How and how much to pay the minister?

March 27, 2016 4:45 PM

Next month, my siblings and I will have an interment ceremony when our parents' ashes will be placed in a vault. The vault is on the grounds of the Methodist church they attended and the minister of the church will preside over the ceremony. As none of us are churchgoers, we're in the dark as to the etiquette involved: whether and how much to pay the minister for his services and the mechanics of such a transaction. Cash? Check? Payable to him or the church? Amount? Any guidance appreciated.
posted by pasici to Religion & Philosophy (9 answers total)

Does the church have an office number? You could probably call them up and ask them what the standard protocol is here.
posted by dcjd at 5:06 PM on March 27, 2016 [4 favorites]

If they were members of the church, the internment might be free. You could still tip the pastor, though, with cash or check made out to their name in a card thanking them for the service and any care they or the church provided to your parents.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:24 PM on March 27, 2016

Best answer: I agree with dcjd - the church office will likely know.

Normally, when I see the honorariums paid from the funeral homes (I do funeral home accounting) the honorariums for the pastors are $100-150, although sometimes they are more.
posted by needlegrrl at 5:26 PM on March 27, 2016 [2 favorites]

Best answer: My brother is a pastor at a huge church and does these all the time. It isn't expected but a $100 dollar tip in cash is greatly appreciated. Maybe put inside a hand written thank you note. I know your parent's pastor is doing this service because they were part of his church family but a sweet note and a cash tip for his services will be well received.
posted by pearlybob at 5:44 PM on March 27, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: i know lots and lots of people who do this professionally, it depends on the location, but the universial here is about 150 in cash, in a discrete white envelope.
posted by PinkMoose at 6:45 PM on March 27, 2016

I gave 100 for the last ceremony I had done.
posted by AlexiaSky at 7:05 PM on March 27, 2016

Best answer: (Former) pastor here, although not Methodist, and I agree with the consensus so far. You aren't obligated to give anything, especially since your parents were members of his church, but a gift of $100-150 is common, either in cash or a check made out to the minister. Tuck it inside a simple thank you card, or hand it to him in a plain envelope after the ceremony as you say thank you in person.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 7:40 PM on March 27, 2016

Don't call it a "tip," though.
posted by praemunire at 11:46 PM on March 27, 2016 [3 favorites]

Around $100 is standard, a bit more if you make the minister schlep somewhere.

Do ask what the average honorarium is, either directly to the minister or the church administrative assistant.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:34 AM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]