Wedding gift ideas for quirky grad student

October 19, 2016 8:23 AM

Can anyone think of some good wedding gift ideas for a very literary, offbeat, humanities grad student that won't break the bank?

My dear friend is getting married soon. The wedding is in India, thousands of miles away and I and most of her US friends aren't attending--it's a semi-arranged marriage and few of us have met her fiance. I've never had a close friend get married before and am not really sure what is appropriate for a wedding gift. I've seen ideas for things like household and kitchen items online--is this what is standard? She is a Sanskrit scholar, one of the most well-read and well-traveled people I know and an aspiring professor of religion and her fiance is also a humanities professor.

My go-to gift for anyone is a book that I think they would like but everything I've read online makes that seem like an odd wedding present. I'd like to send something at the crossroads of beautiful/interesting/literary and useful. The fact that I don't know her fiancé or their relationship makes this a bit more difficult.

Any ideas?

posted by armadillo1224 to Shopping (10 answers total)

First, I would check if they have a wedding registry. This is them telling you what they want/need, and is the perfect place to look if you just aren't sure what to get!

But, if that fails, I think a book is lovely! I agree it's less of a "traditional" gift, but I don't think anyone will be overly annoyed by a gift that is obviously something you chose knowing they would like it...I think this is way better than buying random kitchen stuff when you have no idea what your friend likes or needs in her kitchen.

Finally, it sounds impersonal but...cash is pretty much always appreciated as a wedding gift and your friend and her new husband can put it toward their honeymoon, a down payment, etc. I think this is especially true if we're talking about grad students/lecturers (not sure which category the new husband falls into, but either way these are not things that pay well at all).
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:46 AM on October 19, 2016

If they do have the registry, please buy from the registry! Don't think that the registry is only for people who don't know them well -- the registry is them literally telling you what to get for them!! (And it took a LOT of time to put together, believe me!) Buy from the registry and write her a very nice, loving, heartfelt card expressing how much you care about her.
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 9:06 AM on October 19, 2016 [8 favorites]

You could always buy from the registry and send the book too, if you had one in mind. Or save it for her birthday.
posted by emjaybee at 9:32 AM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

What's the done thing for weddings in her culture/region of India?

If this was a US wedding, I'd say to find out where the couple is registered.

I have an inkling that the done thing for Indian weddings is money rather than physical gifts, but that may not be entirely true or universally true. (This is from my experience attending Indian-American weddings in the US, mostly on the East Coast where cash is a popular wedding gift already.)

I would not gift an item they're not specifically asking for unless you are a very close friend of the couple and know what that gift should be. If you have to Ask Metafilter this question, the answer is not "a thoughtful personal gift they didn't ask for".
posted by Sara C. at 9:44 AM on October 19, 2016

My experience is that Indian wedding gifts are cash. Good news: broke academics love cash! The best wedding present I got was cash and a really thoughtful book.
posted by athirstforsalt at 10:05 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

This post (and also some of the comments on the post--might be useful to read them because it sounds like in some regions it's very uncommon for anyone who isn't close family to give actual things, rather than cash money) suggests money. Additionally, it suggests going in with other people to do a group-style gift. Maybe if you're close to those other American friends who aren't going to India for the wedding, you could arrange the monetary gift for everyone?
posted by weeyin at 10:25 AM on October 19, 2016

My go-to gift for weddings is a picture frame. You can get lovely, handmade ones, and most people have photographs they don't have frames for. I know that registries are popular, but they seem very impersonal to me, and I would never give cash. A book seems like a lovely idea too.
posted by FencingGal at 11:22 AM on October 19, 2016

Often, a piece of art from a place important to your friend—or, better, the couple—makes a nice gift, like this typographic print of the Chicago skyline. Looking for "letterpress" + [city] on Google or on Etsy should get you lots of affordable choices that would be easy to mail.
posted by listen, lady at 3:49 PM on October 19, 2016

Some friends got a compact edition of the Oxford English Dictionary as a wedding gift. I think that's worth a legion of crystal punch bowls.
posted by scratch at 6:30 PM on October 19, 2016

I love getting people paperblank notebooks, they are really beautiful and useful
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 7:38 PM on October 19, 2016