How do I not care about a thing I currently care dearly for?
November 7, 2015 2:55 AM Subscribe
I care about celebrity gossip. I would like to be a person who does not care about celebrity gossip. There is especially a certain group of celebrities whose petty dramas I am entirely caught up in and I relish reading juicy new stories entirely too much. I know how to use internet blockers, so I don't need pointers on that kind of stuff. What I am looking for (if it exists) are mind hacks, tools, philosophical things, or *anything* to fundamentally change myself so that on a cellular level it is no longer interesting to me. Maybe this is not possible for me, maybe it is- please, give me your best shot.
Without knowing why you want to be someone who does not care about celebrity gossip, it's hard to give you specific suggestions.
My suggestion would be that you identify why you don't want to be that person, and also the sort of person you do want to be, and orient your actions in that direction. Without a substitute for being interested in celebrities, you aren't going to get far. This might mean, for example, that you tell yourself "I am not the sort of person that reads Gawker, I am the sort of person who reads [insert name of site that contains content that aligns with who you want to be]"
posted by girlgenius at 3:30 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
My suggestion would be that you identify why you don't want to be that person, and also the sort of person you do want to be, and orient your actions in that direction. Without a substitute for being interested in celebrities, you aren't going to get far. This might mean, for example, that you tell yourself "I am not the sort of person that reads Gawker, I am the sort of person who reads [insert name of site that contains content that aligns with who you want to be]"
posted by girlgenius at 3:30 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Ask yourself why you care about celebrity gossip. Ask yourself why you feel you want to be a person who does not care about such things. Carry on a deep intimate conversation with yourself while you are taking a walk somewhere far away from everybody and every distraction. Take a little hike in the woods and carry on this conversation with yourself.
And if that doesn't work there is always therapy ....
You have a basic motivational dichotomy in your personality. You care deeply about something that you wish you did not care deeply about. That's a personal growth show-stopper until you understand your motivations for both of the ways that you feel and can be honest with yourself about both those reasons.
posted by AGameOfMoans at 3:33 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
And if that doesn't work there is always therapy ....
You have a basic motivational dichotomy in your personality. You care deeply about something that you wish you did not care deeply about. That's a personal growth show-stopper until you understand your motivations for both of the ways that you feel and can be honest with yourself about both those reasons.
posted by AGameOfMoans at 3:33 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
I would suggest that you ask yourself a few questions.
What is it about celebrity gossip that gives you pleasure? Presumably reading/watching it makes you feel good, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it - so, in what way?
Also, you say there is a certain group of celebrities you like reading about. What is it about them that interests you? Do you identify with some of them in some way? Do they remind you of some people you know? Is there something about their lifestyle you particularly like, maybe want for yourself?
Also, seconding girlgenius - why is it important for you not to be someone who cares about celebrity gossip? What do you find wrong with caring about it? What kind of things would you rather care about?
Once you understand where this love for celebrity gossip is coming from, what you are getting out of it and why you'd prefer not to care about it, it might be easier to redirect your attention to other things, maybe substitute it for something you would find more worthwhile/acceptable to you.
posted by Guelder at 3:34 AM on November 7, 2015
What is it about celebrity gossip that gives you pleasure? Presumably reading/watching it makes you feel good, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it - so, in what way?
Also, you say there is a certain group of celebrities you like reading about. What is it about them that interests you? Do you identify with some of them in some way? Do they remind you of some people you know? Is there something about their lifestyle you particularly like, maybe want for yourself?
Also, seconding girlgenius - why is it important for you not to be someone who cares about celebrity gossip? What do you find wrong with caring about it? What kind of things would you rather care about?
Once you understand where this love for celebrity gossip is coming from, what you are getting out of it and why you'd prefer not to care about it, it might be easier to redirect your attention to other things, maybe substitute it for something you would find more worthwhile/acceptable to you.
posted by Guelder at 3:34 AM on November 7, 2015
Rolf Dobelli's white paper on avoiding ALL news is pretty well thought out, and might be worth a read.
I recommend it to clients who show interest in going on a media or social media fast.
Direct link to PDF.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 3:36 AM on November 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
I recommend it to clients who show interest in going on a media or social media fast.
Direct link to PDF.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 3:36 AM on November 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
One thing that helped me is realizing that I had actually come to care, in a way, about the celebrities I was following, and that the paparrazi photos and the rumors were harmful to them and their families. So, every time I saw a new story about them, I would force myself to think about all the negative consequences of reading that story - ad revenue, page popularity going up, putting other lives in danger with the crazy paparrazi stunts, rewarding people who lie - and how I didn't want to support that any longer.
It did help - I'm mostly cured of it, and any stray story I read now makes me feel guilty and gross and vowing to not do that again.
posted by umwhat at 4:11 AM on November 7, 2015 [30 favorites]
It did help - I'm mostly cured of it, and any stray story I read now makes me feel guilty and gross and vowing to not do that again.
posted by umwhat at 4:11 AM on November 7, 2015 [30 favorites]
As someone who formerly worked in tabloid media and lives somewhere close to the source of "celebrity" as an industry... erm... You do know everything you read is entirely fake and made up, right?? I mean, none of it is true. Reality tv is also scripted, just in case you were unsure. Even the insider blind items are entirely planted or exaggerated. Really. It's so hard to explain to people how untrue or inaccurate most news is, they don't want to believe you.
I enjoy gossip because it's fun to see PR folks, managers, and others doing their jobs. I like when the strings "show." When you say you're obsessed, and this is not nor has it ever been your industry, do you mean you're following it all as if it were real? Because that's why folks liked soap operas. And before television, radio dramas. And today w/the 24 hr news cycle and infotainment, it's reality tv and a HUGE resurgence of the Hollywood gossip industry. (One of the things that truly cracks me up, for example, is whenever Kenneth Anger's book, "Hollywood Babylon" gets cited as old school Hollywood gossip. It's pretty much entirely made up. Thelma Todd was murdered. It's been a while, but I think that's the only true fact in that book.) This is a long winded way of telling you that you are not alone, but you need to stop kidding yourself that any of it is real. It's just stories. Fun stories. Juicy compelling stories, but just stories. The clicks and views generate $$ and sell products. Today's offering was promotion of a tv reality music competition via the disclosed "romance" between two recently divorced musicians. Were they secretly schtupping before their divorces? Ha ha! Maybe if we watch their crappy show, we can discern clues from their behavior!!
It's the drama itself that you are addicted to. I'm sure there are tons of studies and books that demystify this mechanism, and you should seek them out. This pursuit of yours is filling an intellectual/emotional/psychological need for you. If you understood exactly what need celebrity gossip and drama was satisfying, you could switch to a healthier version, really address your issue(s) and grow as a person.
In the meantime, no. None of it is real. Even the "insider" blind items that give you a sense peaking beneath the veil. I'm so sorry.
posted by jbenben at 4:32 AM on November 7, 2015 [15 favorites]
I enjoy gossip because it's fun to see PR folks, managers, and others doing their jobs. I like when the strings "show." When you say you're obsessed, and this is not nor has it ever been your industry, do you mean you're following it all as if it were real? Because that's why folks liked soap operas. And before television, radio dramas. And today w/the 24 hr news cycle and infotainment, it's reality tv and a HUGE resurgence of the Hollywood gossip industry. (One of the things that truly cracks me up, for example, is whenever Kenneth Anger's book, "Hollywood Babylon" gets cited as old school Hollywood gossip. It's pretty much entirely made up. Thelma Todd was murdered. It's been a while, but I think that's the only true fact in that book.) This is a long winded way of telling you that you are not alone, but you need to stop kidding yourself that any of it is real. It's just stories. Fun stories. Juicy compelling stories, but just stories. The clicks and views generate $$ and sell products. Today's offering was promotion of a tv reality music competition via the disclosed "romance" between two recently divorced musicians. Were they secretly schtupping before their divorces? Ha ha! Maybe if we watch their crappy show, we can discern clues from their behavior!!
It's the drama itself that you are addicted to. I'm sure there are tons of studies and books that demystify this mechanism, and you should seek them out. This pursuit of yours is filling an intellectual/emotional/psychological need for you. If you understood exactly what need celebrity gossip and drama was satisfying, you could switch to a healthier version, really address your issue(s) and grow as a person.
In the meantime, no. None of it is real. Even the "insider" blind items that give you a sense peaking beneath the veil. I'm so sorry.
posted by jbenben at 4:32 AM on November 7, 2015 [15 favorites]
I agree with jbenben that's it all totally made up, but I used to be addicted to it anyway. In fact I called them "my stories" when I bought a few celebrity gossip mags every week. I didn't really care it was made up, because it was no different to me than following a scripted soap opera (which is what it is). I stopped a couple of years ago when I was going through some personal stuff which meant I really didn't want to read about weddings and divorces and relationships and it went away really quickly, because like any soap opera when you lose the thread of who's doing what with who you stop caring, so blocking sites etc is a good idea and you'll be surprised how quickly you move on when you get out of the loop (things move fast in celeb land).
On a more "theoretical" level I realised that actually I'm someone who loves following threads of dynamics between people. Even when I was small and read constantly, I loved series of books because I liked stories to carry on. It's fine to be a person who is interested in people, human interactions, how things play out over time. So now I just immerse myself in box sets (I am someone who is bereft when characters are killed off and when series end). So maybe just try to divert this interest into series of novels, dramas, trilogies of films etc. You get the same effect. Don't feel your impulses are wrong or stupid, just find somewhere else to focus that interest. And depending on whether you're someone who likes to talk to friends about stuff that's "happening" with your celeb interests, it's maybe worth finding a book club or going on FanFare to talk about the nitty gritty of what you've read or watched as that can be a big part of the attraction.
It might also be worth remembering that gossip is as old as people. The peasants talked about Marie Antoinette's clothes and lifestyle and relationships. In and of itself it's not an unusual activity. But because it's associated with women it tends to have little value in society. You are not a bad or stupid or vacuous person for caring about some celebrity dynasty any more than someone who follows a sports team over a season with all the drama and personal politics, highs and lows. And to be honest there's still a celebrity gossip site I idly click on now and then but it's with a passing "meh" rather than "OMG!" That's not to say you shouldn't stop following this stuff if you want to, just bear in mind that you're not a better or worse person for reading a celebrity article rather than a "highbrow" one.
posted by billiebee at 4:53 AM on November 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
On a more "theoretical" level I realised that actually I'm someone who loves following threads of dynamics between people. Even when I was small and read constantly, I loved series of books because I liked stories to carry on. It's fine to be a person who is interested in people, human interactions, how things play out over time. So now I just immerse myself in box sets (I am someone who is bereft when characters are killed off and when series end). So maybe just try to divert this interest into series of novels, dramas, trilogies of films etc. You get the same effect. Don't feel your impulses are wrong or stupid, just find somewhere else to focus that interest. And depending on whether you're someone who likes to talk to friends about stuff that's "happening" with your celeb interests, it's maybe worth finding a book club or going on FanFare to talk about the nitty gritty of what you've read or watched as that can be a big part of the attraction.
It might also be worth remembering that gossip is as old as people. The peasants talked about Marie Antoinette's clothes and lifestyle and relationships. In and of itself it's not an unusual activity. But because it's associated with women it tends to have little value in society. You are not a bad or stupid or vacuous person for caring about some celebrity dynasty any more than someone who follows a sports team over a season with all the drama and personal politics, highs and lows. And to be honest there's still a celebrity gossip site I idly click on now and then but it's with a passing "meh" rather than "OMG!" That's not to say you shouldn't stop following this stuff if you want to, just bear in mind that you're not a better or worse person for reading a celebrity article rather than a "highbrow" one.
posted by billiebee at 4:53 AM on November 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
I used to read celebrity gossip blogs all the time, back in the days of Paris Hilton's ubiquity, Britney Spears' head-shaving meltdown, and whatever was going wrong with Lindsay Lohan. At some point, it dawned on me: I hated all these celebrities. Not because they were horrible people; just because they were there and people were talking about them all the time and their presence was just so fucking annoying.
Three things about that realization:
First, that's a pretty weak reason to hate someone.
Second, I didn't enjoy hating them. Celebrity schadenfreude can be a cheap thrill, but mostly the gossip made me angry and made my day worse and wasted my time. It wasn't good for me, and it made me meaner.
Third, and most importantly, I was the one putting these people in front of my face. Nobody was Clockwork Orangeing me in front of TMZ. Britney was not stomping into my house unannounced and getting Cheeto dust on my couch. If I got pissed off because some actress a thousand miles away was wearing an ugly pair of jeans, it was my own damn fault.
I'm not sure which caused which or if it was just coincidence, but my celebrity gossip consumption dropped around the same time I picked up some other interesting things, both online and off: I started reading Metafilter around that time, I got into Twitter, I started a serious relationship, I started working out, etc. There was better stuff to fill the space that I'd been stuffing with gossip. And if you can get really into celebrity news, it's probably not hard to get into other things. Maybe fictional narratives can scratch the itch for you: books, comics, podcasts, TV shows (that don't feature any of the celebrities you have strong opinions about), etc.
These days I think Paris Hilton seems like a fun person to hang out with. I think she's long gone from the gossip blog circuit, anyway. Is she? I don't actually know, and that's awesome! Point is, it can be done. You're not hopelessly addicted.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:29 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Three things about that realization:
First, that's a pretty weak reason to hate someone.
Second, I didn't enjoy hating them. Celebrity schadenfreude can be a cheap thrill, but mostly the gossip made me angry and made my day worse and wasted my time. It wasn't good for me, and it made me meaner.
Third, and most importantly, I was the one putting these people in front of my face. Nobody was Clockwork Orangeing me in front of TMZ. Britney was not stomping into my house unannounced and getting Cheeto dust on my couch. If I got pissed off because some actress a thousand miles away was wearing an ugly pair of jeans, it was my own damn fault.
I'm not sure which caused which or if it was just coincidence, but my celebrity gossip consumption dropped around the same time I picked up some other interesting things, both online and off: I started reading Metafilter around that time, I got into Twitter, I started a serious relationship, I started working out, etc. There was better stuff to fill the space that I'd been stuffing with gossip. And if you can get really into celebrity news, it's probably not hard to get into other things. Maybe fictional narratives can scratch the itch for you: books, comics, podcasts, TV shows (that don't feature any of the celebrities you have strong opinions about), etc.
These days I think Paris Hilton seems like a fun person to hang out with. I think she's long gone from the gossip blog circuit, anyway. Is she? I don't actually know, and that's awesome! Point is, it can be done. You're not hopelessly addicted.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:29 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Every time you think of it as "celebrities" with "petty dramas," remind yourself that (to the extent that any of it is true, and even if it isn't), what it actually is, is human beings with feelings, who are going through some of the worst moments of their lives--being cheated on, watching loved ones die, getting arrested, battling addictions or health issues, losing jobs, being embarrassed and humiliated in various ways. And by consuming media about them, you are adding to their pain by creating a market for people to follow and stalk and photograph them and speculate about them and harass their children and otherwise just make their private pain a public matter. And if it isn't true, what you're basically doing is creating a demand for people to make up vicious, mean, damaging lies about other people, which can still ruin their lives. And all they were doing to deserve it is trying to do their jobs, making music or movies or whatever for us to enjoy.
Your habit, and the millions of other people's habits that created a lucrative market for tawdry photos and stories about celebrities, is what led to the death of Princess Diana. It's what leads reporters to swarm on the front lawns of parents who have just found out that their children were murdered by serial killers. Your habit is the reason that Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton can't walk down the street without wondering whether everyone they see is thinking about what they look like naked based on the fact that millions of people have seen stolen photos of their nude bodies. Your habit is the reason that people get outed as gay against their will. Your habit breaks up marriages and makes people's children cry and makes it harder for people to seek mental health treatment when they need it. Your habit actively hurts people.
If it helps, think of boycotting gossip the same way you might think about boycotting a business that discriminates against gay people, or an industry that relies on child labor, or blood diamonds, or whatever else it is that speaks to your moral sense that we shouldn't participate in activities that actively harm people. Whether the stories are true or not, they are hurtful, and by reading them, you tell advertisers and media outlets that they should keep hurting people in order to produce such stories. If any of that matters to you, you should stop doing that.
posted by decathecting at 5:35 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Your habit, and the millions of other people's habits that created a lucrative market for tawdry photos and stories about celebrities, is what led to the death of Princess Diana. It's what leads reporters to swarm on the front lawns of parents who have just found out that their children were murdered by serial killers. Your habit is the reason that Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton can't walk down the street without wondering whether everyone they see is thinking about what they look like naked based on the fact that millions of people have seen stolen photos of their nude bodies. Your habit is the reason that people get outed as gay against their will. Your habit breaks up marriages and makes people's children cry and makes it harder for people to seek mental health treatment when they need it. Your habit actively hurts people.
If it helps, think of boycotting gossip the same way you might think about boycotting a business that discriminates against gay people, or an industry that relies on child labor, or blood diamonds, or whatever else it is that speaks to your moral sense that we shouldn't participate in activities that actively harm people. Whether the stories are true or not, they are hurtful, and by reading them, you tell advertisers and media outlets that they should keep hurting people in order to produce such stories. If any of that matters to you, you should stop doing that.
posted by decathecting at 5:35 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
I guess I'm like you want to be. I don't really follow celebrity gossip, and I honestly wouldn't be able to recognize Kim Kardashian (is she still a thing?) if I saw her on the street.
However, I briefly tried to get into it once, simply because it seemed like it might be useful for small talk. But here's the rub: if you don't know any of it, none of it is very interesting. If you open a magazine and read "XYZ did this", or "can you believe that ABC is cheating on DEF with GHI ??", but don't know who XYZ, ABC, DEF, or GHI are, then it's actually quite hard to follow and pretty boring.
You're interested in them because you have followed them so long and know all their details they've tapped into your friends/family circuits. Try to imagine what it would be like browsing someone else's facebook feed: a bunch of pictures and stories about people you know nothing about. Super boring. That's how celebrity gossip is for me.
I'm not sure how to turn that little nugget into a strategy, except to say that if you could somehow break free for a few years, such that all the "celebrities of the moment" change on you, then I think it wouldn't take any effort on your part to not be interested. In fact, it would take effort to get back into it.
Maybe an approach you could employ is "no new people" to wean yourself off it? That is, you might be interested in some set of celebrities, and you could allow yourself info about them, but make a hard rule that you won't devote any effort to following someone you don't currently know. If you hear a name that might be familiar but you can't place, don't look them up. Don't click links about people that aren't in your "allowed set". Over time, as people fall out of the limelight and you haven't replaced them with new celebrities, then maybe the problem will sort of resolve itself. I don't know how feasible it is to keep up with your current set of celebrities without being completely exposed to new ones, though.
posted by losvedir at 6:07 AM on November 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
However, I briefly tried to get into it once, simply because it seemed like it might be useful for small talk. But here's the rub: if you don't know any of it, none of it is very interesting. If you open a magazine and read "XYZ did this", or "can you believe that ABC is cheating on DEF with GHI ??", but don't know who XYZ, ABC, DEF, or GHI are, then it's actually quite hard to follow and pretty boring.
You're interested in them because you have followed them so long and know all their details they've tapped into your friends/family circuits. Try to imagine what it would be like browsing someone else's facebook feed: a bunch of pictures and stories about people you know nothing about. Super boring. That's how celebrity gossip is for me.
I'm not sure how to turn that little nugget into a strategy, except to say that if you could somehow break free for a few years, such that all the "celebrities of the moment" change on you, then I think it wouldn't take any effort on your part to not be interested. In fact, it would take effort to get back into it.
Maybe an approach you could employ is "no new people" to wean yourself off it? That is, you might be interested in some set of celebrities, and you could allow yourself info about them, but make a hard rule that you won't devote any effort to following someone you don't currently know. If you hear a name that might be familiar but you can't place, don't look them up. Don't click links about people that aren't in your "allowed set". Over time, as people fall out of the limelight and you haven't replaced them with new celebrities, then maybe the problem will sort of resolve itself. I don't know how feasible it is to keep up with your current set of celebrities without being completely exposed to new ones, though.
posted by losvedir at 6:07 AM on November 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
Don't tell yourself you are stupid for being addicted to these things. There is a lot of art and effort being expended to get you hooked. It's like the research that goes into creating potato chip flavors and the stuff is addictive in the same way. But if you recognize that, I think it's a little easier to put them down. You're being manipulated and you don't have to fall for it.
If you find that you do care about the celebrities as people, I think umwhat's point is very valid. People are really hurt by things that are written about them in the tabloids. I used to think, well, if I were sick or getting a divorce or lost my job, being written about in the tabloids might be the icing on the cake but it wouldn't be that big a deal. But it can be! I saw Charlize Theron being interviewed on TV, and the interviewer confessed to reading tabloids. The way she said, "Why?" was a revelation to me.
posted by BibiRose at 6:08 AM on November 7, 2015
If you find that you do care about the celebrities as people, I think umwhat's point is very valid. People are really hurt by things that are written about them in the tabloids. I used to think, well, if I were sick or getting a divorce or lost my job, being written about in the tabloids might be the icing on the cake but it wouldn't be that big a deal. But it can be! I saw Charlize Theron being interviewed on TV, and the interviewer confessed to reading tabloids. The way she said, "Why?" was a revelation to me.
posted by BibiRose at 6:08 AM on November 7, 2015
I just want to speak to what a bunch of people have said here about gossip and tabloid hurting people's feelings....
First of all, being immersed in this info hurts you because it's not real. It takes you away from real things you might be engaging in. That detriment is real and personal.
This said, please don't waste time feeling badly for celebrities. They have choices. Being written about is 10000% part of their job. That's their job. That's their job.
There is pain, and addiction. Sure. And their job is a cycle of public admiration and public humiliation. That's their job. 9.9/10 you will never ever ever read the truth about any famous person's pain, relationship dramas, or addictions, mental health battles -- Nope. Never. Sometimes famous people are really bad actors who get too deep into the role and believe their press and artifice, but seriously, this is their job. Don't waste a second thought.
People in the spotlight also get lied to about their role in the machine. I'll concede this. And/or they were mentally unstable to begin with. The victimizing that goes on behind the scenes is truly horrific. But nope, don't worry about cheating or divorce or any of that type of thing.
I think what I'm trying to say is that so little isn't manufactured, agreed to, and/or common industry practice that trying to generate empathy for celebrities in practical human terms is to buy into the product of Celebrity & Entertainment and miss the point entirely. You may be foolish for buying into it, but you did not contribute to anyone's downfall or pain. No guilt necessary. It's a game or a sport, the risks are well known.
You should stop because it hurts you. You should stop because drama A is salicious time suck, but drama B you will never know about was a tragedy and prosecutable crime, enabled by all of us watching drama A.
For goodness sake, though, please don't feel badly that drama A is purportedly happening and/or that persons involved with drama A are suffering because you are watching. That's not how that works.
posted by jbenben at 7:12 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
First of all, being immersed in this info hurts you because it's not real. It takes you away from real things you might be engaging in. That detriment is real and personal.
This said, please don't waste time feeling badly for celebrities. They have choices. Being written about is 10000% part of their job. That's their job. That's their job.
There is pain, and addiction. Sure. And their job is a cycle of public admiration and public humiliation. That's their job. 9.9/10 you will never ever ever read the truth about any famous person's pain, relationship dramas, or addictions, mental health battles -- Nope. Never. Sometimes famous people are really bad actors who get too deep into the role and believe their press and artifice, but seriously, this is their job. Don't waste a second thought.
People in the spotlight also get lied to about their role in the machine. I'll concede this. And/or they were mentally unstable to begin with. The victimizing that goes on behind the scenes is truly horrific. But nope, don't worry about cheating or divorce or any of that type of thing.
I think what I'm trying to say is that so little isn't manufactured, agreed to, and/or common industry practice that trying to generate empathy for celebrities in practical human terms is to buy into the product of Celebrity & Entertainment and miss the point entirely. You may be foolish for buying into it, but you did not contribute to anyone's downfall or pain. No guilt necessary. It's a game or a sport, the risks are well known.
You should stop because it hurts you. You should stop because drama A is salicious time suck, but drama B you will never know about was a tragedy and prosecutable crime, enabled by all of us watching drama A.
For goodness sake, though, please don't feel badly that drama A is purportedly happening and/or that persons involved with drama A are suffering because you are watching. That's not how that works.
posted by jbenben at 7:12 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
As a primate your interest in these things is pretty understandable, for the most part we are wired to be social creatures, to keep track of the activities of those that rank above & below us to keep our place in the tribe/troop/pack/village. Our poor confused brains aren't wired for modern times & media, someones who you see everywhere in larger than life form is an alpha & knowing what the heck they are up to is vital for your & the troop/villages/tribes survival. So forgive your poor brain for what it is doing, this is just how we are "wired". Hell my very logical & practical husband spent hours last night in forums gossiping about an upcoming computer game & a movie (Fallout4 & Star Wars) but if you asked him he'd suggest he'd never gossip.
What isn't natural is all the things other people have written here, how manufactured it is etc. So give your brain something else to focus on & obsess over. Break the habit like you would any other habit by channeling that energy into something else. I get the same "thrill" by following several dog rescues that take badly injured dogs & do their best to fix them up & then find them good homes, I get the same narrative, I get to hope that x is OK, that y is doing better, oh I wonder of that cute puppy found a home, but they are real stories & I can donate & actually do something to help.
Maybe dogs aren't your cup of tea, how about a hobby, if you find yourself just browsing for gossip go browse hobby forums instead or say plan the best freaking Christmas ever, tracking down recipes, present ideas, crafting decorations etc should keep your busy mind busy for a good 2 months, long enough to break the gossip habit. Prowl the green, offer suggestions, or advice to people with problems here, channel that energy into helping people.
As a side note,from the point of voice of someone whose family has spent the past few years dealing with a drug addict brother. Like you I loved celebrity gossip, until this stuff started happening to my family, The pain & heart break people go through in these situations, that the children & mothers of these people go through cannot be underestimated. I can't even imagine trying to do it under the media spotlight, with it's bad enough the strangers in our town judging us & gossiping I can't even imagine what it would feel like with the whole world looking on. Or why the media would think it was entertainment. Thank you you for realizing this & trying to break the habit, of not trying not to buy into a world that makes other peoples pains real or made up"entertainment".
posted by wwax at 7:53 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
What isn't natural is all the things other people have written here, how manufactured it is etc. So give your brain something else to focus on & obsess over. Break the habit like you would any other habit by channeling that energy into something else. I get the same "thrill" by following several dog rescues that take badly injured dogs & do their best to fix them up & then find them good homes, I get the same narrative, I get to hope that x is OK, that y is doing better, oh I wonder of that cute puppy found a home, but they are real stories & I can donate & actually do something to help.
Maybe dogs aren't your cup of tea, how about a hobby, if you find yourself just browsing for gossip go browse hobby forums instead or say plan the best freaking Christmas ever, tracking down recipes, present ideas, crafting decorations etc should keep your busy mind busy for a good 2 months, long enough to break the gossip habit. Prowl the green, offer suggestions, or advice to people with problems here, channel that energy into helping people.
As a side note,from the point of voice of someone whose family has spent the past few years dealing with a drug addict brother. Like you I loved celebrity gossip, until this stuff started happening to my family, The pain & heart break people go through in these situations, that the children & mothers of these people go through cannot be underestimated. I can't even imagine trying to do it under the media spotlight, with it's bad enough the strangers in our town judging us & gossiping I can't even imagine what it would feel like with the whole world looking on. Or why the media would think it was entertainment. Thank you you for realizing this & trying to break the habit, of not trying not to buy into a world that makes other peoples pains real or made up"entertainment".
posted by wwax at 7:53 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I suggest reading Anne Helen Peterson's book and columns about the celebrity gossip industry of the past. I also recommend the blog Lainey Gossip. Both offer more intellectual/philosophical interpretations about celebrity gossip and the industry and make salient points about how celebrity gossip is just one more facet of cultural expression and how in many ways it's part of business strategy for celebrities themselves. In other words, reframe your interest from "guilty pleasure" to "intellectual exercise" ("what image is Celebrity X seeking to project with this feigned paparazzi photo, why is the mass media / society enthused about this story, and what work does that perform for her career?"). The more you understand about the manufacture and sale of celebrity gossip, the less you will buy into it as "real." Either that will spoil your enjoyment of it ("this is all BULLSHIT!"), or you'll feel less "bad" for following it closely.
And, you know what? The way many people follow celebrity gossip is very similar to the way other people follow sports or politics or legal battles or other industry news, but celebrity gossip seems to be more maligned because most of the people who engage in it are women.
posted by sallybrown at 7:56 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
And, you know what? The way many people follow celebrity gossip is very similar to the way other people follow sports or politics or legal battles or other industry news, but celebrity gossip seems to be more maligned because most of the people who engage in it are women.
posted by sallybrown at 7:56 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe it will help to remember that the whole industry is an insult to your intelligence and a grab for your pocketbook. Believe what jbenben wrote above, she knows what she's talking about. These are made-up stories; the characters are made-up people; and their job is to get money (your money, ideally) by getting you to believe the stories and care about them and be invested and then open your wallet. Maybe the sites you read are free, but when you click you're feeding the machine that ultimately pushes teenagers to buy ruinous Kim Kardashian credit cards and women to spend their limited money on lipstick. It's pretty gross.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:00 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:00 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
The poet Morgan Parker incorporates celebrity news and interest in celebrities into some of her (great) work. Reading that, if you like poetry, may be another way for you to use your knowledge in a positive way, which may help you feel it has some value and cultural currency.
posted by sallybrown at 8:00 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by sallybrown at 8:00 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
It can be so easy to get sucked into this stuff. Especially if you are escaping or avoiding things in your own life. (In my case anyway). There are a few things I do or think about when I feel tempted to click on a link.
There is this meme, If Britney can survive 2007 then I can survive today... (you can just google that). A lot of this crap that gets so much attention is based on real people having serious problems. And every one is watching them, has an opinion, knows what they should do... As someone who has been through some shit I just imagine if my entire life was on display like that. I don't care how much money they have. It has to suck. And it might seem weird to feel sorry for people who have so much more money, options, power than I do but it helps to just see them as people. So not only do I avoid any of the negative media about them I also avoid all of the stuff can can make me envious about them.
Another thing is - they don't care about me. I don't want to spend all of this energy and mental space worrying about people who don't know or care about my existence. It makes me feel gross and stalkery.
posted by mokeydraws at 8:12 AM on November 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
There is this meme, If Britney can survive 2007 then I can survive today... (you can just google that). A lot of this crap that gets so much attention is based on real people having serious problems. And every one is watching them, has an opinion, knows what they should do... As someone who has been through some shit I just imagine if my entire life was on display like that. I don't care how much money they have. It has to suck. And it might seem weird to feel sorry for people who have so much more money, options, power than I do but it helps to just see them as people. So not only do I avoid any of the negative media about them I also avoid all of the stuff can can make me envious about them.
Another thing is - they don't care about me. I don't want to spend all of this energy and mental space worrying about people who don't know or care about my existence. It makes me feel gross and stalkery.
posted by mokeydraws at 8:12 AM on November 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
You asked for mind hacks, so I'm gonna give you mine. I used to be huge into daytime dramas. Huge into them. Like, my days were scheduled around them from the first one at 10am to the last one that ended at 3:30pm. I hardly left the front of the television except during commercials, and I had a toddler and a baby to take care of. It got to the point where when real tragedy and drama were happening around me, it all took a back seat to the fictional dramas unfolding on television screen (that was my wake up call).
My mind hack is pretty simple. It didn't work right away, but it did, eventually, work. Whenever I started to turn on the television to immerse myself in another day of "who's cheating who" I'd physically put my hands up and turn my head away and say out loud, "Nope, don't care." ("Talk to the hand" was a thing back then...) Same with friends of mine who tried to tell me the latest juicy gossip about the shows -- I'd put my hands up as a physical shield, turn my head and say, "Nope, don't care. I'm not watching them anymore." Even as they persisted, that's all I would do, "Nope, don't care. I'm not watching them anymore."
It took a while -- a few months if I remember (this was a long time ago), but I haven't watched any kind of television drama in decades. It pretty much ruined me for most television actually because now I see a lot of the shows as trite and banal and wonder how I got caught up in that rot in the first place. Oh, don't even get me started on reality shows...
But I think the physical act of putting my hands up and turning my head while saying out loud "Nope, don't care." is what helped. I mean having a program block your sites is well and good, but that's just letting someone do the work for you. If you really want to hack your brain, you've got to do the work. You've got to do the blocking. Push those sites aside physically and say out loud, "Nope, I don't care about this." That will tell your brain to stop worrying about these people that really have nothing to do with you and your life. You could also try that saying that's going around... "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
posted by patheral at 9:08 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
My mind hack is pretty simple. It didn't work right away, but it did, eventually, work. Whenever I started to turn on the television to immerse myself in another day of "who's cheating who" I'd physically put my hands up and turn my head away and say out loud, "Nope, don't care." ("Talk to the hand" was a thing back then...) Same with friends of mine who tried to tell me the latest juicy gossip about the shows -- I'd put my hands up as a physical shield, turn my head and say, "Nope, don't care. I'm not watching them anymore." Even as they persisted, that's all I would do, "Nope, don't care. I'm not watching them anymore."
It took a while -- a few months if I remember (this was a long time ago), but I haven't watched any kind of television drama in decades. It pretty much ruined me for most television actually because now I see a lot of the shows as trite and banal and wonder how I got caught up in that rot in the first place. Oh, don't even get me started on reality shows...
But I think the physical act of putting my hands up and turning my head while saying out loud "Nope, don't care." is what helped. I mean having a program block your sites is well and good, but that's just letting someone do the work for you. If you really want to hack your brain, you've got to do the work. You've got to do the blocking. Push those sites aside physically and say out loud, "Nope, I don't care about this." That will tell your brain to stop worrying about these people that really have nothing to do with you and your life. You could also try that saying that's going around... "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
posted by patheral at 9:08 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
You can probably just use habit formation hacks in reverse. Lifehacker runs articles every other day about the Jerry Seinfeld don't-break-the-chain method. That seems like it would work. Just don't read anything one day, then don't do it the next day, and pretty soon you've got a streak going on, and that has its own momentum. You'll feel like you want to preserve the streak, so you'll feel disappointed if you do end up reading gossip, and that feeling will soon be more powerful than your desire to read it. And like someone else said, after you've been out of it for a while, you'll lose the story and it'll be confusing.
I also think replacing gossip with something else might be helpful. So like, when you get the urge to read gossip, read something else (professional training, literature, whatever) instead.
Maybe use a system of monetary rewards or punishments? Put $1 in a jar for every gossip article you read, and if you go a day without reading any, treat yourself to some ice cream or something.
posted by kevinbelt at 9:50 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I also think replacing gossip with something else might be helpful. So like, when you get the urge to read gossip, read something else (professional training, literature, whatever) instead.
Maybe use a system of monetary rewards or punishments? Put $1 in a jar for every gossip article you read, and if you go a day without reading any, treat yourself to some ice cream or something.
posted by kevinbelt at 9:50 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
True or not, a lot of times we get a secret thrill when bad things happen to celebrities. That can be a source of guilt and discomfort, so I can see wanting to change that. Questioning the why of it can help you get to the source. It could even come down to a feeling of having control over your own life, "well, they did x, so they deserved y. Thank goodness I know better than to do x, so I am safe."
posted by Vaike at 10:17 AM on November 7, 2015
posted by Vaike at 10:17 AM on November 7, 2015
Go get interested in something more, well... interesting.
Maybe this is coming from the perspective of someone who is fundamentally uninterested in celebrity gossip (though I doubt it, as I also know who Khloe Kardashian is), but honestly, the thing that kind of bums me out about it is that there is so much more interesting stuff out there.
I feel like the brain space that a lot of people use for Brangelina's kids is put into that because it's an easily accessible and socially acceptable kind of abstract knowledge. If you know a lot about the Large Hadron Collider, you're a nerd, but if you know a lot about who Selena Gomez is dating, you are considered pretty typical, if "basic".
So, just replace that socially acceptable "basic" abstract information with something you find more worthwhile. Go learn about art or history or how to make crafts or identifying different birds. There are endless pits of knowledge to fall into that aren't celebrity gossip.
Hell, what about something like fandom of a big narrative universe (Star Wars, Supernatural, Batman, etc)? Ticks the same boxes in terms of story and personal relationships and stuff to learn about characters and events that happened, but without the paparazzi and vague feeling that you know way too much about what Justin Bieber is up to at any given time.
posted by Sara C. at 11:01 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe this is coming from the perspective of someone who is fundamentally uninterested in celebrity gossip (though I doubt it, as I also know who Khloe Kardashian is), but honestly, the thing that kind of bums me out about it is that there is so much more interesting stuff out there.
I feel like the brain space that a lot of people use for Brangelina's kids is put into that because it's an easily accessible and socially acceptable kind of abstract knowledge. If you know a lot about the Large Hadron Collider, you're a nerd, but if you know a lot about who Selena Gomez is dating, you are considered pretty typical, if "basic".
So, just replace that socially acceptable "basic" abstract information with something you find more worthwhile. Go learn about art or history or how to make crafts or identifying different birds. There are endless pits of knowledge to fall into that aren't celebrity gossip.
Hell, what about something like fandom of a big narrative universe (Star Wars, Supernatural, Batman, etc)? Ticks the same boxes in terms of story and personal relationships and stuff to learn about characters and events that happened, but without the paparazzi and vague feeling that you know way too much about what Justin Bieber is up to at any given time.
posted by Sara C. at 11:01 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I used to be super into People magazine, US weekly, Perez Hilton, Go Fug Yourself, ALLLLL that stuff. Now I don't even know who any famous people are except like, Taylor Swift or Adele because they are pretty much everywhere. I think I just unfollowed the blogs and stopped picking up the magazines. It's surprising how quickly everything changes, including your interest in those people, once you stop engaging with the content. I mean, the batch of celebrities who are popular now are completely foreign to me, and there was definitely a point when I knew who everyone was! But not following the blogs or reading the magazines, they just don't show up in my daily life that much and I really can't be bothered to care. You can do this! It's not even really that hard! I mean, I am an inherently lazy person, so NOT doing something is way easier than doing something.
posted by masquesoporfavor at 1:39 PM on November 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by masquesoporfavor at 1:39 PM on November 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
Here's one way to help reframe your mind. Explain - out loud - what's going on in the lives of your celebrities. Explain this to someone who you know will roll their eyes at you. It's pretty hard to keep talking about other people to someone who just doesn't care. This can help you to re-think your gossip... Think about WHY you care about their lives. Why their lives matter to you. Try to put it into perspective. We don't care about the personal lives of 99% of the people on the planet - why do we care about these random people.
posted by hydra77 at 5:21 PM on November 7, 2015
posted by hydra77 at 5:21 PM on November 7, 2015
I don't know of this jibes with the current research on behavior change (because you're after behavior change here, and I think the rules of that are kind of the same, no matter the behavior), but I at least think that the way I've changed stuff in my own behavior is basically sheer force and then repeating it daily.
So basically, don't read People Magazine today. Then don't read it tomorrow. Then don't read it the day after. Instead, fill it in with the New Habit that you want instead: for example, study Latin for 30 minutes tonight, then study Latin for 30 minutes tomorrow night, then do it again the following night, etc.
I don't think behavior change is easy but I do think it's simple.
I know what you say you want is to not care about celebrity gossip, but to achieve that, you've got to just keep acting like you don't care about celebrity gossip. Change the behavior, the feelings will follow.
posted by latkes at 9:46 PM on November 7, 2015
So basically, don't read People Magazine today. Then don't read it tomorrow. Then don't read it the day after. Instead, fill it in with the New Habit that you want instead: for example, study Latin for 30 minutes tonight, then study Latin for 30 minutes tomorrow night, then do it again the following night, etc.
I don't think behavior change is easy but I do think it's simple.
I know what you say you want is to not care about celebrity gossip, but to achieve that, you've got to just keep acting like you don't care about celebrity gossip. Change the behavior, the feelings will follow.
posted by latkes at 9:46 PM on November 7, 2015
What you need is to replace the celebrity gossip with other things that you like to think about or do. The gossip is easy because it's all over the Internet, on TV, in magazines. It's engaging and it takes so little effort to distract yourself from whatever else is going on In your life and in your mind. You need other sources of enjoyment.
Your immediate response might be, "Like what? I can't think of anything! "
posted by wryly at 10:50 PM on November 7, 2015
Your immediate response might be, "Like what? I can't think of anything! "
posted by wryly at 10:50 PM on November 7, 2015
Maybe you could use a browser plugin that lets you substitute certain keywords for other words of your choice, so whenever a celeb's name appears on a page, you see it as "John Smith" or "Jane Doe" or whatever you choose. Sub in random names, the names of people you know in real life, pets' names, fictional characters, etc. Perhaps the dissonance of seeing these lurid tales about ordinary or fictional people will reset some part of your brain and make you lose interest.
posted by illenion at 7:16 PM on November 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by illenion at 7:16 PM on November 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Maybe you could find a student in a psychology or media program who needs a semester project and would do this for free as part of a scientific study.
posted by XMLicious at 3:26 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]