Online resources for gender-questioning person
August 15, 2017 8:16 PM   Subscribe

Looking for resources for a socially anxious man who is questioning his gender identity. He said he's starting to feel that his is "more fluid." At his request, I'm working on finding local resources, but can people suggest online resources/forums where he might find some community? He's in his 50s, so I'm a little worried about sites that skew really young.
posted by lazuli to Society & Culture (9 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
The web design is a bit, uh, dated... but the forums at Susan's Place tend to have welcoming folks from all across the age and gender spectrums.

Your friend sounds like they would fit right in there.
posted by Tiny Bungalow at 9:14 PM on August 15, 2017

Reddit's r/asktransgender subreddit isn't too bad -- might skew younger, but there are definitely older folks there as well. r/genderqueer could be another one to check out.

Sounds like you're looking into local resources, but if you share your/his location folks here may be able to point you in the right direction there as well.
posted by kylej at 10:07 PM on August 15, 2017

I've got some confidentiality issues that make sharing specific info, like location, a little dicey. I do know, from talking to local LGBTQ agencies, that local resources for adults are a little thin on the ground, which is why I'm hoping to give him some online resources, too.
posted by lazuli at 5:23 AM on August 16, 2017

I do want to add some words of caution around Susan's and asktg (my experience with Susan's is now about ten years old, so take it with a grain of salt). Basically, they're both bad options, but those are basically your options. (There are some trans-focused chats that have spun off of more general chats about $hobby or $job or whatever. Those tend to be better.) Neither is a great place to be questioning, especially if you're non-binary-ish. (It's not clear to me if "feeling more fluid" is accurate or if it feels like a "safer" option.) There's a lot of "this is what it means to be 'really' trans and everyone else is doing it wrong and bringing us real trans people into disrepute" going on and asktg in particular has a tendency for internalised transphobia to manifest as ageism (and frequently directed at Susan's, for that matter).

In other words, if this person is a client, I wouldn't be like "Here are some resources!" and call the job done. You have to check in and make sure that those spaces haven't made things worse because they're not really places you learn to be relaxed about being trans.
posted by hoyland at 6:06 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites] has a "lounge" area on their site which is presumably a discussion forum (it's only visible to registered members). It probably does skew quite young, however.
posted by fancyoats at 8:44 AM on August 16, 2017

You have to check in and make sure that those spaces haven't made things worse because they're not really places you learn to be relaxed about being trans.

Point absolutely taken. Do people have other resources they'd suggest? Books? Articles? Online or not?
posted by lazuli at 3:00 PM on August 16, 2017

My New Gender Workbook, Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation, and Trans Bodies, Trans Selves are a few books to look into!
posted by kylej at 4:47 PM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

We discovered that the local LGBTQ advocacy agency, which had previously only served people 12-25 years old, had just started a support/info group for adults. I've been to several trainings by the agency, and I know they have a really strong focus on trans and gender nonbinary issues, with a lot of trans leadership, so I think that's absolutely the best resource, and we're working on getting him to the group. Thank you all for the suggestions and cautions!
posted by lazuli at 2:53 PM on September 2, 2017

It's not out yet, so I can't actually recommend it, though I trust all the steps in the social media chain that led me to it, but How To Understand Your Gender is due out shortly. It seems superficially a bit like My (New) Gender Workbook (I could be totally wrong about that), but different people click with different things.
posted by hoyland at 11:37 PM on September 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

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