Books on proper development of LTRs?

October 14, 2015 4:56 AM

I'm looking for recommendations on books that explain how to properly develop a long-term relationship with a view towards long-term commitment/marriage. Any ideas?

In particular, I'm looking for information on how to build relationships properly, how to assess their suitability, how to avoid falling into common traps, etc. Education on how to approach a relationship properly to maximise the chances of success.

I know there are quite a few marriage ones, but I'd like one that would tell me how to get to the point of marriage.

posted by gadha to Human Relations (4 answers total)

I have found the Five Love Languages to be infinitely helpful.
posted by getawaysticks at 5:46 AM on October 14, 2015

Becoming Partners by Carl Rogers provides interesting case studies of several couples going through the process of figuring out whether and how to make their relationships work. One of the distinctions it ends up making is between couples who are focused on a destination versus couples who are focused on the ride. Where do you place your value, and are you in alignment with your partner? It's a bit dated (published in 1972), but I found it thought-provoking and helpful.
posted by alms at 6:28 AM on October 14, 2015 [5 favorites]

One to One by Theodore Isaac Rubin
posted by John Cohen at 8:52 AM on October 14, 2015 [1 favorite]

I recommend David Burns' "Intimate Connections", along with the previously mentioned "5 Love Languages" to my clients. It was written in the mid-Eighties, so some of the language might be dated, but still good advice.
Part of the book couples relationship issues back to his 10 Cognitive Distortions.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 10:31 AM on October 14, 2015 [1 favorite]