Should I be concerned about having as much sexual desire as I used to?
March 28, 2017 6:01 PM Subscribe
I've noticed that over the past several months that I know longer feel the desire to masturbate as much as I used to. I usually masturbate at least once a day. If I've watched some porn or seen a attractive woman wearing revealing clothing then I usually feel the need to masturbate twice.
Recently however I feel the desire maybe once a week at most. Is this something I should be worried about? I turn 29 in 2 months and I'm wondering if my age has something to do with it. Is it normal to feel less sexual desire as you grow older?
I also weigh 280 lbs and I'm wondering if my weight has something to do with it. I've been overweight my whole life but usually between 237-267 lbs. I was at 292 lbs 2 months ago and I've lost weight since then. When I was at 292 lbs I would practically never feel the need to masturbate, maybe once a month at most. As I've lost weight I've noticed feeling a bit more aroused.
Finally I'm wondering if after going so long without so much as a kiss, much less sex, maybe my body has accepted it's fate and is now going into asexual mode. lol.
Anyone have any thoughts about this?
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- LobsterMitten
What AFABulous said. In many ways fat is its own organ. It produces its own hormones, and these can have an effect on the rest of your endocrine system.
posted by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on March 28, 2017
posted by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on March 28, 2017
maybe my body has accepted it's fate and is now going into asexual mode
No No No this is not a thing. Don't worry. You'll get your mojo back I promise.
It seems like maybe in addition to the physical changes of gaining weight, you seem to be taking on some guilt and anxiety. And feeling guilty and anxious could also have an effect on your self esteem which could make you feel less sexy. Don't let your mind play these tricks on you!! And remember that somewhere inside of you is the drive to live and to reproduce and that that drive never ever goes away. It's probably the strongest drive we have as humans! I'm saying all of this because I've had moments of depression where I felt like I could never be turned on again, but it really is ALL IN THE MOMENT and those are just crazy thoughts that have no bearing on reality. Therapy might help
posted by winterportage at 9:02 PM on March 28, 2017
No No No this is not a thing. Don't worry. You'll get your mojo back I promise.
It seems like maybe in addition to the physical changes of gaining weight, you seem to be taking on some guilt and anxiety. And feeling guilty and anxious could also have an effect on your self esteem which could make you feel less sexy. Don't let your mind play these tricks on you!! And remember that somewhere inside of you is the drive to live and to reproduce and that that drive never ever goes away. It's probably the strongest drive we have as humans! I'm saying all of this because I've had moments of depression where I felt like I could never be turned on again, but it really is ALL IN THE MOMENT and those are just crazy thoughts that have no bearing on reality. Therapy might help
posted by winterportage at 9:02 PM on March 28, 2017
Desire dropping off with age sounds pretty normal to me (age 50, 5'8", 215 lbs) and I wouldn't be to concerned about it unless it causes problems in your life. Also, it doesn't make you any less of a "man" (assuming you are) or any such silliness.
The weight will definitely effect desire. I pick up 5-10 lbs every 10 years around every time I lose weight the sex drive picks up. Actually, since I also start exercising while dieting it's possible that the desire is fitness related.
Regardless of desire I certainly recommend exercise and weight loss. Not because of how you look but because of how you'll feel and because huffing and puffing at the top of the stairs is no fun.
29 does seem young for a drop off so you might involve a doctor but I'd be leary of testosterone replacement. IMO that's often more of a cash flow Rx than a real solution.
* http://consumerist.com/2015/03/04/fda-warns-if-your-low-t-is-just-from-getting-older-dont-use-prescription-testosterone
* https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/03/dubious-tv-drug-ads-may-have-played-big-role-in-beefing-up-testosterone-use/
* https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/02/testosterone-pills-wont-beef-up-your-brain-but-could-harm-your-heart/
posted by Awfki at 5:44 AM on March 29, 2017
The weight will definitely effect desire. I pick up 5-10 lbs every 10 years around every time I lose weight the sex drive picks up. Actually, since I also start exercising while dieting it's possible that the desire is fitness related.
Regardless of desire I certainly recommend exercise and weight loss. Not because of how you look but because of how you'll feel and because huffing and puffing at the top of the stairs is no fun.
29 does seem young for a drop off so you might involve a doctor but I'd be leary of testosterone replacement. IMO that's often more of a cash flow Rx than a real solution.
* http://consumerist.com/2015/03/04/fda-warns-if-your-low-t-is-just-from-getting-older-dont-use-prescription-testosterone
* https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/03/dubious-tv-drug-ads-may-have-played-big-role-in-beefing-up-testosterone-use/
* https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/02/testosterone-pills-wont-beef-up-your-brain-but-could-harm-your-heart/
posted by Awfki at 5:44 AM on March 29, 2017
I agree with Awfki, definitely try natural methods before resorting to replacement T. I brought it up because I am a trans man who is taking testosterone, and from personal experience I know quite a bit about how it affects the sex drive. I'm pretty fit (not ripped) but I have lots of anecdata from the effects on heavier trans guys vs. skinny vs. muscular.
At age 29 your T will not be dropping because of old age. It's probably not as high as it was when you were 18, but in a healthy cis male it should not be rapidly declining. I would get it checked out because on occasion, cis men stop producing it. Your first stop is an endocrinologist (if you don't need referral to a specialist).
After you've gotten the blood test, with your doctor's permission, start exercising and improve your diet. Eating more protein will have an effect on your T level. These are short-term effects so you have to keep doing them. If your blood test is below the normal range (generally 300-1000 ng/dL) then they'll investigate further. A responsible doctor is probably not going to give you anything if you're at the low end of that range.
Whatever you do, DO NOT DOSE YOURSELF WITH TESTOSTERONE. Don't go buying shit from some guy in the locker room. This has huge risks because you cannot determine the correct dose.
posted by AFABulous at 6:35 AM on March 29, 2017
At age 29 your T will not be dropping because of old age. It's probably not as high as it was when you were 18, but in a healthy cis male it should not be rapidly declining. I would get it checked out because on occasion, cis men stop producing it. Your first stop is an endocrinologist (if you don't need referral to a specialist).
After you've gotten the blood test, with your doctor's permission, start exercising and improve your diet. Eating more protein will have an effect on your T level. These are short-term effects so you have to keep doing them. If your blood test is below the normal range (generally 300-1000 ng/dL) then they'll investigate further. A responsible doctor is probably not going to give you anything if you're at the low end of that range.
Whatever you do, DO NOT DOSE YOURSELF WITH TESTOSTERONE. Don't go buying shit from some guy in the locker room. This has huge risks because you cannot determine the correct dose.
posted by AFABulous at 6:35 AM on March 29, 2017
By "natural methods" I meant exercise and diet, not whatever bullshit oils and potions they sell at the drugstore.
posted by AFABulous at 6:36 AM on March 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by AFABulous at 6:36 AM on March 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
A gradual decline with age (e.g., over decades) is normal. Going from once a day or more to once a week, in less than a year, is not. It may be the weight, it may be something else, but it's not age alone...get checked out.
Finally I'm wondering if after going so long without so much as a kiss, much less sex, maybe my body has accepted it's fate and is now going into asexual mode.
No, if that were a thing I should have gone into "asexual mode" years ago. Which would make my life easier in some ways. But I haven't.
posted by Gregor Samsa at 9:09 AM on March 29, 2017
Finally I'm wondering if after going so long without so much as a kiss, much less sex, maybe my body has accepted it's fate and is now going into asexual mode.
No, if that were a thing I should have gone into "asexual mode" years ago. Which would make my life easier in some ways. But I haven't.
posted by Gregor Samsa at 9:09 AM on March 29, 2017
So i checked out some of your previous questions and they lead me to believe you are most likely male. Male + extra weight = i'm already wondering how one's prostate is doing.
For me when my lifestyle is out of sync with what my body wants/needs i find it has an adverse effect on my prostate & sexual desire. Diet and stress seem to have the largest impact for me. If i have two cups of coffee a day i'll be dribbling pee in a matter of weeks w/out herbal intervention. So basically, how's urinating been for you, especially lately?
http://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/condition/benign-prostatic-hyperplasia
Perhaps your body is trying to tell you something is out of balance. If that's the case what do you understand of what the body is communicating? Explore that. (Apologies if that's too woo for you.)
posted by peterpete at 9:28 AM on March 29, 2017
For me when my lifestyle is out of sync with what my body wants/needs i find it has an adverse effect on my prostate & sexual desire. Diet and stress seem to have the largest impact for me. If i have two cups of coffee a day i'll be dribbling pee in a matter of weeks w/out herbal intervention. So basically, how's urinating been for you, especially lately?
http://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/condition/benign-prostatic-hyperplasia
Perhaps your body is trying to tell you something is out of balance. If that's the case what do you understand of what the body is communicating? Explore that. (Apologies if that's too woo for you.)
posted by peterpete at 9:28 AM on March 29, 2017
I would say that for 29 years old this is not a problem. Sometimes desires can be strong, another day they can be not too strong. It depends on many factors. But if you faced with a quite long period with less desires, there could be different reasons. As a trained sex therapist I would tell you that the cause could be the following: you felt tired/exhausted, you could work more that you usually did or you did not work at all) Simply speaking, when you are living to the fullest, in an active way, you can feel stronger desires and fantasies, your libido can be stronger and even meet you more often. If your lifestyle becomes a bit more slower, it can affect libido and sexual desires as well. So you need to think a bit about your lifestyle. But this is just my professional point of view)
posted by Dr. Adelina at 12:50 PM on March 29, 2017
posted by Dr. Adelina at 12:50 PM on March 29, 2017
maybe my body has accepted it's fate and is now going into asexual mode
No No No this is not a thing. Don't worry.
Agree that you shouldn't worry, but uh in my experience this is totally a thing (to some degree). I've never been concerned about *not getting it back* though. Point is that my interest in sex is very much related to whether or not I'm actually having it, and that seems fine to me. A few months doesn't seem like a terribly long time to be less interested in masturbating either.
posted by mammal at 11:03 PM on March 29, 2017
No No No this is not a thing. Don't worry.
Agree that you shouldn't worry, but uh in my experience this is totally a thing (to some degree). I've never been concerned about *not getting it back* though. Point is that my interest in sex is very much related to whether or not I'm actually having it, and that seems fine to me. A few months doesn't seem like a terribly long time to be less interested in masturbating either.
posted by mammal at 11:03 PM on March 29, 2017
IANYD and this is not my area of specialty at all, just feelings on the subject, but if I were you, the first and only thing I'd do right now is focus on further weight loss. It's known that weight loss can improve testosterone levels, and aside from that it can help your health in a lot of other ways too. My personal feeling would be why bother getting testosterone levels even checked at this point? Unless you're the type of person who would be particularly motivated by seeing abnormal lab work or having a doctor reinforce to you the importance of weight loss, but a lot of people don't really like hearing this from their physician, from what I have seen. Let's say you lose the weight and nothing changes, that's when I'd see a doctor, but if it turned out that I went to an extra doctor's appointment and got blood work to tell me something that I probably knew already and knew what a potentially very helpful treatment would be, I'd feel like I wasted my money and time. Whereas if you lose the weight first and it didn't make a major change in your libido, I'd imagine you still would be glad you lost the weight. Then again what it really comes down to is how upset is it making you to only masturbate once per week, if that's really making a difference in your quality of life then you may not want to take this wait and see approach.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:50 PM on March 30, 2017
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:50 PM on March 30, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by AFABulous at 6:12 PM on March 28, 2017 [2 favorites]