How do I find my biological father?
January 24, 2016 12:58 PM Subscribe
I was born when my parents were but teenagers, and I never met my biological father. Twenty-six years later, I'm on the hunt for him. My mom knows hardly anything, but she's given me all the information she has (full name, name of parents, sister's name, date of birth). How do I use this information to find him? Should I hire a private detective? Or are there easier ways to go about this search. Any advice is appreciated. (Anecdote: Years ago, I mailed a letter to the house that is listed as his parents' house. However, the letter was returned to sender.)
Yeah, my dad found his birth parents using yearbooks. Libraries are good. My mom remembers going to local libraries' archive/genealogical rooms (which are usually even more quiet and no-disturbances than the main rooms of libraries) with me in a stroller, pouring over yearbooks and hoping I wouldn't wake up and start fussing!
It took less than 2 months to find them both this way, and this was pre-Facebook. Registers of Deeds (for house purchases) and other classmates in the yearbooks helped my parents track them down.
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:17 PM on January 24, 2016
It took less than 2 months to find them both this way, and this was pre-Facebook. Registers of Deeds (for house purchases) and other classmates in the yearbooks helped my parents track them down.
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:17 PM on January 24, 2016
Best answer: There is a good chance he is findable with the information you have. I suggest taking it to the Facebook group Search Squad, a group of volunteer search angels who are experts at this. They found the birth mother of a friend of mine in a little over an hour. Priscilla Sharp is another excellent resource who does searches for free. If you don't have any luck with search angels, there is always DNA testing, which is how I found my biological parents as an adoptee. Here is a previous post of mine with some details about that process, although the prices are likely out of date. Good luck, and please let me know if I can be of any assistance!
posted by purplemonkie at 1:20 PM on January 24, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by purplemonkie at 1:20 PM on January 24, 2016 [7 favorites]
If you're willing to spend a little money, a private investigator is SO MUCH the easy way. With the information you have, unless the name is very common or he's a fugitive or well off the grid, a competent PI will get you his current location (including sadly possible, where buried or cremated) in a few hours' work, maybe spread out over a few days if he has to query records which are searched by hand or only delivered by FedEx or fax rather than downloadable. But quite possibly something he can do literally while you wait. You'll want to use a well-established family practice / small business lawyer for referral to a good PI who will give you a fair rate; all such lawyers have them readily to hand.
As a bonus, a PI can anonymize your search.
It will help your PI to carry out the search ethically to know if your motives are adversarial (21 years' child support etc.) Nothing wrong with your motives being that, but there are certain things an ethical PI can't do / say in a search when he's chasing debts that he can say for family unity type searches.
posted by MattD at 1:30 PM on January 24, 2016 [3 favorites]
As a bonus, a PI can anonymize your search.
It will help your PI to carry out the search ethically to know if your motives are adversarial (21 years' child support etc.) Nothing wrong with your motives being that, but there are certain things an ethical PI can't do / say in a search when he's chasing debts that he can say for family unity type searches.
posted by MattD at 1:30 PM on January 24, 2016 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Knappster, I would memail you, but it appears that your memail is disabled.
posted by fignewton at 2:14 PM on January 24, 2016
posted by fignewton at 2:14 PM on January 24, 2016
If you have an idea of the state they might have lived in, and the name isn't ridiculously common, Zabasearch might give you some clues. Don't know what all they draw info from, but speaking from searching my own name, info can go back a long way.
If you click on the more addresses found, it bounces you over to Intelius to search, and the neat thing there, it may show names of family members or people who have at least lived at the same address.
Sometimes there's nothing useful, but sometimes you can get lucky - and knowing the name of the town they're currently in, or some additional family member names can be really helpful if you're looking for someone on your own without access to things that cost money.
posted by stormyteal at 2:14 PM on January 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
If you click on the more addresses found, it bounces you over to Intelius to search, and the neat thing there, it may show names of family members or people who have at least lived at the same address.
Sometimes there's nothing useful, but sometimes you can get lucky - and knowing the name of the town they're currently in, or some additional family member names can be really helpful if you're looking for someone on your own without access to things that cost money.
posted by stormyteal at 2:14 PM on January 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
Given that you have his name and an address where he and his parents lived, the next step would be to look for census information to confirm the data you have. If that checks out, yearbooks may be helpful; heck, Facebook might be helpful!
I was able to identify and locate my birth father and family using census data and Facebook, primarily. I had his name and a little bit of additional data, but nothing as solid as a former residential address. I did also find him listed as an alumnus on a site for his now-defunct school, which is something like the yearbook approach. I accessed the census data via Ancestry.com. I do not know if the census data is available via other methods, but I assume it must be.
I have not contacted him or his family, though, and am not sure if I ever will.
Ancestry is expensive, one to three hundred bucks a year, and has a steep learning curve, though. I guess you could sign up on a trial basis to see if it can help, but hiring someone might be easier and cost about the same.
I hired a confidential intermediary as a part of my reunion search; often CIs are also PIs. The cost for my CI was a grand, although there was an option for a $500 fee.
Hope this helps.
posted by mwhybark at 2:52 PM on January 24, 2016
I was able to identify and locate my birth father and family using census data and Facebook, primarily. I had his name and a little bit of additional data, but nothing as solid as a former residential address. I did also find him listed as an alumnus on a site for his now-defunct school, which is something like the yearbook approach. I accessed the census data via Ancestry.com. I do not know if the census data is available via other methods, but I assume it must be.
I have not contacted him or his family, though, and am not sure if I ever will.
Ancestry is expensive, one to three hundred bucks a year, and has a steep learning curve, though. I guess you could sign up on a trial basis to see if it can help, but hiring someone might be easier and cost about the same.
I hired a confidential intermediary as a part of my reunion search; often CIs are also PIs. The cost for my CI was a grand, although there was an option for a $500 fee.
Hope this helps.
posted by mwhybark at 2:52 PM on January 24, 2016
Search squad on Facebook is a closed group. Join it and follow the instructions. I have seen people searching 30 years and their "search angels" find the person in an afternoon.
I have some pretty good searching skills after 30 years of genealogy but these folks that search there have some magic databases or skills because they are amazing at find living people.
Best of luck...
posted by ReluctantViking at 6:15 PM on January 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have some pretty good searching skills after 30 years of genealogy but these folks that search there have some magic databases or skills because they are amazing at find living people.
Best of luck...
posted by ReluctantViking at 6:15 PM on January 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: To follow up:
Search Squad was an amazing resource. The folks there wound up helping me get in touch with my father's sister. Unfortunately, my father did not want to meet me, but at least I now have some sort of closure.
Thanks for all the advice!
posted by fignewton at 4:20 PM on May 7, 2016
Search Squad was an amazing resource. The folks there wound up helping me get in touch with my father's sister. Unfortunately, my father did not want to meet me, but at least I now have some sort of closure.
Thanks for all the advice!
posted by fignewton at 4:20 PM on May 7, 2016
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posted by Knappster at 1:10 PM on January 24, 2016 [3 favorites]