you have the strongest protections to your career path and reputation.
posted by littlewater at 9:45 AM on April 10, 2018 [10 favorites]


As someone who is super phobic about vomit, I can't imagine any way that this retreat would not be 24/7 panic attack for me a colleague was dry heaving, gagging, and vomiting 60% of the time (sometimes in my living space, if I understand the schedule correctly). And I cannot imagine that, even if you are feeling okay 40% of the time, that missing 60% of what's going on will make you a useful contributor. I did a similar trip at a similar point in my pregnancy and ended up spending about half the time miserable in my hotel room; it was an utter waste. Absolutely look into Zofran and see if that helps, and strongly consider "getting sick" at the last minute if it doesn't.
posted by tchemgrrl at 10:03 AM on April 10, 2018 [9 favorites]


Just say you ate something that didn't agree with you just before you left. Three days isn't that long; it's longer than normal food poisoning episode, but not so much so that it would raise eyebrows. It's something everyone's dealt with before, so everyone will be sympathetic and let your absence from certain activities slide. And foodborne illness is not contagious, so your co-workers won't be worried about contracting some imaginary disease from you.

Also, FWIW, apparently iron supplements are a big cause of pregancy nausea. If you're taking them, my wife found that taking them at night before going to bed reduced the nausea a bit. I have no way of knowing if it's true, but hopefully it's of some help.
posted by kevinbelt at 10:42 AM on April 10, 2018


I agree with the previous commenters that you should wave off from this trip. Your doctor would probably be glad to give you a letter with a nonspecific explanation, if your employers are unreasonable about it.

On a practical level, I've found that these instant honey ginger crystals work much better than ginger ale for relieving nausea.
posted by Lexica at 11:11 AM on April 10, 2018


I feel bad about my earlier comment. You know you best, and maybe you can make this work.

I will say that it's probably better, from your employer's perspective, for you to be predictably not there, than to be there and unpredictably available. Also, it probably makes a better impression for people to see you, consistently, hale and competent, than for them to see you spaced out from nausea... or sometimes present, sometimes making quick exits.
posted by amtho at 11:52 AM on April 10, 2018 [1 favorite]


I am completely in agreement with the others saying you should skip this trip? Can you just plan and pretend that you are going and then cancel at the last minute saying that you are stuck in bed vomiting. You won't be lying and no one would expect you to go on a work retreat when you are violently ill. If you need to, I am sure you GP would write you a doctors note. Your symptoms, regardless if they are caused by pregnancy or food poisoning or a virus are exactly the type of symptoms that should preclude you from taking a trip like this. Listen to your body and take care of yourself (and your unborn child).
posted by jazh at 11:53 AM on April 10, 2018 [4 favorites]


If you are looking for a specific excuse, please feel free to use my legitimate one, which is migraines. Migraines make some people horribly nauseous. It's also a good cover for not drinking (I mean, it's not specifically disallowed, but I avoid alcohol when I'm having a migraine because I don't want to aggravate my symptoms).

If you do try the medication route, try them ASAP—not for the first time during your trip! I took Zofran for my migraine nausea, and it made me so freaking sleepy. It can also cause constipation.
posted by radioamy at 12:21 PM on April 10, 2018 [3 favorites]


Best answer: Congratulations! Adding to the Zofran chorus.

You asked for anti-nausea tricks, so I'll share mine.

• What helped me through the first trimester was snacking on cold, raw vegetables to fill my stomach up just enough to keep the nausea at bay. For me, the nausea was much worse when I was running on empty (yet I couldn't stomach food - go figure! It was a vicious cycle.) Also, anything hot that carried a smell (i.e. most foods) would make me sick. I found that cold, crunchy veggies seemed to do the trick. I felt relatively full without triggering the pukes. That combined with small amounts of protein - I'm talking like a tbs of peanut butter here and there, not a roast chicken - helped tide me over.

Stay hydrated. Your body needs much more water than you think. Take sips throughout the day so you don't trigger the nausea, but do whatever you can to get fluids in you. I'm at 28.5 weeks and drinking almost a gallon a day (and the heat hasn't even set in yet!).

• Carbonated water relieved nausea for me too. I still can't tolerate still water unless it's ice cold.

• Carrying a scarf helped a lot - I could cover my nose from smells that triggered the nausea.

Take heart - it may go away soon. I had six weeks of nausea, and one day it just disappeared and never returned.

Good luck!
posted by onecircleaday at 12:48 PM on April 10, 2018 [1 favorite]


Having been on executive retreats like this, I wouldn't be surprised if the midnight hike got cancelled or very low attendance after the inevitable breakdowns and tensions that come from sticking a bunch of people way too close together for multiple days.
Beg off the hike. Get drugs from your doctor. B6+unisom is an otc popular option that works for many women.
But you should go. Nausea sucks but it sounds like you've been working through it so far. It's not going to be fun but it was never going to be fun with the insane schedule they've laid out, so just duck out when you need to, tell people you're taking medication that is causing some unpleasant side effects, and don't feel obligated to do the side activities if you don't feel up to them, I promise you won't be the only one.
posted by ch1x0r at 1:30 PM on April 10, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Taking a new drug while pregnant just so you can hide being pregnant is bonkers. If you choose to go on Zofran for your own reasons so be it, but don't do it just to hide!!

It sounds like your normal work schedule is fairly compatible with nausea; personally I wouldn't add drugs to the mix unless I really felt my normal life was being ruined by a symptom. (I say this as someone who has also had bad gastric symptoms and chosen to suffer them drug-free.)

You could try taking straight folic acid pills and a normal multivitamin (or none) for just a couple days- the extra iron in prenatal vitamins may be exacerbating your nausea.

Popsicles and apples might help stave off some nausea, too.

But honestly? Screw the retreat. Beg off sick. Because you quite literally ARE. Your life is about to change, this is a good time to practice acceptance and flexibility.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:32 PM on April 10, 2018 [3 favorites]


Zofran saved my life. I thought my OB would be hesitant to prescribe it - not sure why - but when I told her I'd lost 10% of my body weight between week 6 and week 10 of my pregnancy, she insisted I start taking it. The generic is 20 cents per pill and does a good job, but it's not 100% effective.
I'd fall back on the excuses listed above.
posted by Coffeemate at 2:51 PM on April 10, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Ginger is widely considered to help with nausea. So, ginger tea, ginger snaps, maybe ginger ale. I would say that you have just had an unpleasant bout of food poisoning form rare hamburger and that your stomach is crazy sensitive. If you run to a bathroom, you can call it tummy trouble and imply diarrhea, which no one wants to hear about. If your doc is okay with the meds, give it a shot. Good luck.
posted by theora55 at 3:38 PM on April 10, 2018


Zofran, zofran, zofran!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:06 PM on April 10, 2018


I'm another superphobic about vomit person and I just wanted to say that if I was on this trip with you I would be extremely anxious but that would be my problem to manage as the one with the unusual phobia. People get sick for all sorts of reasons, its part of life. I will stay away from it if at all possible but I don't expect other people to jeopardise their careers etc on the account of my discomfort.

It sounds like you've had a good range of advice about how to deal with the problem and I hope you're able to get through it. I do think you may have to accept that its quite likely you won't keep the secret - it's been my experience that if you're known to be in a relationship and ~reproductive age people leap to the conclusion of pregnancy on very little evidence. The "on antibiotics" is now rarely believed in my circles and everyone knows about ginger, small meals etc for nausea.
posted by *becca* at 2:51 AM on April 11, 2018 [3 favorites]


I had marginal success with those Sea Bands and making sure I always had something sour like lemonade or lemony ice water to drink.

Are you able to drive yourself instead of carpooling? 5 hours is a long time, I know, but I would have enjoyed the flexibility of being able to stop whenever I needed to (and not having to drive in the back seat, which would aggravate my nausea).
posted by stripesandplaid at 7:51 AM on April 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Thanks to everyone for their advice! I ordered some preggo pops and will plan on stocking up on snacks and sour things before the drive.
posted by Suffocating Kitty at 11:06 AM on April 11, 2018


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