Should I get a dog? Graduate school edition.
March 25, 2018 12:08 PM Subscribe
I have wanted a dog for a few years now, and my desire is only growing. The only thing is that I will be moving to a new area for a PhD program and don't know if it's realistic to think that I will be able to manage coursework and the responsibilities of having a dog. I'd like to think that I can, but maybe I need a reality check.
The answers to my last question about graduate school were unanimous in their disapproval. That information was really helpful to me, and my wife and I decided we will be living off-campus but very close to school.
My next question is this: should I get a dog? I used to hate dogs, because I had a bad experience with one when I was very young, but my heart has softened in the last three to four years to the point that I have begun really wanting to care for one. Ideally I'd like to own a more active dog, one that I can run with, go on hikes and camping trips with, and take to the dog park to play fetch or frisbee. I'm thinking something like a retriever, shepherd, or collie mix. I would obviously adopt from a rescue org or shelter.
I have read a few books about dog training (a few Monks of New Skete books, etc.), and I recently babysat a pomchi puppy who was teething and wasn't housebroken for a few days, so I think I have a good idea about what it takes to take care of a dog, however unruly. I understand the costs of healthcare, and I'm lucky that my stipend is high enough that I think we could take on that cost.
A not-so-few additional points:
+Our current apartment doesn't allow dogs, so any adoption would take place after our move.
+My wife has made it clear that she won't take on any of the time burden for caring for a dog (walking, exercising, etc.). We talked about the idea of owning a cat as a compromise, but my wife is really allergic and allergies exacerbate her chronic sinusitis and lead to pain flares.
+I don't have a very clear idea of the time commitment of coursework, but the department says it expects all responsibilities of a graduate student to be around 40 hours a week. I don't know how much of that time is on-campus vs. off-campus. I also understand there may be additional events, study groups, etc.
+I have chronic fatigue and depression that are very well managed by my current medication regimen. I am currently working 30-40 hours a week in food service and have been managing relatively well.
+Another graduate student in the program owns a dog (a pug) and seems to be handling it pretty well. I don't know if she is able to take the dog with her on campus or what.
+I'd be happy to hear about South Bay (Palo Alto, Menlo Park, Mountain View, etc.) specific advice or guidance on renting with a medium-sized dog.
+I am strongly committed to the idea of having a life outside of graduate school. My wife is my family and I value that sphere of my life more than anything. My hope is that a dog would become part of that sphere of my life.
+My wife and I have been lucky to split our time between the US and Mexico. The information I have found about traveling long-term between the two countries has been generally validating in that it seems relatively straight-forward. I know less about our other potential summer destinations, like Europe.
+I am not sure how often I will be traveling for conferences, but I had a professor, now a mentor, who owns five dogs and seems to manage just fine.
+My wife works from home, and as such barking is a concern of ours. I also can't stand a dog that obsessively barks. I understand that the breeds I am looking at are less prone to excessive barking.
I don't think there's such a thing as overthinking the possibility of adopting a dog, because I wouldn't want to subject another animal to abuse - I experienced neglect as a child and know its effects firsthand. So the question is: will I be in a place where I can - not only adequately but capably - care for a dog, especially one with more energy? Am I being realistic in assuming I will be able to manage and balance the responsibilities of graduate school with the responsibilities of caring for a dog? Put simply: will I be able to be a good dog mom? It won't be pleasant to have my dreams crushed, but I know I need to be realistic here.
The answers to my last question about graduate school were unanimous in their disapproval. That information was really helpful to me, and my wife and I decided we will be living off-campus but very close to school.
My next question is this: should I get a dog? I used to hate dogs, because I had a bad experience with one when I was very young, but my heart has softened in the last three to four years to the point that I have begun really wanting to care for one. Ideally I'd like to own a more active dog, one that I can run with, go on hikes and camping trips with, and take to the dog park to play fetch or frisbee. I'm thinking something like a retriever, shepherd, or collie mix. I would obviously adopt from a rescue org or shelter.
I have read a few books about dog training (a few Monks of New Skete books, etc.), and I recently babysat a pomchi puppy who was teething and wasn't housebroken for a few days, so I think I have a good idea about what it takes to take care of a dog, however unruly. I understand the costs of healthcare, and I'm lucky that my stipend is high enough that I think we could take on that cost.
A not-so-few additional points:
+Our current apartment doesn't allow dogs, so any adoption would take place after our move.
+My wife has made it clear that she won't take on any of the time burden for caring for a dog (walking, exercising, etc.). We talked about the idea of owning a cat as a compromise, but my wife is really allergic and allergies exacerbate her chronic sinusitis and lead to pain flares.
+I don't have a very clear idea of the time commitment of coursework, but the department says it expects all responsibilities of a graduate student to be around 40 hours a week. I don't know how much of that time is on-campus vs. off-campus. I also understand there may be additional events, study groups, etc.
+I have chronic fatigue and depression that are very well managed by my current medication regimen. I am currently working 30-40 hours a week in food service and have been managing relatively well.
+Another graduate student in the program owns a dog (a pug) and seems to be handling it pretty well. I don't know if she is able to take the dog with her on campus or what.
+I'd be happy to hear about South Bay (Palo Alto, Menlo Park, Mountain View, etc.) specific advice or guidance on renting with a medium-sized dog.
+I am strongly committed to the idea of having a life outside of graduate school. My wife is my family and I value that sphere of my life more than anything. My hope is that a dog would become part of that sphere of my life.
+My wife and I have been lucky to split our time between the US and Mexico. The information I have found about traveling long-term between the two countries has been generally validating in that it seems relatively straight-forward. I know less about our other potential summer destinations, like Europe.
+I am not sure how often I will be traveling for conferences, but I had a professor, now a mentor, who owns five dogs and seems to manage just fine.
+My wife works from home, and as such barking is a concern of ours. I also can't stand a dog that obsessively barks. I understand that the breeds I am looking at are less prone to excessive barking.
I don't think there's such a thing as overthinking the possibility of adopting a dog, because I wouldn't want to subject another animal to abuse - I experienced neglect as a child and know its effects firsthand. So the question is: will I be in a place where I can - not only adequately but capably - care for a dog, especially one with more energy? Am I being realistic in assuming I will be able to manage and balance the responsibilities of graduate school with the responsibilities of caring for a dog? Put simply: will I be able to be a good dog mom? It won't be pleasant to have my dreams crushed, but I know I need to be realistic here.
I think there's nothing wrong with having a dog in grad school (and in many ways, while the work hours are long the time is often flexible which actually makes things easier) and I think you could be a perfectly good dog mom, but there are some red flags:
-your wife does not seem onboard with this at all and her unwillingness to help is any way is something that I think you need to discuss further. If you're stuck on campus for a long day will she really not walk/feed the dog for you??
-if you forge ahead despite what seems like a clear sign from your wife that she's not into the dog, you'd likely find life easier in a dog-friendly apartment with a shorter commute. I'm guessing that might be a unicorn apartment; can you find/afford one?
-if you travel a lot in the summer, finding someone to care for your dog can be expensive. Do you have the financial resources to pay a sitter, or a good network of extremely generous friends who might take said dog in for a while?
posted by TwoStride at 12:21 PM on March 25, 2018
-your wife does not seem onboard with this at all and her unwillingness to help is any way is something that I think you need to discuss further. If you're stuck on campus for a long day will she really not walk/feed the dog for you??
-if you forge ahead despite what seems like a clear sign from your wife that she's not into the dog, you'd likely find life easier in a dog-friendly apartment with a shorter commute. I'm guessing that might be a unicorn apartment; can you find/afford one?
-if you travel a lot in the summer, finding someone to care for your dog can be expensive. Do you have the financial resources to pay a sitter, or a good network of extremely generous friends who might take said dog in for a while?
posted by TwoStride at 12:21 PM on March 25, 2018
Right now you're probably thinking that you can handle all the dog-related tasks (walking, excercise) solo and it doesn't matter if your wife doesn't want to help with that stuff, but I promise that you will eventually resent it. Dogs really work best as a project a couple takes on together. They change everything! This doesn't sound very promising.
posted by cakelite at 12:28 PM on March 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by cakelite at 12:28 PM on March 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
Agree with pseudostrabismius and TwoStride: dogs are generally doable in grad school, assuming you can afford to feed and take care of them (and that you aren't in the kind of grad program where you need to be in a lab all day), but there are some non-grad-school-related issues here that concern me. Travel can be hard, and it doesn't sound like your wife is totally on board. I also think you'd be better off settling in a bit and figuring out your new routine before you made any other big changes, so I would wait a month or two before you even contemplate a dog.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 12:29 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 12:29 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
"Wife not on board with having a dog" is probably your biggest obstacle. Pet-friendly rentals can be found, and dogs can be sent to daycare if you are really short of time, but I think that a spouse absolutely has to be a willing partner with adopting a dog. Dogs are pretty high-maintenance, and spouses/partners/roommates can find themselves pitching in with the care in spite of themselves.
Also, things like doggie day care, pet sitters, and pet-friendly rentals cost money, and vet care can really, really add up. (I have a diabetic cat! Her insulin is pretty spendy! Young, healthy animals can turn into expensive middle-aged or older animals faster than you think.)
I would suggest either fostering a dog (if your wife is OK with it) or being a doggie socializer at your local shelter. Shelters need volunteers to walk dogs and socialize with them to make them more adoptable. Being a doggie socializer will get you all the puppy kisses you want and none of the responsibility or expense.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 12:29 PM on March 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
Also, things like doggie day care, pet sitters, and pet-friendly rentals cost money, and vet care can really, really add up. (I have a diabetic cat! Her insulin is pretty spendy! Young, healthy animals can turn into expensive middle-aged or older animals faster than you think.)
I would suggest either fostering a dog (if your wife is OK with it) or being a doggie socializer at your local shelter. Shelters need volunteers to walk dogs and socialize with them to make them more adoptable. Being a doggie socializer will get you all the puppy kisses you want and none of the responsibility or expense.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 12:29 PM on March 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
A dog is a perfectly managable responsibility for a grad student. Once the puppy phase is over, and your dog is house trained, dogs are pretty low-touch. Just love them, feed them, and exercise them, and they're happy. I'd suggest some training classes early on if you can manage it, to give you some more control over the dog.
But the conflict here isn't grad school, it's your wife. If she doesn't want anything to do with the dog, then I'd be wary of bringing one on board.
posted by dis_integration at 12:35 PM on March 25, 2018
But the conflict here isn't grad school, it's your wife. If she doesn't want anything to do with the dog, then I'd be wary of bringing one on board.
posted by dis_integration at 12:35 PM on March 25, 2018
I don’t think you should do this without your wife being 100% on board, both in terms of ensuring she won’t be allergic, and to not create resentment if she ever does have to pitch in and help with the dog in some way. Also pets can be expensive so if the dog needs some expensive medical treatment that means you can’t go to Mexico this year or something like that. Dogs are great and I understand the desire for one (I feel the same way!) but your wife has to come first. See if she will be amenable to a short term foster just to try it out?
posted by bleep at 12:35 PM on March 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by bleep at 12:35 PM on March 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
There are also non-allergenic breeds of cats like the hairless kind, might be worth looking into. Cats are also easier to travel with.
posted by bleep at 12:45 PM on March 25, 2018
posted by bleep at 12:45 PM on March 25, 2018
Nth'ing that getting a dog is a big responsibility and it has to be something that you agree on as a couple.
If you have never had a dog before, it can be a lot of work. You have to commit to at least 3 walks a day, every day. Early on, the dog may have accidents and behavioral challenges like chewing, fear or strangers, or separation anxiety. Being a responsible dog owner means being aware that you will need to devote a large amount of time in the first few months of dog ownership to positive training and socialization. While your flexible schedule is likely to make this easier, it's important to know that this would be something you and your wife are working towards as a team.
International travel is not prohibitive with dogs but it may add complications. Your dog will need a special checkup and will likely require a pet passport.
It's important to note that hiking and running with dogs isn't always that easy. Some are better at that than others. Herding breeds like shepherds and collies usually thrive best in larger living spaces than an apartment. They are high energy, very bright, require more daily exercise than your typical apartment sized dog, and may occasionally become bored and destructive without a daily outlet for all their energy.
If you are set on bringing a dog into your family, I can't stress enough that it needs to be a decision that you are both excited about as a family. If you are going it alone, I would recommend looking into other types of pets like a parakeet, a turtle, or a rabbit, all of which can provide a wonderful bonding experience.
posted by donut_princess at 12:47 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
If you have never had a dog before, it can be a lot of work. You have to commit to at least 3 walks a day, every day. Early on, the dog may have accidents and behavioral challenges like chewing, fear or strangers, or separation anxiety. Being a responsible dog owner means being aware that you will need to devote a large amount of time in the first few months of dog ownership to positive training and socialization. While your flexible schedule is likely to make this easier, it's important to know that this would be something you and your wife are working towards as a team.
International travel is not prohibitive with dogs but it may add complications. Your dog will need a special checkup and will likely require a pet passport.
It's important to note that hiking and running with dogs isn't always that easy. Some are better at that than others. Herding breeds like shepherds and collies usually thrive best in larger living spaces than an apartment. They are high energy, very bright, require more daily exercise than your typical apartment sized dog, and may occasionally become bored and destructive without a daily outlet for all their energy.
If you are set on bringing a dog into your family, I can't stress enough that it needs to be a decision that you are both excited about as a family. If you are going it alone, I would recommend looking into other types of pets like a parakeet, a turtle, or a rabbit, all of which can provide a wonderful bonding experience.
posted by donut_princess at 12:47 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Why not volunteer for a local animal shelter? You can get your dog fix doing care at the facility or helping out with adoption events.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 12:50 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by fluttering hellfire at 12:50 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Wait until you're settled into your new home and situation. It's really hard to predict how much time and energy either one of you will have until you've lived a little bit in your new setting.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:59 PM on March 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:59 PM on March 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
One of my friends got a dog in graduate school. She made it work, but it was tough.
Regarding your schedule in grad school: It's "flexible" in that some semesters, you'll have a lot of unscheduled time that you're spending on studying, research, and writing. But you don't have control over when scheduled things occur. For example, I have days this semester where I don't have to be on campus at all, and other days where I leave the house at 8:00AM and don't get back until 8:00PM.
(Or later, if I stay late to work.)
Dogs are work. My friend was really passionate about the dog, but it did cause issues. There were some days she had to get a dog walker take him out at lunchtime, and because she was a grad student living in an apartment complex without a yard, she had to make time to take him on walks or to the park to get exercise every day. That is a big time commitment. Travel was also an issue. Your professor was likely paying for a dog sitter (which can be expensive unless you're using people from your social networks).
You can probably make a dog work in graduate school, but it's likely to require more effort and money than you think.
I also think that you're being a little selfish here, with regards to your wife. You can't leave a dog at home with someone and say that it's not their responsibility. They're going to have to interact with and care for the dog. They'll have to talk it on walks if you can't make it home on time, they'll have to clean up messes, they'll have to deal with any behavioral issues - a dog isn't something that you can just ignore. If your wife doesn't want to take on the extra work of the dog, the only way that is even conceivable is if you were the one that worked at home. (Even then, I don't see it working out well.)
All that said, I agree that if you're set on this idea, you need to wait until you've settled in and then reevaluate. You really don't know yet what your life will be like.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 1:12 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Regarding your schedule in grad school: It's "flexible" in that some semesters, you'll have a lot of unscheduled time that you're spending on studying, research, and writing. But you don't have control over when scheduled things occur. For example, I have days this semester where I don't have to be on campus at all, and other days where I leave the house at 8:00AM and don't get back until 8:00PM.
(Or later, if I stay late to work.)
Dogs are work. My friend was really passionate about the dog, but it did cause issues. There were some days she had to get a dog walker take him out at lunchtime, and because she was a grad student living in an apartment complex without a yard, she had to make time to take him on walks or to the park to get exercise every day. That is a big time commitment. Travel was also an issue. Your professor was likely paying for a dog sitter (which can be expensive unless you're using people from your social networks).
You can probably make a dog work in graduate school, but it's likely to require more effort and money than you think.
I also think that you're being a little selfish here, with regards to your wife. You can't leave a dog at home with someone and say that it's not their responsibility. They're going to have to interact with and care for the dog. They'll have to talk it on walks if you can't make it home on time, they'll have to clean up messes, they'll have to deal with any behavioral issues - a dog isn't something that you can just ignore. If your wife doesn't want to take on the extra work of the dog, the only way that is even conceivable is if you were the one that worked at home. (Even then, I don't see it working out well.)
All that said, I agree that if you're set on this idea, you need to wait until you've settled in and then reevaluate. You really don't know yet what your life will be like.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 1:12 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
If your wife is unwilling, don't push it into resentment territory by getting that dog that you really ultimately won't be able to take that much care of, because she will have to deal with transition issues of her own and will not be happy about having to adjust for that additional labor. Grad students are expected to put in so much overtime that you really won't get to devote as much time as you want - I would not pursue this idea further, or move into a shared household with another grad student/working professional that takes great care of their dog, so you get the joy of hanging out with a dog with none of the responsibilities.
posted by yueliang at 1:46 PM on March 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by yueliang at 1:46 PM on March 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Please, for the sake of the dog, do not get a dog and leave it at home all day with your spouse who works and home and flat-out says she doesn't want a dog and won't care for it. This is a recipe for resentment in your marriage *and* for a sub-optimal life experience for the dog.
Volunteer at the shelter, they need good people like you!
posted by mccxxiii at 1:49 PM on March 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
Volunteer at the shelter, they need good people like you!
posted by mccxxiii at 1:49 PM on March 25, 2018 [16 favorites]
Short answer is that you really need to wait until you are settled in your new life before you make a decision. New dogs are extra work, you don't want to take one into your home until you are a point where you can devote the extra energy to getting it settled. So, any decision you make now should be held tentatively. I think the most important decision is whether you prioritize dog-friendly as a deal-breaker in looking for an apartment. Housing in the area you are looking at is ridiculously expensive and it will change the trade-offs if you make pet friendly an absolute requirement. You may also find that under 50 lbs is easier than over, so another reason to hold off until you know.
By the way, shedding can be a big deal for some of these breeds. We opted for a labradoodle (with breeding that made it clear it would have a non shedding coat) to avoid triggering pet allergies but they are hard to find in shelters.
posted by metahawk at 1:49 PM on March 25, 2018
By the way, shedding can be a big deal for some of these breeds. We opted for a labradoodle (with breeding that made it clear it would have a non shedding coat) to avoid triggering pet allergies but they are hard to find in shelters.
posted by metahawk at 1:49 PM on March 25, 2018
>My wife has made it clear that she won't take on any of the time burden for caring for a dog
>My wife works from home
So no dog, then. For me it would be just that simple.
>My wife and I have been lucky to split our time between the US and Mexico.
Harder with a dog.
>renting with a medium-sized dog.
Harder with a dog (and pretty hard, already).
posted by the Real Dan at 1:50 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
>My wife works from home
So no dog, then. For me it would be just that simple.
>My wife and I have been lucky to split our time between the US and Mexico.
Harder with a dog.
>renting with a medium-sized dog.
Harder with a dog (and pretty hard, already).
posted by the Real Dan at 1:50 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
I lived in Mountain View a couple of years ago, and needed to seek out a pet-friendly apartment. It really limited our options, and I'm pretty sure we ended up in a much dingier place due to that. Given all of the other upheaval in your life, I'd consider if you'd like to lock yourselves in like that. Doubly so for your wife, who's likely to spend a lot of time there. If you aren't budget constrained, it's probably less of an issue...but I also can't really imagine not being budget constrained on the Peninsula.
posted by another zebra at 1:54 PM on March 25, 2018
posted by another zebra at 1:54 PM on March 25, 2018
I think the personal issues have been covered pretty well, but I just want to second that you are not going to have an easy time finding a dog friendly apartment in the Bay Area.
posted by ktkt at 2:49 PM on March 25, 2018
posted by ktkt at 2:49 PM on March 25, 2018
I don't have a very clear idea of the time commitment of coursework, but the department says it expects all responsibilities of a graduate student to be around 40 hours a week.Given my experience as a physical science PhD student, and the experience of several of my friends and my spouse as humanities and social science PhD students, this is almost certainly untrue and seems like a grossly irresponsible thing for your department contacts to say. (Professional programs or part-time programs may be very different.)
I'd strongly suggest choosing to wait a year to decide. Once you're half done with classes and you've had time to meet and talk to other students, you'll have a much better idea of what a realistic schedule looks like in your department for the next several years.
Pets are awesome. Underestimating the time and schedule commitments required to provide a happy life for a dog is a recipe for heartbreak. If you're really itching to spend time with a pup, consider fostering an animal from a local shelter as a test-run. Committing to a few months is a lot easier than committing to fifteen years.
posted by eotvos at 2:50 PM on March 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
Many people have rightly pointed out that your wife being unwilling to have anything to do with the dog is a major obstacle.
The other one is the time commitment. You don't really know how much time you're going to have. A dog requires quite a lot of time to care for. It's mostly pleasant work, but it has to be done. I've never heard of a grad program taking only 40 hours per week.
Wait a while until you have been doing grad school long enough to know how big a burden it will be on your time. Dogs won't go extinct in the meantime. And try to find a way to bring your wife on board at least as a backup dog-carer. It's OK for a dog to be mostly one person's dog, but everyone in the house should have a good relationship with it and be willing to step up when necessary to make sure the dog is taken care of.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:11 PM on March 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
The other one is the time commitment. You don't really know how much time you're going to have. A dog requires quite a lot of time to care for. It's mostly pleasant work, but it has to be done. I've never heard of a grad program taking only 40 hours per week.
Wait a while until you have been doing grad school long enough to know how big a burden it will be on your time. Dogs won't go extinct in the meantime. And try to find a way to bring your wife on board at least as a backup dog-carer. It's OK for a dog to be mostly one person's dog, but everyone in the house should have a good relationship with it and be willing to step up when necessary to make sure the dog is taken care of.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:11 PM on March 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
I think a dog while renting in an expensive area while on a tight budget is a recipe for forfeiting a dog to the pound. Plus, you won't be in grad school for the life of the dog, you will certainly have to move and that means maybe not being able to find a place that takes dogs. I think you really need to wait. I've been there and waiting was soooooo hard but that dog deserves to have a home for its entire life and, as a renter in a tight market who will certainly have to move, I am not sure you can be sure you can provide that.
posted by Foam Pants at 4:13 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Foam Pants at 4:13 PM on March 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Is it too late to add another vote to “tread lightly if your wife’s not enthusiastic” camp? If she’s home all day with a dog and doesn’t really want to interact with it, that will be quite the unhappy pup. Shelters can always use volunteers to help love on the dogs, and you get more of a feel of how much their personalities can vary.
posted by jacy at 5:52 PM on March 25, 2018
posted by jacy at 5:52 PM on March 25, 2018
I've never heard of a grad program taking only 40 hours per week.
... I think it's only forty hours a week if you have superhuman abilities for managing your time and sustaining your concentration on mental tasks. Forty hours of actual work - not including breaks, checking Facebook, or chatting with your friends in the department - is about what I do (I have a timer). But most humans need breaks, so I spend longer than 40 hours a week at work.
But yeah, it is probably not realistic to expect that (a) you will have as much free time as if you had a 9-5 job, and (b) that you'll be able to come and go as you please so you can take care of pupper when needed.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 5:55 PM on March 25, 2018
... I think it's only forty hours a week if you have superhuman abilities for managing your time and sustaining your concentration on mental tasks. Forty hours of actual work - not including breaks, checking Facebook, or chatting with your friends in the department - is about what I do (I have a timer). But most humans need breaks, so I spend longer than 40 hours a week at work.
But yeah, it is probably not realistic to expect that (a) you will have as much free time as if you had a 9-5 job, and (b) that you'll be able to come and go as you please so you can take care of pupper when needed.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 5:55 PM on March 25, 2018
I agree with the comments about waiting until you're in a more stable living situation before getting a dog. I got my dog (whom I love!) when I first started working and it has significantly hindered my options for housing. You will likely pay more for dog-friendly places, and, if you have a large dog, you might end up wanting a yard, which is significantly more pricey. I love my dog so much, but there are more than a handful of times I wish I would have waited.
posted by orangesky4 at 5:57 PM on March 25, 2018
posted by orangesky4 at 5:57 PM on March 25, 2018
Do not get a dog in your first year of grad school. You'll be too busy.
posted by k8t at 6:04 PM on March 25, 2018
posted by k8t at 6:04 PM on March 25, 2018
Even if it’s somehow manageable for your wife to be at home every day with a dog she’s unwilling to care for, what happens if you have to travel or go into the hospital or even just get really sick for a few days? Having a dog when half of the household doesn’t want to have anything to do with it is bad for the dog and bad for your marriage. Yes, single people have dogs, but you aren’t single. You’re in a committed relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be involved. And dogs live for a long time. It just seems like a very stressful way to live. Please don’t do this unless your wife decides she wants a dog too.
posted by FencingGal at 7:36 PM on March 25, 2018
posted by FencingGal at 7:36 PM on March 25, 2018
I love dogs. I had them growing up and i knew i wanted my own. But I think its really bad form to give up a dog because you didn't commit to forever having housing situations to accommodate your dog. To me it's just a hair less irresponsible than giving up a child because you can't find a cool 2 bedroom apartment. To that end, I bought a house before getting a dog so I could provide a stable place to live. If you don't know where you will end up and think you might have to give up the dog to accommodate a move (because you want to move more than staying with dog) then you should not get a dog.
As a side note, plane travel with dogs isn't the best idea, it's more something to be reserved for single moves rather than vacations.
posted by WeekendJen at 1:14 PM on March 26, 2018
As a side note, plane travel with dogs isn't the best idea, it's more something to be reserved for single moves rather than vacations.
posted by WeekendJen at 1:14 PM on March 26, 2018
Your wife does not want a dog. Why would you impose one on her?
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 10:35 AM on March 27, 2018
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 10:35 AM on March 27, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
>My wife has made it clear that she won't take on any of the time burden for caring for a dog
These two statements really don't go very well together.
Also, if your wife is badly allergic to cats, she may also be allergic to furry breeds like golden retrievers and collies.
I'd suggest you foster a dog of the breed you're considering for a month or two. Keep the foster dog long enough for the animal to settle into a routine and for your wife to get an accurate sense of two things:
(a) how much dog-time will be needed on her end- because some will surely be needed- and how she feels about that, and
(b) how much of your time will be funnelled away from "couple time" and towards doing things with the dog (possibly without her), which may or may not work well for her.
I wouldn't suggest committing unless fostering the right size/temperament of dog works out well for at least a couple months.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 12:19 PM on March 25, 2018 [15 favorites]