Lost "say this, not that" book
August 10, 2016 8:07 PM   Subscribe

I saw pictures of a book on tumblr that was filled with suggestions for improvements on common condolences. For example, instead of saying, "Everything happens for a reason," try, "You must be disappointed that it didn't work out." Help me find this book, please!

I'm sure I favorited it but I can't find it now. I thought the title was something simple like "Say This, Not That" or "How To Say It" but the first few books on Amazon don't seem to match, and they are common enough phrases to make (my) searching inefficient.

I remember the pictured pages being in table form, with the headings something like "Instead of..." on the left and "Try saying..." on the right. Some other half-remembered examples (somewhat clumsily paraphrased) were things like:

-"You must miss him very much" instead of "He's in a better place now."
-"It must have been hard to see her in so much pain" instead of "At least she isn't suffering anymore."
-"It must be hard to not know what will happen next" instead of "Something better will come along."

In general, the suggestions steered away from cosmic-type explanations for bad events and focused on acknowledging emotions and showing empathy. I remember being impressed by a lot of them and I would love to find this book. Help?
posted by Snarl Furillo to Media & Arts (2 answers total) 32 users marked this as a favorite
Is it "The Art of Comforting" by Val Walker?
posted by momochan at 9:31 PM on August 10, 2016 [15 favorites]

Yes! Googling the title turned up a bunch of pictures that look like what I remember. Thank you!
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:25 AM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

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