Wedding gift for nomads
June 2, 2017 11:59 PM   Subscribe

My brother just married his American girlfriend and moved to California (from New Zealand). They are staying with her parents for now but when I suggested I'd wait to send a gift after they get settled, he was a bit disappointed and it's clear he'd rather have something now. What can I send that won't be a PITA if they end up moving around a bit, or even coming back to New Zealand (which they will be doing if his green card application gets denied)?

He's in his mid thirties, works typical millennial jobs (barista, waiter, tutoring tech skills, tech phone support, web design, video making), all on short insecure contracts. He's always broke. He likes sports, esp ice hockey. Doesn't play much sport himself now though due to back problems. He's super serious about coffee and has fancy gadgets and orders the perfect beans by mail. I know next to nothing about her, except that she's probably pretty chill, given their wedding was a registry office thing where she wore a lumberjack style shirt and jeans. They both like travelling, but are too broke to do it all that much. They don't plan to have kids.

I'd prefer to spend under $200. I'd rather not give a gift certificate or cash because it will just get used for bills and short term needs, and I really regret that I did the same thing with cash we got for our wedding instead of using it for something I could still enjoy. (He isn't in danger of starving or eviction or anything, since her family seems to support them a bit financially when they get really stuck, otherwise I would of course be giving cash.)

If I get a few ideas, I'll probably ask him what they'd like, but give them "my" (your) ideas as possibilities. I'd just rather have some suggestions to offer in case he doesn't have anything in mind (as is usually the case for e.g. birthdays and Christmas).
posted by lollusc to Human Relations (15 answers total)
 
Response by poster: (They are in San Jose, in case there's some sort of local experience that would be nice .)
posted by lollusc at 12:01 AM on June 3, 2017


There's a couple of really nice bathhouses in SF - I haven't been to the Russian one, but the Japanese one (Kabuki) is lovely and has some co-ed days so they could go together.

They're also pretty close to wine country, if they're into that.

It's hard to suggest specific items without knowing more, but REI is the big camping store - shop online and ship locally or gift cert.
posted by jrobin276 at 1:20 AM on June 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


If you're really against giving cash (I am an international nomad who really deeply appreciated every dollar received at wedding time and did endeavor to use it on fun couple experiences) how about some kind of consumable subscription - a coffee/chocolate/wine of the month sort of thing?

Or, for experience-related gifts, if they're pretty adventurous, a quick google suggested that a private hot air balloon ride or a bioluminescent water paddle boat tour might be nice?
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 1:57 AM on June 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


The Sharks are the local hockey team in San Jose. The season is over, but maybe tickets for next season?
posted by matildatakesovertheworld at 5:04 AM on June 3, 2017 [3 favorites]


Have they done any sort of engagement or wedding photos? It sounds like there's not going to be a reception, correct? It would be nice to do something "Wedding-y." Perhaps a photo session with a promise of a fancy frame later?
posted by raccoon409 at 5:55 AM on June 3, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'd prefer to spend under $200. I'd rather not give a gift certificate or cash because it will just get used for bills and short term needs, and I really regret that I did the same thing with cash we got for our wedding instead of using it for something I could still enjoy.

I get what you're saying about how you don't want them to spend the money on account of the way that you spent yours, but really, a gift is a gift and should please the receiver, not necessarily the giver. Sure you don't want them to pay their bills with your gift, but if that is what they really need the money for, and it takes a burden from them so they can enjoy life more, then you gave a great gift that they will be really appreciative for. In time, like you, they will learn the value of money, don't worry, the world has that covered.
posted by NoraCharles at 6:17 AM on June 3, 2017 [14 favorites]


Woodchuck USA has really nice wood-bound journals & accessories that can be customized with state inlays & initials & dates. Maybe a California state inlay w their date of marriage on it? (Assuming they married in CA.

There are also nice bottle openers, flasks, and pens.

We received journals & a bottle opener from this company. They're really nice without being incredibly costly.
posted by ElisaOS at 6:19 AM on June 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


I think the photography session is wonderful if they want that. Or could you send a gift certificate for the mail-order coffee beans he likes?
I myself would at least first ask him if he would prefer cash because it sounds like he needs it, but I'm trying to answer your question. Speaking as someone who has been broke and received "memento" gifts such as nice pens and moleskin notebooks, etc, I can tell you these gifts actually angered me (because it felt frivolous and like the giver was wasting money when they knew I needed it). I resorted to trading one of them to a friend for cash.
posted by areaperson at 6:29 AM on June 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Just to clarify: I'm going to ask him if he'd prefer cash among the other options I'll suggest, but I didn't want that to be the default thing they get because none of us can think of anything else. As I understand their situation, if I give cash, they will spend it on groceries, and then her parents will probably help them out a bit less that month. So it won't materially improve their situation any, and it's more a gift to her parents! It might give them a couple of weeks of not feeling so beholden to other people, of course, and if that's really worth more to them than a thing or an experience that will last a lifetime, then that's fine. But I do appreciate the other suggestions so that I have a few more possibilities up my sleeve than cash!
posted by lollusc at 6:51 AM on June 3, 2017


Could you give them a gift certificate to a store related to a hobby or interest? Like a coffee or travel related store, or even Amazon. That way they can buy things they've been wanting, and might feel relief from financial pressure if there were things they are eying but can't afford. But you'll know it won't be going to say, groceries.
posted by sometamegazelle at 8:12 AM on June 3, 2017


I'd get them a gift certificate to a tremendous treat. Off the top of my head:

pricy restaurants like Alexander's Steakhouse in Cupertino or Fleming's in Palo Alto
Couples soak & massage at Watercourse Way in Palo Alto (not the other place in San Jose which is kinda gross)
Indoor Skydiving (so fun and weird!!) at iFly in Union City
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:33 AM on June 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


Hello from bi-national nomads. For our wedding, we appreciated getting...

- Nice upgraded kitchen stuff of the type we would have moved internationally with us anyway (like very nice knives)
- Very nice alcohol (as long as it doesn't require aging or waiting for The Exact Right Time - moving alcohol internationally can be difficult/expensive - ask me about the duties on a super fancy bottle of champagne we didn't have a chance to break open before I got pregnant and we had to move UK-Australia...)
- Nice, small-ish photo albums... digital photos are all well and good, but we like printing out our favorites and keeping them in physical albums. (If they're doing visa applications they'll be printing plenty of photos anyway)
- Cash. Sorry. But cash.
posted by olinerd at 9:16 AM on June 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


Give them cash earmarked for a particular experience. Let's say you call it 'Dinner for two at French Laundry'. Print out a menu, directions, etc, make a nice package.

Give them everything the need so they can follow through and have that experience if they want. But like money is money, and if they need it for groceries, that's okay, too
posted by empath at 2:00 PM on June 3, 2017 [2 favorites]


People mock the wedding registry staff at all the big department stores for having you put something from literally every department on your registry (and we declined most of them) so the result of that ongoing mockery was that none of our friends or family realized we really did want the luggage on our registry. They assumed we'd just put it on there to appease the registry staff. (My sister bought us a set after asking me, "so what did you really want that nobody's bought you yet?")

We travel. We have used the hell out of our luggage. Find out if they're backpack or duffel or roller people, then spend your budget on that. You can fill out the budget with good USB battery packs (I like the ones that have 2 amp or greater input, not just output, so they recharge themselves faster – read the specs to be sure), plug adapters (pure plug adapters are probably fine since most electronics accept 100-240V input), and maybe a multitool that doesn't have a knife so it won't get confiscated by airport security.
posted by fedward at 7:55 PM on June 3, 2017 [5 favorites]


oh yeah, good luggage is a great idea. I received an excellent roller carryon and it was one of the very VERY few wedding gifts I got outside of my registry that I appreciated and still use.
posted by fingersandtoes at 2:28 PM on June 4, 2017


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