Should I tell them before sex?
January 4, 2006 2:47 AM Subscribe
I have Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. To summarise its effects, I look like a normal girl on the outside, but my vaginal canal is considerably smaller than most women's. This makes penetrative sex with men, until my body gets used to it, very difficult. This has never been a problem because, until recently, I only slept with women. However, now I want to pursue sexual relationships with men. The first time I went to bed with a man, we knew each other well so he was aware of my condition and what it meant. However, I recently went home with a man I don't know that well yet, and didn't say anything and limited our activities to fooling around. However, this is not what I wanted: I wanted everything but intercourse. In order to deal with this issue, I could: a) Avoid clothes-off situations until I know a man well enough for the fact that I have AIS to be stated naturally. Not tempting. b) Before any intimacy, tell the guy in question about the fact that I have AIS. This would almost certainly necessitate mentioning it well before I would with any new friend. c) Tell the man that I simply don't want penetrative sex, and not say why. This is OK, but it is reasonably obvious to all but the most inexperienced that my vaginal canal is different from other girls'. So, my question: should I do (a), (b) or (c) (or a (d) that I haven't thought of). If (a) or (b), how should I go about doing the telling? With friends, it's easy, but I can imagine that a few straight men might have a problem with being intimate with someone who has XY chromosomes, and I should think that most will need to process it.