How to have difficult conversations with clients

December 3, 2015 12:18 AM

Please give me advice for telling clients that I can no longer keep their appointment times

I'm a personal trainer with positive and often quite close relationships with my clients. I'm also about to burn out from working too many hours. I need to tell one of my clients that I can no longer train her late on Tuesday nights as I am not coping well with working late nights and early mornings and never being able to have dinner at a sensible time. She trains one other evening per week but in an ideal world I wouldn't do that session either and would just train her on a Saturday. She's been a very reliable client and made amazing progress, and I've been very flexible with her work schedule.

I'm not used to putting myself first and even though I talk to all my clients about self care, I've realised that mine has slipped away.

I'm scared that she will feel inconvenienced, undervalued or worse, angry.

I want to talk to her in person.

Hit me with any advice you have, please

posted by lifethatihavenotlivedyet to Work & Money (23 answers total)

Response by poster: Also, this is my own business and I work alone. I am currently working about 60 hours a week so it's less an issue of "losing clients" so much as I care about each individual client and don't want to disappoint them.
posted by lifethatihavenotlivedyet at 12:19 AM on December 3, 2015

A lot of the things you mention here sound like perfectly great things to bring up.

Hi, Client -

My business is getting to the point where I'm having to work too many hours, and I'm going to have to scale back on some of my hours before the quality of my work suffers. I value you as a client, you've made amazing progress, and I want to keep working with you in a way that makes sure you keep making amazing progress. I'm having most difficulty with working late nights and early mornings. We've talked about the importance of self care, and those times especially are affecting mine. Can we review your appointment times and see if we can find times that work for both of us?
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:27 AM on December 3, 2015 [23 favorites]

She probably will be more or less inconvenienced, depending on her schedule, so prepare yourself for that. But she's happy with her progress, so I'm guessing she'll want to keep working with you (especially because you sound very responsive and caring). Angry, probably not. Jon Mitchell's script is great. (You could also just ask her if she'd consider switching to Saturdays, since that's what you want, and tell her that evenings are kicking your butt. You could support her better when you're refreshed. Maybe, she's progressed enough that once-weekly supervision might be ok and she can do one night on her own.)

(That said, late evenings and early mornings are when the people who can afford personal training usually want to go - those are basically the hours. Could you maybe aim to work with fewer clients overall and charge new clients more? Nap in the middle of the day? Have bigger snacks?)
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:13 AM on December 3, 2015

This is a business decision. As such, you do not need to offer excuses or rationale if you don't want to, and in my opinion, you shouldn't because it makes it sound like the subject is open for debate. "Starting in January, I will only be offering sessions during the following days and times," and then let clients choose from the new timeslots. It sounds possible that some clients will not get as much time as they used to; I can imagine them being upset about that but you just have to stand firm about what your new availability is and let the chips fall where they may.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:18 AM on December 3, 2015 [32 favorites]

I understand that your job is a fairly personal one, but this is one of those times when this is 100% business, not personal. I would say "Starting January 1st, I am no longer doing evening training. These are the daytime slots I have available - I'd love to keep working with you if you can make it fit your schedule."

You don't owe a reason - any reasonable person will get that most other reasonable people don't enjoy working days AND evenings. That's just baseline. If your clients have the balls to ask you why, they are the ones who are being unreasonable. If you feel they deserve that "why" answered, you can tell them "it's just not possible for me to do anymore."

Be friendly, try to accommodate their needs in the daytime hours you do have free, make sure they know it's not them, it's your schedule. Business, not personal.
posted by Mchelly at 3:38 AM on December 3, 2015 [11 favorites]

I think you can say your truth without sounding "mean."

It's not her problem, however, that you want to have dinner at a reasonable hour. I wouldn't mention that.

You could say something like, "Sally, I know you have a tough schedule, but late evenings and early mornings no longer work for me [you don't need to give any reason]. You're a great client and I don't want to lose you; could we work together on the weekends? If not, could we work together to find a schedule that works for both of us? I'm available x, y, and z.

If not, I understand if you want to find someone to train with. Please let me know."
posted by Piedmont_Americana at 3:57 AM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

I like Jon Mitchell's answer. The client/ trainer relationship, I think, is in more of a gray air between personal and professional (which is why I could never fire my not very good but very kind trainer). But you still need to take care of yourself. The only addition I'd suggest is it would be great if you could recommend another trainer. It might be tough on your client for a while, but people adjust. You sound like a very caring trainer, and that's probably why you're too popular for your own good.
posted by FencingGal at 4:08 AM on December 3, 2015

You don't need a reason and I don't think you should offer one, because that makes it sound like a negotiation. You have the right to set this boundary and the only reason you need is that you want to. She has the right to get upset about it, and that's something you'll have to accept.

I'm thinking of my relationship with my therapist, which is about as personal as you can get, but which was still firmly professional when it came to this type of boundary. If we needed to reschedule a session he would always only offer those times he could do. If I couldn't make any of them, no session, even if I really needed one.

Looking back that boundary has been crucial to forming a healthy relationship for both of us. If I can trust that he is looking after his own needs, then I can fully use what he does offer without wondering if I am overstepping and feeling guilty about it. And if he suddenly changed his schedule and told me his self-care had been slipping because of our sessions together I can't imagine how terrible I would have felt and how that would have damaged our relationship. I think it is kinder and more helpful to be professionally distant.
posted by PercussivePaul at 4:54 AM on December 3, 2015 [7 favorites]

ThePinkSuperhero is right. I think you are overthinking this. Send out an email to all your clients informing them that you will no longer offer evening hours. "As of January 1st I am no longer doing evening training. Please contact me at your earliest convenience to reschedule any sessions that may be affected by this change." If she doesn't contact you, then call her in a day or so to make sure she got the email and to see how she would like to handle the schedule.

Keep in mind, her emotions are not under your control, and neither are they your responsibility. She is going to feel how she feels, and you should let yourself off the hook for that.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:26 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Nth'ing "Just say you're not doing evening training anymore", but wanted to add that if you know any of your fellow trainers who are more willing to do evening training, then hook your clients up with them. You'll feel better about them going to someone else if you know that New Evening Trainer is good, and you can grow your own network in the process.
posted by Etrigan at 6:17 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Yes; no reasons, no excuses. I don't even give them in my personal life anymore. It just gives people an "in" to negotiate. It felt mean or withholding at first, but very few people have pushed back on me (and to those who have I just say, "Oh, I can't, I am sure you understand," and only once has that not just stopped the questioning). Good luck; you can do it.
posted by sockermom at 6:52 AM on December 3, 2015

You like her, so you want to keep her as a client if possible. You tell her that starting in [January] you can't work past a certain time, and you'll need to reschedule. Decide in advance how flexible you're willing to be, set your constraints. eg, if she asks for Saturdays at 10 but you have another client then, will you talk to the other client about moving to 11, or are you just offering her the current openings in your calendar?
If she can't fit your constraints, have the name and number of another trainer handy so you can say "Well, you should talk to my friend Sue, I've worked with her at [context] and I know she does good work. I know she is currently taking evening clients."

Remind yourself that you have a successful business and more clients than you have time to work with. If she reschedules with you at a time you want to work, good. If she gracefully moves to work with a friend instead, that's okay too. If she decides to get upset, there's nothing you can do about her reaction, take heart in the fact that you were professional and kind throughout. She's not likely to get angry, she knows that you've been working around her schedule all this time, and she's probably aware that not every trainer wants to work at 8pm.
posted by aimedwander at 7:08 AM on December 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

I love my trainer and I love the convenience of my time slot with her, and my routine is established around those times. I would be bummed if she changed them.

HOWEVER, if my trainer told me that the time slot was not working for her and she could no longer offer it to me, I would completely understand!

I pay my trainer for her expertise and guidance, not dibs on every hour of her life. I would like to hear:

"I am going to stop taking clients/training in the evenings. Let's finish out the next few sessions at the time we have and discuss a new time slot."
posted by pazazygeek at 7:13 AM on December 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

The new year is a great excuse for this because it can fall under a "taking care of me" heading and the timeline will usually work for people. I am on team "You don't owe anyone an explanation" but maybe soften the blow by suggesting other trainers, if you know any, who do evening sessions?
posted by jessamyn at 7:24 AM on December 3, 2015

I agree this is a business decision and you shouldn't overthink it.

If you know another trainer who can take over the hours you can no longer work, and you feel confident recommending that person, it's always a good idea to give your customers another option.
posted by adamrice at 8:18 AM on December 3, 2015

A solution to a slightly different problem...

At 60 hours, you are burning the candle at both ends. As you know, personal training (at least at its core) is a "rate job" so you make as much as you work. To make more money, you have two options: work more or raise your rate. As an entrepreneur in a rate-based industry you need to be pro-active about managing supply and demand... Right now, demand is out-pacing your supply and driving you in to the ground.

If you need the money but want to work less, bump your rate up (and do it more than you feel 100% comfortable with, because you will not want to do it very often). Consultants ALMOST ALWAYS undervalue themselves! You will lose some clients, but the remaining clients will offset that revenue. At the end, you will be living in a more sustainable way and probably making more too.

To go back to the original question, it is hard to fire a customer. Better to change the game and have them fire themselves :-)

Good luck!
posted by milqman at 8:58 AM on December 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

If you feel that you need to give an excuse (you shouldn't) then the catch-all term "for operational reasons" is powerful and suitably vague that no-one will ever question it. "Dear clients, for operational reasons I will no longer be able to offer evening sessions from 1st January..."
posted by Jabberwocky at 10:17 AM on December 3, 2015

I agree you should look at it as a business decision, but also be prepared that you are probably going to lose some clients, even if they're not angry or upset with you! If these folks have work schedules such that they need early morning or late night appointments, they are almost certainly not going to, like, quit their jobs so they can come to personal training with you. It is 100% your right to make the personal and/or business decision that you can't offer these hours, but the reality is that many people are only going to be available for personal training outside of normal work hours. I would figure out what you want your new hours to be and send out an email to all of your clients saying something to the effect of:

As of January 15, I will be available to schedule personal training sessions according to the attached schedule. If your usual time falls outside this window, I am happy to work with you to reschedule. I can also highly recommend [Personal Trainer X] and [Personal Trainer Y], both of whom offer late night hours.

If you do decide to do this in person, I would take a similar approach - this is what I need (not negotiable), and your options are to reschedule or move forward with another trainer. I would try to help people with transitioning to a new trainer if necessary (maybe, say, writing out what you've been doing, setting up a meeting with the new person to go over everything, etc.)
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:51 AM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Agreed that you shouldn't give a personal reason, that way lies resentment. It doesn't matter if you preach self care and clients believe in it for themselves, our selfish nature means that when you say that you're cutting back hours because you're overextended, clients will think "but so am I, what makes you so special? I wish I could cut back but I can't, after all, I'm making time for working out even when the only time I can do it is late in the evening" and then you have a bitter client on your hands. Even a reasonable and kind person can't help feeling that way—society praises those who overwork themselves and we don't like to see other people giving themselves permission to put themselves first.

Keep it professional and people will deal with it. Make it about you and people will try to convince you otherwise. (Look at all the other Ask's where the user base here will pushback anytime someone says "I can't do x because y, please recommend an alternative" and insist the x is still the way go.)
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 10:57 AM on December 3, 2015

To follow up on milqman's suggestion one idea might be to have different rates for different times of the day. If it's cheaper for her (or someone else) to see you during the day that might be incentive to do it; otherwise, you could keep evening hours at a much higher rate to compensate for the trouble - and do it fewer nights a week.
posted by marylynn at 11:37 AM on December 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

After explaining that her time slot is no longer an option (however you want to word that) i would say "I really enjoy working you and I hope we can find another time slot that will work. If not, I can refer you to some other good trainers with evening hours"

The point of this is
- reassure her that you care about her, like working with her and would prefer to continue
- not making assumptions about her schedule - respecting that the new times might not work for her
- signalling ahead of time that if she says starts to throw a tantrum (But I NEED evening hours) your response will be "OK, I'll refer you to someone else"
posted by metahawk at 12:03 PM on December 3, 2015

My trainer is really tactful when talking about important changes. She would lead with a brief statement about what has to change: 'I need to make changes in my working hours, and can't offer evening training any longer." Then continue: "I really like working with you, and you've made great progress. Is there a way we could work together between 10 a.m and 5 p.m?" If the answer is no or maybe, she would have a referral ready.

If you just say, "No more evening sessions," and then stop talking, the emphasis will be on what she's losing. If you state the hours you will be available, and recommend someone else, you're shifting toward an answer to, "What happens next?" You could also offer to talk with her about how to choose her next trainer, or write a brief summary in trainer-speak of what her goals are and how the training has been serving those goals. Or just ask, "How can I help you make the transition?"

It would be ideal if you could give a few weeks' notice...but if that doesn't work for you, you don't have to.
posted by wryly at 12:14 PM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

As you work through this, don't take the suggestion to offer discounts for earlier time slots.

It sounds like you are working too many hours as it is and should cut down, not just in late times but in total hours per week. The only way to make more money is to raise your rates, not lower them. You are in demand, so you can do this. You will lose some clients, but others will gladly pay it, and new clients will be expecting high rates from the beginning, so you know they are willing to pay it.
posted by CathyG at 2:59 PM on December 3, 2015