Should I quit my job after 2 months?
October 25, 2017 7:03 AM Subscribe
I started working last September as a research assistant in a clinic, but I have had thoughts about leaving the position since my second week. This is my first job out of college. Basically, the job is way different from what I’ve envisioned (in a bad way) and my coworkers are a nightmare. This is a position that I had intended to keep until late Spring while studying for my MCAT, but I’ve obviously since been having second thoughts.
I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of quitting and here is what I have so far:
Pros:
*I get to have interaction with physicians in a work environment, and they appreciate my work I do. Rarely in contact with them
*I get paid decently and have health insurance
*When I am in contact with patients, I thoroughly enjoy the job
*work-wise, a competent boss who respects me as a coworker
Cons:
*the work is 10% patient contact and 90% office work (Office Space-esque), which is very far from what I had expected when accepting the job. I went in hoping that I would gain more clinical experience than I have so far
*The coworkers on the team I am on can be very immature. They are around my age but they continually talk about overly personal things that I have no interest hearing. One coworker literally bragged to everyone on her team AND our boss of how she asked out one of the physicians here and that he said yes. Another time they were ranting for days about how gender inequality is affecting their workplace now (I’m the only guy on the team and the clinic is 90% female). These are the two more recent samples of what they are like before they scold me for work.
* my boss is a friend first boss and supports this behavior. She’s damn good at maintaining her boundaries and keeping things organized but she can fall under the coworker behavior too.
*I’m struggling to find time to study for the MCAT which I take in a few months. I’m starting to suspect that I’d need to go part time no matter what just for the sheer purpose of studying for the exam.
This job has made me extremely depressed and suicidal (I have had suicidal ideation in the past but it has really manifested since starting). I have done all I can to set my boundaries but it has led to more ostracizing and abuse. My friends have noticed my drastic demeanor change. At the same time, I feel like it is super early and that I will be labeled an entitled millennial who quit a job that unemployed folks would love to have.
I have saved up enough money to last me for about 8-9 months. I have part time job ideas that would make ends meet. I’d need to apply for Medicaid for health insurance and I would feel terrible because I’d be needing it because I really hated my first job when others need it because they have worse situations than me.
I also have connections with another company - I can’t go into it due to anonymity reasons, but I can start working there at next April at the earliest. It’s much closer up my alley in what I like to do, so I can see myself taking that job when the time comes.
I have a balanced pro con list and am unsure what to pick. I know my heart says to quit and my gut would wrench if people said to stick it out, but I still would like to crowdsource opinions on what people think.
Thanks for reading,
-invictus10
I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of quitting and here is what I have so far:
Pros:
*I get to have interaction with physicians in a work environment, and they appreciate my work I do. Rarely in contact with them
*I get paid decently and have health insurance
*When I am in contact with patients, I thoroughly enjoy the job
*work-wise, a competent boss who respects me as a coworker
Cons:
*the work is 10% patient contact and 90% office work (Office Space-esque), which is very far from what I had expected when accepting the job. I went in hoping that I would gain more clinical experience than I have so far
*The coworkers on the team I am on can be very immature. They are around my age but they continually talk about overly personal things that I have no interest hearing. One coworker literally bragged to everyone on her team AND our boss of how she asked out one of the physicians here and that he said yes. Another time they were ranting for days about how gender inequality is affecting their workplace now (I’m the only guy on the team and the clinic is 90% female). These are the two more recent samples of what they are like before they scold me for work.
* my boss is a friend first boss and supports this behavior. She’s damn good at maintaining her boundaries and keeping things organized but she can fall under the coworker behavior too.
*I’m struggling to find time to study for the MCAT which I take in a few months. I’m starting to suspect that I’d need to go part time no matter what just for the sheer purpose of studying for the exam.
This job has made me extremely depressed and suicidal (I have had suicidal ideation in the past but it has really manifested since starting). I have done all I can to set my boundaries but it has led to more ostracizing and abuse. My friends have noticed my drastic demeanor change. At the same time, I feel like it is super early and that I will be labeled an entitled millennial who quit a job that unemployed folks would love to have.
I have saved up enough money to last me for about 8-9 months. I have part time job ideas that would make ends meet. I’d need to apply for Medicaid for health insurance and I would feel terrible because I’d be needing it because I really hated my first job when others need it because they have worse situations than me.
I also have connections with another company - I can’t go into it due to anonymity reasons, but I can start working there at next April at the earliest. It’s much closer up my alley in what I like to do, so I can see myself taking that job when the time comes.
I have a balanced pro con list and am unsure what to pick. I know my heart says to quit and my gut would wrench if people said to stick it out, but I still would like to crowdsource opinions on what people think.
Thanks for reading,
-invictus10
First, get ready for disappointment if you think the things you dislike about this particular job are unique. You're going to run into gossiping and childish blame-tossing nearly anywhere you go. You're going to run into cool-guy bosses a lot, and where you don't you will run into power-tripping bosses. I guess what I'm saying is quitting just because of those reasons seems a little rash and more than a little naive.
That said, the complicating factor here seems to be the MCAT. If you have enough money saved (and make double sure you actually do) to last you to your next job (again make sure you actually have the April job), it seems like it would make sense to quit and spend your productive hours investing in your future by studying.
Last thing, no one should ever feel bad about receiving government benefits. That's what they are there for.
posted by FakeFreyja at 7:31 AM on October 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
That said, the complicating factor here seems to be the MCAT. If you have enough money saved (and make double sure you actually do) to last you to your next job (again make sure you actually have the April job), it seems like it would make sense to quit and spend your productive hours investing in your future by studying.
Last thing, no one should ever feel bad about receiving government benefits. That's what they are there for.
posted by FakeFreyja at 7:31 AM on October 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
Honestly your con list isn't that bad. My fiance had a just-out-of-college job where everyone was terrified of the boss, so nobody supported anyone, nobody had time for chit chat because they were trying to stay out of the way, etc. He tried to set boundaries with her (he set up a meeting where she agreed to a weekly meeting about his progress rather than literally criticizing him constantly). That worked for a week or two. Then she make him write down the "15 ways he messed up last week" on a white board, rolled it out to his workspace in the middle of the office, and left it there for all to see. He'd only been there a month when she did this.
What I see as the actual problems here are that you are feeling suicidal. CALL A HOTLINE ASAP!!!!
It sounds like a non-ideal work environment, plus the stress of studying for the MCATs is overwhelming. (I get it, I just spend the past year studying for a licensing exam and I was a terror at some points).
Talk to your boss about cutting down your hours. You will be able to cut down your exposure to people you don't like while simultaneously building up your relevant work experience and giving yourself more time to study. Give that a couple months, and re-visit if you still don't think it's working.
And last, the thing you need to keep in mind, is you are strong, you can get through this even if you stay, and you have an end date! Any nightmare is tolerable if you know when it will end.
posted by DoubleLune at 7:36 AM on October 25, 2017 [9 favorites]
What I see as the actual problems here are that you are feeling suicidal. CALL A HOTLINE ASAP!!!!
It sounds like a non-ideal work environment, plus the stress of studying for the MCATs is overwhelming. (I get it, I just spend the past year studying for a licensing exam and I was a terror at some points).
Talk to your boss about cutting down your hours. You will be able to cut down your exposure to people you don't like while simultaneously building up your relevant work experience and giving yourself more time to study. Give that a couple months, and re-visit if you still don't think it's working.
And last, the thing you need to keep in mind, is you are strong, you can get through this even if you stay, and you have an end date! Any nightmare is tolerable if you know when it will end.
posted by DoubleLune at 7:36 AM on October 25, 2017 [9 favorites]
One thing I'll say is that it took me nearly a full year to adjust to work outside of college. I was a very busy college student--I always took a full course load and I had a part time job and was involved with extracurriculars--however getting used to a full time job (and the totally different social dynamics that go along with it) was really challenging for me. And at that point I was in a pretty mentally healthy place and was really excited about what I was doing.
Figure out a way to prioritize your mental health and MCAT studying, but I think you should keep the job part time (or maybe full time?), if only to give structure to your life. I also agree with puppet du sock and FakeFreyja--your coworkers might be frustrating, but your experience isn't particularly unique and we all have to learn how to deal with it, to some degree.
posted by lucy.jakobs at 7:37 AM on October 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
Figure out a way to prioritize your mental health and MCAT studying, but I think you should keep the job part time (or maybe full time?), if only to give structure to your life. I also agree with puppet du sock and FakeFreyja--your coworkers might be frustrating, but your experience isn't particularly unique and we all have to learn how to deal with it, to some degree.
posted by lucy.jakobs at 7:37 AM on October 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
I think you may have the shock of people just out of college in their first jobs. I know it feels like things are horrible, but that all sounds incredibly mild, and you know you have an exit strategy (with your testing and further schooling), so just stick it out and see if you can't make the best of it.
If you want to look for other work and move into that after you've gotten something that suits you better, perhaps you can do that, but just up and quitting a job after 2 months (which is NOTHING in the professional world...2 months and you should basically be able to find the bathroom in most places) shows a professional immaturity that I would be dubious about if I were looking at your resume.
posted by xingcat at 7:40 AM on October 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
If you want to look for other work and move into that after you've gotten something that suits you better, perhaps you can do that, but just up and quitting a job after 2 months (which is NOTHING in the professional world...2 months and you should basically be able to find the bathroom in most places) shows a professional immaturity that I would be dubious about if I were looking at your resume.
posted by xingcat at 7:40 AM on October 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Agreed with the above that nothing in your job description sounds terribly egregious to me.
HOWEVER...
Regardless of whether or not your job is so bad that I would quit, the fact is, YOU feel that way. I don't have to go there every day, you do. If work is making you feel suicidal (and I sincerely hope you're in therapy for help with those thoughts) and you have other options to hold you over till April/till you take the MCAT, why not go for it? As long as those options are truly viable, and you honestly have enough in savings, I would get a part-time job, study like hell for the MCAT, and then take the new job in April.
Maybe once the MCAT is not hanging over your head you'll be better equipped to deal with the pressures of a new job.
posted by lyssabee at 7:40 AM on October 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
HOWEVER...
Regardless of whether or not your job is so bad that I would quit, the fact is, YOU feel that way. I don't have to go there every day, you do. If work is making you feel suicidal (and I sincerely hope you're in therapy for help with those thoughts) and you have other options to hold you over till April/till you take the MCAT, why not go for it? As long as those options are truly viable, and you honestly have enough in savings, I would get a part-time job, study like hell for the MCAT, and then take the new job in April.
Maybe once the MCAT is not hanging over your head you'll be better equipped to deal with the pressures of a new job.
posted by lyssabee at 7:40 AM on October 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you for the responses. Re: puppet du sock - one thing about my boss is that she often joins in on this kind of coworker talk which further makes me feel ostracized from work. In this regard I feel uncomfortable reaching to her. Otherwise I know that it's that the MCAT + my mental health, and my perception of work, has very adverse effects on each other. But yes I agree and favorited your post.
posted by invictus10 at 8:08 AM on October 25, 2017
posted by invictus10 at 8:08 AM on October 25, 2017
Yeah, the adjustment to the working world can seriously suck. You can't pick your family and you can't pick your co-workers. But I think another thing that you've got going on that's contributing to your difficulties is that you have no downtime. Most of us try to escape work with things we enjoy, be that hobbies, vegging in front of the TV, spending time with family, whatever. You're leaving work into the stress of your MCAT. That's likely starting to take a real toll. I think reducing your hours, if you can, would be a good answer for you.
posted by backwards compatible at 8:17 AM on October 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by backwards compatible at 8:17 AM on October 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
if the job doesn't matter to you then do what you want, but I will be another voice to warn you that what you've described are very, very mild annoyances as far as Co-Worker Behavior Problems go. To the point where I kind of think you might benefit from staying just so you can learn a little about how to get along in an office. But by all means get whatever mental health help you need. I don't think your suicidal ideation is coming because the people around you like to gossip at work.
Also, I don't know how it is with physicians but I have been surprised on more than one occasion to see how experience and connections gained before one goes to professional school can come in VERY handy once one is licensed and can provide an enormous leg up as one's looking for their professional job.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:32 AM on October 25, 2017
Also, I don't know how it is with physicians but I have been surprised on more than one occasion to see how experience and connections gained before one goes to professional school can come in VERY handy once one is licensed and can provide an enormous leg up as one's looking for their professional job.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:32 AM on October 25, 2017
Can you explain why the talk makes you feel ostracized? I'm not understanding what kind of talk you expect. The "scolding" sounds concerning but otherwise it sounds like front-line chit chat. Could you give an example of a scolding statement?
posted by warriorqueen at 8:56 AM on October 25, 2017
posted by warriorqueen at 8:56 AM on October 25, 2017
I almost posted my first AskMe question about this very thing two weeks ago. My situation was very different, but I'd started a new job and was miserable after two weeks. Conventional wisdom says not to job hop, but I really, REALLY didn't like it. But I was worried that I was being a big baby and I just needed to suck it up. This was a new, entry-level position to make a career change; maybe I am just too full of myself for entry level at this point in my life? And I've had a couple of decades at jobs that were both wonderful and awful (sometimes the same job over the course of several years) to compare it to.
I quit, and it was absolutely the right decision. I felt better immediately, and I'm working on getting a different entry-level job, which looks like it will be a much better fit for me. I'm very glad I made that call.
Sometimes what is important is to take care of yourself. If you are able to handle the money situation, if you have long-term plans you're working toward, if you have a backup plan (next year's potential job) and are ready to put other options into action if your situation changes, then yes, quitting is probably the right thing to do here. Take care of your mental health. Put your energy into your next plan.
That said, with respect, your two specific complaints about your coworkers seem very related to working with a group of women. Talking about personal relationships (whether it's bragging or not), and they also complained about gender inequality. I can see how that might feel like an attack if you're the only guy on their team, but I imagine they also work with doctors and other men, and to be honest, gender inequality in the workplace is a real thing and is really rotten. A valuable skill to develop will be not taking something like that personally (unless they are specifically talking about you, in which case be on their side and see if there's change to be made).
So yeah, I think you probably should quit this job, if you can feel confident about supporting yourself and getting another job when you need to. But I also think you need to look at this experience critically and see if there's anything you need to take away about working with people who are different than you. The workplace often means getting along with people you wouldn't choose, and knowing where your boundaries are with coworkers will be useful no matter what else you end up doing.
posted by gideonfrog at 8:57 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
I quit, and it was absolutely the right decision. I felt better immediately, and I'm working on getting a different entry-level job, which looks like it will be a much better fit for me. I'm very glad I made that call.
Sometimes what is important is to take care of yourself. If you are able to handle the money situation, if you have long-term plans you're working toward, if you have a backup plan (next year's potential job) and are ready to put other options into action if your situation changes, then yes, quitting is probably the right thing to do here. Take care of your mental health. Put your energy into your next plan.
That said, with respect, your two specific complaints about your coworkers seem very related to working with a group of women. Talking about personal relationships (whether it's bragging or not), and they also complained about gender inequality. I can see how that might feel like an attack if you're the only guy on their team, but I imagine they also work with doctors and other men, and to be honest, gender inequality in the workplace is a real thing and is really rotten. A valuable skill to develop will be not taking something like that personally (unless they are specifically talking about you, in which case be on their side and see if there's change to be made).
So yeah, I think you probably should quit this job, if you can feel confident about supporting yourself and getting another job when you need to. But I also think you need to look at this experience critically and see if there's anything you need to take away about working with people who are different than you. The workplace often means getting along with people you wouldn't choose, and knowing where your boundaries are with coworkers will be useful no matter what else you end up doing.
posted by gideonfrog at 8:57 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
Your job sounds OK. Good, actually, compared to some entry level jobs. You can always socialize more, sometimes it makes the behavior less unbearable if you get to know the people? I’m not clear on whether they’re abusing you at work or not based on your post; if they are, you can try to warm relations by it might just be a toxic workplace.
Also, dismissing their concerns about gender inequality is immature; if you’re going into the field you should know better than to think a physician environment is without gender bias.
The real problem is that you feel suicidal. Since your job seems not horrible (from what I can understand) and you’re getting important experience, plus you have money and benefits, can you see a therapist ASAP?
posted by stoneandstar at 9:01 AM on October 25, 2017
Also, dismissing their concerns about gender inequality is immature; if you’re going into the field you should know better than to think a physician environment is without gender bias.
The real problem is that you feel suicidal. Since your job seems not horrible (from what I can understand) and you’re getting important experience, plus you have money and benefits, can you see a therapist ASAP?
posted by stoneandstar at 9:01 AM on October 25, 2017
If you feel depressed because the real world work environment is not like school (i.e. people are not academic, discuss their personal lives, make friends, etc.) you’re not alone. It helps if you can shift your view toward appreciating the basic humanity of people you work with, instead of assuming everyone is on a mission from God.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:04 AM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by stoneandstar at 9:04 AM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you have money saved, you're good. Just drop it, pretend this didn't happen, and find something better or just concentrate on the MCAT. I've wasted time in jobs that weren't worth the trouble and regret it. I've dropped a job in the first three weeks once I was sure I wasn't sold an honest bill of goods. Because I happened to have money saved up, I have no regrets about that.
posted by ignignokt at 9:11 AM on October 25, 2017
posted by ignignokt at 9:11 AM on October 25, 2017
It sounds like you've been in this position more than a year -- you say you started 'last September.' Since you plan to leave this position *anyway* by next Spring, for either a different job or for school, I wouldn't worry overmuch about looking like a job-hopper; quitting in November won't look much different from quitting in April, in the long run, if you're going to med school.
Making a decision to leave and having a fixed end date might make the situation more tolerable. Perhaps you could promise yourself to stick it out until the end of the year and then study full-time for the MCAT? In the meantime, use the insurance that you have to get yourself mentally more healthy.
posted by halation at 9:32 AM on October 25, 2017
Making a decision to leave and having a fixed end date might make the situation more tolerable. Perhaps you could promise yourself to stick it out until the end of the year and then study full-time for the MCAT? In the meantime, use the insurance that you have to get yourself mentally more healthy.
posted by halation at 9:32 AM on October 25, 2017
Whoops. Didn't read the title, somehow. Still I stand by the idea that hanging around for a few more months then leaving might help, especially if you use that time to deal with your mental health.
posted by halation at 9:34 AM on October 25, 2017
posted by halation at 9:34 AM on October 25, 2017
I agree that if you're getting close to thinking about suicide you should probably quit. I agree that if you can afford it and if you for sure (not just probably) have a job lined up in April, that quitting will be OK.
But I also agree with people that this job sounds like a typical job in many respects, and the culture shock from being a student to working full time is real. When I was an undergrad I had my first taste to that dynamic in administrative pools when I worked in a clerk position that dealt with lab admins and the financial department. It was eye opening to see first hand how people cope in that work environment. It helped that I was just an undergrad and knew I wasn't going to stick around long term (even though they offered me a full time job). I think the fact that you're studying for the MCAT and have an eye on bigger and better things is contributing to this dynamic because you're not invested in this workplace and you clearly think admin work is lesser than clinical work. It's not work you enjoy doing but it's also work that has to happen and a lot of people make careers out of it. You don't have to get involved with their gossip and what not, but it could help to listen to them a little more. The dynamic sounds adversarial.
posted by kendrak at 9:39 AM on October 25, 2017
But I also agree with people that this job sounds like a typical job in many respects, and the culture shock from being a student to working full time is real. When I was an undergrad I had my first taste to that dynamic in administrative pools when I worked in a clerk position that dealt with lab admins and the financial department. It was eye opening to see first hand how people cope in that work environment. It helped that I was just an undergrad and knew I wasn't going to stick around long term (even though they offered me a full time job). I think the fact that you're studying for the MCAT and have an eye on bigger and better things is contributing to this dynamic because you're not invested in this workplace and you clearly think admin work is lesser than clinical work. It's not work you enjoy doing but it's also work that has to happen and a lot of people make careers out of it. You don't have to get involved with their gossip and what not, but it could help to listen to them a little more. The dynamic sounds adversarial.
posted by kendrak at 9:39 AM on October 25, 2017
I would not quit before checking on the Medicaid eligibility -- usually people can't have more than $2,000 in savings to qualify, and if you have 8-9 months of living expenses saved, you may not qualify. I wouldn't want you to lose access to mental healthcare.
posted by lazuli at 10:04 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by lazuli at 10:04 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
Unfortunately, gossipy, annoying coworkers are going to be wherever you work.
Can you wear headphones where you work? That can decrease the distractions a bit, which may help the rest of the experience go smoother.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:27 AM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Can you wear headphones where you work? That can decrease the distractions a bit, which may help the rest of the experience go smoother.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:27 AM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
If the job is making you feel suicidal, I am unsure whether quitting and spending all of your time alone studying for the MCAT will necessarily make you feel un-suicidal. Since you currently have health insurance I would consider staying with the job for a bit and seeing someone about your mental health.
Your coworkers don't sound more terrible than coworkers generally.
Unless you have specific qualifications and licensure to practice some aspect of medicine (even at the CMA level), I'm not sure what you expected as far as clinical experience and patient interaction.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:19 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
Your coworkers don't sound more terrible than coworkers generally.
Unless you have specific qualifications and licensure to practice some aspect of medicine (even at the CMA level), I'm not sure what you expected as far as clinical experience and patient interaction.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:19 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
I am genuinely quite worried that two months sent you straight to suicidal thoughts. That is the buried lede here, and that is much more important than keeping the job or not. Please seek therapy to build your resilience to the much bigger challenges ahead. That will help you much more than a new job.
posted by Dashy at 11:28 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by Dashy at 11:28 AM on October 25, 2017 [8 favorites]
Mod note: OP, I'm assuming you're not in crisis today, and am letting this question stand for now so it can be useful -- but if you're having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to one of the hotlines listed on the ThereIsHelp page.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:33 AM on October 25, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:33 AM on October 25, 2017 [4 favorites]
Echoing what others are saying about feeling suicidal being the big standout to me here too. That is a very big and very worrying concern and really needs to be addressed before anything else. It is possible that the job is a factor in that. It is also possible that underlying depression is making daily activities feel unbearable. Please talk to someone today.
posted by goggie at 11:34 AM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by goggie at 11:34 AM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Mostly I would focus on working on your depression, which might be easier if you stay in the job (for the insurance and getting out of the house and human contact) or if you leave (more time, less stress). It doesn't really matter whether this job is particularly bad or not: you feel bad, and that's important.
The transition from college life to work life is incredibly hard, and often disorienting, and if you've struggled with depression in the past it's incredibly normal for that transition to exacerbate things. I think if you came from a relatively academic, high-performing kind of college/uni it can be even worse, because you're used to only interacting with a small subset of people in sometimes idiosyncratic ways. You do get used to working with a more diverse set of people eventually and you come to appreciate the things that non-academically-minded people bring to the table, but for many people it is really, really hard.
Leaving the job in the spring isn't that different from leaving the job now, from a resume perspective, so just forget about that part. You'll miss out on some connections and hopefully-good references that you might get otherwise, but you can just never put this job on your resume at all if you don't want to.
posted by mskyle at 11:41 AM on October 25, 2017
The transition from college life to work life is incredibly hard, and often disorienting, and if you've struggled with depression in the past it's incredibly normal for that transition to exacerbate things. I think if you came from a relatively academic, high-performing kind of college/uni it can be even worse, because you're used to only interacting with a small subset of people in sometimes idiosyncratic ways. You do get used to working with a more diverse set of people eventually and you come to appreciate the things that non-academically-minded people bring to the table, but for many people it is really, really hard.
Leaving the job in the spring isn't that different from leaving the job now, from a resume perspective, so just forget about that part. You'll miss out on some connections and hopefully-good references that you might get otherwise, but you can just never put this job on your resume at all if you don't want to.
posted by mskyle at 11:41 AM on October 25, 2017
So this may or may not help your and it's a sideways answer to your socialization problems:
I used to have a super hard time with this chatter. For me, It use to be hard to concentrate, seems non important, is trivial....
But really is super important.
These people are relieving their work stress and building relationships at work. By not engaging in this behavior you are isolating yourself in the workplace and ignoring socially acceptable break time.
Evey workplace will have some degree of this. Once I was out of my PTSD stuff and practiced these behaviors I integrated into work places much better. I also felt better at work.
It's okay to quit the job, especially with your mental health at risk. I do challenge you to try and explore what is actually going on (aside from boring paperwork & social interaction) before quitting just so you have a better idea of what you want in your next workplace, and experience with these disappointmens because evey job will have some of these elements.
posted by AlexiaSky at 12:07 PM on October 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
I used to have a super hard time with this chatter. For me, It use to be hard to concentrate, seems non important, is trivial....
But really is super important.
These people are relieving their work stress and building relationships at work. By not engaging in this behavior you are isolating yourself in the workplace and ignoring socially acceptable break time.
Evey workplace will have some degree of this. Once I was out of my PTSD stuff and practiced these behaviors I integrated into work places much better. I also felt better at work.
It's okay to quit the job, especially with your mental health at risk. I do challenge you to try and explore what is actually going on (aside from boring paperwork & social interaction) before quitting just so you have a better idea of what you want in your next workplace, and experience with these disappointmens because evey job will have some of these elements.
posted by AlexiaSky at 12:07 PM on October 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
I think it's pretty "spinnable"--"After a few months, I realized I needed to devote myself full-time to MCAT study and I was fortunate enough to be able to do that."
But I'm with everyone else who says your work tribulations are quite mild, so the real issue is the suicidal thoughts.
posted by praemunire at 12:18 PM on October 25, 2017
But I'm with everyone else who says your work tribulations are quite mild, so the real issue is the suicidal thoughts.
posted by praemunire at 12:18 PM on October 25, 2017
But I disagree that leaving in spring vs. leaving in now is not going to make much of a difference on your resume. A candidate who leaves a job for a better opportunity/better fit after 8 months would not raise any red flags. But a candidate who leaves a job after two months for reasons they'd rather not discuss? Red flags.
You don't need to put the job on the resume at all, though, and if you're only at a (non-internship) job for a few months you should almost certainly leave it off.
posted by mskyle at 1:32 PM on October 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
You don't need to put the job on the resume at all, though, and if you're only at a (non-internship) job for a few months you should almost certainly leave it off.
posted by mskyle at 1:32 PM on October 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm bolding the start of my answer to get your attention. Because I hope you read this, invictus10.
Listen, I never feel a person should ever have to do anything. Work and human relations can feel complicated. And with work, admittedly the whole structure involves competition. And yes, it's like being in high school. So you have to choose what to do. If your child were literally struggling in high school, what would you do? Would you let them drop out? No, you would find them a good class or a better school, or talk to the teachers. Support them at home and acknowledge and validate their struggles, and try to help them get through their experience. So be a good parent to yourself. And seek out people who will support you in this labor.
I'll tell you something for sure though. You have a bright future. Don't beat yourself up. Many of the people you are meeting, and who are making your experience unhappy right now, would probably welcome the chance to be your friend in other settings. Or they would recognize your gifts. It's sort of the structure of the whole thing that people don't get that kindly or emotional at work usually, but that does not mean your work isn't valuable or worthy of appreciation. I think if you keep your mind on the ball, you are going to be moving on to bigger and better things.
Of course, never accept torture. Never accept being berated by anyone. Sticking firmly to your boundaries will serve you as a professional. And being around people who like and appreciate you will help you BLOSSOM as a person. There are workplaces that include more blossoming than berating, I promise. Promise promise.
What I am trying to say is, I would not quit until you have worked out a plan. I am trying to do the farthest thing from invalidate you, I feel for you and your question strongly. The mention of suicide is extremely alarming. Overall, there is a very distressed and hurt tone to this question. So your feelings are being hurt and you're emotional and scared and you've considered ending your life. Are you in therapy at all? I bet not, if you're posting this question on the internet. You should be talking to someone who knows you and supports your goals. Go do it now.
posted by karmachameleon at 3:41 PM on October 25, 2017
Listen, I never feel a person should ever have to do anything. Work and human relations can feel complicated. And with work, admittedly the whole structure involves competition. And yes, it's like being in high school. So you have to choose what to do. If your child were literally struggling in high school, what would you do? Would you let them drop out? No, you would find them a good class or a better school, or talk to the teachers. Support them at home and acknowledge and validate their struggles, and try to help them get through their experience. So be a good parent to yourself. And seek out people who will support you in this labor.
I'll tell you something for sure though. You have a bright future. Don't beat yourself up. Many of the people you are meeting, and who are making your experience unhappy right now, would probably welcome the chance to be your friend in other settings. Or they would recognize your gifts. It's sort of the structure of the whole thing that people don't get that kindly or emotional at work usually, but that does not mean your work isn't valuable or worthy of appreciation. I think if you keep your mind on the ball, you are going to be moving on to bigger and better things.
Of course, never accept torture. Never accept being berated by anyone. Sticking firmly to your boundaries will serve you as a professional. And being around people who like and appreciate you will help you BLOSSOM as a person. There are workplaces that include more blossoming than berating, I promise. Promise promise.
What I am trying to say is, I would not quit until you have worked out a plan. I am trying to do the farthest thing from invalidate you, I feel for you and your question strongly. The mention of suicide is extremely alarming. Overall, there is a very distressed and hurt tone to this question. So your feelings are being hurt and you're emotional and scared and you've considered ending your life. Are you in therapy at all? I bet not, if you're posting this question on the internet. You should be talking to someone who knows you and supports your goals. Go do it now.
posted by karmachameleon at 3:41 PM on October 25, 2017
Response by poster: Update on this:
I put in my two weeks sometime after this topic. I studied full time for the MCAT, took it in January and scored above the 90th percentile. After some vacation time, I then moved halfway across the country to begin a new job.
I have additional qualms about my current job that I will have to deal with but I think that leaving this job referenced here was a great decision. My mental health improved, the MCAT worked out, my boss was not very good in hindsight.
posted by invictus10 at 8:53 PM on May 23, 2018 [2 favorites]
I put in my two weeks sometime after this topic. I studied full time for the MCAT, took it in January and scored above the 90th percentile. After some vacation time, I then moved halfway across the country to begin a new job.
I have additional qualms about my current job that I will have to deal with but I think that leaving this job referenced here was a great decision. My mental health improved, the MCAT worked out, my boss was not very good in hindsight.
posted by invictus10 at 8:53 PM on May 23, 2018 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
If you have a competent boss who respects you (as you said), you should be able to talk to her about any inappropriate behaviour.
posted by puppet du sock at 7:17 AM on October 25, 2017 [23 favorites]