Partner locked me out of my house
November 4, 2015 8:59 AM Subscribe
I've been living with my partner for almost 2 years. Partner owns the house and there is no lease. Yesterday I broke up with partner and left, taking only my necessities. I left my key with partner as reassurance that I wouldn't be making any surprise visits or entering the house without consent.
Now, based on conversations we had last night, I am worried that it will be difficult to get access to my belongings and pets.
Partner has given me their brother's number. Brother lives out of state and has a job and family. Partner instructed me that I should call him and I would only be able to get my belongings and pets when he is at the house with partner.
Beyond the normal difficulties for Brother to travel here and be available for the full 8+ hour day(s) it will take me to pack my things, I have reason to believe that the situation could escalate further.
What are my rights in this situation and what should I do to protect my rights and my belongings? As I stated there is no lease and my name is not on the mortgage. All my bills go to this address, it's on my driver's licence, I am registered to vote at this address, it's the address on my bank account, etc.
I understand you are not my lawyer and laws may vary by locality.
Partner has given me their brother's number. Brother lives out of state and has a job and family. Partner instructed me that I should call him and I would only be able to get my belongings and pets when he is at the house with partner.
Beyond the normal difficulties for Brother to travel here and be available for the full 8+ hour day(s) it will take me to pack my things, I have reason to believe that the situation could escalate further.
What are my rights in this situation and what should I do to protect my rights and my belongings? As I stated there is no lease and my name is not on the mortgage. All my bills go to this address, it's on my driver's licence, I am registered to vote at this address, it's the address on my bank account, etc.
I understand you are not my lawyer and laws may vary by locality.
Understandable if you don't want to offer, but a state will help immensely for potential avenues of landlord tenancy laws/co-habitation property rights.
In general it will be difficult to assert your legal rights (and also take a significant amount of time) given the situation you're describing. In a situation where you have a lease agreement or some sort of cohabitation agreement you could potentially, depending on jurisdiction, call the sheriff and have them get you entry. But you don't have those things, so you could potentially have to go through the legal system to first assert some sort of right or a court order to allow you entry. Things like whether you helped pay the mortgage and bills will be relevant to those questions.
That being said, given the length of time it could take to resolve this legally, I would try first to speak with brother or also ask if there could be an alternative arrangement that could be made.
posted by Karaage at 9:21 AM on November 4, 2015
In general it will be difficult to assert your legal rights (and also take a significant amount of time) given the situation you're describing. In a situation where you have a lease agreement or some sort of cohabitation agreement you could potentially, depending on jurisdiction, call the sheriff and have them get you entry. But you don't have those things, so you could potentially have to go through the legal system to first assert some sort of right or a court order to allow you entry. Things like whether you helped pay the mortgage and bills will be relevant to those questions.
That being said, given the length of time it could take to resolve this legally, I would try first to speak with brother or also ask if there could be an alternative arrangement that could be made.
posted by Karaage at 9:21 AM on November 4, 2015
What if a friend of yours retrieved the pets and you hired professional movers for your stuff? Would that be an acceptable compromise all around?
posted by teremala at 9:26 AM on November 4, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by teremala at 9:26 AM on November 4, 2015 [21 favorites]
I would check with the brother first to see if there's a reasonable option. You might also counter with a mutual friend rather than the brother.
IANAL. In every state I'm familiar with (east coast centric) you are a de facto tenant and legally entitled to entry and short of calling the police and accusing you of domestic abuse or similar and getting a restraining order, there's nothing he can legally do to keep you out prior to formally evicting you. Asserting those rights would be the nuclear option, and almost certainly doom any chance of a friendly relationship with him in the future, which may or may not be a factor to you.
Give your local police department a call on their non-emergency number, this is a situation they deal with fairly often and they can likely give you the rundown on what the state and local laws say. If you have reason to believe that he might harm you or your property if you show up to claim your belongings, they may have options for you as well.
posted by Candleman at 9:58 AM on November 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
IANAL. In every state I'm familiar with (east coast centric) you are a de facto tenant and legally entitled to entry and short of calling the police and accusing you of domestic abuse or similar and getting a restraining order, there's nothing he can legally do to keep you out prior to formally evicting you. Asserting those rights would be the nuclear option, and almost certainly doom any chance of a friendly relationship with him in the future, which may or may not be a factor to you.
Give your local police department a call on their non-emergency number, this is a situation they deal with fairly often and they can likely give you the rundown on what the state and local laws say. If you have reason to believe that he might harm you or your property if you show up to claim your belongings, they may have options for you as well.
posted by Candleman at 9:58 AM on November 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
Print all emails, screen shot texts, keep hard copies, and start writing down as much as you remember from verbal conversations immediately. Keep documenting everything. If you call brother and find out that he and partner don't have something reasonable worked out, then I agree it's time to involve non-emergency law enforcement.
You should also start a list of everything in there that is yours and review any insurance paperwork, if applicable.
posted by juliplease at 10:20 AM on November 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
You should also start a list of everything in there that is yours and review any insurance paperwork, if applicable.
posted by juliplease at 10:20 AM on November 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
Today, put a hold on your mail or file a change of address.
Landlord/tenant laws are location specific so no one can advise you without better information about your jurisdiction. In the US, it's likely that having the police escort you is an option (perhaps not the one you want but it is an option.
posted by 26.2 at 11:25 AM on November 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Landlord/tenant laws are location specific so no one can advise you without better information about your jurisdiction. In the US, it's likely that having the police escort you is an option (perhaps not the one you want but it is an option.
posted by 26.2 at 11:25 AM on November 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Give your local police department a call on their non-emergency number, this is a situation they deal with fairly often and they can likely give you the rundown on what the state and local laws say. If you have reason to believe that he might harm you or your property if you show up to claim your belongings, they may have options for you as well.
This right here. When I helped a friend go back to get her stuff in a very similar situation, she contacted the police ahead of time and hired a moving company, who said that they do this regularly, and said to let them know if you're doing what they called a 'hostile move.'
So the movers did most of the work at her direction, and the police gave her a cop to escort us just to make sure her ex complied and nothing got out of hand. (Their situation was extremely volatile, and the city in question has way too many cops. I doubt that's a standard practice to dedicate a whole cop to supervise every post-breakup move.)
Your partner is very likely required to make reasonable efforts to let you come back for your stuff, but you probably contact a lawyer ASAP to get a clear view of what your rights are and what steps you should be taking.
posted by ernielundquist at 12:55 PM on November 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
This right here. When I helped a friend go back to get her stuff in a very similar situation, she contacted the police ahead of time and hired a moving company, who said that they do this regularly, and said to let them know if you're doing what they called a 'hostile move.'
So the movers did most of the work at her direction, and the police gave her a cop to escort us just to make sure her ex complied and nothing got out of hand. (Their situation was extremely volatile, and the city in question has way too many cops. I doubt that's a standard practice to dedicate a whole cop to supervise every post-breakup move.)
Your partner is very likely required to make reasonable efforts to let you come back for your stuff, but you probably contact a lawyer ASAP to get a clear view of what your rights are and what steps you should be taking.
posted by ernielundquist at 12:55 PM on November 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Just FYI-last I checked, when you put a "vacation hold" on mail, unlike mail forwarding, it holds every piece of mail for that address, not just yours. I had a situation where I used a vacation hold without knowing that and it created more bad blood between me and my former housemate (who apparently didn't notice that there was no mail for two weeks, and then discovered this and flipped out. )
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:25 PM on November 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:25 PM on November 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yep, police. In my area this is an illegal self service eviction, and you'd have residence just from staying there for more than 30 days. The address in your ID, as you said, this will be a huge help.
This varies from place to place, but i'd at least call non emergency and ask.
posted by emptythought at 4:52 PM on November 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
This varies from place to place, but i'd at least call non emergency and ask.
posted by emptythought at 4:52 PM on November 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by cakebatter at 9:12 AM on November 4, 2015 [6 favorites]