Baby Grabbyhands

October 7, 2016 4:21 PM

My six month old constantly grabs at my face and pulls my hair, especially while nursing. What specific toys / objects / techniques have worked for you to distract a grabby baby?

I love my baby so much, but the grabby hands are driving me crazy. She grabs/pinches my face, lip, nose, skin on my upper chest - anything she can reach. It's most frustrating when she's nursing, because I can't move her out of reach of my face. She's usually not interested in holding my shirt or a nursing necklace. I constantly redirect her or hold her hand, but she doesn't like her hand being gently restrained, and if I let go for a second she starts grabbing again.

It's less of an issue when she's not nursing because I can move her so that her hands can't reach my face/head, but she does pull my hair a lot - she grabs the length when it's down and holds the hair near my scalp like a handle when my hair is back. It doesn't hurt, but I dislike it and I wish I could teach her to stop. At least she can't reach my pulled-back hair when nursing!

I know this is normal and common and will resolve with time, and I know she's not old enough to understand that face-grabbing is (physically) uncomfortable for me. I do gently move her hands and redirect her, but she isn't particularly interested in holding on to my shirt, a burp cloth, or the two teething/nursing necklaces I have. I am looking for ideas to distract her enough that she doesn't grab at me. Are there specific toys, necklaces, or methods of redirection that have worked for you?

I read this related question, but I'm looking for more specific ideas.

posted by insectosaurus to Human Relations (20 answers total)

This (eventually) worked for us (maybe; who knows, she might've just grown out of it):

First time, remove her hands, say "No".
Second time (and all times thereafter), say "No" again while putting her down.

It took a while, but it worked. She hardly ever does it anymore at 15 months, and one "No" is usually enough to remind her.
posted by Etrigan at 4:40 PM on October 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

Keys
Measuring spoons
The remote control
An old flip phone
A board book
A scrap of ribbon

Basically anything grabbable that baby can manipulate in her hands, esp if there is an element of it being something they are not usually allowed to touch.
posted by fancyoats at 4:42 PM on October 7, 2016

Not an answer to your question, but: I have heard stories of babies grabbing dangling earrings and pulling them so hard that they split the earlobe and come all the way through the ear. So, for you, maybe no dangly earrings for a while. Also warn your friends :)
posted by amtho at 4:43 PM on October 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

I had a few different styles of BPA-free silicone teething necklaces (like this and this -- sorry, I don't remember the exact brand but these are extremely similar). They worked like magic.

::edit:: Whoops, sorry, just re-read and saw that your baby was not interested in grabbing nursing/teething necklaces. I apologize for recommending something you specifically said didn't work!
posted by erst at 4:45 PM on October 7, 2016

My daughter's 2 and will still grab my face while she nurses if she doesn't have this lovey to fondle. She likes all the little knobby bits.
posted by Kriesa at 5:31 PM on October 7, 2016

Are there objects she is fascinated by that you don't generally let her have because you'd need to supervise so closely? This is a great time for them since you'll be seeing her the whole time anyway.

For instance, my youngest was (and still is) for some reason deeply fascinated by squirty tubes of stuff (e.g., diaper rash cream, lotion, etc). I didn't usually want him to play with them because he'd squirt them all over himself. But while nursing - didn't make much mess, made him happy, win-win.

Probably your kid likes different things, but there must be some objects of obsession. It worked for us because it was a special treat the baby only gets while nursing.
posted by forza at 5:34 PM on October 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

She will grow out of it but I think a firm, "no", and putting her hand down is the best bet. You can also scrunch up your face and say, "ow! That hurts." You might need to pull her off if she is very determined. And redirecting to squeezing a blankie or toy along with this actually tells her that doing so is a positive thing. And when she is doing it "right" then positive attention, loving gaze, etc.. I think setting boundaries that are loving and consistent is good even when they are very young. It's practice for you both as you grow up in your relationship together. Keep track of the days that you have started and I bet you'll find that she "gets it" quicker than you think. The days and nights can feel soo long. Good luck!
posted by amanda at 5:34 PM on October 7, 2016

When my babies pulled my hair, I yelled, "OW!" Loudly and with feeling. I only had to do it a few times. I yelled for glasses grabbing, too. I was a super gentle attachment parenting softie who couldn't bear to let my babies cry, but I didn't feel bad about yelling when I was getting hurt (or was worried for my glasses.) People don't like to yell at babies, but when they're too young to understand words, that's really the only way to get your message across. It's not like they can tell the difference between, "Please stop, sweetie, that hurts mama" and "I love it when you do that, you little angel." But they're hard-wired to recognize that a yell of pain and anger is not a good thing, even at 6 months.

If your baby has already gotten into the habit of grabbing your face and hair a lot, suddenly interrupting the comfort routines she's gotten used to by yelling might be too much. But if there are one or two particularly annoying things she does, or if she tries something new that you really hate, you could try it then.
posted by Redstart at 5:44 PM on October 7, 2016 [7 favorites]

Is she fascinated by tags yet? Maybe a blanket won't work, but the tag on the blanket will? My little guy liked to pinch the soft skin on my neck and chest... you know, the really sensitive, tissue thin skin? Giving him one of those "taggies" toys worked a bit, although I swear he prefers a real tag over a fake one. I hope you get past this stage soon!
posted by areaperson at 5:44 PM on October 7, 2016

Real necklaces - I have a couple with many strands of seed beads and they have a nice drape-y weight and texture that he likes. Saying no, putting him down, and walking away worked when he bit me (once) and during a short hitting phase.

Everything is YMMV. I said ow once recently and now he's turned it into ow ow owwwwww! Like he's howling at the moon, which he thinks is funny. Sigh.
posted by jrobin276 at 6:40 PM on October 7, 2016

Best answer: Put socks over her hands while she eats. Not that it would necessarily stop your being buffeted about the face, but the lack of grabbing would be an improvement.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 7:41 PM on October 7, 2016 [6 favorites]

I can confirm that six months is plenty old enough to set this boundary gently but firmly. I said "no [grabbing/pinching/pulling], I can't let you hurt me, you can hold my shirt instead" (even if it wasn't painful per se; baby can cross that line quickly!) and its follow-on "I can't let you hurt me, so we have to stop nursing for now" a lot around then. Having a set mantra like that made it easier not to get upset, and gave us a structure that I think helped the baby learn faster. I never offered anything beyond my shirt/nursing bra clasps because that seemed like a pain to have to constantly account for.
posted by teremala at 7:50 PM on October 7, 2016

I would give a calm, simple direction and tell her what she can do. "Mommy's face is not for grabbing. Here is a toy you can hold." This is something you will repeat her entire life, except the options change. (Walking feet! Hands are not for hitting, etc.)
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 8:43 PM on October 7, 2016

This may or may not be a solution for you, but I used to play with my mom's elbows (like the loose, slack skin on the outside when an arm is extended/relaxed) while nursing. Maybe she's grabby because she likes touching you? (I think for me, that was a lot of it.) So ... maybe if she doesn't respond to other objects, redirect her to another part of your body where it's less sensitive. (I just compared on myself -- and grabbing at my elbows hurts much less than grabbing at my face/chest.)
posted by darksong at 8:53 PM on October 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

All of mine were/are grabbers and I never found a solution. My best trick is to wrap a burp cloth a couple of times around the grabby hand so at least they're trying to grab through the fabric and I don't get all scratched up. Baby mittens also work up to the point they learn they can shake the mittens off!

Also they will ruin the necklines of all your shirts and you will have to buy new shirts when they're done nursing, shop accordingly.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:06 PM on October 7, 2016

I used to redirect him to knead my loose elbow skin during nursing. It was not at all painful. You will have to experiment with position of how to position the baby as it depends on your body size and her arm length. He accepted it very easily and bonus point was for years after this was a quick way to soothe him quickly and helped with falling asleep long after nursing ended. Mine is eight now so memory is hazy of exact position and i do remember it changed . But woked like a charm. And yes, it will pass and that feeling of this is now my life forever is actually misleading. There will be a time when you cannot recall how you positioned baby
posted by 15L06 at 10:43 PM on October 7, 2016

I took the nursing necklace off and gave it to my grabber to hold. That seemed to hold his attention better than just wearing it.
posted by toomanycurls at 11:48 PM on October 7, 2016

Came in to suggest socks over the hands, like Emperor SnooKloze
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:33 AM on October 8, 2016

(Should have added that I don't have kids myself; I've just scene other women in my family use them. So, adjust your grain of salt accordingly.)
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:35 AM on October 8, 2016

Response by poster: We tried socks over her hands today and it worked SO WELL. She doesn't seem to mind them at all, and I don't mind her wandering hand with the sock on since she can't pinch, tug, etc.

Teaching her to be gentle is definitely the long term solution, but this is an excellent short term one while we work on that.
posted by insectosaurus at 3:13 PM on October 8, 2016 [7 favorites]