A new last name for the whole family?
August 12, 2016 9:15 AM Subscribe
It's always bothered me a bit that I have my own last name, and that my husband and kids have their own. Is it too late to change this -- and to what?
I have very young children -- i.e., they have no clue what their last names are. When my husband and I got married, we agreed to just keep our own names. I would've liked to be more creative, but I understood my husband's reasons for wanting to keep his own -- it's an ethnic name of sorts, and he liked that connection. Also, his family would've freaked. And then we just sort of lazily kept the status quo for our kids. Hyphenation just sounds bad and overly complex to be honest.
But now, prompted by hearing of others doing the same thing, I'm wondering if it's too late for us all to change our last names to one name. My husband is more open to it this time. It might be weird changing the kids' names, but really, they have no idea what their last names are yet, and the paperwork would be annoying but do-able.
Do you know anyone who has done this? And how did you decide what name to choose? Did you do a blend (doesn't really work for our family names, unfortunately)? Or just choose a new name that sounded good or had some other meaning? Or is this crazy? Looking for inspiration and stories!
I have very young children -- i.e., they have no clue what their last names are. When my husband and I got married, we agreed to just keep our own names. I would've liked to be more creative, but I understood my husband's reasons for wanting to keep his own -- it's an ethnic name of sorts, and he liked that connection. Also, his family would've freaked. And then we just sort of lazily kept the status quo for our kids. Hyphenation just sounds bad and overly complex to be honest.
But now, prompted by hearing of others doing the same thing, I'm wondering if it's too late for us all to change our last names to one name. My husband is more open to it this time. It might be weird changing the kids' names, but really, they have no idea what their last names are yet, and the paperwork would be annoying but do-able.
Do you know anyone who has done this? And how did you decide what name to choose? Did you do a blend (doesn't really work for our family names, unfortunately)? Or just choose a new name that sounded good or had some other meaning? Or is this crazy? Looking for inspiration and stories!
I had friends who did this after they'd had two kids, the oldest of whom was old enough to know his last name (about 5) but also old enough to understand that the family was doing this fun thing so they could all have the same cool last name yay! This couple combined their first names, connecting them on a shared letter, and then adding a final vowel for a bit of ethnic-sounding zing I guess. For example if their names had been Pamela and Matt (which they were not) the name was the equivalent of "Pamatto." I don't even think they got around to changing it legally for a long time. Worked for them.
posted by flourpot at 9:35 AM on August 12, 2016
posted by flourpot at 9:35 AM on August 12, 2016
I grew up with almost every member of my family having a different last name because of numerous divorces, childbirths, re-marriages and hyphenated names not really being a thing in our culture. This would be far less weird than that.
posted by griphus at 9:37 AM on August 12, 2016
posted by griphus at 9:37 AM on August 12, 2016
It might be weird changing the kids' names, but really, they have no idea what their last names are yet, and the paperwork would be annoying but do-able
It wasn't that hard, when I did it for one of my kids. A judge signed a form without even talking to us, getting a new Social Security card took an appointment, and I dealt with other stuff as it came up (medical insurance, for example)/
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:01 AM on August 12, 2016
It wasn't that hard, when I did it for one of my kids. A judge signed a form without even talking to us, getting a new Social Security card took an appointment, and I dealt with other stuff as it came up (medical insurance, for example)/
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:01 AM on August 12, 2016
Oh, and I know a few families who've done this. One couple knew the last initial they wanted, then browsed a phone book until they found a name they agreed on. One couple took a name from a book they liked.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:02 AM on August 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:02 AM on August 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have a friend who did a blend with her husband. Ummmm, trying to anonymize... hers was a compound word and his was not, so they mixed the first part of hers with all of his. So if her last name was Snowman and his last name was Cat, they became Snowcat.
And I'm another vote for "not weird"... this particular couple is in the military, so on top of the regular legal paperwork they also did name changes within the military bureaucracy. He had a few kids from a prior marriage and I believe those kids kept their original last name (Cat), but the son the couple has together has the new name (Snowcat).
Also, on the "not too late" front, I have a coworker who has always hated his first name and goes by his middle name. He finally bumped up against IT requirements to use legal names for accounts when he came to work here, so he changed his name a few years ago at the age of 30-something. He was shocked at how easy it was-- fill out a form, pay $40 to the court and swear that you aren't doing it for nefarious reasons, done. The court issued an order or some similar document and he took that around to do the name changes, just like a newly-married person might take the marriage certificate around.
The only caveat I'll throw on here is that if you aren't able to get the kids' birth certificates amended, you'll want to make sure you keep several copies of the court order or know how to obtain more. If you're in the US, the Real ID requirements often mean that if your birth certificate does not match your current name, you have to provide documentation of the legal name change. Once they have that, though, other systems like school and work will be easy because they will go off the ID. Depending on what the school systems require, you might want to look at getting them a state ID (non-driver's license) so that you only have to go through it all once, rather than each time they register for school.
posted by scarnato at 10:09 AM on August 12, 2016
And I'm another vote for "not weird"... this particular couple is in the military, so on top of the regular legal paperwork they also did name changes within the military bureaucracy. He had a few kids from a prior marriage and I believe those kids kept their original last name (Cat), but the son the couple has together has the new name (Snowcat).
Also, on the "not too late" front, I have a coworker who has always hated his first name and goes by his middle name. He finally bumped up against IT requirements to use legal names for accounts when he came to work here, so he changed his name a few years ago at the age of 30-something. He was shocked at how easy it was-- fill out a form, pay $40 to the court and swear that you aren't doing it for nefarious reasons, done. The court issued an order or some similar document and he took that around to do the name changes, just like a newly-married person might take the marriage certificate around.
The only caveat I'll throw on here is that if you aren't able to get the kids' birth certificates amended, you'll want to make sure you keep several copies of the court order or know how to obtain more. If you're in the US, the Real ID requirements often mean that if your birth certificate does not match your current name, you have to provide documentation of the legal name change. Once they have that, though, other systems like school and work will be easy because they will go off the ID. Depending on what the school systems require, you might want to look at getting them a state ID (non-driver's license) so that you only have to go through it all once, rather than each time they register for school.
posted by scarnato at 10:09 AM on August 12, 2016
Ah right, I had to get a new birth certificate for my kid. That also wasn't difficult. Each of those new documents costs a little bit and takes a little bit of time to fill out the form requesting stuff, so it does add up, but it isn't overwhelming.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:12 AM on August 12, 2016
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:12 AM on August 12, 2016
If you go this route, please be very open about it with your kids from an early age. I had my name changed when I was in grade school, but it wasn't ever discussed with my younger sibling. Years later, they found my original birth certificate with the same birthday and a different name and freaked out, thinking I was adopted and they had uncovered a big family secret.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 10:34 AM on August 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by galvanized unicorn at 10:34 AM on August 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
Friends of ours did the following: they gave their child a new, non-hyphenated last name, and appended this new name with a hyphen to each of theirs. I don't want to give away their real names, so here is a renamed example:
Parents' names (pre-child):
John Adams
Stacy Smith
Child's name:
Robin Collins
New parents' names:
John Adams-Collins
Stacy Smith-Collins
You can do the same with multiple children, obviously, and it neatly does away with the non-sustainability of hyphenated children's names. It also moves the burden of dealing with a hyphenated name to the parents instead of the children.
posted by splitpeasoup at 1:10 PM on August 12, 2016 [14 favorites]
Parents' names (pre-child):
John Adams
Stacy Smith
Child's name:
Robin Collins
New parents' names:
John Adams-Collins
Stacy Smith-Collins
You can do the same with multiple children, obviously, and it neatly does away with the non-sustainability of hyphenated children's names. It also moves the burden of dealing with a hyphenated name to the parents instead of the children.
posted by splitpeasoup at 1:10 PM on August 12, 2016 [14 favorites]
I just want to stand up for the hyphenated name. I had one at birth and now I have new one on marriage. It really isn't that complicated and the more people who do, the more people will get it together! The biggest ongoing effect is that a bunch of systems squish your name into one name and sometimes people don't know where to file you. Once, like eight years ago, I had to stand in line instead of being able to check in for an international flight via kiosk because the passport scan didn't match the name on file. That, to me, doesn't seems like a huge price to pay for an egalitarian system that honors both where you came from and where you are going.
And the nonsustainable bit is silly. The right answer is you swap out the name of the opposite gender parent. And stick it in your middle name for funtimes. Signed, the girl with five awesome names.
posted by dame at 1:37 PM on August 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
And the nonsustainable bit is silly. The right answer is you swap out the name of the opposite gender parent. And stick it in your middle name for funtimes. Signed, the girl with five awesome names.
posted by dame at 1:37 PM on August 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 9:20 AM on August 12, 2016 [2 favorites]