Harrassing Emails from old acquaintance at work address
June 3, 2017 12:28 AM Subscribe
Hi all. Over the last year, I've dealt with some harassing emails from an old acquaintance, and I'm not exactly sure of the right actions to take (or not take, have been ignoring).
About a year ago at this time, I received an email from an acquaintance that I had corresponded with over the years about shared common interests. They linked to a long, worrying rant that they had posted seeking a response. The wording and tone was very frightened and frantic and outside of our normal discussions. This was after Orlando. Since our communications up until that point had been pretty neutral and non-political in nature, I sought to keep it that way. My attempts at polite deflection failed and was told that my worldview supports murder and so on. I let him know that that was inappropriate and that I would have to put our correspondence on hold.
About 2 months ago, this acquaintance had figured out my email address at my work and has been sending creepy and harassing emails regarding terrorism with the implication that I support these and need to apologize for some reason? They will end with statements like "I guess I'm the alarmist though."
The question: What do I do here? Since our correspondence last year, I have not communicated with this person. They will pop up on my partner and my social media accounts randomly, and then delete and block us. So I've blocked where I can and just want to be left alone. My company is small-medium sized. I initially set up a filter to send them to spam, but I'd like to keep these for documentation. Do I go to HR? Do I go to IT? Do I continue to ignore them? Each new message seems a bit more unhinged, and a bit more brazen. If they have figured out my email, why wouldn't they be able to figure out my boss's email (a public figure in our industry). If it was just my personal email, I'd just ignore, but for whatever reason, bringing it into my work environment feels extra threatening. Please advise. Thanks.
About a year ago at this time, I received an email from an acquaintance that I had corresponded with over the years about shared common interests. They linked to a long, worrying rant that they had posted seeking a response. The wording and tone was very frightened and frantic and outside of our normal discussions. This was after Orlando. Since our communications up until that point had been pretty neutral and non-political in nature, I sought to keep it that way. My attempts at polite deflection failed and was told that my worldview supports murder and so on. I let him know that that was inappropriate and that I would have to put our correspondence on hold.
About 2 months ago, this acquaintance had figured out my email address at my work and has been sending creepy and harassing emails regarding terrorism with the implication that I support these and need to apologize for some reason? They will end with statements like "I guess I'm the alarmist though."
The question: What do I do here? Since our correspondence last year, I have not communicated with this person. They will pop up on my partner and my social media accounts randomly, and then delete and block us. So I've blocked where I can and just want to be left alone. My company is small-medium sized. I initially set up a filter to send them to spam, but I'd like to keep these for documentation. Do I go to HR? Do I go to IT? Do I continue to ignore them? Each new message seems a bit more unhinged, and a bit more brazen. If they have figured out my email, why wouldn't they be able to figure out my boss's email (a public figure in our industry). If it was just my personal email, I'd just ignore, but for whatever reason, bringing it into my work environment feels extra threatening. Please advise. Thanks.
I would let HR know you are receiving these mails in case they escalate when you ignore them. If he does start sending a version of these to your boss, then a paper trail doesn't seem to me to be a bad idea.
I would handle it lightly: "Melvin was a distant acquaintance, but now seems to have had a breakdown of some type and keeps sending me emails about terrorism and politics to my work address. They don't make much sense, and I don't think it has anything to do with me, but since he keeps sending them and they could be construed as threatening I thought I should let somebody know."
They may want to inform the police to start creating a paper trail in case the guy starts to show up at the office and that might not be a bad idea for you to do even if they don't suggest it. In case he eventually escalates (let's hope not!) then it's good to have a record of complaints.
posted by frumiousb at 3:14 AM on June 3, 2017 [48 favorites]
I would handle it lightly: "Melvin was a distant acquaintance, but now seems to have had a breakdown of some type and keeps sending me emails about terrorism and politics to my work address. They don't make much sense, and I don't think it has anything to do with me, but since he keeps sending them and they could be construed as threatening I thought I should let somebody know."
They may want to inform the police to start creating a paper trail in case the guy starts to show up at the office and that might not be a bad idea for you to do even if they don't suggest it. In case he eventually escalates (let's hope not!) then it's good to have a record of complaints.
posted by frumiousb at 3:14 AM on June 3, 2017 [48 favorites]
As someone who was on the receiving end of disturbing emails that escalated badly: keep documentation, alert authorities so you have a paper trail, and don't respond (don't even say "stop it").
As frumiousb said, keep it light with HR, but you also want a paper trail in case it gets worse.
posted by kariebookish at 4:04 AM on June 3, 2017 [13 favorites]
As frumiousb said, keep it light with HR, but you also want a paper trail in case it gets worse.
posted by kariebookish at 4:04 AM on June 3, 2017 [13 favorites]
I agree--if I were you I'd inform both HR and IT. IT can block the emails and HR is aware if it escalates.
It's not your fault this guy sucks, and now they've crossed a line from harassing you privately to harassing you in a way that can affect your livelihood. Be proactive and protect yourself.
posted by phunniemee at 4:05 AM on June 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
It's not your fault this guy sucks, and now they've crossed a line from harassing you privately to harassing you in a way that can affect your livelihood. Be proactive and protect yourself.
posted by phunniemee at 4:05 AM on June 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
If you know anybody who knows him, it could be useful to check in with them and see if you can get some idea about his mental state. If he's really losing it and people think he's becoming dangerous, that's something you wanna know. (But I'm not an expert in dealing with stalkers, and perhaps others will say this tactic is a bad idea for some reason.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:09 AM on June 3, 2017
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:09 AM on June 3, 2017
I have a similar situation. This started years ago, and I still get periodic flurries of emails then periods of lull. My stalker sent emails to work and a place I volunteer in addition to me. I notified the head of the volunteer place in addition to their HR person as well as most everybody I dealt with at the org to know that if they got any insane emails with wild accusations, I knew about them, but tell me please and obviously ignore and do not respond. I also told people at work. I ended up telling a lot of folks bc the person actually found out I was coaching an AYSO soccer team and started sending emails to the local AYSO org too. At volunteer org, any email from his email address that hits our system is automatically rerouted to a folder that a few of us have access to. They never get to their intended addressee. I also notified local police. Although there is not much they can do about a person who sends you emails, they explained what they could do if they became more frequent and threatening in nature. They also called his local PD to find out anything about him they could and got his license plate number. (He is out of state) My town police use license plate readers a lot which I am usually opposed to, but they flagged his plate and if it shows up in county, apparently they, and presumably me, will be alerted.
But the advice I got from an attorney, from the Police, from a mental health professional was to simply ignore and never respond. Never let this person know that you or anyone you know received his emails or have any reaction to them. Silence.
For me, as time has gone on to now close to 10 years, I take, maybe mistakenly, comfort in the fact that this person has never or not yet escalated it beyond insane emails. It has become sort of part of my life which is both sad and something, I am not sure what. Also, my stalker has been institutionalized several times. As part of his emails, he freely admits this so people other than me that receive his emails know he is literally insane.
And, fwiw, and this is not for everyone for sure, I am (now) a gun owner. I do not carry, but if this person were to come to my home, I would be prepared to protect me and my family if NEED be. Last resort.
posted by AugustWest at 8:49 AM on June 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
But the advice I got from an attorney, from the Police, from a mental health professional was to simply ignore and never respond. Never let this person know that you or anyone you know received his emails or have any reaction to them. Silence.
For me, as time has gone on to now close to 10 years, I take, maybe mistakenly, comfort in the fact that this person has never or not yet escalated it beyond insane emails. It has become sort of part of my life which is both sad and something, I am not sure what. Also, my stalker has been institutionalized several times. As part of his emails, he freely admits this so people other than me that receive his emails know he is literally insane.
And, fwiw, and this is not for everyone for sure, I am (now) a gun owner. I do not carry, but if this person were to come to my home, I would be prepared to protect me and my family if NEED be. Last resort.
posted by AugustWest at 8:49 AM on June 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
Where I live, there is a Harassing Communications statute that covers this behavior assuming you're willing to send that final "do not contact me" email (knowing that may precipitate an extinction burst of harassing emails or other unhinged behavior). You might consider making a criminal case of this if that's an option available where you live.
posted by hollyholly at 8:26 PM on June 3, 2017
posted by hollyholly at 8:26 PM on June 3, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
You can't predict your acquaintance's behaviour so I'm not sure there's any useful preventive move to be taken.
posted by Kwadeng at 12:49 AM on June 3, 2017 [6 favorites]