Help me move on from a recent bad job and understand what happened.
October 16, 2016 10:21 AM Subscribe
I need help distinguishing what was my fault and what was bad management. Also need help dealing with the anxiety that still comes back to me about it.
-- I had a stress meltdown at my recent job in a small film production company. what happened was, after about 6 months working as executive assistant, they decided to move me over to a production coordinator role (with no negotiation or new contract or pay increase I might add). The reason they did this was that the person in that position was really lazy and was not pulling their weight at all or even trying but was a well loved person and so they moved her to a different and less demanding role. They hired a new manager who did not have a very smooth transition into the company due to having poor social skills and being inexperienced.
So they promoted me to the production coordinator role in a very rushed way .. basically on a wednesday they held a meeting with me, the new manager,, the old production coordinator who was changing jobs, and the producer and just told me I was changing jobs on Monday ( I asked twice for a new contract and negotation of pay but was told I had to pass a 3 month probation on the new job to get that). Despite being happy about the promotion I realized I was completely unprepared for that job and found it horribly stressful, and also had trouble getting along with my boss who was kind of like a bull in a china shop and alienated a lot of people by treating long time staff as peons, putting me in an awkward position of negotiating between my boss's unrealistic demands and my wish to remain on good terms with my colleagues. Also, my boss went on vacation in the third month of working there, and I was left to deal with everything on my own (which actually proved easier than trying to get my work done when she was there because she would interrupt me every 10 minutes and micromanage every aspect of my work which made me super anxious and unable to focus).
-- Before my boss went on vacation, I was feeling anxious about taking on the whole workload for 3 weeks with no help, so I wanted to make sure I would get help. I tried to ask her if I could hire this equipment guy that we hired on numerous occasions, to help me on the 2 days that I would need to prepare the equipment for a shoot ( I don't have enough experience with camera equipment to understand what the team needs). But she kept saying, "it's not in the budget". So I had to argue with her. I said, "Something unexpected always happens at the last minute before the team leaves on a shoot and we need to go out and buy a new supply. But if I'm the only one here, I won't be able to do that, so WE NEED to hire him for that day." But I said this in an aggressive tone and I would not let up until she agreed to hire him. Later her supervisor called a meeting between the three of us and I got a little talking to about being rude. And she got a talking to explaining that I needed help while she was gone and that it was valid for me to need to hire someone.
-- The environment had a weird culture of sucking up all your energy and expecting devotion. you had to suck up to the right people in order to enter into the tribe, and i have since learned that at least 4 people in the team (of less than 20 people) have addiction problems
-- After about 2 and a half months into the new role I got coaxed and convinced by 3 people (including my boss's manager) to write a letter about my boss explaining that her attitude was affecting the whole team. I thought this was a very bad idea but I was in such a weak state of mind that I ended up doing it.
-- The next week, I visited my doctor as a follow-up to check how the anxiety medication he had prescribed for me was working. I told him that it wasn't working and that my anxiety had gotten worse and asked him to give me a sick note. He said he thought I really needed time off and recommended 3 weeks (I wasn't sure i needed that long)
-- So that week I went to HR and asked for a week off work. A couple days later, I was dismissed. Luckily, I got a week's pay out of it and now am eligible for employment insurance.
-- This all happened about a month and a half ago, and I've since had time to rest, go on vacation, and have gone to 2 job interviews at different companies, I joined a choir and I'm also learning coding on Free Code Camp. but I'm still feeling shaken up and anxious and having flashbacks and dreams of working there. How can I move on?
-- I need to learn from the situation and realize what mistakes I've made and be able to distinguish between what was my fault and what wasn't. Because I'm feeling excessively ashamed of what happened but also feeling anger and bitterness towards my employer for their crazy way of working. So I can't figure out where I went wrong, and where they went wrong.
-- I'm willing to fully accept whatever role I played in this happening and I want to learn from the mistake. I'm in talk therapy right now, started a new anxiety medication that seems to be working better, and I'm signing up for CBT as well. But I also don't want to hang onto excessive guilt and take responsibility onto myself when it should really be blamed on bad management. Basically I need your judgment to tell me where I went wrong, and where management was wrong.
-- I had a stress meltdown at my recent job in a small film production company. what happened was, after about 6 months working as executive assistant, they decided to move me over to a production coordinator role (with no negotiation or new contract or pay increase I might add). The reason they did this was that the person in that position was really lazy and was not pulling their weight at all or even trying but was a well loved person and so they moved her to a different and less demanding role. They hired a new manager who did not have a very smooth transition into the company due to having poor social skills and being inexperienced.
So they promoted me to the production coordinator role in a very rushed way .. basically on a wednesday they held a meeting with me, the new manager,, the old production coordinator who was changing jobs, and the producer and just told me I was changing jobs on Monday ( I asked twice for a new contract and negotation of pay but was told I had to pass a 3 month probation on the new job to get that). Despite being happy about the promotion I realized I was completely unprepared for that job and found it horribly stressful, and also had trouble getting along with my boss who was kind of like a bull in a china shop and alienated a lot of people by treating long time staff as peons, putting me in an awkward position of negotiating between my boss's unrealistic demands and my wish to remain on good terms with my colleagues. Also, my boss went on vacation in the third month of working there, and I was left to deal with everything on my own (which actually proved easier than trying to get my work done when she was there because she would interrupt me every 10 minutes and micromanage every aspect of my work which made me super anxious and unable to focus).
-- Before my boss went on vacation, I was feeling anxious about taking on the whole workload for 3 weeks with no help, so I wanted to make sure I would get help. I tried to ask her if I could hire this equipment guy that we hired on numerous occasions, to help me on the 2 days that I would need to prepare the equipment for a shoot ( I don't have enough experience with camera equipment to understand what the team needs). But she kept saying, "it's not in the budget". So I had to argue with her. I said, "Something unexpected always happens at the last minute before the team leaves on a shoot and we need to go out and buy a new supply. But if I'm the only one here, I won't be able to do that, so WE NEED to hire him for that day." But I said this in an aggressive tone and I would not let up until she agreed to hire him. Later her supervisor called a meeting between the three of us and I got a little talking to about being rude. And she got a talking to explaining that I needed help while she was gone and that it was valid for me to need to hire someone.
-- The environment had a weird culture of sucking up all your energy and expecting devotion. you had to suck up to the right people in order to enter into the tribe, and i have since learned that at least 4 people in the team (of less than 20 people) have addiction problems
-- After about 2 and a half months into the new role I got coaxed and convinced by 3 people (including my boss's manager) to write a letter about my boss explaining that her attitude was affecting the whole team. I thought this was a very bad idea but I was in such a weak state of mind that I ended up doing it.
-- The next week, I visited my doctor as a follow-up to check how the anxiety medication he had prescribed for me was working. I told him that it wasn't working and that my anxiety had gotten worse and asked him to give me a sick note. He said he thought I really needed time off and recommended 3 weeks (I wasn't sure i needed that long)
-- So that week I went to HR and asked for a week off work. A couple days later, I was dismissed. Luckily, I got a week's pay out of it and now am eligible for employment insurance.
-- This all happened about a month and a half ago, and I've since had time to rest, go on vacation, and have gone to 2 job interviews at different companies, I joined a choir and I'm also learning coding on Free Code Camp. but I'm still feeling shaken up and anxious and having flashbacks and dreams of working there. How can I move on?
-- I need to learn from the situation and realize what mistakes I've made and be able to distinguish between what was my fault and what wasn't. Because I'm feeling excessively ashamed of what happened but also feeling anger and bitterness towards my employer for their crazy way of working. So I can't figure out where I went wrong, and where they went wrong.
-- I'm willing to fully accept whatever role I played in this happening and I want to learn from the mistake. I'm in talk therapy right now, started a new anxiety medication that seems to be working better, and I'm signing up for CBT as well. But I also don't want to hang onto excessive guilt and take responsibility onto myself when it should really be blamed on bad management. Basically I need your judgment to tell me where I went wrong, and where management was wrong.
I feel like you did everything you could, but succumbing to your coworkers pressure to write a complaint letter about your boss was REALLY sticking your neck out (as you learned). There was something similar to this on Ask A Manager in the last couple of months, which the response boiled down to "why wouldn't they do this themselves?" I mean really, your boss's boss couldn't manage the problem? Yadda yadda yadda their whole fucking job.
posted by rhizome at 10:50 AM on October 16, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 10:50 AM on October 16, 2016 [7 favorites]
To put it simply, it sounds like the job was a total mess.
That said, here are the two things that jump out at me:
1. Don't let yourself get stepped on.
For your own sake, work with your therapist on being calm and assertive. If your reasonable requests aren't met, be ready to walk away and find a new job- you'll do so calmly and respectfully, but you'll do it nonetheless. And your requests were quite reasonable- wanting compensation for a new job title and new responsibilities, wanting an assistant consistent with what you had previously agreed on with management, not wanting to get involved in unnecessary drama regarding that letter, etc.
Sometimes when people let themselves get stepped on, after enough abuse it boils over and they explode... and then they look like the unreasonable ones. From your story about hiring the equipment assistant and how you handled that situation, that sounds like the pattern you locked into at this job. That's what you want to break out of.
2. Try not to make the people around you into bigger problems than they actually are.
"She would interrupt me every 10 minutes and micromanage every aspect of my work." Was she really that horrible? Would she really? Or are you exaggerating this a bit? To me it sounds like the latter, because that's the very nature of what anxiety can do to us- it turns small manageable problems into seemingly insurmountable ones. It especially turns manageable people into impossible people.
For sure, some people have poor soft skills, or are poor planners, or are just plain difficult to handle. But are they really that bad? If they aren't, don't let your anxiety turn their behavior into a larger challenge than it actually is. Talk to your therapist about coping skills you can learn to help you in this area.
If they are really that bad, be ready to walk away, because you don't have the time and energy for that in your life.
posted by Old Man McKay at 10:54 AM on October 16, 2016 [6 favorites]
That said, here are the two things that jump out at me:
1. Don't let yourself get stepped on.
For your own sake, work with your therapist on being calm and assertive. If your reasonable requests aren't met, be ready to walk away and find a new job- you'll do so calmly and respectfully, but you'll do it nonetheless. And your requests were quite reasonable- wanting compensation for a new job title and new responsibilities, wanting an assistant consistent with what you had previously agreed on with management, not wanting to get involved in unnecessary drama regarding that letter, etc.
Sometimes when people let themselves get stepped on, after enough abuse it boils over and they explode... and then they look like the unreasonable ones. From your story about hiring the equipment assistant and how you handled that situation, that sounds like the pattern you locked into at this job. That's what you want to break out of.
2. Try not to make the people around you into bigger problems than they actually are.
"She would interrupt me every 10 minutes and micromanage every aspect of my work." Was she really that horrible? Would she really? Or are you exaggerating this a bit? To me it sounds like the latter, because that's the very nature of what anxiety can do to us- it turns small manageable problems into seemingly insurmountable ones. It especially turns manageable people into impossible people.
For sure, some people have poor soft skills, or are poor planners, or are just plain difficult to handle. But are they really that bad? If they aren't, don't let your anxiety turn their behavior into a larger challenge than it actually is. Talk to your therapist about coping skills you can learn to help you in this area.
If they are really that bad, be ready to walk away, because you don't have the time and energy for that in your life.
posted by Old Man McKay at 10:54 AM on October 16, 2016 [6 favorites]
You'll have to give yourself some time just to get over the general trauma of what happened, same as you would the end of a relationship or family upheaval or even a car accident or surgery. It was bad, you experienced something stressful and painful, and you are allowed those feelings regardless of fault or blame.
I really feel like when there's a multiple-person work clusterfuck, there may be aspects of it that were your fault but it took teamwork and leadership and Very Special Personalities to fuck it up that bad and you should be careful not to take the whole thing on yourself. And really, in a case where a company makes a hasty or badly-transitioned promotion because they have to rather than because it's the best way to handle a situation, that puts really most of the burden on management. It's not like you bullied your way into the job.
And in cases like that, you being inexperienced or unprepared isn't a failure, it's just where you were at the time. It'd be like grabbing someone in their second year of law school and saying "hey, take this murder trial, here's some folders" and then being like "you didn't do a very good job at that" afterwards. Well, yeah? That's what law school, internships, entry-level jobs etc are for?
There will always be lessons learned, and that's great! You now know things you didn't know before and you will know to push back a lot harder the next time someone tries to put you in those kinds of situations. And there are aspects about this that you won't fully understand for another ten years of life in the working world, so don't think you're going to get to "solve" this quickly. Just take care of yourself, remember that you have no control over other people's behavior, and work on dusting yourself off for the next challenge.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:02 AM on October 16, 2016 [4 favorites]
I really feel like when there's a multiple-person work clusterfuck, there may be aspects of it that were your fault but it took teamwork and leadership and Very Special Personalities to fuck it up that bad and you should be careful not to take the whole thing on yourself. And really, in a case where a company makes a hasty or badly-transitioned promotion because they have to rather than because it's the best way to handle a situation, that puts really most of the burden on management. It's not like you bullied your way into the job.
And in cases like that, you being inexperienced or unprepared isn't a failure, it's just where you were at the time. It'd be like grabbing someone in their second year of law school and saying "hey, take this murder trial, here's some folders" and then being like "you didn't do a very good job at that" afterwards. Well, yeah? That's what law school, internships, entry-level jobs etc are for?
There will always be lessons learned, and that's great! You now know things you didn't know before and you will know to push back a lot harder the next time someone tries to put you in those kinds of situations. And there are aspects about this that you won't fully understand for another ten years of life in the working world, so don't think you're going to get to "solve" this quickly. Just take care of yourself, remember that you have no control over other people's behavior, and work on dusting yourself off for the next challenge.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:02 AM on October 16, 2016 [4 favorites]
You've done a tremendous amount of work in the month and a half since this job ended! That says a lot about you — that you're proactive and thoughtful. Many people, myself included, have wallowed in the unfairness of the aftermath of a toxic workplace. I think you should give yourself credit for the tools you're learning now both professionally and personally.
You were in a shitty workplace. It sounds like you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, but it is normal to negotiate salary after a promotion and to talk through the plan when your boss goes on vacation. The culture of your workplace distorted what seemed normal. Sure, you shouldn't be making demands to your boss, but honestly, that doesn't really happen in healthy workplaces because you're not dealing with unreasonable expectations. I think you're being too hard on yourself about your behavior at this job. It didn't sound like you were acting ideally at all times, but ask yourself: have you acted like this in other jobs and gotten negative feedback from them or just from this one? If it's not a pattern with you then focus more on avoiding toxic workplaces—the blog Ask A Manager was invaluable to me for learning what's normal/healthy— and don't spend your time rehashing what you did wrong in a workplace that's bound to bring out the worst in someone.
It takes awhile to learn how to avoid drama at work (like writing a letter to your boss). Avoid coworkers who try to convince you to take the heat like yours did in asking you to write that letter. A healthy workplace means you can work through issues without needing secret cabals to handle management. A boss who micromanages isn't always hopeless, there are ways to address that with them (in a healthy workplace), like asking "I've noticed you check on my work frequently. I feel comfortable working independently, but is there something you want me to pay closer attention to or update you on? I want to make sure I'm doing my best work and that you're comfortable trusting me to handle it." Would that have worked with your boss? Probably not, since they sound like an insecure loon, but it's good practice to address what makes you crazy about your job because the way coworkers or managers handle this sort of conversation will tell you whether it's worth trying to improve or if it's time to start job searching.
It takes practice to enforce strong boundaries at work and therapy is the perfect safe place to get practice setting boundaries. So you're doing what you need to do, just give yourself space and time. Bad jobs can affect a person for years but on the bright side, you've definitely learned from this one.
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 11:11 AM on October 16, 2016 [4 favorites]
You were in a shitty workplace. It sounds like you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, but it is normal to negotiate salary after a promotion and to talk through the plan when your boss goes on vacation. The culture of your workplace distorted what seemed normal. Sure, you shouldn't be making demands to your boss, but honestly, that doesn't really happen in healthy workplaces because you're not dealing with unreasonable expectations. I think you're being too hard on yourself about your behavior at this job. It didn't sound like you were acting ideally at all times, but ask yourself: have you acted like this in other jobs and gotten negative feedback from them or just from this one? If it's not a pattern with you then focus more on avoiding toxic workplaces—the blog Ask A Manager was invaluable to me for learning what's normal/healthy— and don't spend your time rehashing what you did wrong in a workplace that's bound to bring out the worst in someone.
It takes awhile to learn how to avoid drama at work (like writing a letter to your boss). Avoid coworkers who try to convince you to take the heat like yours did in asking you to write that letter. A healthy workplace means you can work through issues without needing secret cabals to handle management. A boss who micromanages isn't always hopeless, there are ways to address that with them (in a healthy workplace), like asking "I've noticed you check on my work frequently. I feel comfortable working independently, but is there something you want me to pay closer attention to or update you on? I want to make sure I'm doing my best work and that you're comfortable trusting me to handle it." Would that have worked with your boss? Probably not, since they sound like an insecure loon, but it's good practice to address what makes you crazy about your job because the way coworkers or managers handle this sort of conversation will tell you whether it's worth trying to improve or if it's time to start job searching.
It takes practice to enforce strong boundaries at work and therapy is the perfect safe place to get practice setting boundaries. So you're doing what you need to do, just give yourself space and time. Bad jobs can affect a person for years but on the bright side, you've definitely learned from this one.
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 11:11 AM on October 16, 2016 [4 favorites]
As a note, you're likely to find that many media production companies are stressful and filled with drama. It is possible to find sane ones to work for, but in general they tend to be pretty intense places to work with lots of flaky people.
posted by Candleman at 11:16 AM on October 16, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Candleman at 11:16 AM on October 16, 2016 [3 favorites]
After about 2 and a half months into the new role I got coaxed and convinced by 3 people (including my boss's manager) to write a letter about my boss explaining that her attitude was affecting the whole team. I thought this was a very bad idea but I was in such a weak state of mind that I ended up doing it.
It sounds like you were being deliberately set up to be fired here. Don't blame yourself - as you said, you were under a lot of stress, and apparently caved when they pressured you. The fact that your coworkers and boss's boss had to "coax and convince" you sounds like a calculated move to throw you under the bus. If this group hadn't succeeded in pressuring you then, they would have tried something else until they found something to stick.
This is so toxic and dysfunctional that I can't even. I think the best thing to do is to try to avoid such workplaces from here on in. It's possible that your field is full of such workplaces, in which case, how much do you love what you do and want to continue doing it?
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 11:40 AM on October 16, 2016 [7 favorites]
It sounds like you were being deliberately set up to be fired here. Don't blame yourself - as you said, you were under a lot of stress, and apparently caved when they pressured you. The fact that your coworkers and boss's boss had to "coax and convince" you sounds like a calculated move to throw you under the bus. If this group hadn't succeeded in pressuring you then, they would have tried something else until they found something to stick.
This is so toxic and dysfunctional that I can't even. I think the best thing to do is to try to avoid such workplaces from here on in. It's possible that your field is full of such workplaces, in which case, how much do you love what you do and want to continue doing it?
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 11:40 AM on October 16, 2016 [7 favorites]
I was left to deal with everything on my own (which actually proved easier than trying to get my work done when she was there because she would interrupt me every 10 minutes and micromanage every aspect of my work which made me super anxious and unable to focus).
I totally believe you on this -- the constant derailing of your momentum will mess with concentration and memory, and it wastes huge amounts of time as you have to detangle your head from the distraction to get back to where you were. It's frustrating and it wears you down while it tenses you up. I'm sure there are ways to "cope," but honestly, when this really starts happening, the best method of coping is finding something else, because it rarely changes. Calmly and honestly deal with any new managers, but watch out if the heavy-duty drilling starts, as you already know you aren't suited for this type of management.
As to some of your descriptions: Instead of being lazy and favored, perhaps the woman you replaced paid a lot of dues and has a positive track record, but has hit a rough patch and they're trying to help her by reassigning her. Is it really not possible that, say, she has a health issue that you have no business knowing about? You also say that you've found out about people having addiction problems, but unless those people told you directly that they do, you don't know that at all (even though it may be true). Anyway, maybe a little less reliance on assumptions and gossip?
It does sound like a high-stress environment, and a job that many people would find intolerable. Remind yourself you're not there any more, and as time goes on, it will take up less and less space in your head. Congratulations on being clear-headed enough to move on as well as you have. And on the upside, you did get a promotion to put on your resume.
posted by sageleaf at 11:49 AM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]
I totally believe you on this -- the constant derailing of your momentum will mess with concentration and memory, and it wastes huge amounts of time as you have to detangle your head from the distraction to get back to where you were. It's frustrating and it wears you down while it tenses you up. I'm sure there are ways to "cope," but honestly, when this really starts happening, the best method of coping is finding something else, because it rarely changes. Calmly and honestly deal with any new managers, but watch out if the heavy-duty drilling starts, as you already know you aren't suited for this type of management.
As to some of your descriptions: Instead of being lazy and favored, perhaps the woman you replaced paid a lot of dues and has a positive track record, but has hit a rough patch and they're trying to help her by reassigning her. Is it really not possible that, say, she has a health issue that you have no business knowing about? You also say that you've found out about people having addiction problems, but unless those people told you directly that they do, you don't know that at all (even though it may be true). Anyway, maybe a little less reliance on assumptions and gossip?
It does sound like a high-stress environment, and a job that many people would find intolerable. Remind yourself you're not there any more, and as time goes on, it will take up less and less space in your head. Congratulations on being clear-headed enough to move on as well as you have. And on the upside, you did get a promotion to put on your resume.
posted by sageleaf at 11:49 AM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]
One thing bad workplaces do is make things personal and express difficulty in terms of personal failings rather than looking at systems and skills. It sounds like this both happened to you and that you are talking about people there the same way.
So...that job and environment wasn't a fit. Now you know what that looks like. You don't need to decide who was Good and who was Bad. You need a job that suits your skills, your personality, and your goals. It's not any more personal than that.
posted by warriorqueen at 2:07 PM on October 16, 2016
So...that job and environment wasn't a fit. Now you know what that looks like. You don't need to decide who was Good and who was Bad. You need a job that suits your skills, your personality, and your goals. It's not any more personal than that.
posted by warriorqueen at 2:07 PM on October 16, 2016
I'll second Candleman that media/entertainment production has a real tendency to be a high-stress last-second oops-where-did-the-budget-go kind of job, and often tends to attract weirdos and flakes. So while I think you got stuck in an especially bad situation and then thrown under the bus, it might be worth considering whether you want to stay in the field.
However . . . . .
after about 6 months working as executive assistant, they decided to move me over to a production coordinator role
This is bonkers. Unless you demonstrated some unholy level of organization AND utter unflappability while an EA, you shouldn't have been anywhere near that production coordinator job. Production coordinators need to know something about pretty much every aspect of the business and stay both hyper-organized and flexible. The fact that you were offered the job with no previous production experience reflects very poorly on your bosses - clearly they don't really grasp how their own business works, which is never a good sign. (It also suggests that maybe your predecessor was less "lazy" and more "inexperienced and overwhelmed." Or maybe just burned out.) Not your fault.
had trouble getting along with my boss who was kind of like a bull in a china shop and alienated a lot of people by treating long time staff as peons, putting me in an awkward position of negotiating between my boss's unrealistic demands and my wish to remain on good terms with my colleagues.
I'm not entirely clear on this, but your boss was also the *new* manager?
In either case, this is more "bad luck" than anyone's "fault." Sometimes people like this can fire up a workplace in a good way, sometimes they calm down after some time on the gig, sometimes everyone figures out how to work around or with them. Clearly this new manager looked good on paper, and it sounds like the company was pretty invested in keeping her on. So you were always going to get the short end of the stick, and you didn't have time/energy to figure out how to work with her.
she would interrupt me every 10 minutes and micromanage every aspect of my work which made me super anxious and unable to focus
This will not be the last micromanager you run into, no matter where your life takes you, so one takeaway would be to work on how to deal with them.
Also, my boss went on vacation in the third month of working there, and I was left to deal with everything on my own
More WTF from your bosses. Yeah, sometimes schedules just work out in a screwed-up way - and the fact that they let your new boss do this is one of the things that makes me think the company thought she was a great catch - but to leave a noob twisting in the wind like that is bad management.
"Something unexpected always happens at the last minute before the team leaves on a shoot and we need to go out and buy a new supply. But if I'm the only one here, I won't be able to do that, so WE NEED to hire him for that day."
You are 100% correct, good for you for recognizing that you needed help and good for you for insisting that you got it.
Later her supervisor called a meeting between the three of us and I got a little talking to about being rude. And she got a talking to explaining that I needed help while she was gone and that it was valid for me to need to hire someone.
OK, so maybe your higher-ups weren't totally clueless, since they backed you up on your need for help. But again, the fact that she apparently had to see you get a dressing down for aggressive tone shows that the company was way more interested in keeping her happy than you.
-- The environment had a weird culture of sucking up all your energy and expecting devotion. you had to suck up to the right people in order to enter into the tribe, and i have since learned that at least 4 people in the team (of less than 20 people) have addiction problems.
Unfortunately, not that unusual in this line of work. Even in good companies there's an expectation that everyone will go above and beyond as needed. The addiction is irrelevant, except in the sense that, well, it's the entertainment biz, drugs and booze are everywhere. Plenty of addicts are able to keep it together enough to do fine at their jobs for years and years and years.
-- After about 2 and a half months into the new role I got coaxed and convinced by 3 people (including my boss's manager) to write a letter about my boss explaining that her attitude was affecting the whole team. I thought this was a very bad idea but I was in such a weak state of mind that I ended up doing it.
Yeah, you got suckered and thrown under the bus. It's your boss's manager's damn job to handle this kind of thing WITHOUT involving you or your fellow underlings. Next time listen to your gut and don't do anything like this.
posted by soundguy99 at 6:43 PM on October 17, 2016
However . . . . .
after about 6 months working as executive assistant, they decided to move me over to a production coordinator role
This is bonkers. Unless you demonstrated some unholy level of organization AND utter unflappability while an EA, you shouldn't have been anywhere near that production coordinator job. Production coordinators need to know something about pretty much every aspect of the business and stay both hyper-organized and flexible. The fact that you were offered the job with no previous production experience reflects very poorly on your bosses - clearly they don't really grasp how their own business works, which is never a good sign. (It also suggests that maybe your predecessor was less "lazy" and more "inexperienced and overwhelmed." Or maybe just burned out.) Not your fault.
had trouble getting along with my boss who was kind of like a bull in a china shop and alienated a lot of people by treating long time staff as peons, putting me in an awkward position of negotiating between my boss's unrealistic demands and my wish to remain on good terms with my colleagues.
I'm not entirely clear on this, but your boss was also the *new* manager?
In either case, this is more "bad luck" than anyone's "fault." Sometimes people like this can fire up a workplace in a good way, sometimes they calm down after some time on the gig, sometimes everyone figures out how to work around or with them. Clearly this new manager looked good on paper, and it sounds like the company was pretty invested in keeping her on. So you were always going to get the short end of the stick, and you didn't have time/energy to figure out how to work with her.
she would interrupt me every 10 minutes and micromanage every aspect of my work which made me super anxious and unable to focus
This will not be the last micromanager you run into, no matter where your life takes you, so one takeaway would be to work on how to deal with them.
Also, my boss went on vacation in the third month of working there, and I was left to deal with everything on my own
More WTF from your bosses. Yeah, sometimes schedules just work out in a screwed-up way - and the fact that they let your new boss do this is one of the things that makes me think the company thought she was a great catch - but to leave a noob twisting in the wind like that is bad management.
"Something unexpected always happens at the last minute before the team leaves on a shoot and we need to go out and buy a new supply. But if I'm the only one here, I won't be able to do that, so WE NEED to hire him for that day."
You are 100% correct, good for you for recognizing that you needed help and good for you for insisting that you got it.
Later her supervisor called a meeting between the three of us and I got a little talking to about being rude. And she got a talking to explaining that I needed help while she was gone and that it was valid for me to need to hire someone.
OK, so maybe your higher-ups weren't totally clueless, since they backed you up on your need for help. But again, the fact that she apparently had to see you get a dressing down for aggressive tone shows that the company was way more interested in keeping her happy than you.
-- The environment had a weird culture of sucking up all your energy and expecting devotion. you had to suck up to the right people in order to enter into the tribe, and i have since learned that at least 4 people in the team (of less than 20 people) have addiction problems.
Unfortunately, not that unusual in this line of work. Even in good companies there's an expectation that everyone will go above and beyond as needed. The addiction is irrelevant, except in the sense that, well, it's the entertainment biz, drugs and booze are everywhere. Plenty of addicts are able to keep it together enough to do fine at their jobs for years and years and years.
-- After about 2 and a half months into the new role I got coaxed and convinced by 3 people (including my boss's manager) to write a letter about my boss explaining that her attitude was affecting the whole team. I thought this was a very bad idea but I was in such a weak state of mind that I ended up doing it.
Yeah, you got suckered and thrown under the bus. It's your boss's manager's damn job to handle this kind of thing WITHOUT involving you or your fellow underlings. Next time listen to your gut and don't do anything like this.
posted by soundguy99 at 6:43 PM on October 17, 2016
Honestly, you did nothing wrong except get walked on. I worked in a place just like yours but I didn't let them walk on me. But they did cause extreme anguish, depression and anxiety. I confided in my newer boss thinking he was on my side. As I told him about my depression as a way for him to understand that I'm aware of my performance, I"m working on things. He took it as an opportunity to criticize depression and crossed over some thin EEOC lines. Needless to say 10 years of perfect reviews, this dude comes in and bam, I'm let go.
Bottom line, when you work for a company/people like you described, YOU did nothing wrong. You worked in a dysfunctional environment where you were the only sane person.
Be happy you're gone.
posted by stormpooper at 1:02 PM on October 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
Bottom line, when you work for a company/people like you described, YOU did nothing wrong. You worked in a dysfunctional environment where you were the only sane person.
Be happy you're gone.
posted by stormpooper at 1:02 PM on October 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
After about 2 and a half months into the new role I got coaxed and convinced by 3 people (including my boss's manager) to write a letter about my boss explaining that her attitude was affecting the whole team. I thought this was a very bad idea but I was in such a weak state of mind that I ended up doing it.
Yeah, okay, never do that again though.
posted by so fucking future at 10:28 AM on October 16, 2016 [15 favorites]