Parking etiquette

July 24, 2017 12:46 PM

The person with the parking space next to mine in our apartment building's garage wants to buy a new car, that apparently will require me to back into my parking space instead of parking front-first, in order for me to be able to get out of my car. They have asked if this will be a problem for me.

I want to tell them yes, it would be a problem. The garage is very cramped as it is, and it would be complicated and annoying to have to turn around and back in every time. Also I am not comfortable backing into spaces in general and never do it.

Would it be an asshole move to say no? I don't want to cause bad blood with my neighbors (who I don't know and never see, if that matters, but I still don't want to be an asshole). Should I just say yes and learn how to back in?

I am only a renter, while most of the people in my building are owners, so another option would be to defer to the owner of my unit, I guess. Since technically it is their parking space.

Just interested to hear people's opinions on this. I know it's not a big deal and this is a silly question, but it's kind of stressing me out.

posted by désoeuvrée to Human Relations (58 answers total)

Could you explain why the new vehicle would require you to back in? It sounds at first blush like the new vehicle doesn't actually *fit* in a parking space properly if it would somehow impede you and there may be a better solution based on resolving that issue instead.
posted by radiosilents at 12:49 PM on July 24, 2017 [21 favorites]

This is incredibly unreasonable of them. Your car, your rules. Their (new) car, their modifications. Just tell them that for your own benefit, and also for the benefit of others, you prefer parking the way you feel most comfortable and safe - that includes parking front-first. I am a condo owner in a large building, and to me this issue is not one where an owner's personal preference carries more weight than a renter - none whatsoever. Park as you safely please.
posted by raztaj at 12:51 PM on July 24, 2017 [46 favorites]

Why can't your neighbor be the one to back in?
posted by amro at 12:52 PM on July 24, 2017 [18 favorites]

It's absolutely unreasonable for your neighbor to expect this of you. Just tell them no, that won't be possible. Don't give them any reason because that gives them an opening to argue. You're fine. It's your spot. Please don't feel bad for one second!
posted by Jemstar at 12:53 PM on July 24, 2017 [32 favorites]

If they asked if it's ok then you're well within your rights to say no. That's why they asked.
posted by bleep at 12:55 PM on July 24, 2017 [7 favorites]

HAHAHA no.

No, that won't be possible. "We all need to take the size of these spaces into account and not try to put something in that doesn't fit." Bye!
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:56 PM on July 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

Defer the question to the owner of your unit.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 12:56 PM on July 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

Sure, tell them it will be a problem for you. They did ask. But that doesn't mean that they won't decide to do it anyway. Maybe after you tell them it's a problem, ask the owner or building manager about what is allowed under the building parking rules.
posted by grouse at 12:57 PM on July 24, 2017

Defer to the owner (landlord) and be absolutely clear you are super unhappy about this. Also point out that if they (the landlord) can no longer advertise the parking space to a future tenant because of this other vehicle, that will be a loss for them. Also, expect that no matter what you say, unless the vehicle is a camper or a boat or mega-truck of some kind, then the neighbor is going to get what they're going to get.
posted by everythings_interrelated at 12:58 PM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

It seems to me that technically as long as their car fits within the lines of their space, they aren't breaking any rules. It was nice of them to ask you, and if I were you, I too would say no. But I'm not sure you have much real standing to tell someone what they can park in their spot if they aren't infringing on yours. It seems like this might really be a problem with the design of the parking garage if the spaces are too small (but I also know that's just the reality of many parking garages).
posted by primethyme at 1:00 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I own a space in my condo's parking garage, and I agree that yes, this is a totally unreasonable request from them. If their prospective new car doesn't fit their space --- if it's too wide or too long, if it impedes passing vehicles or makes access to your space difficult (whether you pulled in or backed in, no difference) --- then the onus is on THEM to solve the problem. It makes no difference that you're renting and they're an owner: this is entirely THEIR problem, not yours. Say no!
posted by easily confused at 1:00 PM on July 24, 2017 [9 favorites]

"Yes, it would be a problem. Thank you so much for asking - I appreciate the consideration"

Don't ask the owner - what if he/she doesn't want to make waves and says "ok"?
If they do it anyway, ask the owner to help negotiate but at this point I would respond directly.
posted by metahawk at 1:04 PM on July 24, 2017 [32 favorites]

I would be stressed about this too. It is reasonable to say you're uncomfortable having to back in. Maybe the building owner could arrange for your neighbor to trade spots with someone else, if some parking spots are slightly less cramped than others.
posted by beandip at 1:05 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Last time I lived in a condo building with compact parking, the rule was you were entitled to the space within your lines, no more, no less. I had to park with the passenger side right up to the line to make room for me to get out on the driver side entirely within my space. If there was a car parked next to me, my passenger needed to exit before I parked. If this is how it works in your building, it is cut and dried whether a particular vehicle is allowed.
posted by grouse at 1:06 PM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

I've been feeling extra sassy lately and part of me would be realllllll tempted to draw up some paperwork stating that the other guy takes full responsibility for any damages to their car while it's parked in the space next to you and waives the right to make a claim against you/your insurance. And then say "I'm just really bad at backing into parking spaces and thought you should know what you're getting into."


But in real life: lol no. +1 to "I'm sorry, that won't be possible."
posted by phunniemee at 1:07 PM on July 24, 2017 [6 favorites]

Sounds like the issue is that their vehicle will be so large that you won't be able to open a door on the left side (facing in) of your car. Presumably, they'll have the same problem on the right side of their vehicle, but they'll still be able to open a door on the left side.

So ask them to switch spaces and let them back in.

If that won't work, because they're on the end of the line and there's just more space there, then it sounds like their problem is that the vehicle is too damn big. Say no.
posted by Etrigan at 1:09 PM on July 24, 2017 [12 favorites]

Start parking right up against the line between your spots.
posted by rhizome at 1:11 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Well, if they go ahead and buy the car anyway, would it be possible for the two of you to swap spaces? It depends on how much you want to be accommodating. It also depends on what the owner of your unit says. And also, I suppose, it depends on whether it's just making it the problem of the person with the space on the other side too (not so much if there's a wall or pole that means your other parking neighbor isn't affected).
posted by vignettist at 1:17 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm the outlier here, but I wouldn't say no to this. I would roll my eyes and think it was an annoying request, but backing in is such a small thing to do that I would just do it without complaining. Who cares? There are much bigger fish to fry, so to speak. Unless you have a physical limitation that makes backing in impossible or unreasonable, I do think it's kind of asshole-y to refuse to do this.

If this is the proverbial hill you want to die on, then I think the friendliest refusal is something like this: "Hey, I'm happy to do that but I am super shitty at backing into parking spots. Would you be willing to back your new ride in, instead? Maybe we could swap spots. It's probably safest for both of our cars." Said in a very self-deprecating tone.

Start parking right up against the line between your spots.

Don't be a jerk just because [you think] someone else is being a jerk. The world is a better place when we all try to be kind and considerate, even in the face of [perceived] rudeness.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 1:20 PM on July 24, 2017 [10 favorites]

I would be honest with them. At best, they will work with you to find a workable arrangement where you won't have to back in. At worst, you're on the record as being uncomfortable about backing i to spaces, so if an accident does occur, everybody knew this was more likely because of the parking arrangement.
posted by epj at 1:25 PM on July 24, 2017

I would definitely say no. If I was tempted to say yes then I would definitely get approval from the landlord first. Saying yes could have an impact on future renters in a negative way.
posted by victoriab at 1:27 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

wants to buy a new car, that apparently will require me to back into my parking space instead of parking front-first, in order for me to be able to get out of my car. It is blowing my head up that this can even be a thing, unless:

1: You cannot park entirely within your own space
2: They cannot park entirely within their own space
3: The spaces are too small
posted by Brockles at 1:27 PM on July 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

Hit return too early - unless their new car encroaches on your space, I can't see what their vehicle choice could do to make you need to park the other away around.
posted by Brockles at 1:28 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

unless their new car encroaches on your space

Doors make the car wider from time to time.
posted by rhizome at 1:29 PM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

Doors make the car wider from time to time.

If the problem is neighbors will be able to fit their new car in the space but not open their doors unless you change the way you park, that is really their problem (barring any parking regulations that require you to park differently).
posted by grouse at 1:33 PM on July 24, 2017 [7 favorites]

if it's an issue of door space they should back into their spot. that way their passenger door is next to the passenger door of the car on the other side and it matters less if it opens.

if their answer is 'but i don't want to have to back into my spot' then you can just stare at them until they understand.
posted by noloveforned at 1:37 PM on July 24, 2017 [31 favorites]

At worst, you're on the record as being uncomfortable about backing i to spaces, so if an accident does occur, everybody knew this was more likely because of the parking arrangement.

Then the neighbors are on record for things being pretty fine until THEY wanted to buy a car that they are on record saying would need new, special considerations or modifications. Before their decision, there didn't seem to be any parking issues or concerns.
posted by raztaj at 1:48 PM on July 24, 2017

I would say no, politely. Or if they want the new car so badly, they can back in.

Backing in may be such a small thing to some people, but I personally have always parked head in--that's how I learned and even if "backing in is technically easier" that's what I feel most comfortable doing. THe times when I've tried backing in I've honestly found it very nervewracking and I'm much worse at judging space. Honestly if someone as this of me I would do that thing someone above suggested where they draw up a waiver, because I couldn't promise anything.
posted by sprezzy at 1:48 PM on July 24, 2017 [9 favorites]

I'm trying to imagine what geometry would justify this request. The only thing I can think of is something to do with side mirrors colliding, but even that seems far-fetched.

So first, I'd ask them to explain how your parking direction would make a difference, ideally with drawings. This might give you and them a chance to reach an understanding that this wouldn't really make a difference, which would be the best outcome.

If I agreed they made a reasonable case, I'd probably go along with it, but I'd also warn them "look, I'm bad at backing in, I try to avoid it, and I don't want to be held responsible if I've made a good-faith effort to comply with your request and I wind up dinging your car."

If not, I'd say "I'm not convinced this will make a difference, so no offense, but I'm not going to do it."
posted by adamrice at 1:53 PM on July 24, 2017

backing in is such a small thing to do that I would just do it without complaining. Who cares?

You are a much better driver than I am.
posted by Ragged Richard at 2:01 PM on July 24, 2017 [30 favorites]

Doors make the car wider from time to time.

Well duh. But they are not wedge shaped. So what way the car faces shouldn't matter unless there is more clearance on one side of the space than the other (for the driver's door, presumably). In which case, why can't the OP just park over that way a bit? There is no logical reason for it to face the other way that I can get my head around.

Sounds to me more like they are paranoid (or have good reason to believe) you will ping your door into their new car.
posted by Brockles at 2:11 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: The reason for the request is that they are to my left and there is a center aisle to my right, so if I back in I will have extra space on the driver's side to open my door. (On preview, what Brockles said. But if I just parked further toward the left it would block the center aisle.)

I would switch with them but I like being on the end. The spaces are tight and it's much easier only having a car on one side of me.
posted by désoeuvrée at 2:18 PM on July 24, 2017

Another vote for just saying no. I would phrase it in a friendly way. "Thank you for asking. I'm just not comfortable with having to back into the space, so I'll have to say no."
posted by FencingGal at 2:19 PM on July 24, 2017 [10 favorites]

This is why all parking questions need diagrams. Brockles I'm assuming they want a situation where both their and OP's driver-side doors are facing each other, so they can both leave a bigger gap on that side.

Presumably the person on their passenger side is still going to be blocked in though - why doesn't your neighbour just reverse park instead?
posted by tinkletown at 2:21 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

If you park front-in so that your car is right on the edge of the aisle, will you have enough space to open the driver's side door?
posted by grouse at 2:23 PM on July 24, 2017

Response by poster: (Sorry, in my previous reply I meant to say "further toward the right," not "further toward the left.") I already park as far to the right as possible without blocking the center aisle.

Anyway, thanks for all the responses! I am probably just going to say that I am not comfortable backing in, and see what they say to that. I would like to be accommodating but I don't want to have an anxiety attack every time I have to park.
posted by désoeuvrée at 2:33 PM on July 24, 2017 [12 favorites]

I think it's nice of them to address it ahead of time, to be honest. Most people would just buy the new bigger car and be a dick about it. I am a large person, so if I came home to an unexpected lack of space in my spot, I'd be furious. I guess the issue here is that they HAVE asked ahead of time, however. Like, are they going to change their minds about buying the giant car if you say you can't? Or is the issue entirely that because they're buying a new car they're nervous that you're going to smack their door? I think your decision is fine, however. As your neighbor, I would rather be worried about door dings than about someone backing entirely into my new shiny car. Be prepared that they might be aggravated. But the problem is theirs.
posted by clone boulevard at 2:36 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I would like to be accommodating but I don't want to have an anxiety attack every time I have to park.

They also might not like you having to back in anxiously next to their new vehicle, either! Saying no is definitely okay. Leaning a little bit on not wanting to drive anxiously/accidentally bump their car might be a way to temper the situation (if you can say it in good conscience). Not as a threat of course, but as a way to let them know your level of discomfort.
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:24 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

My wife used to work in Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. In the staff parking lots there you are required to back in so that everybody can just drive straight out in case the volcano erupts and everybody needs to get out fast. There's no chaos of everybody trying to back out of their spot at once. At the time, my wife wasn't comfortable backing in, but she learned how to do it. You can learn how to do it too!

On the plus side, backing in makes leaving a lot easier. You have to drive backward one way or another; I find it easier to back in because then when I'm leaving the parking spot I can see the oncoming traffic. And it's a useful skill anyway when you're parking in places other than your own garage, to deal with exactly the situation that has arisen here.

I say have some confidence in yourself and take this as an opportunity to learn a useful life skill.
posted by number9dream at 3:29 PM on July 24, 2017 [7 favorites]

I say have some confidence in yourself and take this as an opportunity to learn a useful life skill: how to effectively set boundaries with neighbors!

Sure, you can learn how to do it, but why? You're fine to just say no to something you do not want to do. Not everything is a learning opportunity and that is ok.
posted by sockermom at 3:38 PM on July 24, 2017 [24 favorites]

Backing in is more than simply learning to back in -- it also means perpetually having crappy access to the trunk of your car for loading things in and out. I would decline on that grounds moreso on the basis of being unwilling to learn to back in.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:42 PM on July 24, 2017 [29 favorites]

I don't think you have an obligation to accommodate the request. At the same time they may get the vehicle anyway so learning to do this well may be helpful. And if you struggle at the moment this is very much a learned skill. I couldn't do it with ease until I found myself living in an apartment with a narrow car port and working in an office with limited parking, that entailed double row (people blocking you in by design) parking spaces with nice concrete pillars on either side. My car had what felt like a large front end and pulling into these spaces was not easy either. Let's just say I learned quickly and much prefer reversing into spaces to pulling into them at this point.
posted by koahiatamadl at 3:47 PM on July 24, 2017

Tell them you don't back-in well and are terrified that you'd hit their car...
posted by calgirl at 4:09 PM on July 24, 2017 [7 favorites]

If the lanes in the garage are one-way and the spots are angled accordingly, backing in is a HUGE pain in the ass. Not only is it hard to get into the space, but you're then pointed the wrong way to the direction of the flow of traffic and it sometimes requires a bit of back and forth-ing to get out if the lane is really narrow. If this is the case there is no way I'd agree to back in.
posted by misskaz at 5:22 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I would like to be accommodating but I don't want to have an anxiety attack every time I have to park.

I think this is a good way to state your refusal of their request.
posted by Night_owl at 6:21 PM on July 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

I think this is an unreasonable request, but you are either backing in or backing out. If their car is long, and I drive an extended bed F150, it will be hard for you to cut your wheel while backing out in time to be able to do the backout in one move. Them backing in or not will not change that. It also sounds to me like they are worried about you dinging their new car with your door. They are not worried about your car or your convenience. Under the guise of being nice by asking, they are actually asking if you will agree to be inconvenienced/hurt/damaged or simply be worse off because of whatever size car they are thinking of buying. Putting it differently, they seem to be kissing you before fucking you. They are fucking you not in the good sense of the word. It does not sound as if the condo would be ok with their new vehicle size without your approval.
posted by AugustWest at 6:53 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

"Sure, but know I am terrible at backing into a parking space. I want a written agreement that, when I scrape your car, I am not liable in any way." I bet they change their minds.
posted by Foam Pants at 7:40 PM on July 24, 2017 [9 favorites]

Most new cars have fancy backup cameras. Maybe they should back in.
posted by coberh at 8:01 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I don't think this person is an asshole at all - the opposite, actually. They're considerate enough to enquire before they buy the car because the answer will affect whether or not they purchase it. If they were an asshole, they wouldn't even bother asking, they'd just buy it and make the OP deal with the fallout. So clearly her answer matters and isn't just a courtesy. And yes, I'm sure the neighbour won't want their new car getting dings either.

If it were me, I would just answer honestly that you're really uncomfortable backing in and would hate to scrape their new baby. Maybe there is a workaround, him backing in instead, but at least if they know how you feel they can act accordingly. Thank them for asking and being considerate, so many others wouldn't.
posted by Jubey at 8:39 PM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

Would it help if they comped you $100 or so to get a backup camera for your car? The wireless ones are pretty easy to install.

And that's an actual benefit to you that might make up for the hassle of having to back into a spot.
posted by Hatashran at 8:44 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

You should answer honestly. If they didn't want your input, they shouldn't have asked for it.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:05 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Personally, backing in would be a nightmare for me as well. I have some minor deficiencies in spatial relations that make backing a car into a parking space very, very difficult and frustrating for me (and I've never been able to improve much) -- even though I'm a pretty champion parallel parker.
posted by desuetude at 11:31 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Getting in and out of parking spots is generally the most stressful few minutes of my day (my parking incompetence has cost me thousands of dollars over the years) so I'd definitely say no.

I just wanted to point out that it may be the case that your neighbors don't agree on whether to get the gigantic car and are using you as a tiebreaker vote. In which case it would very much behoove you to be honest.
posted by potrzebie at 11:55 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

You told us that you are uncomfortable backing in and never do it. So tell them. This indicates to me that your honest answer is that sooner or later you would arrive home tired, possibly slightly sick, have to back in and would screw up and ding both your cars.

One solution might be for them to come downstairs and park your car for you every time you come home. You phone up just before you get in and have them run down and be waiting. They might be willing to go with that if they want their new vehicle enough. That way they would be liable for the damage to both vehicles if it happens.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:17 AM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

From your last update, you say you're already parking as far to the right side of your space (as far from them) as possible: so they're currently parking right on the dividing line between your space and theirs? That makes this even more of an unreasonable request from them --- they are effectively already taking up more than their fair amount of room, and asking you to change how you park is even more of an imposition. (In driver's ed many years ago, the instructor said that proper parking is in the center of your space: he said to imagine there's a solid wall on each side, not just painted lines; so to open doors on both sides, park centered.)

"No, that will not be possible", repeated over and over and over again, is your only sensible response to this neighbor.
posted by easily confused at 5:42 AM on July 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

No way. Your parking space, your preference for how to safely get in and out of it. And if they do get the giant car, you can hang a pool noodle between your spaces to assert physical boundaries and avoid door dings.
posted by Scram at 10:47 AM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

I am so anti-backing in to parking spaces I would have shreiked HELL NO but you are a more reasonable person who will refuse in a low key manner, but this is a big nope however you decline.

And when I am queen of the world 2nd edict after deporting Trump & Co. from this earth I will permanently ban back in parking under pain of death, and death to descendents, and death to ancestors, etc etc.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 12:03 PM on July 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

No. Repeat as needed.

And maybe you still ought to look at door dent guards so they can't accuse you of having dinged their new vehicle.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:21 PM on July 26, 2017