Is a pearl engagement ring always a bad idea?
September 29, 2015 9:05 AM Subscribe
My partner and I are looking at engagement rings for me and I’ve fallen in love with this set. It contains a small pearl. Will I regret this choice?
I keep reading that pearls are generally considered a bad idea for everyday wear because they’re soft and easily damaged/broken/fall out of their settings.
Could the way that this pearl is set – surrounded on all sides and pretty deep in its setting – protect it enough to mitigate these problems and make this a not-so-terrible idea? I would like this to be a ring that I can wear every day, but I’m fine with needing to take it off to shower/swim/do dishes.
I am also fine with the idea of having to replace the pearl every so often, but I don’t know much about that process. Would this type of setting would make doing so extra difficult or expensive?
I really love this ring set and the pearl is part of the reason why – the white color, the simplicity, the soft luster. I’d be very grateful to hear experiences/expertise from either perspective in hopes of making a decision that I'll still be happy with years down the road.
I keep reading that pearls are generally considered a bad idea for everyday wear because they’re soft and easily damaged/broken/fall out of their settings.
Could the way that this pearl is set – surrounded on all sides and pretty deep in its setting – protect it enough to mitigate these problems and make this a not-so-terrible idea? I would like this to be a ring that I can wear every day, but I’m fine with needing to take it off to shower/swim/do dishes.
I am also fine with the idea of having to replace the pearl every so often, but I don’t know much about that process. Would this type of setting would make doing so extra difficult or expensive?
I really love this ring set and the pearl is part of the reason why – the white color, the simplicity, the soft luster. I’d be very grateful to hear experiences/expertise from either perspective in hopes of making a decision that I'll still be happy with years down the road.
I considered a pearl engagement ring as well, and I decided against it because pearls are just too soft for everyday wear as a ring. I do some work with my hands and I am a bit clumsy, the poor pearl would have taken a beating. Even if I knew it could be replaced, I would still feel bad seeing the scratches and damage on the ring.
posted by Elly Vortex at 9:19 AM on September 29, 2015
posted by Elly Vortex at 9:19 AM on September 29, 2015
Best answer: If this is the ring you love, and you are fine with having to replace the pearl occasionally, you should buy this ring. Pearls are cheap and plentiful and bezel settings are easy enough to work with.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:21 AM on September 29, 2015 [20 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 9:21 AM on September 29, 2015 [20 favorites]
I think you should get what you love. That's the whole point of getting married, isn't it?
posted by maryr at 9:26 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by maryr at 9:26 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I have a pearl engagement ring. I love it, but I do have to have the pearl replaced every so often because I'll catch it on something (usually a jean pocket) and rip it out - and that's wearing it maybe 10 times a year, not every day. However, mine sticks way up and isn't protected in its setting like yours.
The biggest thing about everyday wear, for me, though, is that pearls aren't just soft - they're highly susceptible to certain household products, including vinegar, ammonia, and chlorine. That susceptibility probably won't lead to your pearl dissolving away before your eyes, but it could lead to the nacre getting holes and losing its luster. And I ALWAYS forget, although that may come from not wearing it every day.
I would talk to the jeweler about the difficult of replacing the pearl in that setting. If you do go for it, we've found that buying a few pearls at a time and taking them to the jeweler when needed was much cheaper than buying and replacing each time, though YMMV.
On the schmoopy side, though, my husband and I enjoy replacing the pearl in my ring. We never take off our wedding rings, and they are a symbol of the bond and foreverness, etc. etc. But replacing the pearl in my ring has kind of become a symbol of though our lives and ourselves change, we are still together. Our wedding ring is a symbol of our steadfastness, the engagement ring our flexibility, and both are necessary in marriage.
posted by barchan at 9:28 AM on September 29, 2015 [28 favorites]
The biggest thing about everyday wear, for me, though, is that pearls aren't just soft - they're highly susceptible to certain household products, including vinegar, ammonia, and chlorine. That susceptibility probably won't lead to your pearl dissolving away before your eyes, but it could lead to the nacre getting holes and losing its luster. And I ALWAYS forget, although that may come from not wearing it every day.
I would talk to the jeweler about the difficult of replacing the pearl in that setting. If you do go for it, we've found that buying a few pearls at a time and taking them to the jeweler when needed was much cheaper than buying and replacing each time, though YMMV.
On the schmoopy side, though, my husband and I enjoy replacing the pearl in my ring. We never take off our wedding rings, and they are a symbol of the bond and foreverness, etc. etc. But replacing the pearl in my ring has kind of become a symbol of though our lives and ourselves change, we are still together. Our wedding ring is a symbol of our steadfastness, the engagement ring our flexibility, and both are necessary in marriage.
posted by barchan at 9:28 AM on September 29, 2015 [28 favorites]
I would recommend against it. I have a platinum and diamond engagement ring with very fine detail work on the band. it has been severely damaged twice in the course of my daily, non-violent life and now must be entirely remade. Look for something with sturdy longevity.
posted by defreckled at 9:38 AM on September 29, 2015
posted by defreckled at 9:38 AM on September 29, 2015
Go for it. I have very fond memories of my mom's big pearl engagement ring, which wonderfully turned in its setting. She was a busy doc and also raised 5 kids, but the pearl never needed replacement. She just took the ring off for things like cleaning and outdoor chores, or covered it with gloves.
By contrast, my ruby in my engagement ring, though hard and tough, fell out of its setting at a baseball game, never to be seen again.
When you wear stones, including diamonds, things can happen to them, like loss or, with softer stones, damage. Buy it, take it off when you are doing something pearl-unfriendly, and if you lose the stone, replace it.
posted by bearwife at 9:42 AM on September 29, 2015
By contrast, my ruby in my engagement ring, though hard and tough, fell out of its setting at a baseball game, never to be seen again.
When you wear stones, including diamonds, things can happen to them, like loss or, with softer stones, damage. Buy it, take it off when you are doing something pearl-unfriendly, and if you lose the stone, replace it.
posted by bearwife at 9:42 AM on September 29, 2015
A friend had a pearl engagement ring and it broke within a month but it was set very high on her hand like this. I wear an opal wedding band almost every day and I think opals are sensitive the way pearls are. Your ring is also similar to mine in that the stone sits in the setting so that it's less likely to strike things.
I take my ring off before I use soap or lotion on my hands and I never wear it in the shower or in swimming pools. I don't wear it to manicures, concerts or camping. I keep small ring holders in my bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and desk at work to help me be less likely to lose track of it. My coworkers may think I'm nuts taking it off and putting it on throughout the day, but no one has ever asked about it. I've already dropped it down the drain once and then learned how to get things out of there. I chose it because this is absolutely My Ring and it's worth the effort for me, but my ring was also very affordable (for me) and I've resigned myself to probably misplacing it someday due to all the extra handling.
posted by juliplease at 9:56 AM on September 29, 2015
I take my ring off before I use soap or lotion on my hands and I never wear it in the shower or in swimming pools. I don't wear it to manicures, concerts or camping. I keep small ring holders in my bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and desk at work to help me be less likely to lose track of it. My coworkers may think I'm nuts taking it off and putting it on throughout the day, but no one has ever asked about it. I've already dropped it down the drain once and then learned how to get things out of there. I chose it because this is absolutely My Ring and it's worth the effort for me, but my ring was also very affordable (for me) and I've resigned myself to probably misplacing it someday due to all the extra handling.
posted by juliplease at 9:56 AM on September 29, 2015
My husband bought me pearl studs before we were even engaged, which I wore all the time for about 15 years. This year, one pearl fell off the stud, and I noticed the nacre on the remaining one had entirely worn off.
I wanted garnets for my engagement ring, but went with a dark red ruby instead because of fears that garnets would wear and lose their facets. I haven't been sorry about it.
posted by leahwrenn at 10:08 AM on September 29, 2015
I wanted garnets for my engagement ring, but went with a dark red ruby instead because of fears that garnets would wear and lose their facets. I haven't been sorry about it.
posted by leahwrenn at 10:08 AM on September 29, 2015
Best answer: I have my great great grandmother's pearl wedding ring from the 1890s. It's a tiny little pearl in a very protected setting, but the nacre is worn off and the pearl moves in its setting in a way it isn't supposed to. I'm torn on whether I should take it to a jeweler and have the pearl replaced or if that particular pearl is part of the sentimental value. I think you have to make the same decision. If you are ok with swapping out the pearl, I'd say go for it! Your ring is lovely.
posted by chatongriffes at 10:11 AM on September 29, 2015
posted by chatongriffes at 10:11 AM on September 29, 2015
I've had my pearl for my engagement ring for years now. I knocked my pearl out bartending, but I just got another one and bought a few extra while I was it. I really enjoy it.
posted by stormygrey at 11:00 AM on September 29, 2015
posted by stormygrey at 11:00 AM on September 29, 2015
Best answer: Gorgeous ring! One thing to think about is whether you would feel ok with a decision of getting this ring, but then if the pearl turns out to be too fragile/annoying, replacing it with a different stone down the line. That could be a reasonable compromise, and I think the ring would look lovely with a different stone if the pearl does not work out.
posted by rainbowbrite at 12:15 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by rainbowbrite at 12:15 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
Part of this is that people have different ideas about how eternal every element of a ring needs to be, if at all. I am very prosaic about the whole thing; I think my husband is on his 4th ring and I've dropped my band down a sewer. My engagement ring band is dinged and scratched and worn and I'm not entirely sure where it is just at the moment, but whatever; it's a symbol of a marriage, it isn't the marriage.
Other people attach huge sentiment to the actual objects themselves. If that is not you, then the caution other people have about wear and tear needn't trouble you.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:42 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Other people attach huge sentiment to the actual objects themselves. If that is not you, then the caution other people have about wear and tear needn't trouble you.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:42 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Go for it! If you find yourself needing to take off your rings often because the one is so fragile, just get in the habit of wearing a gold chain or something to put them on so you don't lose them. Pockets aren't necessarily reliable, as I have come to learn.
posted by lizbunny at 1:55 PM on September 29, 2015
posted by lizbunny at 1:55 PM on September 29, 2015
I think that ring is beautiful, and you should do what you want. That said, my story is that I fell in love with a ring 4x my price range, then one 2x my price range, then one 0.6x my price range. With the first two, I had this whole sentimental, "but that feels like The Ring" debate with myself about whether to just make the money work somehow. In the end, I love the ring I got. My only point is that if part of you really doesn't want to deal with ring maintenance, you may well be able to find another ring that truly does eclipse this one in your mind.
posted by slidell at 2:42 PM on September 29, 2015
posted by slidell at 2:42 PM on September 29, 2015
This may not apply to you, but if you're prone to weight gain, it gets hard to remove your rings. It's a factor to consider if you'll be taking your ring off frequently over the years.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:40 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:40 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks so much, everyone. We decided to go for it, with the expectation of having to replace the pearl occasionally (and barchan, I LOVE your take on that!). I also hadn't considered the fact that I could switch out the stone later if I find pearls too high maintenance, so thank you for that idea, rainbowbrite. I really appreciate all the comments from both sides -- thank you mefi for helping me to make a more informed and confident decision! I'm so excited!
posted by in a dark glassly at 7:11 PM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by in a dark glassly at 7:11 PM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Moonstones are a 6-6.5 on the Mohs scale, not super-hard but quite a bit harder than a pearl; rainbow moonstones are a very pretty white-ish stone -- maybe the seller could custom-make one with another white stone that's not a pearl...?
posted by kmennie at 9:11 AM on September 29, 2015