How do I respond when co-workers keep spelling my name wrong?
June 30, 2017 10:02 AM Subscribe
My name is Sarah, with an H, and a handful of co-workers keep spelling it 'Sara' in emails and documents. How do I best respond to this?
It's quite silly, in my opinion, given that we don't work with anyone named Sara, that I've corrected them a few times (usually by responding with something pseudo-playful, like, Sarah, or saying, "Hey Katie (if their name is Catie), just FYI I spell my name with an H :)"), and that my name is literally included in the to: line above the email they're typing.
What gives? I'm aware that Sarah vs. Sara is a real thing so it probably bothers me more than most, and I understand COMPLETELY that this isn't nearly on the scale of people who have to deal with people misspelling/mispronouncing names that are less common. Moreover, I know I'm more sensitive to spelling and grammar than most (it is, after all, part of my marketing/writing job). But I can't shake the fact that it just feels lazy to me, and it bothers me so. If it happened once, then fine -- but multiple times just feels dumb to me.
What do I do? Keep responding with little quips each time it happens? Any other creative ideas? Or learn to live with it?
It's quite silly, in my opinion, given that we don't work with anyone named Sara, that I've corrected them a few times (usually by responding with something pseudo-playful, like, Sarah, or saying, "Hey Katie (if their name is Catie), just FYI I spell my name with an H :)"), and that my name is literally included in the to: line above the email they're typing.
What gives? I'm aware that Sarah vs. Sara is a real thing so it probably bothers me more than most, and I understand COMPLETELY that this isn't nearly on the scale of people who have to deal with people misspelling/mispronouncing names that are less common. Moreover, I know I'm more sensitive to spelling and grammar than most (it is, after all, part of my marketing/writing job). But I can't shake the fact that it just feels lazy to me, and it bothers me so. If it happened once, then fine -- but multiple times just feels dumb to me.
What do I do? Keep responding with little quips each time it happens? Any other creative ideas? Or learn to live with it?
I have a last name that people routinely misspell. In my experience, nothing alters the behavior of people who do this. It's in my email address, it's in my email signature, it's there. Read it. I used to correct people, they'd apologize, and just keep doing it. At first I thought it was a joke or just that one person. But over time I came to realize that somehow I was lodged in their brain as [wrong spelling] and I don't think there's much I can do about it. Nowadays, if someone continues to do it after 1 or 2 corrections, I just keep signing my full name on every email until they notice (happens rarely, and they course-correct from that arbitrary moment onward), sometimes weeks or months later, but usually they don't. In their head I will always be [wrong spelling of my name] and so I will remain. Once in a while, after years of misspelling, someone will suddenly say:
"Oh! There's no [letter] in your name!"
"Nope."
"Did you change it?"
"Nope."
"Has it always been there?"
"Yep."
"Am I just noticing now?"
"Yep."
"Oh."
"..."
"Weird."
YMMV, but I channel this into being very precise about noticing how people spell and pronounce their names, and make it a point to always use the spelling and pronunciation that people prefer. Many times people with even slightly unusual names or spellings effuse over how much they appreciate my spelling/saying their name correctly. People notice. It matters.
posted by pammeke at 10:15 AM on June 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
"Oh! There's no [letter] in your name!"
"Nope."
"Did you change it?"
"Nope."
"Has it always been there?"
"Yep."
"Am I just noticing now?"
"Yep."
"Oh."
"..."
"Weird."
YMMV, but I channel this into being very precise about noticing how people spell and pronounce their names, and make it a point to always use the spelling and pronunciation that people prefer. Many times people with even slightly unusual names or spellings effuse over how much they appreciate my spelling/saying their name correctly. People notice. It matters.
posted by pammeke at 10:15 AM on June 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
Not really a quip, more not-quite-genuine confusion: "Did you mean to send this to me? It came to my address, but the first line/greeting has someone else's name in it." Maybe don't act on anything else in the message until you get a "yes, sorry" reply; tacking the quip on as a postscript is a recipe for being ignored.
posted by supercres at 10:15 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by supercres at 10:15 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't be pseudo-playful about it, I would just use the same words each time in the reply. Put the name thing right up front, but then move on to the purpose of the email.
Hi $Name,
For future reference, it's Sarah, not Sara.
I'll get to those TPS reports by Tuesday.
Thanks,
Sarah
It *is* lazy, and it can feel hurtful when someone who you're putting forward some basic professionalism in your dealings with doesn't seem to be returning the favor. But just because they're not paying as much attention to you as you are to them doesn't mean they're either mean or incompetent, just preoccupied. It's perfectly normal to be bothered. It's okay to have this color your opinion of them - after all, this is something they're doing, not something they can't help. It's a bit less okay when it comes to letting that opinion affect how you interact with them (see "basic professionalism"). So, stick with a basic impersonal FYI on your spelling, skip the playful misspelling of their names or snide remarks about how it can't be that hard. Just say it, and say it up front, and say it every single time they mess up, say it the exact same way. Eventually they will see an email from you and think "oh crap, she's going to remind me how to spell her name again" which means they've learned something.
posted by aimedwander at 10:17 AM on June 30, 2017 [26 favorites]
Hi $Name,
For future reference, it's Sarah, not Sara.
I'll get to those TPS reports by Tuesday.
Thanks,
Sarah
It *is* lazy, and it can feel hurtful when someone who you're putting forward some basic professionalism in your dealings with doesn't seem to be returning the favor. But just because they're not paying as much attention to you as you are to them doesn't mean they're either mean or incompetent, just preoccupied. It's perfectly normal to be bothered. It's okay to have this color your opinion of them - after all, this is something they're doing, not something they can't help. It's a bit less okay when it comes to letting that opinion affect how you interact with them (see "basic professionalism"). So, stick with a basic impersonal FYI on your spelling, skip the playful misspelling of their names or snide remarks about how it can't be that hard. Just say it, and say it up front, and say it every single time they mess up, say it the exact same way. Eventually they will see an email from you and think "oh crap, she's going to remind me how to spell her name again" which means they've learned something.
posted by aimedwander at 10:17 AM on June 30, 2017 [26 favorites]
I have encountered an analogous problem; every so often people will use "Andy," even though I literally NEVER introduce myself or sign my emails that way. What I usually do is let it slide if it happens once, but I make sure to sign my emails "Andrew" in my response. Then if it happens again I usually add a quick note to the signature, as such:
actual text/relevant content of email
Best,
Andrew (not "Andy," please -- thank you!)
If that still doesn't work, the next time I see this person in person, I ask them casually to use "Andrew" -- not in a "you fucked up" tone, but in like "oh by the way, just as an FYI" tone.
I think it's important to do it in person because it's so much easier to come across as harsh in email/writing, and even though I think you're in the right here, it's so easy for people to get offended. Multiple written notes can come across as tedious and boorish, whereas doing it in person ensures that you get the right tone, and it's much harder for the other person to say to your face "I don't care how you spell your name."
If that last approach fails I just give up -- some people are just incorrigible.
I don't like using pseudo-playful/quip approaches because I think it sends the signal that it's really not that serious and is sort of a joke. I mean, it's certainly FAR from the most serious problem you can encounter in the workplace, but I literally loathe when people call me Andy so I get how you feel.
posted by andrewesque at 10:18 AM on June 30, 2017 [12 favorites]
actual text/relevant content of email
Best,
Andrew (not "Andy," please -- thank you!)
If that still doesn't work, the next time I see this person in person, I ask them casually to use "Andrew" -- not in a "you fucked up" tone, but in like "oh by the way, just as an FYI" tone.
I think it's important to do it in person because it's so much easier to come across as harsh in email/writing, and even though I think you're in the right here, it's so easy for people to get offended. Multiple written notes can come across as tedious and boorish, whereas doing it in person ensures that you get the right tone, and it's much harder for the other person to say to your face "I don't care how you spell your name."
If that last approach fails I just give up -- some people are just incorrigible.
I don't like using pseudo-playful/quip approaches because I think it sends the signal that it's really not that serious and is sort of a joke. I mean, it's certainly FAR from the most serious problem you can encounter in the workplace, but I literally loathe when people call me Andy so I get how you feel.
posted by andrewesque at 10:18 AM on June 30, 2017 [12 favorites]
"Hey Katie (if their name is Catie), just FYI I spell my name with an H :)"
I have a frequently misspelled name and I suggest not doing this only because it could be interpreted by some as passive aggressive and I don't think that's a good look. I file this under "people are self-involved" and try to only make a thing about it when it matters
- when my name will be printed somewhere
- when it's been included somewhere online that is fixable
- when I'm meeting someone for the first time
I also developed a patter for it. "Yeah it's Jessamyn, like JESS-AMY-N, with an Amy in it!" that helps the people who are inclined to remember but just haven't yet. With you I think I'd be like "Sarah with an H as in Hellraiser" (or whatever) which can also get across some humor, possibly pointed but doesn't make you part of the thing and drops it back on them.
posted by jessamyn at 10:18 AM on June 30, 2017 [39 favorites]
I have a frequently misspelled name and I suggest not doing this only because it could be interpreted by some as passive aggressive and I don't think that's a good look. I file this under "people are self-involved" and try to only make a thing about it when it matters
- when my name will be printed somewhere
- when it's been included somewhere online that is fixable
- when I'm meeting someone for the first time
I also developed a patter for it. "Yeah it's Jessamyn, like JESS-AMY-N, with an Amy in it!" that helps the people who are inclined to remember but just haven't yet. With you I think I'd be like "Sarah with an H as in Hellraiser" (or whatever) which can also get across some humor, possibly pointed but doesn't make you part of the thing and drops it back on them.
posted by jessamyn at 10:18 AM on June 30, 2017 [39 favorites]
Snarky little jokes intended to chastise the person who is emailing will make you appear prickly and difficult, which might be a problem for you in the future.
posted by vunder at 10:19 AM on June 30, 2017 [35 favorites]
posted by vunder at 10:19 AM on June 30, 2017 [35 favorites]
You, to Coworkers: "Oh bother, the Mandela effect AGAIN! Hey, listen, quantum physics is really weird but we're on the timeline where my name ends in H now".
posted by Annika Cicada at 10:21 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Annika Cicada at 10:21 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
When you write back, sign your name, Sarah
posted by elf27 at 10:23 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by elf27 at 10:23 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
As a John, who frequently gets emails to Jon, I just let it go unless the spelling matters -- if it's in an email address, or in an hr document or something.. It's completely unimportant otherwise.
posted by empath at 10:31 AM on June 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by empath at 10:31 AM on June 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Just correct them. Don't apologize, don't ask, don't joke.
Dave --posted by Etrigan at 10:32 AM on June 30, 2017 [13 favorites]
> Sara --
It's Sarah.
> I need those TPS reports by Thursday.
I can do that, but I'll need to push the RF submission to Friday. Let me know if that's a problem.
-- Sarah
I have two first names, as in last name is also a common first name. At least once a day someone refers to me by my last name as if it were my first. I went through a phase of replying to emails from people who had addressed me by my last name by addressing them by their last name. 9/10 times they didn't even notice because, unfortunately, people that don't know you well enough to care about getting your name right don't really care. You will never best this problem. NEVER. And if you try you'll come across as either passive-aggressive or be known as that person at the office called SARA who for some weird reason is really uptight about how you spell her name. My best advice, stop caring about it.
posted by AllTheQuestions at 10:34 AM on June 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by AllTheQuestions at 10:34 AM on June 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
I have a subtly gendered name where leaving off a letter indicates that I am someone else entirely. This is tricky because English doesn't use this letter convention for gender.
When people make this error, I point it out as just "oh, mine is 2 es." If they do it a second time, I say "spelling it that way makes me a French boy." If they persist in spelling my name incorrectly I double check the accuracy of literally every future thing they send me because they cannot be trusted with details that they have decided are minor.
posted by bilabial at 10:34 AM on June 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
When people make this error, I point it out as just "oh, mine is 2 es." If they do it a second time, I say "spelling it that way makes me a French boy." If they persist in spelling my name incorrectly I double check the accuracy of literally every future thing they send me because they cannot be trusted with details that they have decided are minor.
posted by bilabial at 10:34 AM on June 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
This has been such a thing through my life that sometimes people call me "Sarah With An H" because that's how I say my name if anyone asks it in a context where they're writing it down, like on a restaurant reservation list or if someone else is filling out a form for me or even at Starbucks. Enough friends and coworkers have heard me say this phrase, combined with a few of my longest lasting online profiles having the sentence "my name is Sarah and the h is important to me" that I have gotten "Sarah With An H" from many totally unrelated people in different contexts.
So, you know, as I've mellowed I've gotten a lot less intense about it and probably my approach is not the one you should aim for, but it's still important to me because, frankly, it's a matter of respect in written communication. At this point where our names are listed right next to our email addresses there should be no reason for anyone to misspell a name in an email to that person. I usually do the three strikes system with coworkers and similar level people, and then they get a simple email from me with no jokes telling them they have been consistently misspelling my name and that I would appreciate it if they could try to remember the H if possible in future. Anyone else, retail and food service people, receptionists and random people, they don't merit the time or deserve the derision so I do my best to chill about it (but I have been known to tip an additional amount to baristas who ask if I have an H). Close friends get jokes, and long distance family who can't be fucked to remember how to spell my name get summarily ignored and snarked about on the phone with my mom.
posted by Mizu at 10:37 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
So, you know, as I've mellowed I've gotten a lot less intense about it and probably my approach is not the one you should aim for, but it's still important to me because, frankly, it's a matter of respect in written communication. At this point where our names are listed right next to our email addresses there should be no reason for anyone to misspell a name in an email to that person. I usually do the three strikes system with coworkers and similar level people, and then they get a simple email from me with no jokes telling them they have been consistently misspelling my name and that I would appreciate it if they could try to remember the H if possible in future. Anyone else, retail and food service people, receptionists and random people, they don't merit the time or deserve the derision so I do my best to chill about it (but I have been known to tip an additional amount to baristas who ask if I have an H). Close friends get jokes, and long distance family who can't be fucked to remember how to spell my name get summarily ignored and snarked about on the phone with my mom.
posted by Mizu at 10:37 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
People barely pay attention to reply emails after they get the piece of information they need from it. So if you're responding with "Got it - thanks! And by the way, it's..." they will rarely read anything past the thanks, and a small correction like that is easily filed away without really being noticed.
One thing that sometimes works, is being more confrontational about it than you'd normally prefer: "hey, by the way, when you emailed me (or in the document you just typed up), you spelled my name wrong. It's Sarah :)" You did ___ wrong will almost always catch people's attention.
posted by Mchelly at 10:41 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
One thing that sometimes works, is being more confrontational about it than you'd normally prefer: "hey, by the way, when you emailed me (or in the document you just typed up), you spelled my name wrong. It's Sarah :)" You did ___ wrong will almost always catch people's attention.
posted by Mchelly at 10:41 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm also a Sarah and have dealt with this several times before. It's so annoying! No one is ever too busy to spell a colleague's name correctly.
However, my policy now is to just ignore it unless I believe the misspeller is doing it deliberately. For example, I used to have a coworker who called me Sarah when she was in a good mood, and Sara when she was pissed off at me for something outside of my control. In that case, every time she Sara'd me I ended my reply with, "Also, please note that my name is spelled with an H. Thanks!
The overwhelming majority of people who do this are sloppy and/or inconsiderate, but not malicious. In those cases, I don't do anything but I do file it away as information about that person's work habits.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 10:48 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
However, my policy now is to just ignore it unless I believe the misspeller is doing it deliberately. For example, I used to have a coworker who called me Sarah when she was in a good mood, and Sara when she was pissed off at me for something outside of my control. In that case, every time she Sara'd me I ended my reply with, "Also, please note that my name is spelled with an H. Thanks!
The overwhelming majority of people who do this are sloppy and/or inconsiderate, but not malicious. In those cases, I don't do anything but I do file it away as information about that person's work habits.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 10:48 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I also have a name which people tend to misspell by a letter. I have been in the working world for a long time and have had the opportunity to test out various responses to it. Here's what I've learned:
posted by juniperesque at 10:48 AM on June 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
- Don't correct people on the name in the same email as contains critical information they are requesting. Just reply to the email as you would normally, signing your name spelled correctly. Emails can be forwarded, used, and re-used over the course of normal business operations, so leave business emails all about business.
- Don't get passive-aggressive about it, because no one is doing it aggressively, it is mostly Mandela Effect, laziness, or a simple misunderstanding. Come to terms with this understanding, even though it makes you crazy and feels disrespectful. (Note, my advice would be different if they were using an inappropriate diminutive of your name, but this is just a misspelling.)
- If it is a coworker, follow up your email about job-related things with a short secondary email with the subject line "Name clarification!" and just write out: "Hi $Name, I just wanted to follow up because I feel weird pointing out in the reply email that could be forwarded or used for business purposes that I actually spell my name with an "H" at the end. Hope this isn't awkward - I appreciate you spelling it "Sarah" for all communications since it is the way I spell my name."
- For external folks like customers or clients, it's not worth it to correct. Just let it go.
posted by juniperesque at 10:48 AM on June 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
My first name and my last name can both be spelled a variety of ways and honestly, I don't even bother correcting people anymore (unless they are trying to send me an email and spell my name wrong). It's just not worth the time and aggravation.
Also, are people sending you emails via a mobile? I've had my own husband misspell my first name due to auto-correct.
posted by sutel at 10:49 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also, are people sending you emails via a mobile? I've had my own husband misspell my first name due to auto-correct.
posted by sutel at 10:49 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
I deal with this by hating them, forever. Cain't make somebody act right, as we used to say.
(ONE N ONE N ONE N YOU ASS.)
posted by Lyn Never at 10:50 AM on June 30, 2017 [16 favorites]
(ONE N ONE N ONE N YOU ASS.)
posted by Lyn Never at 10:50 AM on June 30, 2017 [16 favorites]
Do you have the same boss as these people? Could you maybe have your/their boss chide them gently to get names correct?
I have a semi-similar situation where we have two clients who are Vicki and Vickie, and the first time I was careless enough to misspell the name of Vickie with an E, my boss sent me a quick email to correct me. Now I check every time.
It's unprofessional and rude to get someone's first name wrong if you work with them, whether they are a client or a peer. If you can't get your boss to correct them, I'd keep doing it every time. They'll remember it eventually even if it's just by 'oh yeah can't misspell her name because she gets really annoyed by it.'
posted by possibilityleft at 10:57 AM on June 30, 2017
I have a semi-similar situation where we have two clients who are Vicki and Vickie, and the first time I was careless enough to misspell the name of Vickie with an E, my boss sent me a quick email to correct me. Now I check every time.
It's unprofessional and rude to get someone's first name wrong if you work with them, whether they are a client or a peer. If you can't get your boss to correct them, I'd keep doing it every time. They'll remember it eventually even if it's just by 'oh yeah can't misspell her name because she gets really annoyed by it.'
posted by possibilityleft at 10:57 AM on June 30, 2017
I recently misspelled a colleague's name in a group email and she sent a reply all with the correct spelling, stating it's a pet peeve of hers. I felt chastised and a little irritated by how she handled it, but I will never spell her name wrong again.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 10:58 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by galvanized unicorn at 10:58 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I would let this go. I have a name with multiple valid spellings too and I get this a lot. I also get a lot of nicknames that aren't really shortenings but diminutives (i.e., Jenny for Jennifer instead of Jen). I've noticed the repeat offenders are always people more senior than me. They just don't care and they don't see any actual consequences of pissing me off. Pointing out their errors would be equivalent to insisting they pay more attention to me than they think I actually deserve. It sucks but there's no way you'd come off well to people who have this kind of mentality. I do enjoy the smugness though.
posted by eeek at 11:00 AM on June 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by eeek at 11:00 AM on June 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
I have first name with two common spellings like Sara/Sarah AND a last name with one common spelling and one uncommon spelling, like Johnson/Jonson.
I let it go unless it is in something official, like a work product, official document, etc., or if it could legitimately interfere with communication like they are getting my email address wrong or can't look me up in the staff directory. Maybe because my last name is almost guaranteed to be misspelled unless I explicitely point it out, I recognize that it's not a personal slight, it's a quirk of the human brain to fill in information where it's expected to be.
posted by muddgirl at 11:02 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I let it go unless it is in something official, like a work product, official document, etc., or if it could legitimately interfere with communication like they are getting my email address wrong or can't look me up in the staff directory. Maybe because my last name is almost guaranteed to be misspelled unless I explicitely point it out, I recognize that it's not a personal slight, it's a quirk of the human brain to fill in information where it's expected to be.
posted by muddgirl at 11:02 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
A lot of people just aren't that attentive to spelling or they're just on autopilot or something. I used to know a guy named Micheal, and I had to actively train myself to stop misspelling Michaels' names wrong. (Well, shit, I had to check myself just now.)
When people get my name wrong, I'll generally correct it once, maybe twice, and then just let it go and assume that people who continue to get it wrong have some sort of issue with parsing text. People have different levels of ability, but there are a lot of people who seriously don't pick up on written anomalies and would never notice the difference in spelling.
Unless they're actively trying to insult you*, I'd assume that maybe spelling is difficult for them, and stop bringing it up unless it's necessary and to keep it from propagating.
* I had a nasty, passive aggressive coworker who would call me by my long-form first name, which I never use, don't answer to, and have never introduced myself as. She discovered it somehow, though, and started making a big show of calling me that really loudly all the time, I'm assuming in hopes that it would be hurtful to me somehow. I just ignored her when she was doing that. That is almost definitely not the case with the H, but if it were, I'd just ignore them until they got it right.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:02 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
When people get my name wrong, I'll generally correct it once, maybe twice, and then just let it go and assume that people who continue to get it wrong have some sort of issue with parsing text. People have different levels of ability, but there are a lot of people who seriously don't pick up on written anomalies and would never notice the difference in spelling.
Unless they're actively trying to insult you*, I'd assume that maybe spelling is difficult for them, and stop bringing it up unless it's necessary and to keep it from propagating.
* I had a nasty, passive aggressive coworker who would call me by my long-form first name, which I never use, don't answer to, and have never introduced myself as. She discovered it somehow, though, and started making a big show of calling me that really loudly all the time, I'm assuming in hopes that it would be hurtful to me somehow. I just ignored her when she was doing that. That is almost definitely not the case with the H, but if it were, I'd just ignore them until they got it right.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:02 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I totally understand your irritation with this. People are constantly adding an extra letter to my name, or giving me a nickname that I cannot stand. I used to be timid about it, not wanting to speak up. Let's say my name is Catherine, for example purposes. I had a gal start calling me Cat, which I let slide, but then when she introduced me to her friend group as Cat, and they all started calling me Cat, and then people in positions of authority started calling me Cat... Pretty soon I was known to everybody as Cat, which I absolutely HATED, and it was because I did not correct one person the first time.
So now I try to correct people as politely and gently as possible. "I actually prefer Catherine." Or in your case, "Sarah with an H" is probably how I would try to fix this. But if they don't pick up on it and correct it after a couple of times, then I would probably let it go.
posted by Malleable at 11:06 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
So now I try to correct people as politely and gently as possible. "I actually prefer Catherine." Or in your case, "Sarah with an H" is probably how I would try to fix this. But if they don't pick up on it and correct it after a couple of times, then I would probably let it go.
posted by Malleable at 11:06 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I have a name that gets mispelled. I sign all correspondence with the correct spelling and never ever notice who does or does not get my name right. The misspelling is the equivalent of one letter, the "h" in Sarah, mispelling does not effect pronunciation of my name, either.
I may be an outlier here, but I would never notice this. People are misspelling your name based on past interactions with spelling your name the other way. Are they otherwise professional to deal with?
Eventually they will notice from your example and start spelling your name with an "h." The only time you need to point this out is if someone is booking you an airline ticket or your name is appearing in a professional public context. If someone addresses you with the incorrect spelling on a work email that cc's a lot of people, state the correct spelling of your name once and shift back into the professional discussion.
I would not write any "quips" or be cute. Include your full name written correctly when necessary. This is not that hill unless your name is appearing for a broader audience like an email chain or professional publication or an airline ticket. Seriously.
posted by jbenben at 11:08 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
I may be an outlier here, but I would never notice this. People are misspelling your name based on past interactions with spelling your name the other way. Are they otherwise professional to deal with?
Eventually they will notice from your example and start spelling your name with an "h." The only time you need to point this out is if someone is booking you an airline ticket or your name is appearing in a professional public context. If someone addresses you with the incorrect spelling on a work email that cc's a lot of people, state the correct spelling of your name once and shift back into the professional discussion.
I would not write any "quips" or be cute. Include your full name written correctly when necessary. This is not that hill unless your name is appearing for a broader audience like an email chain or professional publication or an airline ticket. Seriously.
posted by jbenben at 11:08 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
My mother has a common variant spelling of a common name, like Sarah/Sara.
She's taught at the same school for nearly 25 years. She still has coworkers who misspell her name. Her name gets misspelled in school publications regularly. More than two decades and still it gets screwed up.
The problem is that some people just straight up do not give a fuck. There is no solution for people who suck. Lyn Never has the right idea.
posted by phunniemee at 11:14 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
She's taught at the same school for nearly 25 years. She still has coworkers who misspell her name. Her name gets misspelled in school publications regularly. More than two decades and still it gets screwed up.
The problem is that some people just straight up do not give a fuck. There is no solution for people who suck. Lyn Never has the right idea.
posted by phunniemee at 11:14 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
...and answering the other part of your question, when I do have to address it, I do it simply: "My name is Sarah, with an H" or "It's Jonson with no h."
posted by muddgirl at 11:16 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by muddgirl at 11:16 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I get it all the time. My name has various correct spellings, and I am greeted in email on a regular basis by versions other than my own. This despite the fact that, probably in your case as well, the correct spelling is right there in the email to: field.
I long ago realized the best response was no response. A correction via email will likely not be remembered by the time they send the next one anyway.
posted by The Deej at 11:20 AM on June 30, 2017
I long ago realized the best response was no response. A correction via email will likely not be remembered by the time they send the next one anyway.
posted by The Deej at 11:20 AM on June 30, 2017
My name is Christine, and I get Christina a lot. When I respond to an email like that I just say, "My name is spelled Christine, not Christina :-)" and move on with my email. Smiley emoticons are an accepted part of emails in my workplace...ymmv on that.
posted by christinetheslp at 11:21 AM on June 30, 2017
posted by christinetheslp at 11:21 AM on June 30, 2017
It feels lazy, but often it really isn't: people's brains are just wired in endless different ways. Unless it's very important for your name to be spelled correctly by a particular person, I'd absolutely not correct them (but I do keep signing my name, correctly, in every email to them when this happens to me).
When people misspell your name, spell am unusual name correctly, or correct themselves after a signed email or two without being told, that gives you a little information about how their brain works. Like bilabial says above, I'd use that as a factor in deciding how closely I'd need to check their work where language skills or attention to detail is involved. It's not the only factor to take into account (people can be extremely detail-oriented in some ways and not at all in others) but it's definitely a useful bit of information for evaluating cognitive tendencies.
It's considerably less useful information for evaluating people's priorities, personalities, or attitudes, imo.
posted by trig at 11:25 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
When people misspell your name, spell am unusual name correctly, or correct themselves after a signed email or two without being told, that gives you a little information about how their brain works. Like bilabial says above, I'd use that as a factor in deciding how closely I'd need to check their work where language skills or attention to detail is involved. It's not the only factor to take into account (people can be extremely detail-oriented in some ways and not at all in others) but it's definitely a useful bit of information for evaluating cognitive tendencies.
It's considerably less useful information for evaluating people's priorities, personalities, or attitudes, imo.
posted by trig at 11:25 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I get this a lot. I just keep signing my name the right way. I also use whether someone addresses me by the right name as a sort of proxy test for how reliable they are as a coworker--usually people who can be bothered to call me the right name are more detail oriented and responsive in general. I admit I'm not a very nice person and perhaps this judgment is pointless but it helps me deal with my irritation.
posted by ferret branca at 11:27 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ferret branca at 11:27 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
People both spell my name wrong and call me "Rachel," which is not my name. (I'm named after a different biblical person.) This even happens in job interviews.
I just make a note to double-check anything they give me and mentally add them to my do-not-hire list if I'm ever in a position to hire them. (I know it's petty, but it makes me feel a little better about it.) I don't treat them any differently to their faces.
I actually use it to evaluate whether places will be a good work environment--when the new big-boss brought in to manage my group after a reorg persisted in calling me Lindsey (also not my name) for months, that turned out to be a pretty good indicator that company culture was about to tank and it was time to leave. I've found it to be pretty accurate so far.
posted by marfa, texas at 11:28 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
I just make a note to double-check anything they give me and mentally add them to my do-not-hire list if I'm ever in a position to hire them. (I know it's petty, but it makes me feel a little better about it.) I don't treat them any differently to their faces.
I actually use it to evaluate whether places will be a good work environment--when the new big-boss brought in to manage my group after a reorg persisted in calling me Lindsey (also not my name) for months, that turned out to be a pretty good indicator that company culture was about to tank and it was time to leave. I've found it to be pretty accurate so far.
posted by marfa, texas at 11:28 AM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
I have a last name that people usually misspell or mispronounce (even though it's only two syllables and is pronounced just as it's spelled.) People who are reading my name right off a piece of paper in front of them add a letter that isn't there or leave off letters that are there when they pronounce it. It happens so often I'm surprised when someone actually gets it right. They don't do it because they're too rude to give a damn, they do it because most people are just not all that careful about reading and writing.
I never correct people unless for some reason it's important that they get it right (and it almost never is.) It's like correcting someone for using a word incorrectly or sending a memo with a typo in it. People make mistakes like that because people are less than perfect. It feels like a personal slight when it's your name, but you should let it go anyway.
posted by Redstart at 11:30 AM on June 30, 2017
I never correct people unless for some reason it's important that they get it right (and it almost never is.) It's like correcting someone for using a word incorrectly or sending a memo with a typo in it. People make mistakes like that because people are less than perfect. It feels like a personal slight when it's your name, but you should let it go anyway.
posted by Redstart at 11:30 AM on June 30, 2017
I'm someone whose name is constantly mispronounced, down to people repeating my name back to me incorrectly right after I say it. And even after I correct them, some people just will not get it. So... learn to let it go. And for everthing else, just add "Sarah-with-an-h" to your less formal signature line.
posted by TwoStride at 11:40 AM on June 30, 2017
posted by TwoStride at 11:40 AM on June 30, 2017
I have had "Brennen" spelled correctly so rarely in my life that I notice pretty much every time it happens.
If I get to within a letter of correctness, and it doesn't have a "d" added, and people are more or less saying it right, I feel like I'm doing pretty amazing. People I have known for literal decades will occasionally drop the "d" in there. I get letters from family members addressed to "Brennan". In public, I've had people hear or somehow read "Brandon", "Brendan", "Breenen", "Brian", "Brett", "Brad", "Braden", "Brant", "Ryan", "Rhiannon", and on one memorable occasion, "Grunnart". Just about every HR department I've ever dealt with has spelled or said it wrong at some point; ditto teachers, managers, most coworkers, local governments, conferences, charities, colleges, magazines, banks, etc. Somewhere around here I have a box of checks issued by a local bank staffed by people I went to church and school with for my entire life. It's spelled "Brennan" there too.
I say all this so that you will know I understand your pain. My advice is to let it roll off, aside from misspellings in official documents and authorship attributions or what-have-you. No good will come from remaining upset about it. Brains are busy, many people in the general population struggle with impediments to basic reading and writing all the time, language has patterns that trip people up.
posted by brennen at 11:42 AM on June 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
If I get to within a letter of correctness, and it doesn't have a "d" added, and people are more or less saying it right, I feel like I'm doing pretty amazing. People I have known for literal decades will occasionally drop the "d" in there. I get letters from family members addressed to "Brennan". In public, I've had people hear or somehow read "Brandon", "Brendan", "Breenen", "Brian", "Brett", "Brad", "Braden", "Brant", "Ryan", "Rhiannon", and on one memorable occasion, "Grunnart". Just about every HR department I've ever dealt with has spelled or said it wrong at some point; ditto teachers, managers, most coworkers, local governments, conferences, charities, colleges, magazines, banks, etc. Somewhere around here I have a box of checks issued by a local bank staffed by people I went to church and school with for my entire life. It's spelled "Brennan" there too.
I say all this so that you will know I understand your pain. My advice is to let it roll off, aside from misspellings in official documents and authorship attributions or what-have-you. No good will come from remaining upset about it. Brains are busy, many people in the general population struggle with impediments to basic reading and writing all the time, language has patterns that trip people up.
posted by brennen at 11:42 AM on June 30, 2017 [8 favorites]
In college I knew a woman named Claire who was a delightful person with a running gag about her belief that Clare's are a conspiracy of imposer pod people or something, the 'I' being an important mark of authenticity, because pod people do not understand silent letters.
It's stupid and she knows its stupid but once she goes on the goofy mini-rant, it's clear that it was the very lowest level of transgression BUT anyone with the capacity to remember will spell her name correctly. Anybody else is pretty much a lost cause.
Might not play well in business email, but it's something for the toolbox, I guess.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 11:51 AM on June 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
It's stupid and she knows its stupid but once she goes on the goofy mini-rant, it's clear that it was the very lowest level of transgression BUT anyone with the capacity to remember will spell her name correctly. Anybody else is pretty much a lost cause.
Might not play well in business email, but it's something for the toolbox, I guess.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 11:51 AM on June 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
Yeah, let it go. You have two variants... my name is Kelly. One can spell it, of course
Kelly
Kelli
Kellie
Kelley
.. and I have seen some weird things in between. I find that people must be defaulting to the Ur-Kelly{i, ie, ey} they knew, and therefore the spelling, since the way I spell it is the most common, but I get all of those variants all of the time. So I just think to myself that they are, even unconsciously, thinking of the first Kelly they met. I hope he or she was nice.
I have tried a lot of things myself in trying to get people to spell it my way with some hilarious results.
Me: "Yes, Kelly... like the color green."
Person not actually listening fully: "Wait, your name is...Hunter?"
Me [lived in Buffalo forever]: "Yes Kelly, like our beloved Quarterback."
Person: "Trent Edwards?"
posted by oflinkey at 12:05 PM on June 30, 2017 [9 favorites]
Kelly
Kelli
Kellie
Kelley
.. and I have seen some weird things in between. I find that people must be defaulting to the Ur-Kelly{i, ie, ey} they knew, and therefore the spelling, since the way I spell it is the most common, but I get all of those variants all of the time. So I just think to myself that they are, even unconsciously, thinking of the first Kelly they met. I hope he or she was nice.
I have tried a lot of things myself in trying to get people to spell it my way with some hilarious results.
Me: "Yes, Kelly... like the color green."
Person not actually listening fully: "Wait, your name is...Hunter?"
Me [lived in Buffalo forever]: "Yes Kelly, like our beloved Quarterback."
Person: "Trent Edwards?"
posted by oflinkey at 12:05 PM on June 30, 2017 [9 favorites]
NB: I believe, however, the Trent Edwards one, they knew and were kidding with me, still funny
posted by oflinkey at 12:07 PM on June 30, 2017
posted by oflinkey at 12:07 PM on June 30, 2017
I have a name like that--it's a standard spelling but somewhat less common than another standard spelling, like Kirsten/Kristen, and with persistent offenders I usually find a way to make a joke about how common the error is and how much I appreciate it when people bother to get it right. Once people have really noticed how you spell your name, they're much more likely to spell it correctly in the future.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 12:11 PM on June 30, 2017
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 12:11 PM on June 30, 2017
REPRODUCED IN FULL FROM THE GREATEST EMAIL SHAME OF MY LIFE
3/20/2017 3:52 PM
--------------------------------------------------
from: subk rep
to: me (a fellow sarah!)
Sarah, Yes this language can be added in the SOO.
[image of company name & this dude's personal signature]
---------------------------------------------------
from: me
to: subk rep
Hi Matt-
Per our conversation, here is an updated version of the SOO.
Please reply back letting us know if this edit is acceptable.
--Sarah
--------------------------------------------------
from: subk rep
to: me
Sarah, this is acceptable.
--Mike Brant
PS… my name is Mike… not Matt. Thanks
---------------------------------------------------
from: me
to: subk rep
My most sincere apologies! I know a few Brandts and am happy to say you will be the first Matt, so this should be easy going forward!!
----------------------------------------------------
from: subk rep
to: me
Sarah….. my last name is spelled BRANT (no D)…. So now I can be the first Mike Brant. Mike
----------------------------------------------------
from: me
to: subk rep
I will never judge someone for leaving off the h in my name ever again. Hope I have not offended. Thanks for your help today!
posted by skrozidile at 12:17 PM on June 30, 2017 [24 favorites]
3/20/2017 3:52 PM
--------------------------------------------------
from: subk rep
to: me (a fellow sarah!)
Sarah, Yes this language can be added in the SOO.
[image of company name & this dude's personal signature]
---------------------------------------------------
from: me
to: subk rep
Hi Matt-
Per our conversation, here is an updated version of the SOO.
Please reply back letting us know if this edit is acceptable.
--Sarah
--------------------------------------------------
from: subk rep
to: me
Sarah, this is acceptable.
--Mike Brant
PS… my name is Mike… not Matt. Thanks
---------------------------------------------------
from: me
to: subk rep
My most sincere apologies! I know a few Brandts and am happy to say you will be the first Matt, so this should be easy going forward!!
----------------------------------------------------
from: subk rep
to: me
Sarah….. my last name is spelled BRANT (no D)…. So now I can be the first Mike Brant. Mike
----------------------------------------------------
from: me
to: subk rep
I will never judge someone for leaving off the h in my name ever again. Hope I have not offended. Thanks for your help today!
posted by skrozidile at 12:17 PM on June 30, 2017 [24 favorites]
I'm Sara, frequently called Sarah, and it barely registers. I guess if my boyfriend or my mother got it wrong it might be mildly annoying.
posted by frobozz at 12:29 PM on June 30, 2017
posted by frobozz at 12:29 PM on June 30, 2017
I have a name with at least three variations. I say let it go. People mess up. We've all done it. It doesn't automatically mean they're careless or self-involved as people. Correct it anywhere it matters and let the rest go.
posted by kapers at 12:57 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by kapers at 12:57 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
The cost/benefit analysis of constantly correcting people on the correct spelling of my name rarely ever works out in favor of correcting them, particularly since frequent correction leads to resentment (and things like "FYI" come off as thoroughly hostile in text).
Obvious exceptions include on legal documents or if it's an email address with my full name in it. Otherwise, I'll mention it if it comes up, but I won't go out of my way to correct people. Just not worth it IMO, particularly if you're a woman or anyone else who may have to be very judicious about which fights are worth fighting.
posted by wintersweet at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Obvious exceptions include on legal documents or if it's an email address with my full name in it. Otherwise, I'll mention it if it comes up, but I won't go out of my way to correct people. Just not worth it IMO, particularly if you're a woman or anyone else who may have to be very judicious about which fights are worth fighting.
posted by wintersweet at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Just sign all your emails as Sarah.
Eventually some people will catch on.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2017
Eventually some people will catch on.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2017
My name is also a common name with two common spellings and infinite uncommon variations. I generally think about how much I will be interacting with someone, and correct if it's an ongoing thing or if the written thing is going out to a group. Just something light like "Hey, you added an e to my name, can you check that next time?" It is very annoying though that someone can be looking at my name as it popped up in the corporate address book, or as I wrote it on some form, and then type it out and stick in that extra letter.
And if it's paper work being being filed anywhere, I always insist. It has caused me legal difficulties in the past: I had to send back about 10% of the papers that were prepared when I was signing to buy a house, and even after all that the title was issued with the misspelling and caused annoyances for years. I had to sign notary books twice with my legal name and then the "alias" of the misspelled version.
Every time I meet someone with my first name I ask their spelling, and then ask how often it gets misspelled. It's a great ice breaker. Once I was even with the right kind of crowd that I could point to her and say "You - it's all your fault, you're the reason everyone keeps sticking an extra letter in my name". We only interacted peripherally but we kept up the pretense of being dire enemies for years.
posted by buildmyworld at 1:21 PM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
And if it's paper work being being filed anywhere, I always insist. It has caused me legal difficulties in the past: I had to send back about 10% of the papers that were prepared when I was signing to buy a house, and even after all that the title was issued with the misspelling and caused annoyances for years. I had to sign notary books twice with my legal name and then the "alias" of the misspelled version.
Every time I meet someone with my first name I ask their spelling, and then ask how often it gets misspelled. It's a great ice breaker. Once I was even with the right kind of crowd that I could point to her and say "You - it's all your fault, you're the reason everyone keeps sticking an extra letter in my name". We only interacted peripherally but we kept up the pretense of being dire enemies for years.
posted by buildmyworld at 1:21 PM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
> I'm Sara, frequently called Sarah, and it barely registers
Same. I think this battle is not worth fighting, unless it's part of your e-mail address.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:16 PM on June 30, 2017
Same. I think this battle is not worth fighting, unless it's part of your e-mail address.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:16 PM on June 30, 2017
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Sarah
FROM: Co-worker you occasionally communicate with, maybe a supervisor
ATTACHMENT: important_archived.doc
Hi Sara, here's that important document that will be in company records forever. As you can see, I have added your name, Sara, to the document.
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Co-worker you occasionally communicate with, maybe a supervisor
FROM: Sarah
Hi co-worker, I spell my name "Sarah" with an "H," so could you please revise the important document? Thank you.
Best wishes,
Sarah
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Sarah
FROM: Vendor you may or may not work with again
Hi Sara, thanks again for ordering widgets from us.
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Vendor you may or may not work with again.
FROM: Sarah
No problem.
Best wishes,
Sarah
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Sarah
FROM: Co-worker you have a good rapport with
Sara, check out this hilarious gif
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Co-worker you have a good rapport with
FROM: Sarah
Co-worker, you forgot to attach the gif! Also, it's Sarah with an H! I will make a funny quip about spelling my name right to help you remember it. :)
Best wishes,
SaraH
----------------------------------------------------
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:41 PM on June 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
TO: Sarah
FROM: Co-worker you occasionally communicate with, maybe a supervisor
ATTACHMENT: important_archived.doc
Hi Sara, here's that important document that will be in company records forever. As you can see, I have added your name, Sara, to the document.
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Co-worker you occasionally communicate with, maybe a supervisor
FROM: Sarah
Hi co-worker, I spell my name "Sarah" with an "H," so could you please revise the important document? Thank you.
Best wishes,
Sarah
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Sarah
FROM: Vendor you may or may not work with again
Hi Sara, thanks again for ordering widgets from us.
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Vendor you may or may not work with again.
FROM: Sarah
No problem.
Best wishes,
Sarah
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Sarah
FROM: Co-worker you have a good rapport with
Sara, check out this hilarious gif
----------------------------------------------------
TO: Co-worker you have a good rapport with
FROM: Sarah
Co-worker, you forgot to attach the gif! Also, it's Sarah with an H! I will make a funny quip about spelling my name right to help you remember it. :)
Best wishes,
SaraH
----------------------------------------------------
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:41 PM on June 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Nthing all those who say this is something to let go other than where it really counts (e.g., official correspondence, publicity, nameplates, etc.). People have frequently got my name wrong over the years. In addition to having a last name that is mispronounced/misspelled with mystifying frequency, I go by "first middle last," never "first last," never "first middle-initial last," never "nickname last," never "nickname middle last." I'm actually somewhat well known in certain circles as being "first middle last," and yet I am frequently given a formal introduction using one of the other forms, occasionally also with a mispronounced last name. I don't dig it, but I really only make a deal out of it the kind of cases I mentioned above.
I also disagree that people getting your name wrong are necessarily being rude or displaying a lack of care. In a world where they may know many people named Sara(h) it's not always easy to keep everyone's spelling in mind when dashing off an email. I have a friend who always and only went by Steven. That's how he spelled it. That's how he said it. That's what his mother, wife and friends called him. And yet he was still frequently called and even written about as Steve by professionals who should know better. At some point you just have to roll with it most of the time and pick your battles, or you become the person who is constantly harping on people about whether or not they used an "h" when writing your name.
(I will say FWIW, that my default spelling has always been with an "h." If you find this a pervasive problem, I wonder if I'm in the minority.)
posted by slkinsey at 2:50 PM on June 30, 2017
I also disagree that people getting your name wrong are necessarily being rude or displaying a lack of care. In a world where they may know many people named Sara(h) it's not always easy to keep everyone's spelling in mind when dashing off an email. I have a friend who always and only went by Steven. That's how he spelled it. That's how he said it. That's what his mother, wife and friends called him. And yet he was still frequently called and even written about as Steve by professionals who should know better. At some point you just have to roll with it most of the time and pick your battles, or you become the person who is constantly harping on people about whether or not they used an "h" when writing your name.
(I will say FWIW, that my default spelling has always been with an "h." If you find this a pervasive problem, I wonder if I'm in the minority.)
posted by slkinsey at 2:50 PM on June 30, 2017
My first name has three variations. I use the least common one. People get it wrong all the time. Even when I am standing there spelling it for someone, the person will add an extra letter. I would only correct someone if it were going onto an official document. Sometimes I will thank someone who gets it right because I'm so delighted. Good friends know it's annoying to me when people spell it wrong, but I would never complain to a coworker. This is really a situation where learning not to care is your best bet. If you have to constantly correct people, they might eventually get it right or not - but you'll look like a jerk either way.
BTW, when I first saw my birth certificate at 18, I found out my own mother had told me the wrong spelling for my middle name. And one of my grandmothers never got my first name right (think something like Ann versus Anna). Now if my coworkers did that, I would correct them, but I'm not going to sweat the spelling.
posted by FencingGal at 3:11 PM on June 30, 2017
BTW, when I first saw my birth certificate at 18, I found out my own mother had told me the wrong spelling for my middle name. And one of my grandmothers never got my first name right (think something like Ann versus Anna). Now if my coworkers did that, I would correct them, but I'm not going to sweat the spelling.
posted by FencingGal at 3:11 PM on June 30, 2017
I do understand your irritation, but I would urge you to let it go except in areas where it's crucial to get the spelling correct (i.e. email addresses, official paperwork, ID cards, etc.). I am in a similar boat with my first name being one that has multiple spellings, and people often get it wrong. To make matters worse, growing up my last name was 1 letter off of the spelling of a major street in our small town, meaning that many people went on autopilot with the street name and just assumed that was my name (I literally once had a teacher in elementary school insist that I didn't know how to spell my last name and the official sheet from the office was also misspelled! Not kidding. Now THAT is obnoxious. Oh small towns, I do not miss you.)
The thing I have learned over time is that -- absent the one obnoxious teacher in elementary school -- people really are not doing this to be rude or inconsiderate. Especially with stuff like quick emails, your brain can go on autopilot and autocorrect can even be an issue with phones! I have an awesome coworker, for example, whose sister has the same name as mine but with a different spelling -- she is constantly getting it wrong, and is super apologetic about it...and knowing what I know of her aside from this issue, I am 100% sure she does not mean it in any bad way and it's simply a hard habit to kick!
I would have different advice if you had a non-standard-American-English name that people were refusing to get right -- people who constantly insist they cannot manage to spell/pronounce Asian or other "foreign sounding" names (even after correction!), for example, often are using it as a cover for negative feelings toward a particular ethnicity or trying to exclude someone and make them feel like they're not part of the group. In those cases, I think it can be worthwhile to continue reminding/insisting or even going up the chain of command. But with Sara/Sarah, you can be fairly certain this is really not the case and it's more an issue of true forgetfulness/brain farts. I'm sure you have random small annoying-but-harmless habits that annoy your coworkers, and you hope they will forgive you and move on, and I think that's the right move here too.
posted by rainbowbrite at 3:16 PM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
The thing I have learned over time is that -- absent the one obnoxious teacher in elementary school -- people really are not doing this to be rude or inconsiderate. Especially with stuff like quick emails, your brain can go on autopilot and autocorrect can even be an issue with phones! I have an awesome coworker, for example, whose sister has the same name as mine but with a different spelling -- she is constantly getting it wrong, and is super apologetic about it...and knowing what I know of her aside from this issue, I am 100% sure she does not mean it in any bad way and it's simply a hard habit to kick!
I would have different advice if you had a non-standard-American-English name that people were refusing to get right -- people who constantly insist they cannot manage to spell/pronounce Asian or other "foreign sounding" names (even after correction!), for example, often are using it as a cover for negative feelings toward a particular ethnicity or trying to exclude someone and make them feel like they're not part of the group. In those cases, I think it can be worthwhile to continue reminding/insisting or even going up the chain of command. But with Sara/Sarah, you can be fairly certain this is really not the case and it's more an issue of true forgetfulness/brain farts. I'm sure you have random small annoying-but-harmless habits that annoy your coworkers, and you hope they will forgive you and move on, and I think that's the right move here too.
posted by rainbowbrite at 3:16 PM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I have the same problem. My name has multiple possible spellings and even though it's right there in the email address/header, people still get it wrong.
I just reply and say something like
"Hi Bob,
It's Sarah with an H, thanks!
The TPS reports are attached.
Thanks,
Sarah"
And then try to forget about it. No one is trying to be a jerk, some people are less tuned into that sort of detail.
posted by bunderful at 3:45 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I just reply and say something like
"Hi Bob,
It's Sarah with an H, thanks!
The TPS reports are attached.
Thanks,
Sarah"
And then try to forget about it. No one is trying to be a jerk, some people are less tuned into that sort of detail.
posted by bunderful at 3:45 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I would change my automatic email signature to
Sarah Lastname
(I always appreciate the effort to spell my name correctly with an H!)
posted by raisingsand at 3:46 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Sarah Lastname
(I always appreciate the effort to spell my name correctly with an H!)
posted by raisingsand at 3:46 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
"Hey Katie (if their name is Catie), just FYI I spell my name with an H :)")
Hypothetical Catie won't guess that somebody was spelling her name wrong on purpose to communicate some degree of irritation. no one with a benign outlook would assume it was intentional and not a trivial typo of the kind people always make when they're correcting other peoples' errors.
you can totally do this for your own private satisfaction, and it is satisfying, but only you will ever know what you meant by it.
posted by queenofbithynia at 4:06 PM on June 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
Hypothetical Catie won't guess that somebody was spelling her name wrong on purpose to communicate some degree of irritation. no one with a benign outlook would assume it was intentional and not a trivial typo of the kind people always make when they're correcting other peoples' errors.
you can totally do this for your own private satisfaction, and it is satisfying, but only you will ever know what you meant by it.
posted by queenofbithynia at 4:06 PM on June 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
I have a colleague with a married last name of Polish derivation. It's only three syllables and super-easy (at least for me, because I come from a city with a huge Polish population), but because she has dealt with people pronouncing it wrong ever since she got married, she developed this little hand gesture thing (for each of the three syllables she points to or acts out what the syllable sounds like). She does this EVERY time she meets someone, and the pronunciation is in her signature on email. Anyone who has met her in a group has heard her be introduced numerous times, and she's often referred to, if there's any question, with people doing the hand signals. It's how she's known, and if someone gets it wrong, she just repeats the action while saying the syllables, perhaps a bit more slowly. I've never seen anyone get it wrong twice.
I'm not suggesting you try to make an H out of your body (plié legs and goal post arms) while you say "Sarah with an H" but it's certainly an option to consider. And I'd definitely just keep writing (Sarah with an H) on things to people who ever get it wrong. It's OK to be memorable for showing the expectation that your name be respected.
I have a friend who introduced herself to me as "Jen, short for Jennifer" and all I could think was, "Well, what else could it be short for" before forgetting that here in the south, people are not precise with Jen/Jan, pen/pin/pan, yadda/potato. Apparently, that's how she always introduces herself, and though it seemed weird to me, I've seen it help people more inclined to be befuddled.
(But if you do the plié/goal post thing, send pics!)
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 4:29 PM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm not suggesting you try to make an H out of your body (plié legs and goal post arms) while you say "Sarah with an H" but it's certainly an option to consider. And I'd definitely just keep writing (Sarah with an H) on things to people who ever get it wrong. It's OK to be memorable for showing the expectation that your name be respected.
I have a friend who introduced herself to me as "Jen, short for Jennifer" and all I could think was, "Well, what else could it be short for" before forgetting that here in the south, people are not precise with Jen/Jan, pen/pin/pan, yadda/potato. Apparently, that's how she always introduces herself, and though it seemed weird to me, I've seen it help people more inclined to be befuddled.
(But if you do the plié/goal post thing, send pics!)
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 4:29 PM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I was once corrected by a colleague whose name I misspelled by leaving off a letter. She did it directly, clearly, and gently ("actually, my name has two Ls and two Ns in it, thanks!"). I was kind of mortified for a moment but never got it wrong again and have since been very careful with all the Hilary/Hillary, Sarah/Sara, Michelle/Michele and every other name with multiple common spellings. It was an excellent lesson to get early in my career.
At the same time, I have never corrected anyone who misspells my own name (or uses a similar name which isn't mine). Most of the time those people are not regular correspondents so it's not worth it.
I vote for ignoring it when it's a one off and addressing it in a non-cutesy, non-passive aggressive way with people who email you a lot.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 6:57 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
At the same time, I have never corrected anyone who misspells my own name (or uses a similar name which isn't mine). Most of the time those people are not regular correspondents so it's not worth it.
I vote for ignoring it when it's a one off and addressing it in a non-cutesy, non-passive aggressive way with people who email you a lot.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 6:57 PM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Two things you could try:
-1) group email: "Hey guys, Sarah here, just wanted to remind everyone that my name is spelt with an "H" - I'm concerned that I've missed a few emails lately because they've been sent to sara.lastname@company.com. Thanks!"
(this way it's not about you being picky (even though you have every right to be), it's about you making sure you're in the loop)
-2) whenever you get a new co-worker, introduce yourself as "Sarah with an H" - others will overhear.
posted by Gwendoline Mary at 7:00 PM on June 30, 2017
-1) group email: "Hey guys, Sarah here, just wanted to remind everyone that my name is spelt with an "H" - I'm concerned that I've missed a few emails lately because they've been sent to sara.lastname@company.com. Thanks!"
(this way it's not about you being picky (even though you have every right to be), it's about you making sure you're in the loop)
-2) whenever you get a new co-worker, introduce yourself as "Sarah with an H" - others will overhear.
posted by Gwendoline Mary at 7:00 PM on June 30, 2017
You don't have to ignore it, you have the right to be called whatever you want. But no jokes or sarcasm: it's unprofessional, looks immature, and will put people off side. Just ask straight up, and keep asking till they get it. Its almost never personal.
posted by smoke at 9:23 PM on June 30, 2017
posted by smoke at 9:23 PM on June 30, 2017
I like Etrigan's approach, especially since my own name is routinely and variously butchered, and also since I worn in an industry and among communities with every kind of name that you can imagine, and on paperwork where exact spellings matter, immigration has rendered names strangely, etc..
Direct is best, for this kind of thing. In writing, too.
Stock jokes are NOT the way to go. In this context, it would come off as seething or forced or saccharine. Sarcasm would make you appear unhinged.
Spelling your name correctly is a simple and normal request, to address a problem that many people experience and/or commit. Just make it a point as it happens. "That's 'Sarah' with an 'h', thanks."
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:45 PM on June 30, 2017
Direct is best, for this kind of thing. In writing, too.
Stock jokes are NOT the way to go. In this context, it would come off as seething or forced or saccharine. Sarcasm would make you appear unhinged.
Spelling your name correctly is a simple and normal request, to address a problem that many people experience and/or commit. Just make it a point as it happens. "That's 'Sarah' with an 'h', thanks."
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:45 PM on June 30, 2017
My first name is Colleen. It gets misspelled and miss pronounced daily. My friends can't even remember it. I have accepted it. I tease them on occasion and we all have a good laugh. There are much bigger issues in life than whether I'm called call leen or coe leen.
Now for Jessamyn's name. I pronounce it in my head as Jessa min. But is that how it sounds outloud? Am I saying it right? I've always wondered.
posted by cairnoflore at 12:18 AM on July 1, 2017
Now for Jessamyn's name. I pronounce it in my head as Jessa min. But is that how it sounds outloud? Am I saying it right? I've always wondered.
posted by cairnoflore at 12:18 AM on July 1, 2017
People misspell my first name and last name all the time, so I understand your frustration. I just sigh and ignore.
posted by daybeforetheday at 2:53 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by daybeforetheday at 2:53 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
This stuff can be truly intractable.
My name is Gabe. All my life, whenever I introduce myself to someone in person or on the phone there is like a 25% chance that they will think I've just told them my name is Dave. I visit a lot of people's houses in my work and introduce myself to the homeowner at every house I go to, so about once a day I'll have the "Hi, my name is Gabe." "Hi, Dave." interaction.
It happens so often that if it's someone I'm unlikely to see again, I usually don't even bother correcting them. It's annoying, but whaddayagunnado? It's a little different for me in that if I do correct people they usually stay corrected, but it's similar in that there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.
I've just learned to live with it. I correct people if it seems worthwhile, otherwise whatever. I can't control what other people are going to do, but I can control my reaction to it and so I've decided to just not care about it. It is, in the end, a pretty trifling thing and doesn't really affect my life except insofar as I allow myself to be bothered by it. What's it to me what someone else thinks my name is? What's it to you how someone else thinks your name is spelled? It doesn't change what our names are, or who we are.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:42 AM on July 1, 2017
My name is Gabe. All my life, whenever I introduce myself to someone in person or on the phone there is like a 25% chance that they will think I've just told them my name is Dave. I visit a lot of people's houses in my work and introduce myself to the homeowner at every house I go to, so about once a day I'll have the "Hi, my name is Gabe." "Hi, Dave." interaction.
It happens so often that if it's someone I'm unlikely to see again, I usually don't even bother correcting them. It's annoying, but whaddayagunnado? It's a little different for me in that if I do correct people they usually stay corrected, but it's similar in that there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.
I've just learned to live with it. I correct people if it seems worthwhile, otherwise whatever. I can't control what other people are going to do, but I can control my reaction to it and so I've decided to just not care about it. It is, in the end, a pretty trifling thing and doesn't really affect my life except insofar as I allow myself to be bothered by it. What's it to me what someone else thinks my name is? What's it to you how someone else thinks your name is spelled? It doesn't change what our names are, or who we are.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:42 AM on July 1, 2017
Man, some of you guys are harsh! I am really surprised to see quite a few people here say that doing this is rude and inconsiderate or even that people who do it suck.
So, I'm one of those people who has a name with variant spellings and people have been spelling it wrong my. entire. life. Including relatives. And not just on email where my name is RIGHT THERE but even on social media where my name is even more RIGHT THERE. I've never taken it personally and it's never occurred to me to point it out to people because I just always figured they 1. do it on autopilot and 2. might feel disproportionately bad/embarrassed about something that in the grand scheme of things is so not a big deal.
On occasion, someone will notice on their own and apologize, which always really surprises me, and I always tell them not to worry about it, that it happens all the time.
People really aren't doing it to try to be awful, or rude, or belittle you. Some of the nicest, kindest, most considerate people I know have done it. On the other hand, it does make me feel very warmly toward people who address me as "NAME with a LETTER."
Of course it's an issue on official documents or print and web pages and stuff like that, but not in casual correspondence. I would suggest letting it go, unless it's a regular correspondent who does it regularly. I've never been in that situation, but if I were, I think the gentle but direct "Oh, by the way, it's Sarah with an H" suggestions above are the way to go.
And, for what it's worth, I do NOT put this in the same category as 1. calling somebody by an unwanted diminutive or 2. mispronouncing an unusual/foreign/"ethnic" name, both things I would shut down immediately and often.
posted by tiger tiger at 8:01 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
So, I'm one of those people who has a name with variant spellings and people have been spelling it wrong my. entire. life. Including relatives. And not just on email where my name is RIGHT THERE but even on social media where my name is even more RIGHT THERE. I've never taken it personally and it's never occurred to me to point it out to people because I just always figured they 1. do it on autopilot and 2. might feel disproportionately bad/embarrassed about something that in the grand scheme of things is so not a big deal.
On occasion, someone will notice on their own and apologize, which always really surprises me, and I always tell them not to worry about it, that it happens all the time.
People really aren't doing it to try to be awful, or rude, or belittle you. Some of the nicest, kindest, most considerate people I know have done it. On the other hand, it does make me feel very warmly toward people who address me as "NAME with a LETTER."
Of course it's an issue on official documents or print and web pages and stuff like that, but not in casual correspondence. I would suggest letting it go, unless it's a regular correspondent who does it regularly. I've never been in that situation, but if I were, I think the gentle but direct "Oh, by the way, it's Sarah with an H" suggestions above are the way to go.
And, for what it's worth, I do NOT put this in the same category as 1. calling somebody by an unwanted diminutive or 2. mispronouncing an unusual/foreign/"ethnic" name, both things I would shut down immediately and often.
posted by tiger tiger at 8:01 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
As someone with a common name that lacks an H which is often misspelled as the common version that includes an H, I'd agree with many of the above sentiments to not take it too seriously. It's a good exercise in working against fundamental attribution error.
Also, since I find being playful about it is fun and can defuse a otherwise tense situation, I enjoy saying nothing explicitly, but just inserting a conspicuous H in the other person's name when I respond (e.g., "Hey Jhim, thanks for the update…").
posted by Cogito at 11:05 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, since I find being playful about it is fun and can defuse a otherwise tense situation, I enjoy saying nothing explicitly, but just inserting a conspicuous H in the other person's name when I respond (e.g., "Hey Jhim, thanks for the update…").
posted by Cogito at 11:05 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I have a name that can end with ie or with y. I also have an aunt who has spelled it wrong my entire life. I know she loves me. I used to get really annoyed with others who misspelled my name but eventually I decided to assume they had someone else in their life that they really liked who spelled it the not-mine way and take it as a compliment that they spelled my name the same way. I realize this is probably not correct in most cases, but it makes me less annoyed.
I do sign all emails with the correct spelling, but I don't actively correct anyone anymore unless it is important e.g. for paperwork.
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 7:09 PM on July 1, 2017
I do sign all emails with the correct spelling, but I don't actively correct anyone anymore unless it is important e.g. for paperwork.
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 7:09 PM on July 1, 2017
Not very relevant/useful, but I was at a biotech startup/academic spinoff in Canada, ~20 people, a long time ago. New finished-a-postdoc PhD scientist from Germany was hired on (everyone in a management/supervisory level had PhDs and years of industry experience).
2nd from the top boss (and only her) kept spelling (and pronouncing) his name wrong so he 'snapped' one day and wrote on the whiteboard at the lab entrance (where general announcements/reminders/random stuff/funny stuff) gets posted:
Sasha = Girl
Sascha = Boy
(in big letters, repeated, like, 5 times)
(it's not entirely correct, but not entirely incorrect; everyone had a [nervous] laugh, 2ftt boss was a little embarassed, everyone remembered to include the c in his name)
I have a weird anglicised surname; it's been mispronounced my entire life. Well meaning CSO at current job (after knowing me from previous job) asked how my surname is properly pronounced and I told him.
Now, instead of the standard pronunciation that everyone has been mispronouncing (it sounds like the Irish name "Shae") since I was in elementary school, everyone is now going out of their way to mispronounce my surname in a *new* way. Which is way less cool than Shae.
I'm fine with being called Shae but I have no idea how to get people to stop bending over backwards and tying their tongues in knots to mispronounce my name in the new wrong way.
I got over it. I don't bother correcting anyone and when I introduce myself I use the "correct" pronunciation.
I share a firstname with a founder of the company's sinecure/nepot/whatever COO so I let the techs know that I'm cool with them calling me Shae (instead of the proper pronunciation), but when I introduce myself I use the actual pronunciation - unless I'm referring to myself in the third person, (especially to techs) as Shae. It's morphed into some weird class-based code-switching thing.
One option for you is to own the Sara/Sarah the way Carol/Sheryl/Cheryl/Cherlene from Archer did.
posted by porpoise at 5:41 AM on July 2, 2017
2nd from the top boss (and only her) kept spelling (and pronouncing) his name wrong so he 'snapped' one day and wrote on the whiteboard at the lab entrance (where general announcements/reminders/random stuff/funny stuff) gets posted:
Sasha = Girl
Sascha = Boy
(in big letters, repeated, like, 5 times)
(it's not entirely correct, but not entirely incorrect; everyone had a [nervous] laugh, 2ftt boss was a little embarassed, everyone remembered to include the c in his name)
I have a weird anglicised surname; it's been mispronounced my entire life. Well meaning CSO at current job (after knowing me from previous job) asked how my surname is properly pronounced and I told him.
Now, instead of the standard pronunciation that everyone has been mispronouncing (it sounds like the Irish name "Shae") since I was in elementary school, everyone is now going out of their way to mispronounce my surname in a *new* way. Which is way less cool than Shae.
I'm fine with being called Shae but I have no idea how to get people to stop bending over backwards and tying their tongues in knots to mispronounce my name in the new wrong way.
I got over it. I don't bother correcting anyone and when I introduce myself I use the "correct" pronunciation.
I share a firstname with a founder of the company's sinecure/nepot/whatever COO so I let the techs know that I'm cool with them calling me Shae (instead of the proper pronunciation), but when I introduce myself I use the actual pronunciation - unless I'm referring to myself in the third person, (especially to techs) as Shae. It's morphed into some weird class-based code-switching thing.
One option for you is to own the Sara/Sarah the way Carol/Sheryl/Cheryl/Cherlene from Archer did.
posted by porpoise at 5:41 AM on July 2, 2017
Could you get a cow-orker to respond on your behalf, "Hey folks, Sarah's name has an 'H'"?
The problem with all these excellent answers is this: the people who care are the ones reading and responding, but the people you're trying to reach, the ones who don't care, didn't even read this Q and moved on.
posted by at at 11:01 PM on July 3, 2017
The problem with all these excellent answers is this: the people who care are the ones reading and responding, but the people you're trying to reach, the ones who don't care, didn't even read this Q and moved on.
posted by at at 11:01 PM on July 3, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by lovableiago at 10:14 AM on June 30, 2017 [22 favorites]