How to help our cat grieve?
April 19, 2017 6:37 AM Subscribe
One of our 15 year old kitties died about three weeks ago. His brother is showing a lot of typical symptoms of cat-grief. But his behavior is making us bonkers. Help!
The kitties spent their whole lives together and were definitely a pair.
Since Kitty #1 passed away, Kitty #2 has been exhibiting a lot of clinginess. That's fine... during the day. We can snuggle the evening away. But he also insists on getting into bed with us. Before K1 died, they would try to get on the bed at bedtime, but we'd tell them to get off and they'd go curl up on their beds (they did not sleep together).
Since K1 died, K2 is up and down from the bed all night. If he is not trying to knead us in our sleep, he is maniacally playing with his toys on our bedroom floor. Our bedroom does not have a door, as it is the entire second floor, and we have tried various baby gates and blocks at the top of the stairs. This otherwise completely un-athletic cat has jumped or climbed over every single one. Or he stands in front of the gate, meowing like he is being tortured.
After another horrible night of sleep because of the cat's antics, our solution for this evening is to shut him in the downstairs toilet overnight. It's where his litter box is, and we will put his bed, water, food and toys in there.
My question: 1.) Is it cruel to lock the cat in the toilet overnight? I wake up at 5 AM and I would let him out right away. 2.) Is there anything, other than time, that will help him go back to being a sweet kitty? Should we adopt another cat? I don't think we are ready, but we would make it happen if a companion will help K2.
Thanks.
The kitties spent their whole lives together and were definitely a pair.
Since Kitty #1 passed away, Kitty #2 has been exhibiting a lot of clinginess. That's fine... during the day. We can snuggle the evening away. But he also insists on getting into bed with us. Before K1 died, they would try to get on the bed at bedtime, but we'd tell them to get off and they'd go curl up on their beds (they did not sleep together).
Since K1 died, K2 is up and down from the bed all night. If he is not trying to knead us in our sleep, he is maniacally playing with his toys on our bedroom floor. Our bedroom does not have a door, as it is the entire second floor, and we have tried various baby gates and blocks at the top of the stairs. This otherwise completely un-athletic cat has jumped or climbed over every single one. Or he stands in front of the gate, meowing like he is being tortured.
After another horrible night of sleep because of the cat's antics, our solution for this evening is to shut him in the downstairs toilet overnight. It's where his litter box is, and we will put his bed, water, food and toys in there.
My question: 1.) Is it cruel to lock the cat in the toilet overnight? I wake up at 5 AM and I would let him out right away. 2.) Is there anything, other than time, that will help him go back to being a sweet kitty? Should we adopt another cat? I don't think we are ready, but we would make it happen if a companion will help K2.
Thanks.
Response by poster: Let him be; please don't lock him out of your room at night. You can learn to sleep around him.
I should have clarified; with the way he is behaving, we cannot have him in our bedroom at night. He is disturbing our sleep to the point that my partner woke up in tears because he was so exhausted from the cat waking him up during the night. It is not normal cat disturbances.
posted by tippy at 6:41 AM on April 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
I should have clarified; with the way he is behaving, we cannot have him in our bedroom at night. He is disturbing our sleep to the point that my partner woke up in tears because he was so exhausted from the cat waking him up during the night. It is not normal cat disturbances.
posted by tippy at 6:41 AM on April 19, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'd call your vet and ask - especially explain that you absolutely cannot sleep at night with this happening. They might have better ideas and options than Metafilter.
A feliway collar might also help, since it gives off friendly cat pheremones. But my first reaction is still call your vet.
posted by dinty_moore at 6:52 AM on April 19, 2017 [9 favorites]
A feliway collar might also help, since it gives off friendly cat pheremones. But my first reaction is still call your vet.
posted by dinty_moore at 6:52 AM on April 19, 2017 [9 favorites]
You may want to try playing with him more yourself...see if you can tire him out before you go to bed.
posted by girlmightlive at 6:54 AM on April 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by girlmightlive at 6:54 AM on April 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
I bet he is getting A LOT less playtime now that his buddy is gone -- thus, he is wakeful and energetic all night long. How much are you and your partner playing with him? Try playing with him to the point of tiring him out multiple times per day (and especially right before bed).
If that doesn't work, you might try asking your vet for advice. There are lots of options, from feliway to kitty antidepressants, that might help him calm down.
In my opinion, it's not cruel to lock him into the bathroom for a single night so long as he has food and water and a litter box, especially if it allows you to sleep and get your mental health back in order (though I have my doubts about whether it will work -- my guess is that he's going to be yowling all night long in there and you won't be able to sleep anyway). However, it would be cruel to do that to him every night, so don't make that your long-term solution.
posted by ourobouros at 6:55 AM on April 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
If that doesn't work, you might try asking your vet for advice. There are lots of options, from feliway to kitty antidepressants, that might help him calm down.
In my opinion, it's not cruel to lock him into the bathroom for a single night so long as he has food and water and a litter box, especially if it allows you to sleep and get your mental health back in order (though I have my doubts about whether it will work -- my guess is that he's going to be yowling all night long in there and you won't be able to sleep anyway). However, it would be cruel to do that to him every night, so don't make that your long-term solution.
posted by ourobouros at 6:55 AM on April 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
If he has energy to play, then playing and not just snuggling might help the kitty be more tired. I also used to give my cat "more than" what she wanted in terms of cuddles to get her to take her shenanigans elsewhere. "Corporal Cuddling" is basically aggressive snuggling that is not hurting the cat but it's annoying to the cat. Corporal Cuddling only happens at times and in locations where the cat is acting like an idiot and making human life unlivable - so late at night in bed OH YOU WANT TO BE HERE WELL I'LL HOLD YOU SOOOO TIGHT MR KITTY might dissuade him from thinking this is a good idea.
I also aggressively played dead. Like, no reaction to anything. If I don't want to be awake/up, I do not even act like I am aware of her. This took time, but it also worked long term. Now she will get in bed and go to sleep without giving me rage.
High value food can be a good thing to leave out at night to encourage not-being-a-dickness and also full-cat-sleepy-time.
Lastly: call your vet. Kitteh may have some anxiety and he's playing it out in this way that is making all parties miserable. Some kitty prozac or something may help him get his chill back. Feliway collar is a great suggestion if he will wear a collar; if he won't, a diffuser is great too. Good luck. I am sorry for kitty and for you. Losing one of pair is rough on everyone.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:58 AM on April 19, 2017 [15 favorites]
I also aggressively played dead. Like, no reaction to anything. If I don't want to be awake/up, I do not even act like I am aware of her. This took time, but it also worked long term. Now she will get in bed and go to sleep without giving me rage.
High value food can be a good thing to leave out at night to encourage not-being-a-dickness and also full-cat-sleepy-time.
Lastly: call your vet. Kitteh may have some anxiety and he's playing it out in this way that is making all parties miserable. Some kitty prozac or something may help him get his chill back. Feliway collar is a great suggestion if he will wear a collar; if he won't, a diffuser is great too. Good luck. I am sorry for kitty and for you. Losing one of pair is rough on everyone.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:58 AM on April 19, 2017 [15 favorites]
Have you tried moving his cat bed so it is next to your bed and at a height where he can see you? Like on a bedside table, or the top of a dresser. Sometimes cats want to always be in visual range but have no good spot to be near instead of directly on top of us.
Nthing increased playtime, a tuckered kitty is a calm kitty, and the playing is just as much special attention as cuddling can be. You might find he has a burst of energy at similar times each day, if you can be consistent with playing with him at those times he will also gain confidence from his routine, which can help a lot after a loss since routines get all changed up from those.
A potential treatment of the symptom and not the underlying problem, but hey whatever lets you sleep, might be to get thicker bedding and maybe a memory foam mattress pad so the cat's nighttime crazies are less noticeable when you're all tucked in. Also ear plugs maybe if he's yowling?
He will be fine in the bathroom for a night, but a cat can make a hell of a ruckus with a closed door and hard surfaces. You aren't being cruel but I bet he'll make it crystal clear that he feels you are.
posted by Mizu at 7:22 AM on April 19, 2017
Nthing increased playtime, a tuckered kitty is a calm kitty, and the playing is just as much special attention as cuddling can be. You might find he has a burst of energy at similar times each day, if you can be consistent with playing with him at those times he will also gain confidence from his routine, which can help a lot after a loss since routines get all changed up from those.
A potential treatment of the symptom and not the underlying problem, but hey whatever lets you sleep, might be to get thicker bedding and maybe a memory foam mattress pad so the cat's nighttime crazies are less noticeable when you're all tucked in. Also ear plugs maybe if he's yowling?
He will be fine in the bathroom for a night, but a cat can make a hell of a ruckus with a closed door and hard surfaces. You aren't being cruel but I bet he'll make it crystal clear that he feels you are.
posted by Mizu at 7:22 AM on April 19, 2017
It sounds like he is incredibly bored and lonely, more than just grieving. Do all the things to address this:
- Play with him a lot
- Lock up most of the toys when it isn't play time, so that they are extra compelling when it is.
- Try new toys. Buy a few, if you can, and keep them put away; get one new one out every two nights.
- Play with him in the evening and also, a little, in the morning.
- Make a space where he can sit and lie down comfortably next to a window with a good view.
- Maybe try setting up a bird feeder to make the view even more interesting.
- Make sure the house isn't completely tomb-like and silent when you're not there. Window sounds and a softly playing radio -- I like talk radio for this -- are possibilities.
- Cats like to be near the action part of their people, which means surfaces that are up near your shoulder height. If you can let him hang out at that height while you are not really focused on him -- on your desk while working, at head height while you sit on the sofa watching TV or talking on the phone -- this will give him a little more companionship.
- If by some chance you have the ability to have someone come by during the day, do that, particularly if you must lock him in a room by himself the previous night.
- If you must lock him in a room by himself, pay extra attention to adding comforting elements - blankets, toys, also SOUND (softly playing radio). The part of you that would rather be locked in a cozy bedroom, with a TV, than in a hard-surfaced echoey bathroom also exists in cat.
- Do look seriously at getting another cat ASAP. Especially since it sounds like your cat is trying to stay non-depressed. If he becomes more sedentary over time, it might make integrating a new younger cat less fun for him.
posted by amtho at 7:25 AM on April 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
- Play with him a lot
- Lock up most of the toys when it isn't play time, so that they are extra compelling when it is.
- Try new toys. Buy a few, if you can, and keep them put away; get one new one out every two nights.
- Play with him in the evening and also, a little, in the morning.
- Make a space where he can sit and lie down comfortably next to a window with a good view.
- Maybe try setting up a bird feeder to make the view even more interesting.
- Make sure the house isn't completely tomb-like and silent when you're not there. Window sounds and a softly playing radio -- I like talk radio for this -- are possibilities.
- Cats like to be near the action part of their people, which means surfaces that are up near your shoulder height. If you can let him hang out at that height while you are not really focused on him -- on your desk while working, at head height while you sit on the sofa watching TV or talking on the phone -- this will give him a little more companionship.
- If by some chance you have the ability to have someone come by during the day, do that, particularly if you must lock him in a room by himself the previous night.
- If you must lock him in a room by himself, pay extra attention to adding comforting elements - blankets, toys, also SOUND (softly playing radio). The part of you that would rather be locked in a cozy bedroom, with a TV, than in a hard-surfaced echoey bathroom also exists in cat.
- Do look seriously at getting another cat ASAP. Especially since it sounds like your cat is trying to stay non-depressed. If he becomes more sedentary over time, it might make integrating a new younger cat less fun for him.
posted by amtho at 7:25 AM on April 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
Look into feliway pheremone collars or diffusers, they actually work.
Play with you cat more not just snuggles, sometimes theory wanting parts is just because they are bored. Also a toyed cat is less likely to bother you.
Locking in the bathroom worth food water a litter tray, pheremone diffuser and bedding and some toys overnight won't hurt the car, boot the sudden isolation is likely to make it cling more to you more not less and changes in routine will address it more. End result will more likely be a cat yowling in the bathroom all night.
Routine, routine, routine is your friend here. Set up a new routine with a couple of playtime a day in and stick to it like clockwork. This would help tire your cat and make it feel more secure because there are no more big changes it will start to relax more..
posted by wwax at 7:28 AM on April 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Play with you cat more not just snuggles, sometimes theory wanting parts is just because they are bored. Also a toyed cat is less likely to bother you.
Locking in the bathroom worth food water a litter tray, pheremone diffuser and bedding and some toys overnight won't hurt the car, boot the sudden isolation is likely to make it cling more to you more not less and changes in routine will address it more. End result will more likely be a cat yowling in the bathroom all night.
Routine, routine, routine is your friend here. Set up a new routine with a couple of playtime a day in and stick to it like clockwork. This would help tire your cat and make it feel more secure because there are no more big changes it will start to relax more..
posted by wwax at 7:28 AM on April 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Echoing everything above. He's not only grieving, he's bored. And definitely try feliway. Feliway doesn't work on all cats (I have three but it only affects one) but when it works dang it works. A vet visit is also not out of line - cat anxiety meds are also apparently a thing if its warranted. Also play with him, then feed him, right before bed. Jackson Galaxy (cat behaviorist) has this "hunt, catch, kill... eat" mantra that sounds like it would be useful here... and then a full kitty is a sleepy kitty!
I feel your pain on your sleep issues... it's a really hard thing to deal with. You feel so bad locking them away, but dammit they don't seem to understand that you need sleep -- i mean, they've already gotten their 16+ hours a day, what the problem? I may have been known to wake up my soundly sleeping cats just to annoy them like they do to me ;).
posted by cgg at 7:46 AM on April 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
I feel your pain on your sleep issues... it's a really hard thing to deal with. You feel so bad locking them away, but dammit they don't seem to understand that you need sleep -- i mean, they've already gotten their 16+ hours a day, what the problem? I may have been known to wake up my soundly sleeping cats just to annoy them like they do to me ;).
posted by cgg at 7:46 AM on April 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Agreeing with the others - this is a cat who was fully burning a day's worth of calories before and getting a lot of sensory input, and now he isn't. Play him to exhaustion at least twice a day, get him running up and down the stairs for toys or laser pointer. Then feed him before bed.
I am sorry for your loss and exhaustion. Cats don't grieve like people, so don't anthropomorphize too much. He's had a loss, but it's more of a functional loss than emotional the way it is for you.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:08 AM on April 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
I am sorry for your loss and exhaustion. Cats don't grieve like people, so don't anthropomorphize too much. He's had a loss, but it's more of a functional loss than emotional the way it is for you.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:08 AM on April 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Let him be; please don't lock him out of your room at night. You can learn to sleep around him.
Hahaha no.
Seriously, I have a night cuddling cat and she is capable of destroying my sleep simply by body warm and restricting my ability to turn over while sleeping. Likewise locking the cat out of the bedroom doesn't work because of the inevitable mournful meowling.
Things you can do:
sssscat sprayer - an air blast every time they jump on the bed. Aversive for cats - will make the bed a no go territory. Motion activated so you need to set it up so you don't trigger it which would be tricky. You could try pointing at the places where you had the gates.
My mother's cat fell pretty much in love with a fluffy stuffed dog toy just a bit larger than a cat. He would drag it all over and sleep on it (and sometimes give it some sweet sweet neck biting love). He also groomed about half the hair off of it. Maybe a stuffed surrogate would help?
We also put a cat trap on our bed. A folded blanked on my wife's side of the bed - she is much shorter so she doesn't need that space. The cat sometimes sticks to the cat trap.
We very early established our cat on our schedule by tiring her out during the day. As a result she is lot less nocturnal. Blackout curtains in our bedroom also help since cats perk up around dawn and dusk so in the bedroom that cue is unavailable when we want to sleep.
The other hard thing you have to do is to ignore the cat completely at night when you are in bed. Anything you do in response to their behaviour is a reward even it is you punishing them. It is just like child psychology. If you want to extinguish a behaviour you have to do nothing at all in response and you have to be 100% consistent on this. 95% consistent and you instead turn your cat into a relentless one arm bandit puller in a casino meowing "C'mon big money!" and smoking 3 packs of smokes a night.
posted by srboisvert at 8:20 AM on April 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
Hahaha no.
Seriously, I have a night cuddling cat and she is capable of destroying my sleep simply by body warm and restricting my ability to turn over while sleeping. Likewise locking the cat out of the bedroom doesn't work because of the inevitable mournful meowling.
Things you can do:
sssscat sprayer - an air blast every time they jump on the bed. Aversive for cats - will make the bed a no go territory. Motion activated so you need to set it up so you don't trigger it which would be tricky. You could try pointing at the places where you had the gates.
My mother's cat fell pretty much in love with a fluffy stuffed dog toy just a bit larger than a cat. He would drag it all over and sleep on it (and sometimes give it some sweet sweet neck biting love). He also groomed about half the hair off of it. Maybe a stuffed surrogate would help?
We also put a cat trap on our bed. A folded blanked on my wife's side of the bed - she is much shorter so she doesn't need that space. The cat sometimes sticks to the cat trap.
We very early established our cat on our schedule by tiring her out during the day. As a result she is lot less nocturnal. Blackout curtains in our bedroom also help since cats perk up around dawn and dusk so in the bedroom that cue is unavailable when we want to sleep.
The other hard thing you have to do is to ignore the cat completely at night when you are in bed. Anything you do in response to their behaviour is a reward even it is you punishing them. It is just like child psychology. If you want to extinguish a behaviour you have to do nothing at all in response and you have to be 100% consistent on this. 95% consistent and you instead turn your cat into a relentless one arm bandit puller in a casino meowing "C'mon big money!" and smoking 3 packs of smokes a night.
posted by srboisvert at 8:20 AM on April 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
Should we adopt another cat? I don't think we are ready, but we would make it happen if a companion will help K2.
My vet tech daughter says a kitten will probably help.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 8:27 AM on April 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
My vet tech daughter says a kitten will probably help.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 8:27 AM on April 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Re: cat trap / blanket attractant: I have found that cats find _fresh_ towels and blankets extremely attractive. If you just put out a folded blanket, it may be irresistible for one or two days and then not that interesting. A couple of towels - light enough that they can be washed with the rest of the laundry, regularly, and alternated so there's always a fresh one - can work well if it's soft enough.
Also, in warmer weather, a light towel may be more attractive/comfortable than a thick fluffy blanket.
posted by amtho at 8:47 AM on April 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Also, in warmer weather, a light towel may be more attractive/comfortable than a thick fluffy blanket.
posted by amtho at 8:47 AM on April 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
This otherwise completely un-athletic cat has jumped or climbed over every single one. Or he stands in front of the gate, meowing like he is being tortured.
I don't think he's bored, I think he's anxious. Cats can feel anxiety acutely, especially when there's been a major disruption to their routine. Frantic activity like this and clinginess are strong signs of anxiety.
One thing that we've done now with multiple older cats is heated beds. You can buy heater pads for cat beds quite cheaply. Here are the ones we use. They're outdoor-rated and waterproof. They're pressure sensitive too. They only turn on when an animal is lying on them. We've left them plugged in for as long as five years more or less continuously. We slip them into the cat bed under a fuzzy blanket on top and put them in a sunny place near where we sit in the living room. These have been, by far, the most favoured places to sleep for geriatric cats, far more desirable than the bed. I think it's not just physical comfort, but the heat helps answer an emotional need too, like curling up in a lap or with another cat.
For $20, I'd try putting a pad into his current bed. See if that helps with the night time.
posted by bonehead at 9:05 AM on April 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
I don't think he's bored, I think he's anxious. Cats can feel anxiety acutely, especially when there's been a major disruption to their routine. Frantic activity like this and clinginess are strong signs of anxiety.
One thing that we've done now with multiple older cats is heated beds. You can buy heater pads for cat beds quite cheaply. Here are the ones we use. They're outdoor-rated and waterproof. They're pressure sensitive too. They only turn on when an animal is lying on them. We've left them plugged in for as long as five years more or less continuously. We slip them into the cat bed under a fuzzy blanket on top and put them in a sunny place near where we sit in the living room. These have been, by far, the most favoured places to sleep for geriatric cats, far more desirable than the bed. I think it's not just physical comfort, but the heat helps answer an emotional need too, like curling up in a lap or with another cat.
For $20, I'd try putting a pad into his current bed. See if that helps with the night time.
posted by bonehead at 9:05 AM on April 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
And 100% yes to fresh towels/blankets. Our cats have always loved fresh laundered sheets. We do ours every couple of weeks, but could do them more frequently.
posted by bonehead at 9:07 AM on April 19, 2017
posted by bonehead at 9:07 AM on April 19, 2017
"1.) Is it cruel to lock the cat in the toilet overnight? "
My vet pointed out to me that a bathroom is basically a cat playground -- lots of surfaces at different heights; things to get behind, under, and in; usually a window to look out; fun smells. We had an ill cat who had to be isolated at night from the other cat, so we'd equip a cabinet with cat bedding (like a little cave!) and consciously arrange the room so it had some fun cat stuff to do (like make sure a drawer he needed to jump to the counter was open enough so he could jump), leave the window open so he could watch the night insects through the screen, and put him in there with food, water, and a litter box (in the tub so it's separated, in our case). He yowled his head off the first couple of nights (thinking he was stuck and forgotten), but after a few days when he knew it was the routine, he was perfectly happy with the arrangement and would go trotting in at night when he was ready to sleep. We'd get ready to go to bed and find him already in there curled up and waiting for us to turn off the lights and close the door.
(We tried some different lighting arrangements; he seemed happiest with a nightlight, which was enough for him to see to jump around. The regular light was too much and no light at all was too little.)
So, yeah, give him extra attention, make sure he's getting playtime (laser pointer?) to wear him out a bit, try feliway, and don't feel bad about locking the cat up in the bathroom.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:17 PM on April 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
My vet pointed out to me that a bathroom is basically a cat playground -- lots of surfaces at different heights; things to get behind, under, and in; usually a window to look out; fun smells. We had an ill cat who had to be isolated at night from the other cat, so we'd equip a cabinet with cat bedding (like a little cave!) and consciously arrange the room so it had some fun cat stuff to do (like make sure a drawer he needed to jump to the counter was open enough so he could jump), leave the window open so he could watch the night insects through the screen, and put him in there with food, water, and a litter box (in the tub so it's separated, in our case). He yowled his head off the first couple of nights (thinking he was stuck and forgotten), but after a few days when he knew it was the routine, he was perfectly happy with the arrangement and would go trotting in at night when he was ready to sleep. We'd get ready to go to bed and find him already in there curled up and waiting for us to turn off the lights and close the door.
(We tried some different lighting arrangements; he seemed happiest with a nightlight, which was enough for him to see to jump around. The regular light was too much and no light at all was too little.)
So, yeah, give him extra attention, make sure he's getting playtime (laser pointer?) to wear him out a bit, try feliway, and don't feel bad about locking the cat up in the bathroom.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:17 PM on April 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
1.) Is it cruel to lock the cat in the toilet overnight? I wake up at 5 AM and I would let him out right away.
Yes, it is cruel. Don't do this.
2.) Is there anything, other than time, that will help him go back to being a sweet kitty? Should we adopt another cat? I don't think we are ready, but we would make it happen if a companion will help K2.
Another cat would probably help. Shutting the cat in the bathroom every night isn't likely to help.
posted by a strong female character at 5:50 PM on April 19, 2017
Yes, it is cruel. Don't do this.
2.) Is there anything, other than time, that will help him go back to being a sweet kitty? Should we adopt another cat? I don't think we are ready, but we would make it happen if a companion will help K2.
Another cat would probably help. Shutting the cat in the bathroom every night isn't likely to help.
posted by a strong female character at 5:50 PM on April 19, 2017
Our Cat #1 passed in January. It was a solid 4-6 weeks before Cat #2 stopped waking us up constantly at night from moving around, sleeping between us, climbing on top of us, etc. He still whines a bit, but he hasn't been as needy.
We aren't ready for a new cat yet. I think he is ready.
I think you should try to give your a little more time. Nthing Feliway which was a huge help for our first cat just for general anxiety/mood. Also nthing playing with him, especially before bed.
(So sorry for your loss)
posted by getawaysticks at 6:47 PM on April 19, 2017
We aren't ready for a new cat yet. I think he is ready.
I think you should try to give your a little more time. Nthing Feliway which was a huge help for our first cat just for general anxiety/mood. Also nthing playing with him, especially before bed.
(So sorry for your loss)
posted by getawaysticks at 6:47 PM on April 19, 2017
Should we adopt another cat? I don't think we are ready, but we would make it happen if a companion will help K2.
yes I said yes I will Yes: My vet tech daughter says a kitten will probably help.
Regular human fraula confirms it helped a great deal in my case. Six years ago, my sweethearted fluffer lost his big pal and was inconsolable. Seriously inconsolable. I played with him more, made sure to give him the love he needed, and yet several months on, he was still bored and, honestly, quite clearly depressed. Go ahead and accuse me of anthromorphizing, I know my kitty and even with my 9 years of perspective knowing him now, he was absolutely depressed at the time.
A colleague had a wild black kitten no one wanted to adopt, so I agreed to take her in. Fluffer was taken right from the start. I had zero introduction stress... I had planned to keep them apart and all that you're supposed to do, but there it was: miss kitten missed her mama, and big floof missed his pal, the two bonded right off the bat. Six years later they're still best pals and I've not seen fluffer sad since.
A kitten is good because having an older cat will be awesome for its social development, and older cat will (hopefully) not see it as a threat.
You have my sympathies for the sleeping woes.
posted by fraula at 7:52 AM on April 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
yes I said yes I will Yes: My vet tech daughter says a kitten will probably help.
Regular human fraula confirms it helped a great deal in my case. Six years ago, my sweethearted fluffer lost his big pal and was inconsolable. Seriously inconsolable. I played with him more, made sure to give him the love he needed, and yet several months on, he was still bored and, honestly, quite clearly depressed. Go ahead and accuse me of anthromorphizing, I know my kitty and even with my 9 years of perspective knowing him now, he was absolutely depressed at the time.
A colleague had a wild black kitten no one wanted to adopt, so I agreed to take her in. Fluffer was taken right from the start. I had zero introduction stress... I had planned to keep them apart and all that you're supposed to do, but there it was: miss kitten missed her mama, and big floof missed his pal, the two bonded right off the bat. Six years later they're still best pals and I've not seen fluffer sad since.
A kitten is good because having an older cat will be awesome for its social development, and older cat will (hopefully) not see it as a threat.
You have my sympathies for the sleeping woes.
posted by fraula at 7:52 AM on April 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
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posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:38 AM on April 19, 2017 [6 favorites]