Anxiety at night

January 27, 2016 5:45 AM

My mother (in her 50s) grew up in an unsafe neighborhood, and experienced a traumatic burglary and some attempted break-ins during the night as a child. She's had trouble sleeping since then, and I think it's affecting her health. What can she do?

Ever since I can remember, as I child, she would wake up every hour to come to my room to check on my sibling and me. Often, she'd be so nervous that she'd have one of us sleep in the same room with her and my father (who sleeps very well -- so well that he wouldn't hear if anything is amiss -- which makes her even more anxious). The slightest sound wakes her up.

She takes a nap for a couple of hours in the afternoon whenever possible (she stays at home). Apparently, she feels safer retreating into sleep during the day. I'm not sure this is a good solution, though.

As an adult, she's always lived in a relatively safe area, though break-ins do occur occasionally.

Burglar alarms are not an option in this country. Neither is therapy, really. I don't think taking sleeping pills or other aids are a good idea health-wise, and the core problem will still be there.

Any ideas to help her sleep better at night?

posted by redlines to Human Relations (8 answers total)

Yeah, therapy, anti-anxiety medicines, PTSD work. Most of which you've ruled out.

She's wakeful because she has trauma she hasn't dealt with in decades. It doesn't get better, it gets worse with time.

Saying unilaterally that drugs are unhealthy is silly. Anxiety is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can disrupt sleep. Lack of sleep depletes the brain of necessary chemicals to alleviate anxiety. Additionally living in an anxious state can cause issues with blood pressure and other health problems.

Encourage your mother to visit with a GP to discuss her issues with sleep and anxiety. Be open minded to suggestions.

But for sure, find someone who works with people who have PTSD.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:53 AM on January 27, 2016 [8 favorites]

This isn't a replacement for therapy, but if the big issue is needing to be vigilant because no one else is easily awoken enough to detect danger, could she consider getting a dog and then sleeping with earplugs? She can rest assured that the dog will make enough noise to rouse her if something is amiss, while also shutting out unwanted disturbing noises.
posted by lizzicide at 6:08 AM on January 27, 2016 [4 favorites]

I have a similar phobia, although to a less degree triggered for similar reasons. I now live in a big building with excellent security and feel very safe. When I lived in a row house by myself in a not so great part of town things devolved over time and I was left in a similar state of panic at night. One thing that helped me was having portable door stopper alarms everywhere. You can buy them online and they are usually advertised for use in hotels or hostels by travelers, but essentially they let out a high pitched alarm if anyone tries to open the door. It gave me at least some peace of mind. They are cheap and require no installation so I would buy her some and see if that helps a little.

A dog would also probably help. I always feel better when there is a dog in the house because they will hear everything before I do and then I don't have to worry about listening for noises.
posted by whoaali at 6:13 AM on January 27, 2016 [3 favorites]

This sounds a lot like hypervigilance, one of the symptoms of PTSD.
Find a therapist that practices EMDR. Talk therapy alone hasn't hasn't had great results in PTSD treatment, but EMDR has been pretty successful. It sounds like lots of woo but it's widely accepted and veterans are getting EMDR at government hospitals now too.
This has been going on so long it's probably a life pattern. You might need to treat the PTSD and then the habit after the fear is gone. Don't be afraid to try benzodiazepines during the PTSD treatment phase (it won't take more than a few months) and regular sleep aid drugs to treat the waking behavior after the PTSD is more controlled.
posted by littlewater at 7:33 AM on January 27, 2016 [1 favorite]

I would definitely get a dog -- the bigger the better.
posted by delight at 10:07 AM on January 27, 2016 [1 favorite]

Having two dogs in the house is awesome for this. One of my dogs has the temperament to be a proper guard dog - she is alert to strange noises, and actively growls/barks at strangers trying to enter the house who she doesn't know and I don't give an okay to (through either body language or an explicit command of "it's okay" to her). This has been accidentally tested a few times with friends coming over when I was out of the house or unable to come to the door, which ups my assurance level that she's on it. Of course, the downside to a dog like this is the false alarms - she sometimes barks at shadows, or gets worked up over a noise that was caused by the wind.

My other dog loves every person he meets, and would gladly show a burglar the valuables in exchange for an ear scratch. However he's huge, looks like a big wolf to people who don't know dogs (Alaskan Malamute), and trots along to all of the first dog's warnings because, hey, excitement is happening at the door! So he's useless, but looks like an excellent backup guard to folks who don't know dogs.

The added bonus of dogs is companionship for your mom the rest of the time. The downside is the care they require, added mess in the house, someone to watch them when she travels, etc.
posted by Jaclyn at 10:49 AM on January 27, 2016 [1 favorite]

Please do not get a dog for this purpose unless your mother really, really wants one for other reasons, too, and is prepared to deal with all of the less-fun aspects of dog ownership. A dog is a living, breathing creature with feelings, not a home security system. The fact that dogs alert their owners to odd noises is a happy bonus of dog ownership, not a justification for it.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 2:17 PM on January 27, 2016 [5 favorites]

Nthing the suggestions to help your mother get treated for PTSD. Is there a reason why therapy isn't an option? It's definitely the best way to treat PTSD, aside from medication. I suffered trauma from a nighttime break-in as a child, and still have hypervigilance and sleep disturbances (I'm in my 50s). Therapy helped tremendously. My PTSD symptoms are almost all gone, and what's left I can identify and manage. An important part in healing from PTSD is identifying triggers. For example, the "slightest sound" will trigger the same fear, anxiety, vulnerability, and helplessness that occurred during the original trauma - as if that trauma is happening in the present. If your mother can understand this, the sounds won't upset her as much. EMDR is good for some people, but there needs to be trust developed first with the practitioner. It took me a long time to feel safe enough with my therapist to try it (she was certified to do EMDR), but it helped a lot too.

Other things that have helped in the past: melatonin an hour before bed time, keeping a little bell by the bedroom door so I'll hear it jingle if the door opens (similar to the door stopper alarm), hot bath before bed, and relaxation techniques such as deep breathing.
posted by mountainpeak at 11:59 PM on January 27, 2016 [1 favorite]