How do I professionally decline an opportunity at my current workplace?

March 20, 2018 4:22 PM

My lead approached me today, very casually, and asked me how I felt about shifting from my current role and taking on more on responsibility in order to eventually (and potentially) advance into a higher-paying position at the company. Nothing about this appeals to me and I'd like to decline. How do I do this?

Some more details: I work in the video game industry. I have zero prior experience and landed this job 6 months ago, after quitting my old job which was making me very unhappy. I enjoy it as it stands. I'm in a social media/community management role, it's stress-free (for the most part) and I feel like I'm pretty good at it. I've been learning a lot and getting the hang of things around the office and learning more about the industry each day.

I left my old, stable and high-paying job because I hated it and took a pretty drastic pay cut when I accepted this job. I 100% pursued this position because I thought it would make me happier, since my old job only exacerbated my mental health issues and made me feel really depressed. I don't want this to happen again. So far, it's been good. There are some office politics and stresses here and there with management, but it's nothing I haven't been able to handle. It might be important to note that I recently found out that I suffer from anxiety, depression and likely BPD/C-PTSD and have been going to therapy for it, which has been a struggle on its own. I feel like I have a lot going on my life right now, both mentally and with my relationship, and I can confidently say that I absolutely can't handle the stress of taking on more work right now, especially the work that my lead is offering me and the position it might lead into.

I asked during our conversation today whether taking on this extra work would lead to a pay increase and my lead said that it wouldn't, not immediately, but if I excelled at it, I would be compensated fairly. I don't like the sound of this a) since there's no guarantee, so I'm meant to start taking on more work immediately with no pay increase and I'm already not that satisfied with my current salary but I accept it because of the perks of my job, location and it allows me to work a consistent schedule without much added stress, so I can focus on improving myself and my mental health. b) even if I were to get promoted and receive a pay increase, I don't believe I would enjoy the job or even be good at it. I know what it entails and it's not something I'd ever want to do, I have no interest in leading a group of people and the position itself sort of clashes with a lot of my personal values and ethics. I'd feel bad doing it and I know I'd be stressed out all the time, because my lead is stressed out all the time. There's also an expectation of "crunch time" work, which means staying at the office late and working overtime for no pay. It seems to be widely accepted among management at my company, and it's not something I'm okay with.

So, everything in my mind is screaming "no" about this whole thing. Even typing it out here makes me feel like I need to go with my gut, and I'm known to be bad at making decisions! I feel sure about this, and I don't know how to do it. I struggle with assertiveness and people-pleasing, and I suspect that this is something my co-workers and employers might've noticed about me.

How do I professionally decline this opportunity and assert that I am happy with my current role? I worry that this might make it seem like I'm complacent where I am, which isn't completely wrong, but I am still open to a future with this company, just in a different position. I'd be happy staying in my current role and taking on more responsibility relevant to my current role OR transitioning to a different position, which isn't the one I'm being offered. Am I being reasonable?

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (12 answers total)

There are a couple details that would affect the script I would use, but some variation of either of the below:

"I'm really happy with my current role, and I want to stay with it for a while longer. It's only been six months, and I think I'll do better with a little more experience in the industry before I move on."

"I really like community management, and marketing/QA/production aren't where I want my career to go. I might be interested in [other position] down the line, but for right now, my current job feels like the right fit."

As a community manager (formerly in games!) I have utmost sympathy, and I encourage you not to transition into a job you will hate from a job you really like!
posted by restless_nomad at 4:32 PM on March 20, 2018 [12 favorites]

Yes, you are being reasonable. You get to say no. Do it gracefully, but absolutely say no. No point in crashing.
posted by Issithe at 4:33 PM on March 20, 2018 [3 favorites]

This doesn't sound like a good fit for you. I also think it's more than fair to be skeptical of a job that requires more work without a pay increase and offers only a vague promise of maybe getting more money down the line.

I would say you appreciate being kept in mind for this opportunity, but you don't feel the new role being offered is the right fit for you or your skills. I personally would say what you mentioned here: You are happy to take on more responsibility in your specific current role and, looking long-term you'd love to be able to transition to other parts of the organization to advance, but this role being offered is not the direction you're looking to move into and you aren't the right person for it. This could also be an opportunity to let them know what you do want, so in the future you can be kept in mind for opportunities that would interest you. So maybe think about which areas of the company you are interested in or would like some exposure to, and be prepared to mention those.

Bottom line, there's nothing wrong with turning this down. Doesn't sound like it'd be good for you, and if you're not the right person, it wouldn't be good for the company either.
posted by AppleTurnover at 4:50 PM on March 20, 2018 [4 favorites]

Rather than focus on the things like pay or overtime that they can address, make sure to focus on the "this is not the career path I want for myself" angle. There's nothing they can argue with there.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 4:56 PM on March 20, 2018 [25 favorites]

Just to add to the chorus here's one more voice saying it's okay to say no. If they want you to do more work they can pay you for it. Until then thanks but no thanks.
posted by bowmaniac at 6:58 PM on March 20, 2018

Definitely much better to say no now, rather than take on something you really don't want to do and then underperforming (as most humans tend to do when they're unhappy). You have plenty of good reasons, even without getting into the salary aspects, and focussing on the ones related to skills and career aspirations will come across as more professional.
posted by rpfields at 8:03 PM on March 20, 2018

I was the manager who made this offer. Well, not really but it was a similar scenario, where several subordinates were offered more authority, more responsibility, but no more pay (lots more job satisfaction though, and better promotion prospects). All but one jumped at it and revelled in the new roles. Funny, that one never was promoted again ...

By all means say 'no', but be aware that whatever justification you use may not cut the mustard with your manager and those higher up. If you want to stay there, you may need to have a plan for damage control.
posted by GeeEmm at 2:11 AM on March 21, 2018 [1 favorite]

Could you suggest a compromise?
For instance, "thank you for the offer. I enjoy working here and do indeed want to earn more responsibility. My goal is [position/specifics about the responsibilities you'd like]. If I show my worth on this role, will it allow me to move towards that?"

Lots of birds with one stone there.
posted by fraula at 3:42 AM on March 21, 2018

You seem to have a good handle on what you want from your job, so you absolutely can say 'no' with confidence. Keep in-mind, though, that doing so could have ramifications on your current status/tenure there. Given the casual nature of the offer, I suspect there are plans being made and they were feeling you out to see where you might fit in them. Saying 'no' could certainly mean you are written-out of those plans.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:44 AM on March 21, 2018

Don't take a job that you think will make you miserable. Especially don't take it if it means more work for no pay, but it's the misery that matters most. More work and more job satisfaction is one thing, but this sounds like more work and less job satisfaction which, why would you ever want that?

It's true that you may get pigeonholed as an unambitious employee and passed over in the future, but what of it? You could take this crappy offer and still get passed over in the future. Besides, if you're content then you're content; it is in fact a good thing to be able to recognize when you're in a situation that serves your needs and is in line with your goals (improving your mental health, in this case). Ambition for its own sake is a sucker's game. Why should you be ambitious to take a sucky deal that doesn't move your life in a positive direction?

In the long run, advancing on your own terms may involve changing companies. It sounds like the corporate culture where you work sucks pretty bad, so if low stress and good work-life balance are important to you, you may not find a higher-paying position at your current company that is a good fit.

People above have given you some good scripts. Use them. Stay where you are as long as it is serving your overall life goals, and if you eventually reach a point where this isn't working for you and no good options for advancement seem likely, start looking elsewhere.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:31 AM on March 21, 2018 [1 favorite]

Crunch is such a plague in the video game industry (recently from the New York Times: Video Games Are Destroying The People Who Make Them). Don't become the next victim - people far sturdier than you suffer from horrible health consequences and you are going to be swallowed whole and spit out broken even faster than them. I would flat out decline based on health issues: "I have a diagnosed medical condition, I can typically keep it under control but it has a history of flaring up whenever there is stress or overtime, so I have to decline, I appreciate your understanding and of course this need to be confidential". Your lead is not going to question a medical condition and as a bonus you don't have to argue over what a bad deal you are being offered (longer hours for the same low pay, no thank you).

On a personal note, I used to be a software engineer and I've been offered "promotions" at every damn job and I'd always viewed them as a sucker's deal and respectfully declined without saying much more than a polite "not interested". In retrospect, I do not regret those decisions one bit. For all you know your lead may secretly respect you more because you saw a sucker's deal for what it is and turned it down.
posted by rada at 7:30 AM on March 21, 2018 [1 favorite]

I worked in VFX and have faced similar dilemmas. I have also struggled with with anxiety, depression and appropriate assertiveness in the workplace. I think you have got your head on straight. You seem to properly understand your priorities (your mental health and giving yourself more runway in your current lifestyle).

I asked during our conversation today whether taking on this extra work would lead to a pay increase and my lead said that it wouldn't, not immediately, but if I excelled at it, I would be compensated fairly

You are right to be suspicious of this. It's possible that management has identified you as compliant and they figure they might be able to squeeze you for a bit more. They are also likely floating this 'opportunity' to others as well. I'd say to never take on more responsibility without a guaranteed outcome unless you are getting genuine satisfaction, experience, or a title you can leverage from the arrangement. A promise of increased pay pending satisfactory performance rarely shakes out. You would essentially be lending them a line of credit...so if you go down that road make sure you hold them accountable. Do it all via email to leave a paper trail, get them to commit to a sit-down evaluation in 6 weeks to discuss the pay raise etc and at the very least get a fancy title that you can leverage when you bounce to another company. But what they are really asking you to do is run harder all the time in exchange for the possibility of more crumbs and it seems like you have a clear understanding that you are not in the head space to participate in that race at the moment.

In your situation I'd simply say that while you are flattered that they have considered you for that particular role, it is not in-line with the direction you want to move in and that you wouldn't feel congruent taking on more responsibility without commensurate compensation at this moment. You could also throw in 'personal reasons' and you'll be in the clear.
posted by jnnla at 12:20 PM on March 21, 2018