Social Media and Coworkers - What could go wrong?

August 3, 2016 7:16 PM

A friend posted a picture of herself breastfeeding to a social media account. A coworker told her this was inappropriate "for work" and that her having coworkers as friends means she shouldn't have posted it. Um, what?

Was the coworker completely out of bounds, totally within their rights, or something in between?

posted by soelo to Society & Culture (26 answers total)

Out of bounds. And stupid of the co-worker to say anything to her about it.
posted by rtha at 7:19 PM on August 3, 2016 [33 favorites]

Somewhere in between.

There's nothing wrong with breast feeding, but I can emphasize with people who'd rather not see their co-worker's breasts.

Having co-workers as friends on facebook means that you need to be a little more conscious of what you're posting, and keep anything that you wouldn't leave up on your computer screen at your desk filtered so that co-workers-who-aren't-real-friends can't see it.

Obviously, less filtering is required for co-workers who are real friends.
posted by sparklemotion at 7:20 PM on August 3, 2016 [14 favorites]

This is an example of people being dicks. These people exist both inside and outside of the the workplace, and on and off social media. The best approach is to say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then do nothing more, because this person's opinion is of no consequence and similarly, changing their opinion will also be of no consequence.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:23 PM on August 3, 2016 [20 favorites]

You can post whatever you want on social media, but security settings are good, too.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:25 PM on August 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Guy was out of bounds - she has the right to post any damn thing she likes to her own social media page - but it would be prudent of her to remember to filter her posts, given that her viewership includes people who are not actually her friends.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:26 PM on August 3, 2016 [7 favorites]

The person out of bounds is the one who commented. If I were her I'd just unfriend him immediately. It's inappropriate for him to bring his gender and reproduction hangups into work.
posted by Miko at 7:30 PM on August 3, 2016 [19 favorites]

IMO the coworker shouldn't have mentioned it.

However, I do filter out coworkers who aren't close friends from anything I post that's at all political or personal. Makes life easier.
posted by bunderful at 7:31 PM on August 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

I would say that being social media friends with coworkers means you have to be prepared to see their personal things. If this coworker didn't want any exposure to her non-professional life, they shouldn't have friended her. This is like visiting a coworker in their home and telling them kids don't belong in the workplace.

Btw, OP doesn't say the coworker is a man, though several responders have assumed it was.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:39 PM on August 3, 2016 [10 favorites]

My personal rule is anyone who talks shit to me about my facebook gets either 1) unfriended or 2) put on the full restrictions list and unfollowed.

Because it's even more fun when they come back and say "hey did you block me" and you can be all "oh sorry, since you had such a problem with me I figured this would be easier for you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\(°_o)/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" and watch them die a thousand deaths in front of you.

tl;dr The coworker's the one being inappropriate here.
posted by phunniemee at 7:47 PM on August 3, 2016 [31 favorites]

Out of bounds. Breast feeding is fine of course, but even if we were talking about something that weren't, co-worker's logic is invalid, unsound, and otherwise shitty. If they don't like something seen on FB, they have every right and power to unfriend, hide, etc. Instead, coworker chose essentially picking a fight, and *that* is over the line and unprofessional.
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:48 PM on August 3, 2016 [5 favorites]

I personally think, specific to breastfeeding, she should be able to breastfeed openly even at work. I don't think feeding your child is unprofessional.

Does this person have clients on their feed or just coworkers? Is it a public feed of some sort? If it's only coworkers then those coworkers should know they will see more personal things unless they aren't posted or are filtered out.

I personally don't mix social media and coworkers for a multitude of reasons - but this person absolutely shouldn't have commented about this at all and I don't think it's wrong to post a personal photo on your personal social media.
posted by Crystalinne at 7:49 PM on August 3, 2016 [3 favorites]

Since her coworkers' jobs require them to follow her on facebook as part of their official job description, and also while they are working during the day, I'd say they are well within...

Wait a minute.
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:50 PM on August 3, 2016 [23 favorites]

Was the coworker completely out of bounds, totally within their rights, or something in between?

The coworker is an asshole.

People who can see your social media posts should be people you think you can trust with that information. You might be happy to tell the world at large about your lunch decisions, but you should consider more carefully to whom you publish other ifnormation about your life. She should boot the coworker off her friends list, or at the very least filter them so nothing personal is visible to them, since she obviously can't trust them at all with any part of her non-work life.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:53 PM on August 3, 2016

Even if your coworker were breastfeeding in public AT WORK, she would be protected by law. http://breastfeedinglaw.com/state-laws/minnesota/ " A mother may breast-feed in any location, public or private, where the mother and child are otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast-feeding. History: 1998 "
posted by Violet Hour at 9:16 PM on August 3, 2016 [14 favorites]

Co-worker was out of bounds and should have simply unfollowed her if he saw something he doesn't want to continue to see in the future.

But really, this is precisely why I don't friend co-workers to begin with. That's what LinkedIn is for.
posted by vignettist at 9:21 PM on August 3, 2016 [6 favorites]

Personal life is to work as church is to state. Keep 'em separate, ideally. Because otherwise, this kind of intrusive bullshit can happen.
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 9:30 PM on August 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

Unfriend coworker. Out of bounds - but also not friending coworkers is a good rule anyway...
posted by Toddles at 9:41 PM on August 3, 2016 [3 favorites]

" A coworker told her this was inappropriate "for work" and that her having coworkers as friends means she shouldn't have posted it. " For the record my gut reaction is that this is ridiculous and exactly why you don't friend coworkers. However I do see an alternate reading, which is that coworker may have been clumsily attempting to remind your friend that there are coworkers on her feed and that she might not want them to see something so personal. I could see how you might want to apply work rules to any situation where coworkers are present - in fact that seems pretty prudent to me. I'm not a mom so this is hypothetical. But while I don't have any hang ups about breastfeeding, and might post a picture like that for my friends and family, I can't imagine a situation where I'd be ok with coworkers seeing any part of my boobs. And it's possible to forget who all is on your feed if you're friending everyone you know with no rules. So while I think if coworker was offended they should keep it to themselves, they might have been clumsily trying to help.
posted by bleep at 10:05 PM on August 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

My point is that while not excusing coworker, sometimes people mean well deep down but don't put any thought into how they phrase things. So she may have been within her rights depending on her intent. I don't recommend trying to find out. Say thanks and put her and the rest of the coworkers on lockdown.
posted by bleep at 10:16 PM on August 3, 2016 [3 favorites]

Sorry, I meant your friend, above.
posted by Violet Hour at 10:40 PM on August 3, 2016

"Omg, that's Claire's boob! HER BOOB! What a weirdo!" *clicks unfollow* *says nothing, survives awkwardness, considers not friending coworkers in the future*

Subscribing to someone's private newsletter, the onus is on you to read or not read it.
posted by Iteki at 2:00 AM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I would just unfriend that person and maybe buy them a calendar to remind them what century it is. Seriously, I have no time for people who sexualize a mother feeding her child.
posted by futureisunwritten at 3:26 AM on August 4, 2016 [10 favorites]

Coworker is definitely out of bounds. Is this woman not supposed to breastfeed in public outside of work hours just because she might run into a coworker on a park bench/in a cafe/at a bus stop?
posted by rainbowbrite at 9:42 AM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I've actually been in hot water at my job about social media posting. There is a pretty social media policy at my job - meaning if you choose to be friends with someone on facebook and you post anything they consider offensive, you can be written up. Since my incident, I've had to put anyone I work with on a "restricted" friends list.

Tell your friend to use it.
posted by Sara_NOT_Sarah at 11:43 AM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Point of information: Breastfeeding does not equate with showing a boob and most Facebook pictures I have seen of women nursing their babies do not show much breast at all, if any.

The poster does not say that any breast was showing in the picture.
posted by SLC Mom at 8:56 PM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

For dumbfucks like this the breast is inferred.
posted by Iteki at 8:59 PM on August 4, 2016