Adorably...spicy hand embroidered wedding handkerchiefs
October 5, 2017 12:20 PM   Subscribe

I need your help with some short phrases to embroider on handkerchiefs for a wedding.

Along the lines of "Keep Your Shit Together" and "For Crying With Class"-two we've already selected. Not too long because of space, but also, hand embroidery takes long enough. We need a few more phrases-both profane and profanity-laden. These will be given to family members and perhaps wedding party members. Some of those people will find curses on a dainty handkerchief fucking fabulous, others not so much.
Trying to stay away from "No Ugly Tears", which like, cry as ugly as you want, but also not seeking mushy-hallmark card-ness. Thanks!
posted by atomicstone to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (27 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I Never Cry At Weddings
posted by mochapickle at 12:32 PM on October 5 [5 favorites]

Fer cryin' out loud.
posted by hydra77 at 12:38 PM on October 5 [2 favorites]

"Fucking Dusty In Here"
posted by RhysPenbras at 12:46 PM on October 5 [5 favorites]

Here come the [fucking?] waterworks .
posted by cushie at 12:47 PM on October 5 [3 favorites]

Honk If You Love atomicstone + [partner]
posted by mochapickle at 12:47 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]

"Dry your fucking tears," "HONK HERE," "WIPE ME."
posted by Aquifer at 12:48 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]

Deposit lungbutter here
posted by bile and syntax at 12:59 PM on October 5

Who's chopping onions in here?
posted by mollymayhem at 1:09 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]

"Sure, it's just dust"
posted by MadamM at 1:30 PM on October 5

I'm not crying... YOU'RE crying.
posted by leastlikelycowgirl at 2:23 PM on October 5 [9 favorites]

fucking classy.
weep, motherfucker!
finally, something to cry about.
posted by koroshiya at 2:30 PM on October 5

Like A Tired, Hungry, Mothereffing Baby
posted by mochapickle at 2:45 PM on October 5

I'll give you something to cry about.

If you see someone crying ask if it's about their haircut.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 2:55 PM on October 5

happy tears go here
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:23 PM on October 5 [2 favorites]

Damn allergies!
posted by Weeping_angel at 3:52 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]

"It's raining on my face"
posted by sucre at 4:55 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]

Beautiful @#&%ing wedding
Gorgeous @#&%ing bride
posted by theora55 at 5:18 PM on October 5

I like to say to my bffs:

ugly crying 4ever
posted by fairlynearlyready at 6:24 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]

It's their party. I'll cry if I fucking want to.
posted by functionequalsform at 7:20 PM on October 5

posted by functionequalsform at 7:23 PM on October 5 [2 favorites]

Snot Collector
posted by Diagonalize at 7:30 PM on October 5

Just Something in My Eye
Weep No More, my Lady
Horatio Noseblower
Panky Not Included
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:13 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]

There’s no crying in baseball
posted by ActionPopulated at 6:50 AM on October 6

Your Face Is Leaking
Stop. Fucking. Leaking.

Snot Rocket Launcher
posted by rmless at 10:38 AM on October 6

Lots of best answers. bile and syntax gets gross points. Vivid gross points.
Here's the first one (straight out of the hoop, wrinkled. black blobs are identifying info) "Keep Your Shit Together", I was working on when I wrote the question. Keep 'em coming!
posted by atomicstone at 12:35 PM on October 6 [4 favorites]

Boo Fucking Hoo
posted by Mchelly at 8:41 PM on October 7 [1 favorite]

Got spilled milk?
posted by jacquilynne at 7:21 PM on October 8

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