please stop walking in and out of the office
February 5, 2018 6:56 PM Subscribe
I work in an office in a room shared with five other grad students. There's one guy in the office who constantly walks in and out of the office. I work near the door, and he works deeper in the room (away from the door), so I constantly have to see him coming in and out of the doorway. I kept track and once he walked in and out of the office twenty times in an hour. Is my annoyance reasonable? If so, how do I tell him to tone it down?
I'm generally easily annoyed by distractions (e.g. I'm annoyed by people talking and eating around our office) so I'm not sure if his behavior bothers other people in the office. He might have a valid medical reason for doing so (e.g. back problems or needs to take frequent bathroom breaks) so I don't want to make it awkward for him to explain. And we're grad students, so it's normal to pace around, go to meetings, work on the whiteboard outside, etc.
But his constant pacing is seriously bothering me to the point where I don't want to work in the office, or work at weird hours when he's not there (which I don't really want to do). I've tried passive-aggressively leaving the door mostly closed but he'll just walk out and back in leaving the door open. I would rather not change desks because I have a good location and need to be near my advisor's group.
The problem is I don't know how to word my request nicely without sounding snippy. "Please keep your walking down to no more than ten roundtrips a day"? "Have you considered a treadmill desk?" "If you need to pace, could you do it outside?"
I'm generally easily annoyed by distractions (e.g. I'm annoyed by people talking and eating around our office) so I'm not sure if his behavior bothers other people in the office. He might have a valid medical reason for doing so (e.g. back problems or needs to take frequent bathroom breaks) so I don't want to make it awkward for him to explain. And we're grad students, so it's normal to pace around, go to meetings, work on the whiteboard outside, etc.
But his constant pacing is seriously bothering me to the point where I don't want to work in the office, or work at weird hours when he's not there (which I don't really want to do). I've tried passive-aggressively leaving the door mostly closed but he'll just walk out and back in leaving the door open. I would rather not change desks because I have a good location and need to be near my advisor's group.
The problem is I don't know how to word my request nicely without sounding snippy. "Please keep your walking down to no more than ten roundtrips a day"? "Have you considered a treadmill desk?" "If you need to pace, could you do it outside?"
You could say "Bob, I don't want to pry as to why you're doing it, but the pacing is making it hard for me to concentrate. Is there any way you could maybe take it down a notch?"
Maybe others will have more delicate language to suggest.
Do stop the passive aggressive thing with the door, he's obviously not picking up on that.
I don't think "if you need to pace could you please do it outside" is out of line, at all. Even if he has a medical reason to pace, that's not an excuse to make the office unworkable for everyone else. I have a medical reason I need to stretch and ice my knees a lot, and I wouldn't do it somewhere it's bothering other people. He can pace elsewhere.
on edit: I don't think your sensitivity to this is abnormal. I think his behavior is outside the norm and outside typical/expected use for a studying office.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:11 PM on February 5, 2018 [11 favorites]
Maybe others will have more delicate language to suggest.
Do stop the passive aggressive thing with the door, he's obviously not picking up on that.
I don't think "if you need to pace could you please do it outside" is out of line, at all. Even if he has a medical reason to pace, that's not an excuse to make the office unworkable for everyone else. I have a medical reason I need to stretch and ice my knees a lot, and I wouldn't do it somewhere it's bothering other people. He can pace elsewhere.
on edit: I don't think your sensitivity to this is abnormal. I think his behavior is outside the norm and outside typical/expected use for a studying office.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:11 PM on February 5, 2018 [11 favorites]
You need to reframe this as your problem not his. He is entitled to walk in and out of the office where he has his desk. So, the basis for your request is not that he is doing anything wrong but that it cause a problem for you and you would appreciate it if he was able to show consideration for your discomfort by changing his behavior. In other words, you are asking a favor here.
Still it is worth asking "I am very easily distracted. Every time you go in or out the door, it breaks my concentration. I was wondering, if there is a reason you are going in and out so much because fewer trips would certainly help out my concentration"
He might say no and then it is back on you to find other ways to be less annoyed (time for another AskMeFi question)
He might give you an explanation that wouldn't change the distraction level but make you feel less annoyed
He might graciously agree to do it less in which case you owe him a very genuine thank you.
posted by metahawk at 7:11 PM on February 5, 2018 [20 favorites]
Still it is worth asking "I am very easily distracted. Every time you go in or out the door, it breaks my concentration. I was wondering, if there is a reason you are going in and out so much because fewer trips would certainly help out my concentration"
He might say no and then it is back on you to find other ways to be less annoyed (time for another AskMeFi question)
He might give you an explanation that wouldn't change the distraction level but make you feel less annoyed
He might graciously agree to do it less in which case you owe him a very genuine thank you.
posted by metahawk at 7:11 PM on February 5, 2018 [20 favorites]
I am an academic with ADHD and walk out in the hallway frequently, but not THIS frequently. Maybe you could find out why he's doing it.
posted by mecran01 at 7:12 PM on February 5, 2018
posted by mecran01 at 7:12 PM on February 5, 2018
I basically agree with metahawk. I appreciate your concern about making things awkward for him, but it might be better to just ask directly why he's walking so much. I have back problems and drink a lot of coffee and tea. I would be so mortified and miserable if someone asked me to keep my walking down to some number of trips a day! I am anxious just thinking about it. I would rather have a chance to explain myself.
posted by ferret branca at 7:19 PM on February 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by ferret branca at 7:19 PM on February 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
Can you turn your desk around?
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:25 PM on February 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:25 PM on February 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
Earplugs might help with this. This is sufficiently unusual behavior (it doesn't sound like he's just pacing?) that I would really hesitate to ask about it, because the odds are too high that there's a delicate personal reason.
posted by praemunire at 7:29 PM on February 5, 2018
posted by praemunire at 7:29 PM on February 5, 2018
It seems reasonable to ask if he could reduce the pacing, but I’d advise against asking him why he does it. You don’t need to know why (you’ve already said you recognize that there could be a valid medical reason - and a mental health reason would be valid too). If he wants to tell you, he can.
But he might say no. And I’m not sure that your desire not to change desks outweighs his reasons for pacing.
posted by FencingGal at 7:40 PM on February 5, 2018 [8 favorites]
But he might say no. And I’m not sure that your desire not to change desks outweighs his reasons for pacing.
posted by FencingGal at 7:40 PM on February 5, 2018 [8 favorites]
as someone on the autism spectrum, i pace to think, esp when anxious.
posted by PinkMoose at 7:40 PM on February 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by PinkMoose at 7:40 PM on February 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
If he's walking out 20 times in an hour or every three minutes, he's not really working at his desk. Do you know what he's doing there in the office if he's not working there? Is it kind of a place to just be? I ask because when I was a grad student, we had an office where some people tried to work and other people went to talk, hang out, work a little, email a little. The people who thought they could get serious work done there were wrong. Once, a new student asked the folks who had been in the office for years to please be a little more quiet. This did not happen at all, and the new student realized he had to use the lab for lab-things only and he had to work on reading and writing at a cubicle in the library instead.
At the same time, I had periods where working at home was impossible (construction) and working in the library became difficult (more construction.) It's not unusual to have to deal with annoying issues when you're trying to work, even though it sucks. But if you can't get real work done with the pacing guy there, this might be one of those times you have to work somewhere else where you can concentrate.
posted by velveeta underground at 7:44 PM on February 5, 2018 [21 favorites]
At the same time, I had periods where working at home was impossible (construction) and working in the library became difficult (more construction.) It's not unusual to have to deal with annoying issues when you're trying to work, even though it sucks. But if you can't get real work done with the pacing guy there, this might be one of those times you have to work somewhere else where you can concentrate.
posted by velveeta underground at 7:44 PM on February 5, 2018 [21 favorites]
I think it's reasonable to feel annoyed, but not reasonable to ask him to only leave the room 10 times per day. Either switch seats with someone or just deal with it. Maybe head some headphones or other coping strategies.
And I've always hated just sitting at my desk for long stretches and I'd often get up to get water, go to the bathroom, get a snack, visit people in other departments, etc. - I don't find his behavior unusual at all. Unless he is just literally pacing around and doesn't actually leave the area to do anything, then you could ask him to pace outside and not come in and out. "Hey, when you're pacing, can you do it outside? It's distracting when people come in and out all the time because I sit by the door."
posted by AppleTurnover at 7:50 PM on February 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
And I've always hated just sitting at my desk for long stretches and I'd often get up to get water, go to the bathroom, get a snack, visit people in other departments, etc. - I don't find his behavior unusual at all. Unless he is just literally pacing around and doesn't actually leave the area to do anything, then you could ask him to pace outside and not come in and out. "Hey, when you're pacing, can you do it outside? It's distracting when people come in and out all the time because I sit by the door."
posted by AppleTurnover at 7:50 PM on February 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
It kind of depends what the "office culture" of this room is, and what the office culture of your "greater office" is. My grad offices were crazy rowdy and I just worked elsewhere. My current shared office is v quiet and we step out to take phone calls, ask "is this a good time to talk?" if we want to chat with each other and meet students outside the office to give each other space to write. The answer to this question depends on whether this guy is actually "breaking" any (tacit) rules. Which-- honestly-- he probably isn't. Even though the pacing thing is unusual for "standard people", it is wayyy not unusual on the spectrum of "weird twitchy grad student stuff".
I am not sure what "need to be near my advisor's group" means but I would agree that you need to look after yourself here-- either work from home when you can, get a library carrel, invest in some intense headphones, get a secondary affiliation with some other group and work from there -- or lobby your lab/department to get you all standing desks :)
posted by athirstforsalt at 7:55 PM on February 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
I am not sure what "need to be near my advisor's group" means but I would agree that you need to look after yourself here-- either work from home when you can, get a library carrel, invest in some intense headphones, get a secondary affiliation with some other group and work from there -- or lobby your lab/department to get you all standing desks :)
posted by athirstforsalt at 7:55 PM on February 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
I think the most reasonable thing to do would be to change desks, really. (And I say this as someone who is also easily annoyed by small things my officemates do - hello Mr. Chews-his-food-really-loudly, and also Mr. Jiggles-his-leg-up-and-down-causing-my-desk-to-shake...)
You say you don't want to because your current spot is "a good location" - maybe try reframing it in your head as a bad location, because of the presence of Mr. Walks-a-lot, and you are moving to a better spot that might be a few doors down the hall, but at least you won't be annoyed to the point of writing an AskMe question about it.
posted by btfreek at 7:56 PM on February 5, 2018 [32 favorites]
You say you don't want to because your current spot is "a good location" - maybe try reframing it in your head as a bad location, because of the presence of Mr. Walks-a-lot, and you are moving to a better spot that might be a few doors down the hall, but at least you won't be annoyed to the point of writing an AskMe question about it.
posted by btfreek at 7:56 PM on February 5, 2018 [32 favorites]
Can you put up a plant or screen? Wear sunglasses, hat, earphones? Turn your chair or change desks? I'm a pacer too, and despite genuine concern for your happiness, no amount of annoyance on your part would stop me. I'd reel it back a bit, but.. it's how I think best & block *my* distractions!
posted by fritillary at 8:02 PM on February 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by fritillary at 8:02 PM on February 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
You’re not crazy to be a little bugged, but he’s not crazy to move around a lot. Different strokes and all, esp. in grad school.
Be sure to offer to meet them halfway/compromise and use your words, otherwise you’re the bad guy, imo.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:16 PM on February 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Be sure to offer to meet them halfway/compromise and use your words, otherwise you’re the bad guy, imo.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:16 PM on February 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Nthing that I've seen this type of behavior in multiple academics because they are thinking. They may be working really hard and thinking about a particular sentence that they've rewritten 25 times. And change one word and then walk around again. I've actually been told to do this to help improve my writing. Maybe you can work somewhere else that is less busy. I've actually tried walking around and I found it to be helpful in clearing my mind when doing something difficult. Maybe you can also try pacing or find a safe, paceless space like the back of a lab no one actually works in or a small conference room that is mostly filled with useless items.
posted by Kalmya at 8:33 PM on February 5, 2018
posted by Kalmya at 8:33 PM on February 5, 2018
This behavior would drive me completely bugfuck but I’m bothered by noise or distractions in a way that most people would probably consider bizarrely sensitive. I’m sure I’ve told this story on Metafilter before, but I once sat next to a guy who was so unbearable with constant noise that it actually started affecting my health. When I found myself seriously considering, completely unironically, how I could have him killed and get away with it, I had to do something about it. (Don’t worry, he’s still alive.)
But the thing is, you can’t have it both ways. If it’s affecting your life this much, you need to change desks. It’s not really fair for you to want the desk in the good location and also to control this guy's behavior. Either make the sacrifice and give up your primo spot so that you’re not constantly irritated, or find some other way to deal, like headphones. I finally had to give up a window office with a magnificent view, but you know, it was completely worth it.
posted by holborne at 8:44 PM on February 5, 2018 [14 favorites]
But the thing is, you can’t have it both ways. If it’s affecting your life this much, you need to change desks. It’s not really fair for you to want the desk in the good location and also to control this guy's behavior. Either make the sacrifice and give up your primo spot so that you’re not constantly irritated, or find some other way to deal, like headphones. I finally had to give up a window office with a magnificent view, but you know, it was completely worth it.
posted by holborne at 8:44 PM on February 5, 2018 [14 favorites]
It might annoy me too, but i think it's your responsibility to change desks. I don't think it is reasonable to ask him to limit how often he leaves his own office. I think on my feet. Many do. Shared workspace means accepting that different people have different ways to be in the shared workspace.
posted by frumiousb at 9:46 PM on February 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by frumiousb at 9:46 PM on February 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
So, is he just walking out and then immediately coming back in, or is he going out somewhere and coming back in a few minutes? If it's the latter, that doesn't sound that unusual or unreasonable to me.
I agree with the others who recommend trying to switch desks.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:11 PM on February 5, 2018
I agree with the others who recommend trying to switch desks.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:11 PM on February 5, 2018
I agree with metahawk and others: this is your problem, not his. There's nothing wrong with your reactions, you can't help feeling how you feel, but there's nothing wrong with his behavior, either, and it's probably a lot easier for you to change your location than for him to stop what he's doing. Like AppleTurnover, I hate sitting at my desk for long stretches and I frequently get up to do things or just stretch my legs. (One of the many reasons I no longer want to fly, which I used to enjoy, is that they won't let you leave your seat except to go to the bathroom and return right afterwards; I just can't sit that long in one place.) You don't really need to be that near your advisor's group, do you?
posted by languagehat at 6:20 AM on February 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by languagehat at 6:20 AM on February 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
Maybe he'd be amenable to switching desks? That way you're still in the same room, so only farther from your group by as much as the dimensions of the room, and he has easier access to the door he's always using.
posted by solotoro at 6:51 AM on February 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by solotoro at 6:51 AM on February 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
I have a coworker who does this kind of thing - in his case, it’s part of an exercise regimen (something about how humans aren’t evolved to be sedentary). I, meanwhile, am easily distracted/startled, so I did end up talking to him and we worked out a thing where he can pace around all he wants, but to maintain a certain radius from my desk/work area so I am not constantly getting movement in my field of vision. Not sure how that would work depending on your floor plan, but a polite conversation about it would probably at least get it off your chest, so to speak.
posted by aecorwin at 7:15 AM on February 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by aecorwin at 7:15 AM on February 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
Once in a while (no where close to every day, and certainly not the frequency you're talking about) I will pace when I'm thinking or trying to solve a problem. The solution I came up with in order to not bother my coworkers is that I will go to the biggest conference room on the floor. If it's a nice day I go outside. I only pace the walkways if the office is sparsely populated that day (ie I'm not walking by someone's cubicle 20x). Maybe he could find a different place to pace?
Otherwise I agree, I think it's really your responsibility to switch desks (ideally with him) or find a desk in a different office.
posted by vignettist at 8:17 AM on February 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
Otherwise I agree, I think it's really your responsibility to switch desks (ideally with him) or find a desk in a different office.
posted by vignettist at 8:17 AM on February 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
I sympathize because I’m really susceptible to noise and work in an open office. I caution you against asking why he is doing this, for hipaa reasons. If his reason is medical *at all* you could be compromising the company. As well as making him feel awful.
If there is a manager of the area, I might go to them with the issue and ask for advice. They might know of any extenuating circumstances (not that they should share that with you) and might be invested in making everyone more productive. But be prepared for the solution to be to move your desk. I hate to say it, but working with difficult people is likely going to be par for the course for you. Invest in noise-canceling headphones, ear-plugs, or do whatever you need to do to make it work for you.
Sorry there’s not a great solution for you. I’ve been there. Literally. Used to work by the door to the elevator and I thought I would lose my mind. I moved desks.
posted by greermahoney at 9:19 AM on February 6, 2018
If there is a manager of the area, I might go to them with the issue and ask for advice. They might know of any extenuating circumstances (not that they should share that with you) and might be invested in making everyone more productive. But be prepared for the solution to be to move your desk. I hate to say it, but working with difficult people is likely going to be par for the course for you. Invest in noise-canceling headphones, ear-plugs, or do whatever you need to do to make it work for you.
Sorry there’s not a great solution for you. I’ve been there. Literally. Used to work by the door to the elevator and I thought I would lose my mind. I moved desks.
posted by greermahoney at 9:19 AM on February 6, 2018
What is the endgame here? Even if he cuts his trips down by half he’ll still be in and out every six minutes or so, Is that an acceptable outcome to a reasonably fair change in behaviour? I suspect not. You likely need to change desks AND to use that swap as an opportunity to ask the person find a way to cut down on the ins/outs WITHOUT asking why, as it’s none of your business really. I also suggest talking to others in the office to build some form of consensus.
posted by furtive at 12:34 AM on February 7, 2018
posted by furtive at 12:34 AM on February 7, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jeffamaphone at 6:59 PM on February 5, 2018 [3 favorites]