Making friends with my panic

April 8, 2018 1:04 PM

Thanks for all the help with my prior panic question. One more: I’d like to improve my relationship with my panic. Are there any upsides? Has there ever been a way in which it was a gift to you? Thanks in advance!
posted by ftm to Health & Fitness (10 answers total)

Honestly, by not making friends with it. When I stopped trying to hide it from people or fight it or pretend it wasn't there, it didn't make things better but I did lessen much of the pressure and so some of the resentment I was feeling about it/towards myself. To be able to go "Oh, I'm having a panic attack, and this sucks, but I'm not going to pretend it's not happening for other people's benefit" has been life-changing. I guess it has been a gift to me in that that honesty is a quick way to suss out the kind of people worth keeping around. It's been a gift to me in my career in that I'm a much better employee with accommodations, and not facing internalized pressure improves my work. It's also made me more empathetic to anyone who has a health problem that can become embarrassing in public, and so I think it turn a better friend. Also, everyone gives me the aisle seat now!
posted by colorblock sock at 1:25 PM on April 8, 2018 [8 favorites]

I had panic attacks almost daily for about a year, and have occasionally since then.

One thing that I found really interesting, was that my anxiety during that time amplified (to a totally unhelpful extent!) things that I would usually find almost imperceptably uncomfortable or stressful. The things that were my panic attack triggers were things that I hadn't even realized made me anxious. By having my usual reactions turned up to 11, I learned a lot more about what I prefer and what makes me feel safe and comfortable, and what makes me uncomfortable.

Panic attacks also made me have to be honest and vulnerable with a lot of people, including friends and family members, for the first time. Because things were so hard, and the situations I felt safe in were so few, I had to learn to advocate for myself, and say, "No, I actually can't [go to a restaurant, for example]." That was a really good skill to develop, although I totally wish I'd been able to learn it in better circumstances.

I know people's experiences of this will extremely vary, and sometimes a panic attack is just a panic attack, but for me my panic attacks were a sign that I needed to stop trying to be someone I wasn't and lead a life that wasn't right for me. They jarred me loose from a really terrible holding pattern. I feel like I barely made it through that time in my life, but I was so, so, so much better for it.
posted by ITheCosmos at 2:39 PM on April 8, 2018 [4 favorites]

I feel like panic while horrendous in the short term is often a strong message that something in my life absolutely must change- in one example my job, in another, my relationship. For a person who can convince herself to cope with a lot, panic is my body’s way of creating a hard line that I’ve learned to respect. It’s as if my body gives my rational brain a few chances at getting it right and then just takes the wheel. So, cool, I guess?
posted by jeszac at 2:47 PM on April 8, 2018 [6 favorites]

If it's a gift, I'd like to return it.

The only good that's come of it for me is I'm now a great person for other people to be around when they're having their own panic attacks because I'll shoo away whomever/whatever is making it worse and then sit with them doing breathing exercises with them for however long it takes for them to feel better etc.

Of course, all that awareness of techniques for managing a panic attack goes straight out the window when I'm having my own. :(
posted by Jacqueline at 5:53 PM on April 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

Am easing out the other side of a many year long period of panic syndrome. What helped me most was, as mentioned, being open about it and talking to others. This has lead me to learn so much about the people around me, and fostered some good friendships. It has made me more approachable as people otherwise sometimes (used to?) see me as someone who doesn’t get bothered by things or stressed or whatever. It’s made me a more empathic person which has also made me less irritable about others. It has drawn attention to the things I need to have/ must not have to be well, and it is hopefully going to force me to get some meditation, relaxation and working out into my life.
posted by Iteki at 10:10 PM on April 8, 2018

There's a new book about anxiety coming out this month in the US that discusses anxiety as a gift. It's called First, We Make The Beast Beautiful. I haven't read it yet and panic isn't identical to anxiety but maybe it would be interesting to you.
posted by hungrytiger at 12:03 AM on April 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

I guess I'm not sure exactly what you're asking, but I am very familiar with panic, anxiety, and attacks. One thing that was incredibly helpful for me, especially with agoraphobia in particular, was acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Here is a decentish overview.

For me it was the "accepting without action" part of it that helped. Having a panic attack about being in a grocery store with lots of people and no way out? Okay, well instead of leaving your groceries and running away or not even going into the grocery store, try to get to a quiet part of the store (I always prefer bathrooms) and just sit with it.

I dunno, was helpful fo rme.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 9:53 AM on April 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

I had it much worse in the past, and during that time I noticed how much higher my resting heart rate was. As you are probably aware it's fairly common for people with anxiety/attacks to have a higher heart rate (this is apparently not always the case, but I think it's much more common).

However, when I've had blood tests, historically, I have often gotten the vaso-vagal response , which can cause you to faint due to very slow heart rate. So it was super weird to get blood drawn and watch my heart rate slow down from 'too fast' to 'normal' as a side effect of fear. ;)

I guess you can call that a gift.
posted by bitterkitten at 12:13 PM on April 9, 2018

For me the upside was the absolute bliss of being well again (or relatively well). I never appreciated my mental health before and now I see it is the most important thing and am thankful for every day I feel good.
posted by thereader at 2:18 PM on April 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

Also definitely think it has made me more empathetic and clued in on others' triggers. I'm a teacher and have recognised panic in a couple of my students. I think I helped them.
posted by thereader at 2:19 PM on April 9, 2018 [2 favorites]