Hair dye advice for a 42 year old who has never dyed her hair. Help!

August 31, 2016 4:54 AM

So, I'm 42 and have never dyed my hair. I have long dark brown hair but am starting to get greys around my temple and several single greys all over. I want to start dying my hair but have absolutely no idea what products to use (there seem to be so many to choose from) or how best to use them. Details inside.....help!

Things to consider:
I want to keep my natural dark brown colour.
I want to dye my hair at home rather than go to a salon. I need a product that is very easy to use, especially as I have no idea what I'm doing and have long hair!
I don't want a harsh ammonia dye so maybe a semi permanant. My hair also grows quickly so I'd probably need to redo it every 4-6 weeks.
I'm based in Australia so would need a product that is available here and can be easily and cheaply purchased at a chemist.
Any advice would be really very welcome!

posted by ozem to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (20 answers total)

I have dark brown hair with some gray around the temples, and a few years ago I started dyeing it regularly. The first few times I went to a salon, then I got advice from my stylist and started doing it myself.

1. Go to the drug store and pick out a color that is close to your hair color. Buy an extra box just in case.
2. Get an inexpensive paint brush like this and a plastic or silicon bowl. Get out a couple of old towels you don't care about and have them on hand just in case.
3. Carefully read the package directions twice. Open all the windows.
4. Dye your hair, but once the dye is mixed transfer it to the bowl and use the pastry brush to apply the color, especially around the front. Otherwise follow the directions.
5. When you're done, wash the bowl and brush and set them aside for the next time.

That's pretty much it, it's just really intimidating at first. You might also be able to find a stylist who is willing to walk you through it the first time. The thing that bugged me most at first was the smell, it made me just want to rush through and get it over with, but I've gotten used to it and am able to focus on getting even application of color.

I'll be watching this space for other mefites' tips.
posted by bunderful at 5:23 AM on August 31, 2016

Some people put a thin layer of vaseline around the border of the forehead to prevent the dye from staining the skin there.

Semi-permanent is what you want, definitely.

I don't think the brand matters much. If it does I haven't noticed. I just get whatever's on sale in the color that seems closest.

Be aware the colors aren't described accurately. I just did a "medium golden brown" and it is very dark. I have dark hair, and next time I'll probably look for a "light golden brown."

I keep a glove on when I get into the shower and use that hand for the initial wash. Once it's mostly out I don't worry about it.
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:29 AM on August 31, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'd really rethink seeing a stylist.

An all-over permanent colour (semi-permanent is useless at covering greys) is not that expensive from a salon, and, most importantly, you can see how they apply the colour. Application technique is key, particularly on virgin hair. Colour processes more quickly at the roots due to the heat from your head, so if you apply at the root then pull the colour through to the ends you're likely going to end up with 'hot' roots, ie brassier, darker or deeper colour through your roots.

But if I can't dissuade you from colouring your own hair, here is what I've learned from years and years and years of colouring my own hair coppery strawberry blonde.

(1) Get the right tools. That's a tint brush (not a pastry brush as suggested, a brush designed to apply hair colour) and bowl, sectioning clips and gloves you feel comfortable in. A tint brush has a long 'tail' that's very handy for sectioning the hair.

(2) As I said, semi-permanent colours are not designed to cover greys. You're after a permanent. Even a semi-permanent has ammonia in it, frankly, so don't get too distracted by concerns about ammonia. I used L'oreal Excellence Creme for years, and would recommend that formula. It mixes to a thicker, creamier conditioner consistency than box dyes with a gel colour, like L'oreal Preference or Clairol.

(3) Buy the LIGHTEST, ASHIEST shade possible. Permanent colours are less likely to pull super dark than a semi-permanent as they do lift your base colour slightly, but it's still better to err on the side of too light than too dark. You say your hair is kind of a neutral brown, so you'll want to find something cooler rather than warm.

(4) Wait til your hair is disgustingly, filthy dirty, and brush the oil through really well to buffer it a bit from the colour. When you're ready to colour, your first time will be the easiest. Mix the colour together in the tint bowl using the bristles of your tint brush, not the little squeezy bottle provided. Divide hair in sections and, starting from the back, paint the colour on from the ends up. Just make sure everything is thoroughly covered.

A few weeks later, when you've got regrowth, is when things get interesting. When you see a stylist to get your regrowth redone, they use very precise partings and a tint brush to keep the colour on your roots only, to avoid over-processing your ends. It's not *that* hard to do on your own, but a little fiddly. When I did my regrowth it looked like this: I parted my hair into four sections - hairline to nape, ear to ear, and clipped each out of the way. Then, starting with a back section, I would further part off a thin, pencil-sized section of hair using the tail of my tint brush. I'd paint colour onto the parting, then part off a new section. I'd keep parting and painting until all of my roots were covered. I typically didn't have to pull the colour down to my ends at all, but I am also naturally ash blonde colouring my hair a bright red, so you may have to touch up your ends more often.

I never really had issues with accidentally dying my skin, but colouring your hair wish a brush and bowl rather than a squeezy bottle gives you a ton more control.

But, still, I think you should see a professional for your virgin outing.
posted by nerdfish at 6:18 AM on August 31, 2016 [11 favorites]

My mother swears by henna. I'm not entirely familiar with the process, but I do know its an alternative to harsher mainstream methods and can often be cheaper.
posted by deadwater at 6:23 AM on August 31, 2016 [2 favorites]

PS you can easily buy salon-grade supplies from Price Attack in Australia. You can also buy salon-grade colours as separate tubes of colour and bottles of developer, but that might be flying a bit too close to the sun for you while you're still a beginner. I miss Price Attack horribly.
posted by nerdfish at 6:29 AM on August 31, 2016 [1 favorite]

I agree that you should see a pro for the first time, but my home application game changed when I got (for general purposes) a three-way mirror. It made it so much eaasier to do the back.
posted by Room 641-A at 6:33 AM on August 31, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'd suggest against henna - it's a bit trickier to use than conventional colour. It's messier going in, stains more and can be unpredictable in terms of how it colours the hair.

I'd also suggest you have a mate pop by to help on your first attempt - I bet you a dollar you know *someone* who home colours and would be up for a pizza, a movie and a dye session. Make a night of it!

As for brands, I really like the Garnier Nutrisse stuff, which you can pick up basically anywhere, even supermarkets. I would get mine with my grocery shop from Woolies. It always left my hair feeling very silky afterwards. Grab some vaseline or sorbolene cream as well, to protect your hairline and ears from the colour. Just slap a thick layer on at the hairline and on your ears before you put the dye in. That said, most colours these days are pretty good about not sticking to your skin. You can also get a dying brush and decent disposable gloves from supermarkets these days, though to be honest I never found them to be an advantage when dying dark hair.

I'd also suggest you start using a colour protect shampoo and conditioner, and occassionally using a leave in conditioner designed for coloured hair. You don't have to get too fancy with it if you don't want to - I was using the Schwarzkopf Extra Care line which is fairly cheap and was again always really nice in my hair.

If you have long hair get two boxes. Permanent is going to be better, a semi is not going to be of much use covering grey. As pointed out upthread, the ammonia content is pretty similar, though I have noticed over the years that darker colours tend to be more light in the ammonia than lighter ones for some reason.
posted by Jilder at 6:52 AM on August 31, 2016 [2 favorites]

If you just want to cover the grays, you could do a lighter color than your natural hair. Then they will look like highlights. This means you can use dye only on your grays if you'd like and use the same box mix two or three times.

To really cover her grays, my sister gets an add-in developer to make the dye hold more. Gray hairs are harder to dye, especially with a semi-permanent mix.

I've dyed my hair every color under the sun all my adult life (to the point where I'm not entirely sure what my natural color is). It is a rather forgiving process. Most people can't tell.

I've had trouble with the gloves in the boxes splitting and getting dye on my skin. I use nitrile gloves and they are comfy and protective.

I put a few rags or paper towels in the bathroom before I start for the times I drip.
posted by Monday at 7:13 AM on August 31, 2016

I'm a 45-year-old who's been coloring my shoulder-length brown (and grey) hair since my mid-30s when I started going really grey. At this stage, I'm trying to let some grey back into my hair, without the dramatic roots growing out. I usually do my own color, but sometimes get it professionally done. Like you, my hair grows too fast to make regular visits with the colorist affordable. Here is what I've learned.

1.) Read the labels. Any dye that includes ammonia is going to behave more like a permanent dye - even if it's labeled "semi-permanent." I learned that the hard way with this stuff.

2.) Permanent dye is more fool-proof and covers grey more completely - but it's hard to stop once you've started. Especially with longer hair.

3.) Color depositing conditioners are easy to use and can keep some color in your hair between dyeing.

4.) Get a box of latex or nitrile gloves from the chemist - don't use the lousy ones that come with box dye.

5.) My last color was this Pravana product. I really like it, it's blending nicely, and is ammonia free. I'm not sure about the availability in Australia, though. In my experience (in the US) the best products are available through salons or stores that service salons. With permanent color it's a little easier, but if you want to go the ammonia-free route, it might be wise to check with professionals.
posted by pantarei70 at 7:22 AM on August 31, 2016 [1 favorite]

With darker browns in permanent hair colors, resist the urge to color all of your hair every time. You really just need to color the roots after the first go until after a long while (for me it's once, maybe twice a year), the longer bits start to fade. If you do all of your hair every time, it ends up looking really flat and overly dark - a telltale sign of home coloring. The problem is, just doing your roots by yourself is hard and messy with long hair (you'll find color splatters EVERYWHERE until you get really good at it, and even then). I like the suggestion of enlisting the help of a friend for this if you won't/can't see a pro.
posted by cecic at 7:42 AM on August 31, 2016 [3 favorites]

I have dark brown hair and, according to the last hairdresser I saw, less than 25% grays. I would say a lot less, but I'm no pro. In any case, I've been colouring my hair at home using Revlon Colorsilk, recommended here on Metafilter. My biggest and only issue really is that they don't have quite my shade. Either it's too dark or too light, and neither of those is ideal if I study my hair in proper light. So I alternate: one month the lighter one, and the next the darker.

The first time I ever dyed my hair I did it at a salon. It was a cheap salon and they just did an overall dark brown. Too dark, I thought, but it was incredibly silky walking out of the salon so I was satisfied. However, the true state of my hair was revealed after washing. It had become porous and more frizzy. Nobody had warned me that permanent hair dye is really destructive and requires conditioners after washing in order to bring the hair back to some semblance of health. What I've concluded from that is I should have only done the grays and not my whole head.

The Colorsilk box colour does leave my hair very soft and silky immediately after colouring. I wish they'd sell the conditioner separately too.

One tricky thing I found with a home dyeing job is that the instructions say to leave it on for a certain amount of time, but when does the clock start ticking? By the time I've applied it everywhere the first sections will have been soaking the colour for 20-30 minutes and should be done! There is some room for error here but don't do what I did and get on a conference call while the dye is still on, because if the call runs over, you might not be able to rinse it out in time and end up with very dark strands indeed.

The stylist told me most people don't have as many grays in the back of their head as they do in front, and if, like me, you're just starting to go gray then making sure you get the front done properly is your only worry.

I don't know about Australia but where I live in Connecticut a salon job with tip costs close to $100 for a single process. I have only had my hair coloured in a salon three times and I can't say it was worth the price compared to how much I save with box colour.
posted by Dragonness at 8:02 AM on August 31, 2016 [1 favorite]

Grey hair is weird and tough, so needs to be broken down more than non-grey hair does (by bleach) in order to accept colour, so if you're wanting to match the colour, you'd need to go w a permanent dye. That would give you roots pretty quickly and a sharp line. Colouring with highlights in mind (lighter shade) would work with a semi. Could go two shades up from your natural colour - won't lift your brown much if at all, should slightly blend in your greys. Will indeed need to be repeated often. Clairol has a line called Beautiful that's gentle & pretty good for this. (Looks like some people are saying it's discontinued? It's around, in beauty supply shops, maybe do some research if you're interested.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:24 AM on August 31, 2016

I have been very happy with Revlon Colorsilk. No ammonia and covers grey very well. It seems to be available in Australia. It comes with an applicator bottle but I prefer to use a tint brush and bowl. And a hair colouring cape. And put an old towel on the floor. Be generous with the colour and do the grey ones at the temples and along your part first. I also have dark brown hair and use colour 30, Dark Brown. It will look really dark right after you use it but after you have washed your hair a couple of times it will look really natural. You will get dye all over your ears and have spots of colour on your face. Scrub it off with facial toner on cotton pads.
posted by strasbourg at 8:29 AM on August 31, 2016 [1 favorite]

Start with a wash out dye rather than a permanent one. That way you can experiment and make mistakes and won't end up with horribly unnatural looking roots. This will also make it easier to decide if you prefer "darkest brown" over "chestnut brown" without creating a stripy look if you try a lighter shade second while experimenting to see which shade works best.

Casting Creme Gloss by L'Oreal washes out in about a month of shampoos. It is designed to cover greys. Dunno what is available in your area.

Once you are confident about how to deal with dying decisions you can always move on to permanent hair colour, but of course it is not as permanent as the type that fades since the contrast with your roots stands out strongly, so you actually have to touch up the permanent colour more often.
posted by Jane the Brown at 1:01 PM on August 31, 2016 [1 favorite]

My sisters have medium brown hair, use a lighter shade of color, and the gray picks up the lighter shade and is very pretty.
posted by theora55 at 1:06 PM on August 31, 2016 [1 favorite]

You can look on YouTube and do Google searches to find the blogs of women with similar hair colour to yours, who did before-and-after pics of using various brands and shades of dyes- I'd shop around that way. And watch YouTube "how to dye your hair at home" tutorials too.

L'Oreal Casting Creme Gloss is probably best as it's not harsh and not permanent, so if you pick the wrong colour it will fade out over time. It's about $12/box.

Pick a colour lighter than you want, maybe Light Brown or Medium Golden Brown.
I would avoid the reddish colours (they will look fake) and maybe avoid the brown colours with the word Iced in the title (they are cool-toned which can make them look darker than you'd expect!

You can use half a box at a time to save money. Mix half of the bottle of liquid + half of the tube of gel in a plastic container (I use a cottage cheese tub), leave the rest unmixed and sealed for later.
Put vaseline or coconut oil on your hairline and ears. Wear gloves.
Have baby wipes handy for cleanup of any drips.

Use a hairdye brush ($3 at any beauty shop) to paint the dye onto your grey areas- really saturate them, use a gloved finger to kind of moosh the dye into your hair and then paint a little more on top. Then streak dye a bit down further in your hair, but do it unevenly so it looks natural.
Don't bother dyeing your whole head as it will tend to look weirdly flat (hair is naturally many colours).

Once it's all painted in, wipe up any drips right away from your face and bathroom- dye gets darker over time and getting drips early helps avoid stains.

Wait 12 mins or whatever it says on the box. Then kinda brush the dye down a little lower down the length of your hair (still don't try to saturate it all) and wait another 5 mins.... this is to sort of blend out the end of the dye so it transitions back to your normal hair colour more smoothly.

Rinse like crazy, wearing gloves for the first part of the rinse. Condition well, enjoy!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 1:23 PM on August 31, 2016 [5 favorites]

Note that if you use Henna, it limits your options for later as henna and box dyes can react badly. Research before trying- whichever category you pick, you're kinda stuck with it! (I chose box dye because it has more subtle colour options, and I figured if anything went wrong, more stylists would know how to fix it).
posted by pseudostrabismus at 1:31 PM on August 31, 2016

Salon, salon, salon.
posted by Capri at 1:46 PM on August 31, 2016

I've used Loreal Excellence for years and years to cover gray and I've been told by more than one stylist that the difference between my home coloring and the same process at the salon is negligible. (And by "same process" I mean applying a solution, waiting a set time, and rinsing—things are only slightly more complicated when coloring new growth. I'm sure this advice does not hold for more complicated processes.)

Loreal Excellence is permanent, I believe Preference is semi-permanent. You will likely have to touch up semi-permanent color every couple of weeks, not 4-6 weeks. In fact, it's permanent color that you'll need to do every 6 weeks, give or take, to cover new growth. Bonus: your hair will feel wonderful after coloring, which includes conditioning. (My experience, anyway. My hair is relatively think, chin-shoulder length, and straight. I suppose YMMV.)

My natural color (25 years ago) was boring medium brown with a few grays. I believe I started with dark natural blonde or golden blonde. After coloring, my brown hair was a very slightly lighter color and the formerly gray hairs were basically the color on the box, i.e., they became highlights. As my hair got grayer, I chose lighter shades—I've been a blonde for a good 15 years now. Considering what you're looking for, you should probably chose the color closest to your natural color.

Covering a few gray hairs is not rocket science. Pick up a box or two and do strand tests to preview the outcome.
posted by she's not there at 4:52 PM on August 31, 2016

Response by poster: Thanks ladies! There are some fantastic tips and tricks for me to use in your posts. Most appreciated 😀
posted by ozem at 2:05 AM on September 1, 2016