Joining the 2 under 1 club- high risk pregnancy edition!
October 20, 2015 6:44 AM Subscribe
Wow. Okay. So I have a sweet 3 1/2 month old who is great and I am pregnant again. Obviously it takes time to see if the spark keeps growing- but assuming it will- how exactly do we manage this? Complicating factor is that my pregnancy will be high risk and I will be on limited mobility from week 20.
I guess we are looking for advice and hacks both for getting through the pregnancy and for the first few months with 2 babies. Baby Catspajammies is a little over 3 months old. My pregnancy with him ended up being high risk, so we were super happy when he arrived safely. We also very much want multiple children and we are on the older side as far as parenting, so we are happy enough that we are expecting again... also, we live on the continent (europe) and like to visit home- so time wise this is good for us... it means we will be able to travel next summer and for the bedrest part it will be winter/spring... which doesn't feel so restrictive... I can enjoy TV and not feel like I am missing out like I would in the summer. But I do have some fears. Baby Catspajammies is super darling and sweet and mellow. He goes with the flow, sleeps pretty well, and there isn't a lot of tears. I am quite structured and we found a routine that works for us. I feel rested. I am a little afraid of the unknown here, and also afraid of being as big as a house- since I still had 15 pounds left from my last pregnancy. And being pregnant was really tiring the last time, I could hardly sleep, but I was also extremely exhausted from week 16-35... for whatever reason the first trimester and end were quite energetic! But I have absolutely relished having energy and my body back the last couple months. This is a little daunting in that regard. So hacks and ways to frame this mentally are most welcome!
But how do we manage this? What are your hacks mefites?
Here are some details about us:
We live in a 2 bedroom flat that is quite spacious.
Baby will be starting at the creche at Dad's place of work starting in January.
I wasn't able to breast feed and will use formula.
I am a stay at home mom.
I generally have taken as much off my plate as possible... the house is easy to keep clean and I have a cooking routine that takes about 10 minutes of my time a day. Dad does the nighttime routine when he gets home.
I guess we are looking for advice and hacks both for getting through the pregnancy and for the first few months with 2 babies. Baby Catspajammies is a little over 3 months old. My pregnancy with him ended up being high risk, so we were super happy when he arrived safely. We also very much want multiple children and we are on the older side as far as parenting, so we are happy enough that we are expecting again... also, we live on the continent (europe) and like to visit home- so time wise this is good for us... it means we will be able to travel next summer and for the bedrest part it will be winter/spring... which doesn't feel so restrictive... I can enjoy TV and not feel like I am missing out like I would in the summer. But I do have some fears. Baby Catspajammies is super darling and sweet and mellow. He goes with the flow, sleeps pretty well, and there isn't a lot of tears. I am quite structured and we found a routine that works for us. I feel rested. I am a little afraid of the unknown here, and also afraid of being as big as a house- since I still had 15 pounds left from my last pregnancy. And being pregnant was really tiring the last time, I could hardly sleep, but I was also extremely exhausted from week 16-35... for whatever reason the first trimester and end were quite energetic! But I have absolutely relished having energy and my body back the last couple months. This is a little daunting in that regard. So hacks and ways to frame this mentally are most welcome!
But how do we manage this? What are your hacks mefites?
Here are some details about us:
We live in a 2 bedroom flat that is quite spacious.
Baby will be starting at the creche at Dad's place of work starting in January.
I wasn't able to breast feed and will use formula.
I am a stay at home mom.
I generally have taken as much off my plate as possible... the house is easy to keep clean and I have a cooking routine that takes about 10 minutes of my time a day. Dad does the nighttime routine when he gets home.
Crèche is daycare.
posted by rtha at 6:55 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by rtha at 6:55 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Yes, Daycare, we were hoping to be pregnant again so we put those plans in action so that we could cope in this scenario (neither of us has family support here) we just didn't think it would be so soon. We were planning on just a few hours a week to start.
posted by catspajammies at 7:06 AM on October 20, 2015
posted by catspajammies at 7:06 AM on October 20, 2015
Congratulations!! Such happy news!! So it sounds like you have already implemented some excellent lifestyle choices with regard to arranging childcare, having a structure and routine, having Dad take the baby to and from the crèche, formula feeding your child, etc, such that like you will be able to have pretty much all of Baby Catspajammies's care needs completely managed by the time you predict you'll be on limited mobility. I'm hard-pressed to think of anything else to add here because you seem to have everything so well under control. Maybe hiring a cleaning person eventually if the need arises? And increasing the hours at the crèche as needed?
"Getting bigger" and "feeling tired" at various points in the pregnancy are probably things largely beyond your control. Avoiding too much sugar in your diet, and protecting your own needs for sleep can possibly help with both of these feelings, but YMMV. Good luck!!
posted by hush at 7:08 AM on October 20, 2015
"Getting bigger" and "feeling tired" at various points in the pregnancy are probably things largely beyond your control. Avoiding too much sugar in your diet, and protecting your own needs for sleep can possibly help with both of these feelings, but YMMV. Good luck!!
posted by hush at 7:08 AM on October 20, 2015
We had three kids in 30 months. They are now 19,20 and 21. (Which has its own problems.) The time when we had 3 in diapers and two not walking is sort of a blur, but what I do remember most was that once we began to roll with the punches and accept the unexpected we were a lot better off in that there was less anxiety. My ex was a planner and organizer. She had systems for everything. They were great until something not planned happened. Accept what you cannot control.
Without going into too long of a story, we flew cross country with a 1,2 and 3 year old. We had all sorts of plans for keeping them occupied, busy, distracted, sleeping, etc. We did not anticipate the 2 yo screaming at the top of his lungs that "plane too big to fly. Plane no go in air" for the first 20 minutes of the flight before he passed out from exhaustion. The solution turned out to be to buy drinks for everyone in the three rows in front of us and behind us. From then on, the flight was less anxiety ridden because we had survived the worst and had our fellow passengers feeling sorry for us rather than being angry with us.
Also, your now 3.5 year old will be over a year old when baby two is born. That is a much different child than you are experiencing now. Much different. I think it is hard to anticipate what life will be like in 8 or 9 months.
Plan, organize, but don't sweat it if something comes up not anticipated. It will.
Also, I am not sure if this applies to this specific situation, but our pediatrician gave us some great comfort when he told us that this is your baby's first time being a baby just as this is your first time as a parent. She will not know if you are doing it right or wrong. I recall this was in response to us worrying about swaddling at one of our early appointments. It gave us great comfort in all sorts of situations.
posted by AugustWest at 7:29 AM on October 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Without going into too long of a story, we flew cross country with a 1,2 and 3 year old. We had all sorts of plans for keeping them occupied, busy, distracted, sleeping, etc. We did not anticipate the 2 yo screaming at the top of his lungs that "plane too big to fly. Plane no go in air" for the first 20 minutes of the flight before he passed out from exhaustion. The solution turned out to be to buy drinks for everyone in the three rows in front of us and behind us. From then on, the flight was less anxiety ridden because we had survived the worst and had our fellow passengers feeling sorry for us rather than being angry with us.
Also, your now 3.5 year old will be over a year old when baby two is born. That is a much different child than you are experiencing now. Much different. I think it is hard to anticipate what life will be like in 8 or 9 months.
Plan, organize, but don't sweat it if something comes up not anticipated. It will.
Also, I am not sure if this applies to this specific situation, but our pediatrician gave us some great comfort when he told us that this is your baby's first time being a baby just as this is your first time as a parent. She will not know if you are doing it right or wrong. I recall this was in response to us worrying about swaddling at one of our early appointments. It gave us great comfort in all sorts of situations.
posted by AugustWest at 7:29 AM on October 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
My advice is to try to ramp up the daycare hours reasonably quickly, as long as you can afford it. In my experience, having multiple loving caregivers is great for a little person, especially as he becomes more alert and active and starts getting into things. If you can have him in daycare pretty much full time during dad's work hours by the time you get to bedrest, you won't need as much in-home care.
Late in your pregnancy, when the bedrest restrictions are likely to be most severe, you'll need to arrange things so you are never alone with BabyCat. In my case, this meant having my mom and my husband's mom alternate coming to stay with us for a total of about two months. Depending on the degree of restrictions, you yourself may need full time care - I was allowed to traverse stairs once a day, shower once a day, use the bathroom, and sit leaned back in a recliner for eating. Other than that I had to be laying down at all times. So either your husband has to leave you a cooler full of sandwiches by the couch, or you need someone to bring you food and stuff.
Depending on what your doctors say and the extent of your restrictions and the details of your pregnancy at the time, if you can get permission to end bedrest at, say, 37 weeks or so, I strongly recommend that. I was on bedrest and nifedipine from weeks 30-37, and discontinued both at 37w1d. It is astounding how weak you can become from laying on your back for 2 months. A few weeks of ramping up your activity level can help with that to some extent, and if you wait til baby is nearly term, then it doesn't much matter if baby decides to come on. (Talk to your doctor, though - mine told me I could get up but I wasn't allowed to go more than 10 minutes away from the hospital...)
posted by telepanda at 7:35 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Late in your pregnancy, when the bedrest restrictions are likely to be most severe, you'll need to arrange things so you are never alone with BabyCat. In my case, this meant having my mom and my husband's mom alternate coming to stay with us for a total of about two months. Depending on the degree of restrictions, you yourself may need full time care - I was allowed to traverse stairs once a day, shower once a day, use the bathroom, and sit leaned back in a recliner for eating. Other than that I had to be laying down at all times. So either your husband has to leave you a cooler full of sandwiches by the couch, or you need someone to bring you food and stuff.
Depending on what your doctors say and the extent of your restrictions and the details of your pregnancy at the time, if you can get permission to end bedrest at, say, 37 weeks or so, I strongly recommend that. I was on bedrest and nifedipine from weeks 30-37, and discontinued both at 37w1d. It is astounding how weak you can become from laying on your back for 2 months. A few weeks of ramping up your activity level can help with that to some extent, and if you wait til baby is nearly term, then it doesn't much matter if baby decides to come on. (Talk to your doctor, though - mine told me I could get up but I wasn't allowed to go more than 10 minutes away from the hospital...)
posted by telepanda at 7:35 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Really, it's the perfect timing. Baby number one is young enough to not mind you staying in one room with him, or spending lots of time in bed with you reading books or watching t.v. And you will take naps with him, which will make him feel so special!
Once your second baby is born, your first child will be walking and then running. Taking care of an infant and a toddler will melt the extra weight right off of you.
With them being so close in age, you will be finished with diapers and bottles much quicker than someone parenting children 2 years apart, which is a win.
Tips:
Buy gender neutral sleep and play clothes so that both children can wear them, even if the second baby is a girl.
If anyone asks you what you need, don't thank them and tell them you are fine. Smile sweetly and say diapers and a casserole. Train your husband to use this response.
Don't stock up on wipes, formula, or diapers. Just because your first child can use a certain brand, doesn't mean your second child can.
Respect that your body isn't fully recovered from the first pregnancy and take whatever vitamins that you can tolerate. Eat as many healthy foods as you can.
Don't beat yourself up about your size. Your uterus hasn't shrunk back down from your first pregnancy. Unless you are a Hollywood actress with access to drugs, wraps, and trainers, it takes a year or more for that thing to get back to it's normal size. Since you are stretching it out so soon without giving it time to shrink down, you will be a little bigger for a little longer. It is perfectly okay and normal.
Love your dentist. Go there now and go again after delivery. Having babies so close together can do a number on your bones and teeth. Be proactive in your dental care.
Now, go have a nap. You deserve one. :D
posted by myselfasme at 7:37 AM on October 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Once your second baby is born, your first child will be walking and then running. Taking care of an infant and a toddler will melt the extra weight right off of you.
With them being so close in age, you will be finished with diapers and bottles much quicker than someone parenting children 2 years apart, which is a win.
Tips:
Buy gender neutral sleep and play clothes so that both children can wear them, even if the second baby is a girl.
If anyone asks you what you need, don't thank them and tell them you are fine. Smile sweetly and say diapers and a casserole. Train your husband to use this response.
Don't stock up on wipes, formula, or diapers. Just because your first child can use a certain brand, doesn't mean your second child can.
Respect that your body isn't fully recovered from the first pregnancy and take whatever vitamins that you can tolerate. Eat as many healthy foods as you can.
Don't beat yourself up about your size. Your uterus hasn't shrunk back down from your first pregnancy. Unless you are a Hollywood actress with access to drugs, wraps, and trainers, it takes a year or more for that thing to get back to it's normal size. Since you are stretching it out so soon without giving it time to shrink down, you will be a little bigger for a little longer. It is perfectly okay and normal.
Love your dentist. Go there now and go again after delivery. Having babies so close together can do a number on your bones and teeth. Be proactive in your dental care.
Now, go have a nap. You deserve one. :D
posted by myselfasme at 7:37 AM on October 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I had my kids a little closer together than planned (so much for exclusive breast-feeding as a birth control method!).
Everything everyone else is saying is true--lots of snuggling happened because I was either too tired to move or too stuck with a baby to move. More television for the toddler happened than was otherwise ideal, but so did far more book-reading than might have happened otherwise, so it was a wash. Caring for an infant while also running around with a toddler AND modeling good eating habits for her as she transitioned to solid food was a great way to get back into fighting shape after two pregnancies.
One big thing that has stuck with me for all this time (my kids are 13 and 11 now) is that when my toddler started walking, holding her hand was REALLY HARD because it caused a sciatica flare-up having to lean to the side all the time to reach down that far to keep a hold of her. Mostly fine and manageable with strollers and shopping carts and driving instead of walking, but sometimes a kid HAS to walk and then running comes really quickly after that and it occasionally got a little hair-raising in city traffic, so I did the unthinkable and got a leash and developed a hard-core death stare for anyone who wanted to give me their opinion on that choice.
So I'd say you might have to be a touch more flexible about doing things totally differently than you think you will, but console yourself with the fact that babies and toddlers go in and out of phases so quickly that any choice made today will probably lead to a totally different choice in a matter of weeks or months.
I'd also strongly suggest looking into babywearing if you haven't already with your first. Being able to strap a newborn onto you makes wrangling a toddler much easier, and then that same toddler can be worn in a wrap or sling while a baby is in a stroller. My huge, heavy double stroller got used exactly twice before I decided that a sling and a light umbrella stroller was the only way to go (YMMV).
posted by padraigin at 8:47 AM on October 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Everything everyone else is saying is true--lots of snuggling happened because I was either too tired to move or too stuck with a baby to move. More television for the toddler happened than was otherwise ideal, but so did far more book-reading than might have happened otherwise, so it was a wash. Caring for an infant while also running around with a toddler AND modeling good eating habits for her as she transitioned to solid food was a great way to get back into fighting shape after two pregnancies.
One big thing that has stuck with me for all this time (my kids are 13 and 11 now) is that when my toddler started walking, holding her hand was REALLY HARD because it caused a sciatica flare-up having to lean to the side all the time to reach down that far to keep a hold of her. Mostly fine and manageable with strollers and shopping carts and driving instead of walking, but sometimes a kid HAS to walk and then running comes really quickly after that and it occasionally got a little hair-raising in city traffic, so I did the unthinkable and got a leash and developed a hard-core death stare for anyone who wanted to give me their opinion on that choice.
So I'd say you might have to be a touch more flexible about doing things totally differently than you think you will, but console yourself with the fact that babies and toddlers go in and out of phases so quickly that any choice made today will probably lead to a totally different choice in a matter of weeks or months.
I'd also strongly suggest looking into babywearing if you haven't already with your first. Being able to strap a newborn onto you makes wrangling a toddler much easier, and then that same toddler can be worn in a wrap or sling while a baby is in a stroller. My huge, heavy double stroller got used exactly twice before I decided that a sling and a light umbrella stroller was the only way to go (YMMV).
posted by padraigin at 8:47 AM on October 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Read up on having twins. Irish twins aren't wholly the same thing as actual twins, no, but there will be tips and tricks to be found in books and online forums regarding looking after two babies at once, and also how to deal with a slightly older sibling while juggling babies. My library actually had a decent selection of books available on having twin babies.
posted by lizbunny at 7:28 PM on October 20, 2015
posted by lizbunny at 7:28 PM on October 20, 2015
Make your house as toddler-proof and baby-proof as possible. It is much easier to wrangle 2 kids when you don't have to worry that they will break something or hurt themselves every time they move around.
If you can't do the whole house, then concentrate on having at least one room where you all can go and close the door when you need a little bit of a break. You're still right there for an emergency, but you don't have to pay such close attention every single minute.
As soon as the toddler gets old enough to walk and listen a little bit, involve him in the care of himself and the baby. Put some things like spare diapers and wipes on low shelves and let the toddler bring them to you when you need them.
Think again about the double stroller - lots of people hate them, but I loved mine. I hated wearing babies, but putting them both in the stroller allowed us to get out of the house. FWIW, I had the kind where the kids are one behind the other, rather than side by side. I found it much easier to maneuver.
posted by CathyG at 2:16 PM on October 21, 2015
If you can't do the whole house, then concentrate on having at least one room where you all can go and close the door when you need a little bit of a break. You're still right there for an emergency, but you don't have to pay such close attention every single minute.
As soon as the toddler gets old enough to walk and listen a little bit, involve him in the care of himself and the baby. Put some things like spare diapers and wipes on low shelves and let the toddler bring them to you when you need them.
Think again about the double stroller - lots of people hate them, but I loved mine. I hated wearing babies, but putting them both in the stroller allowed us to get out of the house. FWIW, I had the kind where the kids are one behind the other, rather than side by side. I found it much easier to maneuver.
posted by CathyG at 2:16 PM on October 21, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Also, not to be a downer, but your routine with a 3 month old and his nature/behavior will change dramatically.
Can you please explain what creche is for us Americans?
posted by k8t at 6:52 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]