Physical pain when those I feel uncomfortable with touch me

October 18, 2016 9:33 PM

I'm wondering if this is something deeper. Like some sort of synesthesia.

I feel physical pain when those I feel uncomfortable with touch me, even lightly. This happens whether I am generally uncomfortable with the person, or temporarily.

Like just now, I was feeling angry or hurt with my husband. He lightly put his hands on my head, and the pain felt physically terrible. I don't feel this way with his touch when I'm not upset with him (thankfully!!)

Once, a man who I was very uncomfortable with but whom I used to be friends with put his hands on my shoulders and my entire back tightened so hard like one HUGE knot. Even though I could speak to him calmly and without revealing my discomfort verbally.

I couldn't physically bear it when my mother hugged me over a period of years when I was subconsciously distraught by our relationship.

I do have signs of being overly empathetic to start with, and am physically affected by stress, but I'm wondering if this is something deeper. Like some sort of synesthesia. Any thoughts?

posted by cacao to Grab Bag (7 answers total)

You might find this thread helpful and/or informative.
posted by Brittanie at 11:46 PM on October 18, 2016

You could be physically flinching and/or tensing up your muscles when these people touch you.

The tense muscles could be what's causing the pain...
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 12:42 AM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Yep, this is a thing and common among people with non-standard neurotypes. I'm not aware of it having a specific name - it's different to allodynia. In general it comes under the umbrella of sensory differences. It is genuinely and inherently part of how you experience touch.

I stumbled upon a good way of explaining it to people who don't get it recently: you know how it is a totally different experience eating food yourself vs having someone force-feed you or put food in your mouth?
posted by lokta at 3:32 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I have this too, and I get nauseous. Biologically it might be adrenaline but I flakily think of it as invading my energy. If I know it is going to be inevitable (a lot of handshaking or tight quarters) I do deep breaths in the bathroom and then visualize an invisible layer between me and everything else which helps some but not totally.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:21 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Yes, thank-you, yes. Oh good, it's not just me. For me it is like they are not just touching me, but unloading all their 'weight' on me; like they are downloading angst or something. I've decided it is about energy exchange. Those who are giving or sharing - lovely. Those who are taking - painful.
posted by Thella at 6:00 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I have this too, and have had since babyhood. Tactile greetings are especially unpleasant. If someone pats me on the shoulder or arm, I have to control my urge to flinch (and often I fail). Inexplicably, it only happens with other humans – cuddles, nuzzles etc from dogs, horses and other animals are something I have always loved.
posted by MinPin at 7:05 AM on October 19, 2016

Response by poster: Thank you all for your feedback! I received a DM about this, and thought I would share my response here:

Thanks for sharing! I think your explanation is most in line with what I experience. I'm glad that I'm not alone. While I don't have any answers yet, I do have one hopeful thought: I think that positive energy empowers people like us significantly more than the average person. So, if you can find ways to attract positive energy into your life, I believe that the opposite reaction could occur: pleasure, strength, etc, beyond our wildest imaginations.

At least that's the silver lining theory I just came up with to try to offer us hope. Maybe we can give it a shot and report back to each other how it works out.

~Cacao~
posted by cacao at 11:46 AM on October 21, 2016