Critique My Dating Profile?

September 14, 2016 8:21 AM

Yup, another one of these!

So I've decided to try my hand at online dating. Hurray!

I've only been doing it for a few weeks, but so far at least I haven't had much success, and the mailbox is full of cobwebs. So I figured I would turn to the always excellent hive mind to see if anyone has any pointers, about how my profile could be improved.

Here I am!

Difficulty Level: I'm in my 40s!

(I notice most of the askme's in this vein reference OkCupid -- however OkCupid does not seem to be very active in my area, hence POF, sigh.)

posted by rabbitfufu to Human Relations (16 answers total)

You might want to consider tinder. Even though it has a reputation as a hook up app, I've heard from a lot of adult friends that it dominates the dating scene where they live and older folks use it for long term relationship seeking.
posted by k8t at 8:30 AM on September 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I think it looks pretty good! One q: what is "CBC"? A lot of times I think people's profiles are too long, but for you, I think you may want to flesh it out a bit more--it is a good profile as I said, but it doesn't give me a huge sense of who you are. Maybe a little more about your hobbies and tastes?
posted by bookworm4125 at 8:32 AM on September 14, 2016

The three pictures you've posted that feature your face all look very different- like, do you currently have a beard or not? Are you currently covered in frost?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:32 AM on September 14, 2016 [10 favorites]

This is mega-judgmental and mean and inaccurate, but my automatic thought when I see nothing but selfies and non-self pictures is, "Why are there no photos that have been taken by someone else?"
posted by The Sock Puppet Sentience Movement at 8:34 AM on September 14, 2016 [5 favorites]

The picture with a toy on your head is super dorky and the picture of you reading the book is heaps better.
posted by askmeaboutboardgames at 8:49 AM on September 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

So "geeky" and "nerdy" are becoming nearly useless, at least in some circles.

Consider the two people who are both self-described "huge nerds" but have zero common interests or hobbies. One is super into anime and video games, while the other doesn't own a TV, and spends all their free time doing DIY 3D printing and arduino robots.

My point is, if common interests are important to you, tell us what your "nerd book" is, or something about what you really mean by "little bit of a geek", because fondly recalling Buffy is not exactly going to narrow down the field :)
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:59 AM on September 14, 2016 [7 favorites]

Why does it say you "want to date but nothing serious" when in the text it says you're looking to click with someone? If there's an option for "looking for long term" I think that might get you closer to the kind of thing you want.

I feel like it wants to be fleshed out just a bit more. I would also get rid of the zombies... I'm in your target age/scrabble nerddom female demographic, but the zombie mention for me is too much dorkdom for a first initial date descriptor.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:01 AM on September 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

I think the text is largely good, but the "random goofiness" in it - like the Wizard of Oz title seem really awkward and out of place.

Your pictures are difficult. I think I can tell you're attractive, but half your face is covered, one picture seems like it was taken a long time ago - both these give me the feeling you're trying to hide something about your appearance. The toy on your head: no.

I think you should largely chuck them and get a friend to shoot a million pictures of you in a few different settings, wearing different clothing. You should have at least one clear face shot and one distant enough to show your whole frame. (Only use one photo per setting/outfit.) Be doing things in the photo, not posed, just every day stuff. Digital shots cost nothing and if you have a million you can pick the most flattering few.

If it were me picking you, the drawing by your child is a sweet indicator of your family situation, I would hope you leave that.

(I'm squarely in the demographic you're looking for.)

On preview, SaltySalticid is correct; drop the "geek/dork" stuff and be specific.
posted by The Noble Goofy Elk at 9:11 AM on September 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I would second most of the advice above - flesh out your profile a bit more and use a picture that features your (very nice!) face better.

FWIW, as a divorced woman in her 40s who has used online dating a bit, I'm a little wary of "separated but not yet divorced" as a status. In my experience, those guys were not quite as ready to date as they thought they were.
posted by pantarei70 at 9:30 AM on September 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

Not a critique per se, but I think some of the reason people aren't contacting you or interested is because you are still married. Yes, you are separated, but when I was single, I wasn't interested in dating someone who is not fully divorced. The reasons? Too much potential for emotional turmoil that accompanies every divorce and my belief that my chances of being someone's rebound were very high if they were looking for something so soon after a significant relationship.
posted by murrey at 9:33 AM on September 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Appreciate the feedback everyone, I will do some revisioning.
posted by rabbitfufu at 9:57 AM on September 14, 2016

Also, just for a different perspective, I never cared one way or the other about 'separated but not divorced' myself. Sometimes people can be D-O-N-E by the time they separate, or a seperation could've gone on forever, or in many other ways not be problematic. On the other hand, I've met some people in our age group who aren't over their college boyfriend. I really think it's very individual.
posted by The Noble Goofy Elk at 10:24 AM on September 14, 2016

The link didn't work for me. Did your turn it off or something while you're updating your profile? Should I expect to need to be a PoF member to see it?
posted by phoenixy at 12:22 PM on September 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

I also can't access the page, but it looks like OP is in Canada. In re. "One q: what is "CBC"?" -- that is something every Canadian would know, and it would be odd to spell out "Canadian Broadcasting Corporation," in the same way it would be odd in the UK to spell out what "BBC" stood for.
posted by kmennie at 1:17 PM on September 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

Did you take down the profile? Can't see it.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 7:25 PM on September 14, 2016

Big time agree about the currently separated. If you are serious about moving on, go get a divorce.
posted by mossy_george at 6:48 AM on September 15, 2016