How to Get What I Want at the Salon?
November 21, 2015 11:07 PM Subscribe
I'm an introvert, female-bodied, and not very feminine. I cannot seem to have a good haircut experience. I'm almost 32 years old and apparently I'm doing it wrong.
About 7 or 8 years ago, I had my thigh-length hair chopped to chin-length by a then-good friend. He and I have since parted ways, and that was the last haircut I've actually loved. Don't get me wrong, I haven't had any absolutely terrible haircuts, I just can't seem to get exactly what I want, even with pictures of that haircut or pictures of similar haircuts.
What I'm basically looking for is a messy bob with lots of short, chunky layers.
I was recently gifted a free cut and style at a high-end salon. My appointment was today, and I prepped with pictures and made sure to take my anti anxiety meds. I've never been to a high end salon and I'm a socially anxious introvert.
I showed the stylist my pictures and explained what I liked about them and she told me that a lot of the look was styling and product, but that she could do the cut and teach me the style. Ok, sounds good, though I kinda already knew that. The shampoo and head massage was nice.
I noticed that all around me, stylists seemed to have their customers engaged in conversation, seemed to be making effort to make the customer comfortable and understand their hair needs/desires. Actually, I see this everywhere I've gotten my hair cut. No matter where I go, though, stylists never seem to be interested in chatting or anything of the sort. A co-worker [girly, extrovert], who was gifted a free color at the same salon (we got our choice), had an awesome experience a few weeks ago. My stylist didn't seem interested in engaging me at all. I can actually hold a conversation and I'm not horrible at small talk, but starting conversations with new people is a challenge.
Every haircut I've gotten in the last few years, it's like I have to beg to get to chin length, as if they just can't understand why I'd want it that short. And "messy bob", as a search term finds tons of exactly what I'm looking for. Please note that none involve the three-inch curls my hair was styled with today. And no, the very windy day did not help, as I was told it would. In fact, no stylist I've been to seems to understand the concept of messy bob and all seem determined to give me some "feminine flair" (the only way I can describe it, usually involves a flat iron in some way, and subjects my hair to way more product than I'm likely to ever use).And As a life-long tomboy, and sometimes gender-dismorphic, it's almost insulting.
Am I too quiet? I know I'm probably not assertive enough. I'm not really comfortable in the types of places women go to for beautification, and aesthetics have never been one of my highest priorities. But looking around the salon today, I long to find that hairstylist who will work with me, and make me want to come back. I was actually willing to shell out good money to come back to this place if the cut/style was right. But the late 80's/early 90's giant ringlet look was not what I had in mind.
After rinsing the product out, the cut isn't terrible. It could have some shorter layers, and it's overall not quite as short as I'd have liked, but it's almost winter, so maybe my neck will be warmer.
I'm half tempted to just grow it back out long again, but I really prefer it short, and would even be willing to get more frequent haircuts if I could find the right stylist. The only real differences between my old friend and the stylists I've had since is that he didn't work in a salon, and he's a male. Is there a tactful way of asking for a male stylist?
Is there some way of communicating with stylists that I have failed to discover? Am I too obviously anxious? Is my lack of femininity getting in my way? Am I too picky? Please, tell me there's a secret to finding a stylist I want to go back to! The salon I was at today comes highly recommended by my boss and co-worker and it gets awesome reviews online. Do I just have bad luck?
About 7 or 8 years ago, I had my thigh-length hair chopped to chin-length by a then-good friend. He and I have since parted ways, and that was the last haircut I've actually loved. Don't get me wrong, I haven't had any absolutely terrible haircuts, I just can't seem to get exactly what I want, even with pictures of that haircut or pictures of similar haircuts.
What I'm basically looking for is a messy bob with lots of short, chunky layers.
I was recently gifted a free cut and style at a high-end salon. My appointment was today, and I prepped with pictures and made sure to take my anti anxiety meds. I've never been to a high end salon and I'm a socially anxious introvert.
I showed the stylist my pictures and explained what I liked about them and she told me that a lot of the look was styling and product, but that she could do the cut and teach me the style. Ok, sounds good, though I kinda already knew that. The shampoo and head massage was nice.
I noticed that all around me, stylists seemed to have their customers engaged in conversation, seemed to be making effort to make the customer comfortable and understand their hair needs/desires. Actually, I see this everywhere I've gotten my hair cut. No matter where I go, though, stylists never seem to be interested in chatting or anything of the sort. A co-worker [girly, extrovert], who was gifted a free color at the same salon (we got our choice), had an awesome experience a few weeks ago. My stylist didn't seem interested in engaging me at all. I can actually hold a conversation and I'm not horrible at small talk, but starting conversations with new people is a challenge.
Every haircut I've gotten in the last few years, it's like I have to beg to get to chin length, as if they just can't understand why I'd want it that short. And "messy bob", as a search term finds tons of exactly what I'm looking for. Please note that none involve the three-inch curls my hair was styled with today. And no, the very windy day did not help, as I was told it would. In fact, no stylist I've been to seems to understand the concept of messy bob and all seem determined to give me some "feminine flair" (the only way I can describe it, usually involves a flat iron in some way, and subjects my hair to way more product than I'm likely to ever use).And As a life-long tomboy, and sometimes gender-dismorphic, it's almost insulting.
Am I too quiet? I know I'm probably not assertive enough. I'm not really comfortable in the types of places women go to for beautification, and aesthetics have never been one of my highest priorities. But looking around the salon today, I long to find that hairstylist who will work with me, and make me want to come back. I was actually willing to shell out good money to come back to this place if the cut/style was right. But the late 80's/early 90's giant ringlet look was not what I had in mind.
After rinsing the product out, the cut isn't terrible. It could have some shorter layers, and it's overall not quite as short as I'd have liked, but it's almost winter, so maybe my neck will be warmer.
I'm half tempted to just grow it back out long again, but I really prefer it short, and would even be willing to get more frequent haircuts if I could find the right stylist. The only real differences between my old friend and the stylists I've had since is that he didn't work in a salon, and he's a male. Is there a tactful way of asking for a male stylist?
Is there some way of communicating with stylists that I have failed to discover? Am I too obviously anxious? Is my lack of femininity getting in my way? Am I too picky? Please, tell me there's a secret to finding a stylist I want to go back to! The salon I was at today comes highly recommended by my boss and co-worker and it gets awesome reviews online. Do I just have bad luck?
Oh, lastly, maybe try researching salons on Yelp if you haven't already. People will often rave about one particular stylist-- it might help you to visit some of these rockstar stylists at a few different salons and see if you find your match. Sometimes in the past I've made a last-minute appointment at a great salon with a random stylist and ended up disappointed.
posted by easter queen at 11:22 PM on November 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by easter queen at 11:22 PM on November 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I think you want a different salon. But some of this is just being aggressive-- if you don't like the cut when they show it to you, explain that right away. "I don't want those curls." For the style, if you're not looking for something for a fancy event, explain that you want to have it done like you'll do it every day- and ask them to explain how it's done.
I like to ask MeFi for recs, although even that isn't perfect. A generally good salon may not be good for what you're looking for (especially if you want something not overtly feminine). Ask people who have the haircut you want where they got it. I've also found wearing clothes in a style that matches the hair I'm after works better. (If I dress too conservatively, I end up with a rather matronly style..) And a generally good salon can have some stylists that are kind of blah and some that are great.
For me, I hate product, I'm not going to put crap in my hair on a regular basis, and I've had excellent, uh, messy bobs... that don't require product. The one time I still wished I'd walked out of a salon was when the cutter (new to me) said "oh that can't be done without product". Depends what you want, but I already knew that what I wanted in fact could be done, and had been done *on my head*, without product. Did the cut you had once upon a time require product? If not, speak up and say that. Can't get what you want if you don't ask for it.
Another possibility is that your hair type may not work with the cut you're asking for. It's possible it has changed since the cut your friend gave you eons ago. Any chance you have any pics of *you* with the cut you want?
As for the conversation, can't help with that really, but sometimes you get lucky. My favorite hairstylist went back to school... to get a degree in astronomy. I'm a physicist, so we had a great time talking about black holes and etc before I moved away.. and she left to finish up her degree.
posted by nat at 11:54 PM on November 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
I like to ask MeFi for recs, although even that isn't perfect. A generally good salon may not be good for what you're looking for (especially if you want something not overtly feminine). Ask people who have the haircut you want where they got it. I've also found wearing clothes in a style that matches the hair I'm after works better. (If I dress too conservatively, I end up with a rather matronly style..) And a generally good salon can have some stylists that are kind of blah and some that are great.
For me, I hate product, I'm not going to put crap in my hair on a regular basis, and I've had excellent, uh, messy bobs... that don't require product. The one time I still wished I'd walked out of a salon was when the cutter (new to me) said "oh that can't be done without product". Depends what you want, but I already knew that what I wanted in fact could be done, and had been done *on my head*, without product. Did the cut you had once upon a time require product? If not, speak up and say that. Can't get what you want if you don't ask for it.
Another possibility is that your hair type may not work with the cut you're asking for. It's possible it has changed since the cut your friend gave you eons ago. Any chance you have any pics of *you* with the cut you want?
As for the conversation, can't help with that really, but sometimes you get lucky. My favorite hairstylist went back to school... to get a degree in astronomy. I'm a physicist, so we had a great time talking about black holes and etc before I moved away.. and she left to finish up her degree.
posted by nat at 11:54 PM on November 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: easter queen hit it on the head - edgy, punky salons are the place for you. I was you for YEARS, until I stopped even looking in the window of nice, clean, shiny salons. It was sort of an accident - I was badly in need of a cut, had lost all hope/was out of fucks to give, and just decided to go to the place closest to me and take care of it. The guy's name was Jeremiah, and he himself had a blue mohawk, as did his shop dog. The place blasted punk music, was covered in green and black checks,the whole nine.
It was the best haircut experience I'd had in my life.
He respected everything I wanted, no matter how "unfashionable" or "weird" without acting like it was strange for me to want it, gave me a gorgeous, low-maintenance haircut, and chatted happily with me in a way that no other stylist did. (I don't fault them for this - I think they just read me as not wanting to talk, when really I'm OK with it if they start it, like you, OP.)
Then he broke my heart by moving to Puerto Rico, but ever since, I've known what to look for - holes in the wall with shop decorations that evoke hard rock/hippie/otherwise counter-culture looks, and laid back stylists whose own aesthetic is a little offbeat. I've never gone wrong in one, no matter where I've moved since then. They're the only ones who seem to actually listen.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 12:19 AM on November 22, 2015 [22 favorites]
It was the best haircut experience I'd had in my life.
He respected everything I wanted, no matter how "unfashionable" or "weird" without acting like it was strange for me to want it, gave me a gorgeous, low-maintenance haircut, and chatted happily with me in a way that no other stylist did. (I don't fault them for this - I think they just read me as not wanting to talk, when really I'm OK with it if they start it, like you, OP.)
Then he broke my heart by moving to Puerto Rico, but ever since, I've known what to look for - holes in the wall with shop decorations that evoke hard rock/hippie/otherwise counter-culture looks, and laid back stylists whose own aesthetic is a little offbeat. I've never gone wrong in one, no matter where I've moved since then. They're the only ones who seem to actually listen.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 12:19 AM on November 22, 2015 [22 favorites]
Yeah--I'm with stoneweaver. I hate to say it, but the only way I've ever gotten a good haircut is by saying, "Ok, think of the most stereotypically lesbian version of [a pixie/a bob/an undercut] that you can. That's the thing that I want." This seems to work almost regardless of the place--the shitty ten dollar haircut place at the mall has delivered cuts just as good as higher-end places.
Also, if you go in and tell them that you want a lesbian bob or whatever, and they laugh or smile, you're usually ok and will have an ok haircut, and they might chat at you. If they don't seem at all amused by it, I'd walk, because my experience has been that the people who aren't at least kinda charmed by this approach also really want to make me ~more feminine~ or whatever.
posted by MeghanC at 12:33 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also, if you go in and tell them that you want a lesbian bob or whatever, and they laugh or smile, you're usually ok and will have an ok haircut, and they might chat at you. If they don't seem at all amused by it, I'd walk, because my experience has been that the people who aren't at least kinda charmed by this approach also really want to make me ~more feminine~ or whatever.
posted by MeghanC at 12:33 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
If you see people with hairstyles you like, try asking where they got it done. I know this may be difficult for you (fellow introvert here) but give it a try? Most people don't mind hearing "your hair looks great. Mind if I ask the name of your stylist?"
posted by Beti at 12:54 AM on November 22, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by Beti at 12:54 AM on November 22, 2015 [6 favorites]
Best answer: easter queen nailed it, I think. I also just want to add that a friend of mine is a hairdresser, and I know she has mentioned that if the client doesn't initiate the conversation then she tends not to talk. The reason is that many clients don't want that kind of engagement/chat and she wants to be respectful. Even if you're an introvert, you may want to consider some social cues you could give that you are open to conversation. "That's a really nice belt. What's it made out of?" or "I really like your hair-- how long did it take you to grow it out?" I'm not good at new people myself, but I've managed to learn a few simple cues which signal openness.
You might want to go to a stylist recommended by a friend. That can give you a natural opening. "P said you were really good, and I've had this problem that people keep trying to make my hair more femme than I want it to be. She said she was sure I wouldn't have that problem with you." I almost always choose my stylists from personal recommendation-- I think it helps to break the ice.
You can also tell them you don't want styling. Realize that many/most clients *want* this "I just went to a stylist" look and what they're trying to do is show you the potential of the cut. Just tell them not to do it-- or tell them exactly how you want them to do it-- "I'd like to see what the gel can do, but no curls, please. Can you just make it stick out in all directions?" If you're trying to use pictures, that may not work. You may need to supplement with really direct feedback. I can't think of an occasion when a stylist has argued with me when I've given direct instructions unless I know them well enough that they know I trust them to argue.
posted by frumiousb at 1:16 AM on November 22, 2015
You might want to go to a stylist recommended by a friend. That can give you a natural opening. "P said you were really good, and I've had this problem that people keep trying to make my hair more femme than I want it to be. She said she was sure I wouldn't have that problem with you." I almost always choose my stylists from personal recommendation-- I think it helps to break the ice.
You can also tell them you don't want styling. Realize that many/most clients *want* this "I just went to a stylist" look and what they're trying to do is show you the potential of the cut. Just tell them not to do it-- or tell them exactly how you want them to do it-- "I'd like to see what the gel can do, but no curls, please. Can you just make it stick out in all directions?" If you're trying to use pictures, that may not work. You may need to supplement with really direct feedback. I can't think of an occasion when a stylist has argued with me when I've given direct instructions unless I know them well enough that they know I trust them to argue.
posted by frumiousb at 1:16 AM on November 22, 2015
Best answer: A few different things.
I think often haircuts that are more stereotypically feminine are seen as "safer", the same is the case with length, so when you go to a new stylist for the first time and exude nervousness, they are inclined to play it safe and not risk you feeling like something drastic was done. One thing I do is tell new stylists that "I get my hair chopped off like, college lesbian short every few years, then grow it back out again" which really helps them understand that I am cool with many different lengths, and have had very short hair multiple times, etc. You might try, when they talk about what you want, to tell that story about your friend who cut off your super long hair and how great that was for you. You can also say "I might seem kind of nervous but I really mean it when I say I want my hair this length" and you hold your hand up to the right spot.
I agree with the people above saying to look for an edgy salon. Go to places that have clientele of all genders. Since you say you can be gender dismorphic, a place that caters to a wider variety of people is going to make you feel more comfortable. (And really, the gender divide of salons/barbershops is ridiculous and imo should be discouraged, via capitalism if we must.) You are also less likely to get product pushes from stylists who work with men as often as they do women. It doesn't have to be *pricey* edgy, either.
These days many places will have websites that you can check out, that include pictures of satisfied customers. Different stylists will specialize in different things, so you can see who does the more natural, textured cuts and specifically request that stylist - or you can describe your hair type to the receptionist over the phone (sometimes through email) and they can tell you which stylist is best for your goals.
You can also scope out their websites for clues to how gendered an environment it is going to be. If their prices are by hair length, with styling and blowouts and treatments as separate services, that is a good sign. If their prices are by gender and length, that is a bad sign - that assumes that a woman's short hair is going to have way more styling than a man's hair of the exact same length, so the stylists are going to be encouraged to make your hair much more feminine, and you might feel less comfortable there regardless. And a lot of edgy salons will declare a gender non-discrimination policy right on their website, saying everyone is welcome and telling men that they have to pay the same price as women with similar length hair. That's an obvious good sign.
As for talking, the stylist is taking cues from you. Many people don't actually want to chatter away while they get their hair cut. I like to talk sometimes but then have long periods of comfortable quiet. Stylists always follow my lead in this. So if you want to talk, you have to start. If you find someone who gives you the cut you actually want, they will remember to talk to you again without you having to initiate when you come back.
posted by Mizu at 1:24 AM on November 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
I think often haircuts that are more stereotypically feminine are seen as "safer", the same is the case with length, so when you go to a new stylist for the first time and exude nervousness, they are inclined to play it safe and not risk you feeling like something drastic was done. One thing I do is tell new stylists that "I get my hair chopped off like, college lesbian short every few years, then grow it back out again" which really helps them understand that I am cool with many different lengths, and have had very short hair multiple times, etc. You might try, when they talk about what you want, to tell that story about your friend who cut off your super long hair and how great that was for you. You can also say "I might seem kind of nervous but I really mean it when I say I want my hair this length" and you hold your hand up to the right spot.
I agree with the people above saying to look for an edgy salon. Go to places that have clientele of all genders. Since you say you can be gender dismorphic, a place that caters to a wider variety of people is going to make you feel more comfortable. (And really, the gender divide of salons/barbershops is ridiculous and imo should be discouraged, via capitalism if we must.) You are also less likely to get product pushes from stylists who work with men as often as they do women. It doesn't have to be *pricey* edgy, either.
These days many places will have websites that you can check out, that include pictures of satisfied customers. Different stylists will specialize in different things, so you can see who does the more natural, textured cuts and specifically request that stylist - or you can describe your hair type to the receptionist over the phone (sometimes through email) and they can tell you which stylist is best for your goals.
You can also scope out their websites for clues to how gendered an environment it is going to be. If their prices are by hair length, with styling and blowouts and treatments as separate services, that is a good sign. If their prices are by gender and length, that is a bad sign - that assumes that a woman's short hair is going to have way more styling than a man's hair of the exact same length, so the stylists are going to be encouraged to make your hair much more feminine, and you might feel less comfortable there regardless. And a lot of edgy salons will declare a gender non-discrimination policy right on their website, saying everyone is welcome and telling men that they have to pay the same price as women with similar length hair. That's an obvious good sign.
As for talking, the stylist is taking cues from you. Many people don't actually want to chatter away while they get their hair cut. I like to talk sometimes but then have long periods of comfortable quiet. Stylists always follow my lead in this. So if you want to talk, you have to start. If you find someone who gives you the cut you actually want, they will remember to talk to you again without you having to initiate when you come back.
posted by Mizu at 1:24 AM on November 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
I bet you could give yourself a messy bob.
I have had the same experience, many times over. So, about 7 years ago, I taught myself to cut my own hair. It was very time consuming at first (slowly cutting over multiple days etc), and I had to learn some odd techniques, but now I can reliably cut my own hair in an hour.
A few months ago I had a work meeting, my hair was way too long, and so I decided to just go to a salon. The kind that blasts punk and has free beer. I got into an actual argument with the hairstylist, who assured me that he knew how to cut my hair better than I did, and guess what? I fucking hated it. I haven't had a haircut since, and I've been growing it out, I think just to spite that experience. god fuck that idiot stylist
Moral of the story: learning to cut your own hair is fun, inexpensive, and easier than it seems. Especially when you want a messy style haircut. Check out some youtube vids!
posted by special agent conrad uno at 1:31 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have had the same experience, many times over. So, about 7 years ago, I taught myself to cut my own hair. It was very time consuming at first (slowly cutting over multiple days etc), and I had to learn some odd techniques, but now I can reliably cut my own hair in an hour.
A few months ago I had a work meeting, my hair was way too long, and so I decided to just go to a salon. The kind that blasts punk and has free beer. I got into an actual argument with the hairstylist, who assured me that he knew how to cut my hair better than I did, and guess what? I fucking hated it. I haven't had a haircut since, and I've been growing it out, I think just to spite that experience. god fuck that idiot stylist
Moral of the story: learning to cut your own hair is fun, inexpensive, and easier than it seems. Especially when you want a messy style haircut. Check out some youtube vids!
posted by special agent conrad uno at 1:31 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
You don't mention what type of hair you have. Since someone has succeeded in cutting your hair the way you like, it is most probably possible, (though hormonal changes may also affect your hair over time, mine has become much more curly over time), but it might be difficult. I have learnt that I will never get a good haircut the first time I go to a salon. It takes time for the stylist to get how my hair works, and to completely understand what I want.
I go to small, edgy places, because the high-end salons tend to have a brand style they try to force everyones hair into (because some people like that).
I found my current stylist by asking someone who's hairstyle I liked where they went. After a couple of times, it worked out fine. Then she went to NYC, but for a while it was OK because her apprentice could keep cutting me. But then the apprentice was fired and a terrible person ruined my hair completely. Luckily, "my" stylist returned from New York (too high rent too low wages), hurrah!! However, I've also realized that when you choose to become a hair stylist, it is also because you love the products and the atmosphere and the whole concept of a salon. Even if its a hipster punk salon. So I've ended up letting her style my hair in the way she likes to do it, as long as the cut is right. That way she is happy in her job, and we have a good dialogue. 10 mins after I leave the salon, my hair will clash from the weight of the products, and I will go home and wash them out.
Her styling may involve curls, or flattening irons. Whatever.
I don't think much about my looks these days, so I had to go look at a mirror to see what style my hair is, and lo behold, it is this messy bob thing you are looking for. As said, this is not something I have found easily and it has taken time and effort to get the right person to do the right thing.
posted by mumimor at 2:01 AM on November 22, 2015
I go to small, edgy places, because the high-end salons tend to have a brand style they try to force everyones hair into (because some people like that).
I found my current stylist by asking someone who's hairstyle I liked where they went. After a couple of times, it worked out fine. Then she went to NYC, but for a while it was OK because her apprentice could keep cutting me. But then the apprentice was fired and a terrible person ruined my hair completely. Luckily, "my" stylist returned from New York (too high rent too low wages), hurrah!! However, I've also realized that when you choose to become a hair stylist, it is also because you love the products and the atmosphere and the whole concept of a salon. Even if its a hipster punk salon. So I've ended up letting her style my hair in the way she likes to do it, as long as the cut is right. That way she is happy in her job, and we have a good dialogue. 10 mins after I leave the salon, my hair will clash from the weight of the products, and I will go home and wash them out.
Her styling may involve curls, or flattening irons. Whatever.
I don't think much about my looks these days, so I had to go look at a mirror to see what style my hair is, and lo behold, it is this messy bob thing you are looking for. As said, this is not something I have found easily and it has taken time and effort to get the right person to do the right thing.
posted by mumimor at 2:01 AM on November 22, 2015
I think stylists often cut my hair a little longer than I describe because it is easier to take more off than to glue some back on. :) After the cut and before the styling, it's totally fine to say "hey, this looks a little long on the sides/ top/whatever, and I really like the shorter length. Could you take another inch off right here?" I say that sort of thing at most of my haircuts, even now that I have a regular hairdresser that knows me, and no one has ever seemed put out at the extra five minutes it takes to have a happy customer.
posted by tchemgrrl at 2:07 AM on November 22, 2015
posted by tchemgrrl at 2:07 AM on November 22, 2015
I recommend going to a place like the Aveda Institute. I just got my hair cut there yesterday.
Here's why. The students are taught to specifically ask about your hair routine, how you like it cut, and it's confirmed with an educator. The educator will stop by to ensure that you're getting everything you need. It's perfectly acceptable to say, "could you show me how to make it chunkier," or "I don't like to use a lot of product."
There is the thing that what you see in pictures is often the result of a ton of product and the fact that you won't use it may affect your ability to get a chunky bob. Your hair texture may also not work well with that style. It's certainly okay to ask your stylist, "I really like this style, is it realistic for my hair type?"
I also like the fact that I get $60 hair cuts for $18.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:19 AM on November 22, 2015 [4 favorites]
Here's why. The students are taught to specifically ask about your hair routine, how you like it cut, and it's confirmed with an educator. The educator will stop by to ensure that you're getting everything you need. It's perfectly acceptable to say, "could you show me how to make it chunkier," or "I don't like to use a lot of product."
There is the thing that what you see in pictures is often the result of a ton of product and the fact that you won't use it may affect your ability to get a chunky bob. Your hair texture may also not work well with that style. It's certainly okay to ask your stylist, "I really like this style, is it realistic for my hair type?"
I also like the fact that I get $60 hair cuts for $18.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:19 AM on November 22, 2015 [4 favorites]
Others have covered what might probably be the main issue (stylists cutting what they think you want rather than what you want b/c gendered expectations). And I totally agree with Mizu that re: talking the stylist was probably taking cues from you, although I wonder too if other folks at the salon were repeat customers, with histories with their stylists? I know I chat a lot more with my person now that I've been going to her for over three years.
On a totally separate note: my stylist ALWAYS says, "hey, if this isn't short enough or isn't working, please come back for a tune up, free." And, while not every salon will SAY that, I do think that if you're paying $60 dollars, the expectation is that you will--eventually--get what you want. So if I were you, I'd go back, thank the stylist for the work so far, and then explain that it's not short enough or chunky enough and please can we try again.
posted by correcaminos at 4:54 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
On a totally separate note: my stylist ALWAYS says, "hey, if this isn't short enough or isn't working, please come back for a tune up, free." And, while not every salon will SAY that, I do think that if you're paying $60 dollars, the expectation is that you will--eventually--get what you want. So if I were you, I'd go back, thank the stylist for the work so far, and then explain that it's not short enough or chunky enough and please can we try again.
posted by correcaminos at 4:54 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I hated every haircut I got before I started going to alt type places. Places where the stylists have multiple visible tattoos, piercings, hair that your grandmother would disapprove of, and sketches of naked ladies with bettie bangs in the women's bathroom. (For some reason that last one is always standard.)
I was always so disappointed with my hair because it was never short enough or extreme enough or it required 10 products and a flat iron to achieve. It wasn't until I started going to alt places before I found people who would cut my hair to look the way I thought was cool, "pretty" be damned.
I agree with folks saying to go back and ask them to do it over. You're not happy, you should be happy. Explain why you're not happy (I asked for it to be chin length, this is clearly not chin length, etc) and take in your reference photos again. Maybe supplement them with more pictures that are even shorter to show how serious you are about the short thing. Are you looking for something kind of like this? If it is, if might sell short better than what your other pics are telling.
FWIW, stylists will generally take their cues from you on how chatty to be unless they themselves are just extreme extroverts. I've been to the same person to cut my hair for about 7 years now, and we barely talked for maybe the first two years I saw her, because I'm not a smalltalk person and she picked up on that. We're friends now with plenty to talk about, but seriously for two years our convos were perfunctory and only about hair. If you want to chat with your stylist, you should start. Something simple like "have you seen the new hunger games yet" or any other easy subject you can help supply material for would be a good way to get it going.
posted by phunniemee at 5:59 AM on November 22, 2015
I was always so disappointed with my hair because it was never short enough or extreme enough or it required 10 products and a flat iron to achieve. It wasn't until I started going to alt places before I found people who would cut my hair to look the way I thought was cool, "pretty" be damned.
I agree with folks saying to go back and ask them to do it over. You're not happy, you should be happy. Explain why you're not happy (I asked for it to be chin length, this is clearly not chin length, etc) and take in your reference photos again. Maybe supplement them with more pictures that are even shorter to show how serious you are about the short thing. Are you looking for something kind of like this? If it is, if might sell short better than what your other pics are telling.
FWIW, stylists will generally take their cues from you on how chatty to be unless they themselves are just extreme extroverts. I've been to the same person to cut my hair for about 7 years now, and we barely talked for maybe the first two years I saw her, because I'm not a smalltalk person and she picked up on that. We're friends now with plenty to talk about, but seriously for two years our convos were perfunctory and only about hair. If you want to chat with your stylist, you should start. Something simple like "have you seen the new hunger games yet" or any other easy subject you can help supply material for would be a good way to get it going.
posted by phunniemee at 5:59 AM on November 22, 2015
I don't have great advice because I am 40 years old and find the idea of having a stranger cut my hair so stressful that I haven't done it since I was 13. BUT people have recommended that I bring a friend with me who can advocate for me and provide a second set of eyes to determine whether the stylist has it right or needs to keep going. It's very hard to do this yourself when you're already in a stressful situation, so it could be worth a shot.
posted by metasarah at 6:03 AM on November 22, 2015
posted by metasarah at 6:03 AM on November 22, 2015
I have found two great stylists by seeing someone with my hair type and a great cut and asking them where they got it done. Until then I was like you, locked in haircut misery.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:34 AM on November 22, 2015
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:34 AM on November 22, 2015
If you're hoping to have a more in-depth conversation but not feeling quite up to aimless small talk, I've had pretty good success with just asking the stylist to explain what they're doing as they're going through the routine. If you tell them that you haven't gone to hair salons very often and that you'd appreciate any of their thoughts on hair care/the best way to get the no-frills cut you want, I think most people would be hapy to do so. (Although of course, that still doesn't guarantee that you're going to be on the same page.)
posted by eponym at 7:12 AM on November 22, 2015
posted by eponym at 7:12 AM on November 22, 2015
Depending on where you live, you might actually be able to get that cut at a barber. I live in a small town, have one barber shop. There is a woman there who has a chair and she and one other guy will cut women's hair. It costs the same whether you are male or female. I want what is basically a boy/girl cut in the summer and tell her that. Mine chats with me which isn't really my preference but it's fine. If you want to chat, you can start with some openers about local stuff, time of year, etc. You may have hit a bad person. Also at a lot of fancy salons the people there are REGULARS so they have been chatting with the same person in the same chair for years.
It sounds like you want something lower maintenance both in work for yourself but also work for the person cutting it (from what I think you want) and so a fussy salon might not be the right place. And I totally hear you on it being agitating, I haven't gotten my hair cut in a year or two, even though I have a cut I think would look excellent on me, because I can't even get up the gumption to go to my basically-perfect lady barber. It's hard. Good luck.
posted by jessamyn at 7:29 AM on November 22, 2015
It sounds like you want something lower maintenance both in work for yourself but also work for the person cutting it (from what I think you want) and so a fussy salon might not be the right place. And I totally hear you on it being agitating, I haven't gotten my hair cut in a year or two, even though I have a cut I think would look excellent on me, because I can't even get up the gumption to go to my basically-perfect lady barber. It's hard. Good luck.
posted by jessamyn at 7:29 AM on November 22, 2015
Nthing the edgy, punkish, downtown-type arty salon. Look for the places that stylists have visible tattoos and colored shocks of hair and hip-looking staff.
But I think you should be prepared to pay well - a good salon like this charges every bit as much as a genteel-business-lady salon. The cut you're describing that you want is actually not a simple cut to do - it involves using clamps to shape layers and probably razoring. One of life's most basic truths is that you're not likely to get a masterful, thoughtful cut paying low rate. You're paying for the talent and the eye. At some point in life when you get frustrated that you never get the cut you want, that's the time to start resigning yourself to the $50 and up haircut, without color. Not only are you a lot more likely to get what you want, you've invested more money, which makes it a lot easier to drum up the assertiveness needed to get your money's worth.
You may have to make peace with using product, too, or your bob won't stay messy. I hate products too but I found one I'm OK with using daily - Lush's R&B, which is kind of a light styling paste that smells nice and doesn't feel gross but adds a lot of body.
posted by Miko at 7:31 AM on November 22, 2015
But I think you should be prepared to pay well - a good salon like this charges every bit as much as a genteel-business-lady salon. The cut you're describing that you want is actually not a simple cut to do - it involves using clamps to shape layers and probably razoring. One of life's most basic truths is that you're not likely to get a masterful, thoughtful cut paying low rate. You're paying for the talent and the eye. At some point in life when you get frustrated that you never get the cut you want, that's the time to start resigning yourself to the $50 and up haircut, without color. Not only are you a lot more likely to get what you want, you've invested more money, which makes it a lot easier to drum up the assertiveness needed to get your money's worth.
You may have to make peace with using product, too, or your bob won't stay messy. I hate products too but I found one I'm OK with using daily - Lush's R&B, which is kind of a light styling paste that smells nice and doesn't feel gross but adds a lot of body.
posted by Miko at 7:31 AM on November 22, 2015
Just chiming in to say that personal rec is a very powerful thing, and even if it's from some person you just happen to see and like their hair -- ask their name and the salon/stylist and be sure to say you were referred by that person. It's an instant rapport. If your city does a "best of" list that is voted on by actual people and not editorial, take a look at that, because in those situations you have to vote for your favorites, and sometimes you'll find little places with fierce followings -- for a reason.
With my current stylist, I started off just wanting what I wanted - maintenance on my hair that had been long for a very extended timeframe (easily over 10 years) but a good solid cut so that it looked good. I built up a relationship with her and eventually she had suggestions for me that have lead to me literally chopping almost all my hair off. I would never have done this with some person that I didn't trust.
All that to say: I would recommend going to someone and establishing a relationship -- with that person for you, and for the stylist, between yourself and the stylist, and between the stylist and your hair. Once they have a few cuts under their belt for you, they can probably do a better job on what you're talking about.
posted by Medieval Maven at 7:50 AM on November 22, 2015
With my current stylist, I started off just wanting what I wanted - maintenance on my hair that had been long for a very extended timeframe (easily over 10 years) but a good solid cut so that it looked good. I built up a relationship with her and eventually she had suggestions for me that have lead to me literally chopping almost all my hair off. I would never have done this with some person that I didn't trust.
All that to say: I would recommend going to someone and establishing a relationship -- with that person for you, and for the stylist, between yourself and the stylist, and between the stylist and your hair. Once they have a few cuts under their belt for you, they can probably do a better job on what you're talking about.
posted by Medieval Maven at 7:50 AM on November 22, 2015
If you don't live in a city, go to a salon in the city. Suburb salons tend to be... matronly from my experience, whereas salons in an urban area -- even better if it's near a college -- have a lot of young, fun clientele who want ready-to-wear looks. I've been to different tiers of salons in my city, and have generally found the stylists receptive to what I want (except for this hole-in-the-wall that was primarily a nail salon...). I haven't found a stylist I love in my city, but have gotten a good hair cut the last 5/6 times.
My tips for getting the cut you want: figure out the terms you want, and only come with a picture or two. Tell them that you understand you will have to use some product, but your ideal cut would allow you to wash, product, and air dry, and look generally like what you want. They should ask you questions, and this step should be a discussion (not a data dump and then they go). Tell them that you love experimenting and really want to "go for it" and commit to this look. My own experience with long female bobs is that they will leave them kind of long in the back because if you get the back cut short enough to require shaving, it will look terrible in about 2 weeks.
In terms of styling, when I had short hair and wanted the messy bob look, I happened to ask about it. The best product was the Bumble and Bumble texture cream -- it's pretty much made to texturize hair into that messy bob look. Even now when my hair is longer I can get that messy-but-put-together look with this product, and I always air dry my hair.
In terms of salon styling afterwards -- first, it's optional. Most of the time I just ask them to put in some de-frizz stuff and let it air dry. Sometimes they reaaaally want to style it and then I'll ask for it to look street ready. Like "I'm going to run errands" hair, not "going to my birthday dinner" hair.
The last tip is to find someone who has done their hair in a way you like, especially if they have a similar hair type to you. Growing up my hair was more coarse than it is now, but going to a stylist who had thicker hair always yielded a better cut because they understand how much of a PITA that hair type is to style (for whatever hair type they have).
posted by DoubleLune at 7:54 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
My tips for getting the cut you want: figure out the terms you want, and only come with a picture or two. Tell them that you understand you will have to use some product, but your ideal cut would allow you to wash, product, and air dry, and look generally like what you want. They should ask you questions, and this step should be a discussion (not a data dump and then they go). Tell them that you love experimenting and really want to "go for it" and commit to this look. My own experience with long female bobs is that they will leave them kind of long in the back because if you get the back cut short enough to require shaving, it will look terrible in about 2 weeks.
In terms of styling, when I had short hair and wanted the messy bob look, I happened to ask about it. The best product was the Bumble and Bumble texture cream -- it's pretty much made to texturize hair into that messy bob look. Even now when my hair is longer I can get that messy-but-put-together look with this product, and I always air dry my hair.
In terms of salon styling afterwards -- first, it's optional. Most of the time I just ask them to put in some de-frizz stuff and let it air dry. Sometimes they reaaaally want to style it and then I'll ask for it to look street ready. Like "I'm going to run errands" hair, not "going to my birthday dinner" hair.
The last tip is to find someone who has done their hair in a way you like, especially if they have a similar hair type to you. Growing up my hair was more coarse than it is now, but going to a stylist who had thicker hair always yielded a better cut because they understand how much of a PITA that hair type is to style (for whatever hair type they have).
posted by DoubleLune at 7:54 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
My stylist didn't seem interested in engaging me at all. I can actually hold a conversation and I'm not horrible at small talk, but starting conversations with new people is a challenge.
With regard to this, my experience is stylists take cues from the customer and don't want to harsh your mellow if you want to sit there and zone out.
With regard to getting what you want: build a Pinterest board with many examples of exactly what you want and bring your iPad in next time -- it's how I worked with my stylist to choose my color, although I've recently handed all power over to her and no longer make any requests at all. I've been seeing her ten years. She does my whole family's hair. She's a very accomplished stylist. Clearly you want something very specific but along with being sure to get your needs met, keep an eye out for someone you can go to for ages and ages.
I used to get super stressed about hair stylists, having to make decisions and stare at my face and 'what if' and feeling like I had to manage it. Took me ages to get there but its a real delight to completely outsource all manner of thinking about it, if you can get there.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:08 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
With regard to this, my experience is stylists take cues from the customer and don't want to harsh your mellow if you want to sit there and zone out.
With regard to getting what you want: build a Pinterest board with many examples of exactly what you want and bring your iPad in next time -- it's how I worked with my stylist to choose my color, although I've recently handed all power over to her and no longer make any requests at all. I've been seeing her ten years. She does my whole family's hair. She's a very accomplished stylist. Clearly you want something very specific but along with being sure to get your needs met, keep an eye out for someone you can go to for ages and ages.
I used to get super stressed about hair stylists, having to make decisions and stare at my face and 'what if' and feeling like I had to manage it. Took me ages to get there but its a real delight to completely outsource all manner of thinking about it, if you can get there.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:08 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
Actually, if I recall correctly I spent a couple of years going to her and feeling kind of awkward and not talking and being aware of everyone around holding up chatter and feeling, as I often do, like a professional dork. Eventually I found out she was good at gardening and had these fun takes on television shows and we liked the same shoes but she would have let me sit there like a statue forever if we hadn't stumbled on a topic one day--to her, I think she was being sensitive. And I actually sort of thought so at the time, I just didn't know how to get past it or whether or not I wanted to. What if we started talking and it was super boring and we had to make awkward small talk every six weeks? Aghhhh. I'd have to find a whole new stylist.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:14 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:14 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, also, I'm not clear on whether you want to talk to your stylist. If you don't, that's fine. I don't love it, though I'll do it if they feel like it. You can hint at your preference for quiet by saying things like "I've been so busy, this is a great chance for me to relax." I always pick up a magazine to read when I get color, and when that process starts I say "I'll be fine just relaxing with this magazine."
On the other hand, if talking with the person would make you feel happier and more included, don't leave it all to them. Start with a few questions (as above)- has it been busy here lately? Expecting a busy holiday season? I love the music, is it a streaming station or radio? Are you a local? How did you come to join up with this salon? etc. In my experience if you give them a few openings, they'll take them. If you don't, they may take the cue from you that you'd rather be quiet.
posted by Miko at 8:14 AM on November 22, 2015
On the other hand, if talking with the person would make you feel happier and more included, don't leave it all to them. Start with a few questions (as above)- has it been busy here lately? Expecting a busy holiday season? I love the music, is it a streaming station or radio? Are you a local? How did you come to join up with this salon? etc. In my experience if you give them a few openings, they'll take them. If you don't, they may take the cue from you that you'd rather be quiet.
posted by Miko at 8:14 AM on November 22, 2015
Please, tell me there's a secret to finding a stylist I want to go back to!
See girl on the street with haircut you like, ask girl where she gets it cut. I had this happen to me a couple of times in New York when I had a stylist I truly loved and I was always more than happy to rave about how great she was and send people her way.
posted by MsMolly at 8:37 AM on November 22, 2015
See girl on the street with haircut you like, ask girl where she gets it cut. I had this happen to me a couple of times in New York when I had a stylist I truly loved and I was always more than happy to rave about how great she was and send people her way.
posted by MsMolly at 8:37 AM on November 22, 2015
How often do you get your hair cut? When you think about it, it's really amazing what hairstylists do in the time alloted for a haircut. Not only are they trying to interpret what the client is saying, they are also evaluating the actual hair on your head, then doing the actual washing, cutting and styling. All in one hour. The messy layered bob is, in my non-professional opinion, a tricky one to get perfect on the first time with a new stylist. I have been doing the messy bob for years and I usually give a new stylist a chance over two appointments so we can talk about what did or did not work the first time around. I've also noticed that stylists usually edge on the side of "fancy" with styling on the first appointment - perfect blowout, straightener, curling iron, etc. If you go frequently to the same stylist they are a little more relaxed, I think.
I think stylists are pretty freaked out by changing lengths on a brand-new client. Sometimes people are impulsive about their hair and whatever emotional thing causes them to freak out at the results.
So my advice to you is to try becoming one of those people who get their hair done every 6 weeks by the same person, and be brutally honest about what does and does not work for you.
posted by stowaway at 8:41 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think stylists are pretty freaked out by changing lengths on a brand-new client. Sometimes people are impulsive about their hair and whatever emotional thing causes them to freak out at the results.
So my advice to you is to try becoming one of those people who get their hair done every 6 weeks by the same person, and be brutally honest about what does and does not work for you.
posted by stowaway at 8:41 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
The end of September I was rocking a Kim Davis look and very, very sick of it. I had some time to kill in the tiny beachfront community where I was marooned for a miserable weekend, so I ducked into a unisex barbershop where the woman put out her cigarette and schpritzed my head a few times with water from a spray bottle and then cut off a foot of hair, which she handed me in a plastic grocery sack so I could give it to a wig charity or trade it for a watchband, whatever. She shaped it up a little bit while telling me about her daughter and her house. I just googled "messy bob," and that is precisely what I have on my head right now.
>>>>>GUESS WHAT I PAID.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>SEVEN DOLLARS.
(I gave her a twenty and ran off without the change I was so delighted with her work.)
I advise you stay out of good cities and stay out of salons. They make all their money selling product. Go to a place that doesn't sell product. They won't give you the blowout and the hard sell and make you pay for it.
posted by Don Pepino at 11:39 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
>>>>>GUESS WHAT I PAID.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>SEVEN DOLLARS.
(I gave her a twenty and ran off without the change I was so delighted with her work.)
I advise you stay out of good cities and stay out of salons. They make all their money selling product. Go to a place that doesn't sell product. They won't give you the blowout and the hard sell and make you pay for it.
posted by Don Pepino at 11:39 AM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
The cut you're describing that you want is actually not a simple cut to do - it involves using clamps to shape layers and probably razoring.
No, I totally disagree. I have given messy bobs to a few women. I used to exclusively cut my ex-gf's messy bob. And I know lots of women who cut their own messy bob. I use a twist cut technique, where I twirl the hair around my fingers until it's a long twist, then move the scissors down the twist as I cut. I learned that technique at a house party where people were giving haircuts in the garage.
You can over-design anything, including a haircut. But people have this ingrained belief that haircuts are difficult, requiring highly trained specialists. Can you imagine if we thought the same way about food? You don't need a molecular gastronomist to cook a plate of beans. Likewise, you don't need complicated techniques and specialists for the majority of haircuts.
posted by special agent conrad uno at 2:51 PM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
No, I totally disagree. I have given messy bobs to a few women. I used to exclusively cut my ex-gf's messy bob. And I know lots of women who cut their own messy bob. I use a twist cut technique, where I twirl the hair around my fingers until it's a long twist, then move the scissors down the twist as I cut. I learned that technique at a house party where people were giving haircuts in the garage.
You can over-design anything, including a haircut. But people have this ingrained belief that haircuts are difficult, requiring highly trained specialists. Can you imagine if we thought the same way about food? You don't need a molecular gastronomist to cook a plate of beans. Likewise, you don't need complicated techniques and specialists for the majority of haircuts.
posted by special agent conrad uno at 2:51 PM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
All I know is got 100% mediocre, unsatisfying, generic haircuts until I started paying better money for them. Since the OP is not happy with the haircuts she's getting, finding a place that spends more time getting the effect she wants - and charges accordingly - might be the solution. Pulling pictures from the web is likely to get examples of haircuts like these, which were most definitely not done in a garage and involve a lot more technique and response to hair type than it looks like they do. Haircutting is an art; even if it's possible to do certain effects on certain kinds of hair without training, for many of us who don't have access to those people or won't respond to that kind of cut, the solution is to find someone who has worked hard at their technique.
posted by Miko at 7:14 PM on November 22, 2015
posted by Miko at 7:14 PM on November 22, 2015
(I mean, any time I've heard people say that someone "looks awesome!" with a homegrown haircut, it's for one of two reasons: the person is already unusually beautiful and anything done to their hair only makes them more interestingly breathtakingly beautiful, or it actually looks bad and no one is willing to say.)
posted by Miko at 7:25 PM on November 22, 2015
posted by Miko at 7:25 PM on November 22, 2015
I know you've gotten tons of good advice but I will chime in anyway to say I agree with: city salon (vs. suburb), funky/edgy salon, and online reviews. I love my current hairstylist, and I found the salon by seeing which place had the best reviews where I live -- that's actually how a lot of people find them, I think, because they don't do any advertising or anything like that.
posted by trillian at 7:40 PM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by trillian at 7:40 PM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: My salon experiences have all been similar to yours, with stylists looking horrified at my shy admissions that I was thinking about maybe going short, obscene amounts of product, and everything being way more femme and high maintenance than I was asking for.
I finally, this summer, at the age of 38, got the first haircut that I actively like. I got it by going to a trendy hipster barbershop (think beard oil, straight razors, and tattoos) recommended by a number of queer and gender non-conforming friends. I bluntly laid out my requirements, "I want a dude haircut, slightly on the feminine side of centre. I will spend no more than five minutes on it before leaving the house, use no product, and I will be frequently wearing a bike helmet. I trust your experience; do anything you want." My barber was SO EXCITED to be doing something a touch more feminine than usual, and unlike every salon stylist I'd seen, he actually listened to my requirements. I love my butch hair, and am never going into a fancy salon again.
Is my lack of femininity getting in my way?
The societal standard of femininity pushed in most salons is what's getting in your way. Your haircut needs to conform to your style, not the other way around.
posted by bethnull at 8:13 PM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
I finally, this summer, at the age of 38, got the first haircut that I actively like. I got it by going to a trendy hipster barbershop (think beard oil, straight razors, and tattoos) recommended by a number of queer and gender non-conforming friends. I bluntly laid out my requirements, "I want a dude haircut, slightly on the feminine side of centre. I will spend no more than five minutes on it before leaving the house, use no product, and I will be frequently wearing a bike helmet. I trust your experience; do anything you want." My barber was SO EXCITED to be doing something a touch more feminine than usual, and unlike every salon stylist I'd seen, he actually listened to my requirements. I love my butch hair, and am never going into a fancy salon again.
Is my lack of femininity getting in my way?
The societal standard of femininity pushed in most salons is what's getting in your way. Your haircut needs to conform to your style, not the other way around.
posted by bethnull at 8:13 PM on November 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
Haircutting is an art; even if it's possible to do certain effects on certain kinds of hair without training, for many of us who don't have access to those people or won't respond to that kind of cut, the solution is to find someone who has worked hard at their technique
Yes, and cooking is an art too. But (in that google image search) you're pulling images of top celebrities with the craziest most expensive (and talented) hair stylists on the planet... that would be like saying "If you can't cook like Ferran Adria/Grant Achatz/Mario Batali you should always eat out." No way, learning to cook basic-yet-delicious meals is not that difficult.
I apologize if I'm too heavy in this ask-thread, but I really think haircutting is a basic skill, much like cooking. Ok, sitting out now, much love to everyone :)
posted by special agent conrad uno at 11:15 PM on November 22, 2015
Yes, and cooking is an art too. But (in that google image search) you're pulling images of top celebrities with the craziest most expensive (and talented) hair stylists on the planet... that would be like saying "If you can't cook like Ferran Adria/Grant Achatz/Mario Batali you should always eat out." No way, learning to cook basic-yet-delicious meals is not that difficult.
I apologize if I'm too heavy in this ask-thread, but I really think haircutting is a basic skill, much like cooking. Ok, sitting out now, much love to everyone :)
posted by special agent conrad uno at 11:15 PM on November 22, 2015
you're pulling images of top celebrities with the craziest most expensive (and talented) hair stylists on the planet
My point being that if the OP is bringing pictures to a salon with them, they're probably finding them based on images like that (I literally just googled "messy bob") and images like that reflect expensive, detailed haircuts by people with a lot of talent and experience. If you want a haircut similar to one you're seeing on a celebrity or model, you need to go someone who has similar experience and training creating the kinds of looks that we see on celebrities and models. If you want a basic haircut, then no, you don't need to do that, but the OP is saying they are unhappy with their basic haircuts.
posted by Miko at 7:37 AM on November 23, 2015
My point being that if the OP is bringing pictures to a salon with them, they're probably finding them based on images like that (I literally just googled "messy bob") and images like that reflect expensive, detailed haircuts by people with a lot of talent and experience. If you want a haircut similar to one you're seeing on a celebrity or model, you need to go someone who has similar experience and training creating the kinds of looks that we see on celebrities and models. If you want a basic haircut, then no, you don't need to do that, but the OP is saying they are unhappy with their basic haircuts.
posted by Miko at 7:37 AM on November 23, 2015
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I think you should maybe try an "edgier" salon. I go to a salon where the stylists are regularly doing retro, tiny bangs, bright blue bobs and then cutting my plain jane mousy blonde pixie cut, and they can do subtle things and they can do great architectural/geometric things. They might be more willing to do something that makes more of a statement, instead of trying to jail you in some weird 1980s matron land. (Also, I don't think it has anything to do with male/female-- my female hairstylists have always been great and really bold with their cuts-- but you probably could request a male if you felt more comfortable with that.)
Also, my styling at the salon is always horrid. I fully expect to go home, wash it out, and have my own hair back before I'm happy.
Finally, your stylist may just pick up on the fact that you seem quiet/shy/introverted and not want to be in your face. She might be tired of chatting all day and be grateful for the break. But you can definitely try to strike up a convo if you feel brave. I've developed a good state of banter with my current stylist, and I'm very shy.
posted by easter queen at 11:18 PM on November 21, 2015 [18 favorites]