How do I keep politics separate from work?
April 27, 2017 7:43 AM Subscribe
I'm in a workplace which leans heavily liberal and activist. I don't want to think about political issues at work, since they have nothing to do with my job directly. Is it all right if I keep my head low and disengage? How best to do so?
I'm increasingly pressured to participate in diversity-related events and political activism lately. It's not part of my job. I don't manage people. I am not involved with HR or admin, nor am I in a political industry.
I'll attend anything that's required, but these are optional activities that other people have asked for, and it's assumed that as a non-white woman, I'd sympathize with these views and want to participate more than my white male colleagues.
However, I'm stretched very thin at work already. Furthermore, while I consider myself liberal, I don't agree with many of the beliefs that are trendy in the far-left now, and it would be hypocritical for me to pretend I do. I grew up outside the US and from that experience, I feel that the far-left has it wrong in many ways. But I'm not interested in debating all that at work.
Overall, I'm sick and tired of partisan politics especially after the last year, and I just want to tune it all out, get my job done, and move forward in my career.
Has anyone experienced something similar? What is the best, most diplomatic way to regularly decline participating in these optional events without giving the wrong impression? I've been using the "I'm busy" excuse, but everyone's busy, so...
(Please don't try to convince me about the value of being politically engaged, or why far-left views have merit. I have thought through this a lot, and made an informed decision that's best for me personally now.)
I'm increasingly pressured to participate in diversity-related events and political activism lately. It's not part of my job. I don't manage people. I am not involved with HR or admin, nor am I in a political industry.
I'll attend anything that's required, but these are optional activities that other people have asked for, and it's assumed that as a non-white woman, I'd sympathize with these views and want to participate more than my white male colleagues.
However, I'm stretched very thin at work already. Furthermore, while I consider myself liberal, I don't agree with many of the beliefs that are trendy in the far-left now, and it would be hypocritical for me to pretend I do. I grew up outside the US and from that experience, I feel that the far-left has it wrong in many ways. But I'm not interested in debating all that at work.
Overall, I'm sick and tired of partisan politics especially after the last year, and I just want to tune it all out, get my job done, and move forward in my career.
Has anyone experienced something similar? What is the best, most diplomatic way to regularly decline participating in these optional events without giving the wrong impression? I've been using the "I'm busy" excuse, but everyone's busy, so...
(Please don't try to convince me about the value of being politically engaged, or why far-left views have merit. I have thought through this a lot, and made an informed decision that's best for me personally now.)
It sounds to me like you're just not suited to the workplace culture, and should start trying to find a different job.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:49 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:49 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
This would irritate the heck out of me too, even if I agreed with what activism everyone is involved with. It's pretty unprofessional. A polite but firm decline , repeated enough times should get them to eventually stop asking. Don't feel obligated to give a reason, it's none of their business. "No, I am not available." "That won't be possible" etc.
posted by Fig at 7:53 AM on April 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Fig at 7:53 AM on April 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't have a specific tactic in mind, but this sounds very like other situations where people are pressured to participate in some outside activity in the office. It might be helpful to reframe it to yourself as equivalent (in many ways) to pressure to play golf, or attend Toastmasters, or some other thing not at loaded a politics, and see what responses feel authentic and fair to you.
Because I agree it's not fair.
posted by uberchet at 7:55 AM on April 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Because I agree it's not fair.
posted by uberchet at 7:55 AM on April 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't know if there's any not-hostile way to say this to the folks asking you to participate, but there is a subtle racism here, as you've identified -- the idea that you, because of your background and sex, owe your time and energy and labor to selfless activities, that you must take one for the "team", instead of concentrating on your own work and career advancement. If there's a way to convey this, it should hopefully get them to knock it off right quick. They don't want to be accused of racism.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:56 AM on April 27, 2017 [16 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:56 AM on April 27, 2017 [16 favorites]
It depends on what "increasingly pressured" means. If you're just being asked to attend many events, but people accept your decisions, then it might be annoying, but you can just continue with your polite "No, thank you."
If they are haranguing you after you tell them you don't want to participate, then perhaps you could say, "I hope you'll respect my decision."
If it's your supervisor, it gets more complicated, but you could point out that you are already stretched very thin and that you want to perform your actual job as best as you can.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:12 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
If they are haranguing you after you tell them you don't want to participate, then perhaps you could say, "I hope you'll respect my decision."
If it's your supervisor, it gets more complicated, but you could point out that you are already stretched very thin and that you want to perform your actual job as best as you can.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:12 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I think the polite "I'm sorry--but my plate is pretty full. Thanks for inviting me." is great and a sufficient way to decline non-mandatory workplace events as well as non-mandatory non-workplace events. I would add that to the extent you can manage a few minutes out of your day to make chit chat, you probably should. If you feel at all up to engaging on the topic a "was the Event valuable for you?" 4-5 sentence conversation is a good way to look engaged with this activism without having to directly engage in the topic. If you don't want to get even that close to the topic (which I understand), a few minutes chit chat about something else entirely hopefully would still be possible--just to maintain a personal connection with your colleagues.
But it sounds like you're feeling pressure to show some sort of solidarity, which is unfair. I don't know your workplace or how damaging to your work environment it would be to ignore that push for solidarity you're feeling. If you're worried about that, is there something you can chat about that shows community engagement on your part, without directly engaging partisan politics? Something that may create the similar "we're all in this together" feeling without you having to participate in the events or discuss politics? Maybe you're involved in your local neighborhood association or you volunteer at a food bank or you've joined the parent-teacher association/organization?
If you're not really worried about needing to create the "we're all on the same side" feeling, I think just politely declining to participate but still chit chatting now and again about people's dogs or Pilates classes or the new food truck on the block should make the not-engaging on your part a non-issue.
posted by crush at 8:32 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
But it sounds like you're feeling pressure to show some sort of solidarity, which is unfair. I don't know your workplace or how damaging to your work environment it would be to ignore that push for solidarity you're feeling. If you're worried about that, is there something you can chat about that shows community engagement on your part, without directly engaging partisan politics? Something that may create the similar "we're all in this together" feeling without you having to participate in the events or discuss politics? Maybe you're involved in your local neighborhood association or you volunteer at a food bank or you've joined the parent-teacher association/organization?
If you're not really worried about needing to create the "we're all on the same side" feeling, I think just politely declining to participate but still chit chatting now and again about people's dogs or Pilates classes or the new food truck on the block should make the not-engaging on your part a non-issue.
posted by crush at 8:32 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I try to avoid giving reasons in these circumstances because that opens up the possibility of argument - like people could try to parse your schedule. I am white, so my situation is not entirely like yours, but I treat political stuff I don't want to get involved with the same way I treat being invited to someone's church. If there's a mass request by e-mail, I just ignore it. If I'm asked by individual e-mail or in person, I just say no. Sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut when there's an implication that I don't have my priorities in order (e.g., clearly I don't really care about the environment), but I find it best not to argue. Like you, I don't agree with a lot of the positions of the left that are considered givens. I just don't express my opinion on those. I'm not sure that's the right thing to do, but some of those positions are like religion in that people who hold them really can't hear what other people say. YMMV.
posted by FencingGal at 8:34 AM on April 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by FencingGal at 8:34 AM on April 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
If these are people who aren't taking no for an answer, I'd say something like, 'I have been feeling really triggered by (this) so I'm going to set some boundaries around my participation (in this bullshit).'
posted by bq at 8:59 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by bq at 8:59 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Hmm...it seems what you need is a good, ongoing, blanket lie...sorry, excuse. Sick friend with Lyme disease? Sorry, gotta help her install a garage door opener/cook for a family dinner/take her to a doctor's appointment, etc etc.
While it's definitely not honest, per se, having such a blanket story in place can at least break up the number of times in a row you're saying lots on my plate/sorry that wont be possible/etc, which IMO will eventually lead to 'why are you avoiding all this primo activism stuff' conversation if that's the only excuse you're using.
Long story short: you need more than one line if you don't want to arouse suspicion. Break it up with the occasional 'concert tickets' or 'dinner date' and eventually they will just come to the (correct) conclusion that your time outside of work is already occupied by your own stuff and the invites will start to taper off. Just be prepared for this to take 6 months or so. People are thick sometimes.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:02 AM on April 27, 2017
While it's definitely not honest, per se, having such a blanket story in place can at least break up the number of times in a row you're saying lots on my plate/sorry that wont be possible/etc, which IMO will eventually lead to 'why are you avoiding all this primo activism stuff' conversation if that's the only excuse you're using.
Long story short: you need more than one line if you don't want to arouse suspicion. Break it up with the occasional 'concert tickets' or 'dinner date' and eventually they will just come to the (correct) conclusion that your time outside of work is already occupied by your own stuff and the invites will start to taper off. Just be prepared for this to take 6 months or so. People are thick sometimes.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:02 AM on April 27, 2017
"No thanks...my off-time is pretty booked as it is"
or some variation thereof.
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:13 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
or some variation thereof.
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:13 AM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I've had a few similar situations, although not so much political-political, and I've had good results from just sitting down with my boss in those cases and telling them outright that I just didn't have the time or the interest to participate in workplace events that were not related to my work. I made sure to couch it in assurances that I liked my job (which was at least sort of true) and that I was fine with doing things necessary for my actual job, but that I was uncomfortable with being told I had to socialize or bring my personal life into the workplace--not that I won't, period, but I am not comfortable with being pressured, and I do better at all of those things when I'm not trying to do them simultaneously.
I've always been loathe to bring identity politics into it at all, because that can come back to bite you, and in some ways, the more liberal-identifying people are the worst with that. They tend to get patronizing and dramatic about everything, and if you bring up anything about your personal life, they fixate on it forever. So as much as possible, I make it not about me, but about my job. This is part of my job, this isn't. I don't have the time to do these extra things because I'm busy with my actual job, and possibly other things that are none of your concern.
So generally, I explain that I choose to maintain boundaries and compartmentalize, only vaguely referring to the fact that I have interests and responsibilities outside of work. For most intents and purposes, I am a heartless automaton as far as you know until I choose to disclose otherwise.
This isn't about you having special needs. It's about them being creepy. If you need to point out that they seem to have different expectations of you than they do others, do that if you have to, but make sure they understand that they're doing that, not you.
posted by ernielundquist at 9:32 AM on April 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I've always been loathe to bring identity politics into it at all, because that can come back to bite you, and in some ways, the more liberal-identifying people are the worst with that. They tend to get patronizing and dramatic about everything, and if you bring up anything about your personal life, they fixate on it forever. So as much as possible, I make it not about me, but about my job. This is part of my job, this isn't. I don't have the time to do these extra things because I'm busy with my actual job, and possibly other things that are none of your concern.
So generally, I explain that I choose to maintain boundaries and compartmentalize, only vaguely referring to the fact that I have interests and responsibilities outside of work. For most intents and purposes, I am a heartless automaton as far as you know until I choose to disclose otherwise.
This isn't about you having special needs. It's about them being creepy. If you need to point out that they seem to have different expectations of you than they do others, do that if you have to, but make sure they understand that they're doing that, not you.
posted by ernielundquist at 9:32 AM on April 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'd say something like, 'I have been feeling really triggered by (this)
Lying about triggers is an awful thing to do. In this type of workplace, it is also likely to attract weird attention of the kind it sounds like the OP doesn't want.
I agree with most of the advice above about declining, OP, but did want to stress that declining these activities means you should probably step up participation in informal non-political activities. Not because you owe anyone anything, but because you don't want to end up "invisible" socially at work. It's unfortunate that this is necessary, but humans gonna human. Damn them.
posted by praemunire at 9:52 AM on April 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
Lying about triggers is an awful thing to do. In this type of workplace, it is also likely to attract weird attention of the kind it sounds like the OP doesn't want.
I agree with most of the advice above about declining, OP, but did want to stress that declining these activities means you should probably step up participation in informal non-political activities. Not because you owe anyone anything, but because you don't want to end up "invisible" socially at work. It's unfortunate that this is necessary, but humans gonna human. Damn them.
posted by praemunire at 9:52 AM on April 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
I work in this type of workplace and my general response to invites to political/activism events or topics is to shrug and say "that's not really my thing." Then change the topic.
posted by joan_holloway at 9:56 AM on April 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by joan_holloway at 9:56 AM on April 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
"I'm really glad that you are engaged with these issues. I'm definitely worried about [thing they agree with], but my feelings about all this are complicated and I'm unfortunately so overwhelmed that I just can't engage in this way right now. It's all I can do to [stuff you are doing at work] along with the things going on in my personal life. Maybe next year I can think about doing more, but for now, would you consider leaving me out of these kinds of discussions, so I can save my emotional energy for other things?
I hope that my contribution at the moment will be to keep things rolling here and at home so that we can all do the things we need to do."
I tried, above, to frame the truth in a way that lets you connect sincerely with your coworkers while making it clear exactly why you couldn't participate.
Please don't lie casually. I get that avoiding conflict is important, and that it's hard to put in the energy to think about communicating so carefully, but when we do put in the time to think about what to say I hope it's possible to say the truth in a non-destructive way.
posted by amtho at 10:02 AM on April 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Meh. Don't apologize. Don't give them a reason to speculate about your emotional state or about things going on in your personal life. "No" is a complete sentence. It's probably an overly blunt complete sentence in this instance, but "sorry, I can't right now" is fine.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:11 AM on April 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:11 AM on April 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
"I like to keep my work and my politics separate."
posted by Polycarp at 10:15 AM on April 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by Polycarp at 10:15 AM on April 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
While I appreciate the intent of amtho's response, even admitting that you have complicated feelings about certain issues can create a whole other set of problems, particularly for POC.
If people around are acting as though your political engagement should align with your race and gender in a certain way, trust me, they may not know how to react if they learn that you don't fit that mold.
posted by blerghamot at 11:27 AM on April 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
If people around are acting as though your political engagement should align with your race and gender in a certain way, trust me, they may not know how to react if they learn that you don't fit that mold.
posted by blerghamot at 11:27 AM on April 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
You could say, "I'm not interested in attending, but thanks for thinking of me." That way you are being completely honest but remaining friendly to the person who asked. If you wanted to make it more positive, and you agree, you could say, "I think it's great that this program is being offered / I think it's great that you are so passionate about politics (or whatever), but I am not interested in attending."
posted by beyond_pink at 11:38 AM on April 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by beyond_pink at 11:38 AM on April 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
As a leftist woman of color, I would actually be outraged if I was obligated to do diversity initiatives at work. Amongst my activist group, we actually really disagree with the notion of diversity since it usually is meant to upheld the standard of whiteness feeling good about itself for including people of color, instead of actually providing opportunities for said people of color to do, you know, your work and secure their own economic and career success. Inclusivity, retention, and promoting marginalized people within the company is a lot more important to me. I support other people's suggestions here, but I want to give a perspective that your feelings are really valid and unless it is directly tied to your career advancement and if the environment is already fine and not hostile, then it's totally okay for you to feel the way you do.
posted by yueliang at 12:17 PM on April 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by yueliang at 12:17 PM on April 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Politely say, "No thank you," as advised above.
Hey! You know what's great about this? That these people care at all!!
I also think thanking them for doing "important work like this" shows them respect without tipping your hand regarding your personal feelings. Make it about them.
"Bob I can't make that, but thank you for thinking of me and thank you for being the type of person to get involved!"
Subtly make it about them. Make them feel good. Don't squash their impetus to do something, even if it is not quite the right thing. It's really important for people to get engaged. Sorry you have to be a bit of a cheerleader encouraging folks to stay involved in political issues, generally. It costs you only a few moments to decline and deflect while making the other guy feel OK. This is diplomatic, so do it.
posted by jbenben at 1:10 PM on April 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Hey! You know what's great about this? That these people care at all!!
I also think thanking them for doing "important work like this" shows them respect without tipping your hand regarding your personal feelings. Make it about them.
"Bob I can't make that, but thank you for thinking of me and thank you for being the type of person to get involved!"
Subtly make it about them. Make them feel good. Don't squash their impetus to do something, even if it is not quite the right thing. It's really important for people to get engaged. Sorry you have to be a bit of a cheerleader encouraging folks to stay involved in political issues, generally. It costs you only a few moments to decline and deflect while making the other guy feel OK. This is diplomatic, so do it.
posted by jbenben at 1:10 PM on April 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Most leftists will be sympathetic to, "Ugh, politics; what a mess; PLEASE I would like one corner of my life to not be about current politics. When I'm here, I want to focus on my work because I can't get away from politics the rest of the time."
And when they reply with, "yeah, like that thing in [state] where--" you cut them off with "please, NO. I would rather look into the details on my own, later. I really, really want to not have that in my head while I'm working."
Combine that with the polite, "thank you for inviting me, but no, I won't be able to attend" approach, and you should be able to push for a rep as "the woman who wants to focus on work even though politics are getting to her, how admirable," rather than "that woman who disagrees with the rest of us about politics."
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 5:28 PM on April 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
And when they reply with, "yeah, like that thing in [state] where--" you cut them off with "please, NO. I would rather look into the details on my own, later. I really, really want to not have that in my head while I'm working."
Combine that with the polite, "thank you for inviting me, but no, I won't be able to attend" approach, and you should be able to push for a rep as "the woman who wants to focus on work even though politics are getting to her, how admirable," rather than "that woman who disagrees with the rest of us about politics."
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 5:28 PM on April 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
What is the best, most diplomatic way to regularly decline participating in these optional events without giving the wrong impression?
I'm politically engaged but in different, sometimes VERY different, ways from people who I work with. I usually try to get across the following points
- yes I am concerned politically
- yes I am engaged and doing something about it
- no it's not the thing you are doing but please do go and fight the good fight and I'll be doing my own thing
This especially true with marches and "let's all go hold signs together" things which seem low-hassle but are actually (for me) a huge pain in the ass. It's very much not my thing but I'm fine if its other people's things. Part of this is being able to be friendly and sort of workplace-level supportive without feeling threatened by other people's pushiness around their own activism, and this must be particularly difficult as a non-white woman. However, having good boundaries around your own personal space/time and having a friendly but "I'm not doing that" response to suggestions of how to politically spend non-work time together are really the extent of your obligations.
posted by jessamyn at 7:01 PM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm politically engaged but in different, sometimes VERY different, ways from people who I work with. I usually try to get across the following points
- yes I am concerned politically
- yes I am engaged and doing something about it
- no it's not the thing you are doing but please do go and fight the good fight and I'll be doing my own thing
This especially true with marches and "let's all go hold signs together" things which seem low-hassle but are actually (for me) a huge pain in the ass. It's very much not my thing but I'm fine if its other people's things. Part of this is being able to be friendly and sort of workplace-level supportive without feeling threatened by other people's pushiness around their own activism, and this must be particularly difficult as a non-white woman. However, having good boundaries around your own personal space/time and having a friendly but "I'm not doing that" response to suggestions of how to politically spend non-work time together are really the extent of your obligations.
posted by jessamyn at 7:01 PM on April 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I think ErisLordFreedom's approach ^ is good. It's "I like to keep work and politics separate," but rather than saying it coldly (leaving the impression that you completely disagree with them), it's one way of making a connection while you say it, leaving the impression that you agree. It's not that I think you should lie about being exactly on their side. But politics now is so "us vs. them" that I'd try to find a way to opt out without being seen as "them."
Anther option might include "I'm really just apolitical, I know that might seem weird,* but it's just how I am, and then I try to do my part for the world in more direct, one on one ways."
* Optional comment here about "especially since I'm a person of color"
Another option might be to explain once that being from another country, you've just never felt right participating in US politics and that you have a whole different frame of reference. I think people would get that, though that may inspire more conversation than you want.
posted by salvia at 7:13 PM on April 27, 2017
Anther option might include "I'm really just apolitical, I know that might seem weird,* but it's just how I am, and then I try to do my part for the world in more direct, one on one ways."
* Optional comment here about "especially since I'm a person of color"
Another option might be to explain once that being from another country, you've just never felt right participating in US politics and that you have a whole different frame of reference. I think people would get that, though that may inspire more conversation than you want.
posted by salvia at 7:13 PM on April 27, 2017
"I'm really just apolitical, I know that might seem weird,* but it's just how I am, and then I try to do my part for the world in more direct, one on one ways."
Despite the fact that I very firmly believe work and politics should be separate, I have to admit if heard this reply I'd be sorely tempted to go on a rant about the responsibilities of citizens in a democracy. So I would definitely stick to giving as little information about your reasons as possible. It gives people less to latch onto and argue.
posted by Zalzidrax at 9:01 PM on April 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
Despite the fact that I very firmly believe work and politics should be separate, I have to admit if heard this reply I'd be sorely tempted to go on a rant about the responsibilities of citizens in a democracy. So I would definitely stick to giving as little information about your reasons as possible. It gives people less to latch onto and argue.
posted by Zalzidrax at 9:01 PM on April 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
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posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:49 AM on April 27, 2017 [52 favorites]